Spiritual warfare- why me?

[koriemo]

I have been through a lot of Spiritual warfare. It's been a battle i've been fighting since essentially the day I became a Christian. It comes and it goes, but it always returns. I have peace for a while, I have strength to fight for a while, and it slowly goes down, but then it will start back up again.

I posted here about a year ago about how i was speaking in demonic tongues. I thought that I was speaking in tongues, but it turned out to be demonic. I also experienced other things that I thought were the holy spirit, (prophecy, hearing things) that turned out to be demonic.

It really hurts me to think that I thought something was God when it was Satan. Shows how well I know Him...

Recently, I have been experiencing some of the worst warfare ever. Constantly hearing thigns, seeing things, and feeling things. I could barely sleep. I would wake up in the middle of the night and couldn't move. Or I'd be praying and all of a sudden my voice would leave and I couldn't breathe. I'd hear voices during worship say, "You are worshipping me, not Jesus."

I know exactly how to fight, and I would. I would pray and pray and it would go away and I know that there is victory in Christ.

People always told me it happened because of sin in my life. So I started to take all the sin out of my life. I didn't have some bad habit i was holding onto or anything, and I'm not really sure that it was the reason why. I mean, do I have to be perfect to get a restful night of sleep? Why me, and not everyone else?

So, whether or not it caused attack, I began to realize the importance of living holy and began to strive to serve God completely and live by the Spirit and pray constantly and read my Bible several times a day and find joy in it. And I was trying to put to death the deeds of the flesh and live Christ by the grace of God.

It didn't work. I ended up feeling so guilty, so pressed to be sinless, so condemned, that I was miserable. I couldn't even read my bible because every word was coated in condemnation and pain and I thought it might be posessed because Satan was using the Word of God against me and it was really scary. Because I can't trust my heart, and I can't trust the Word, how do I know that I even know the Lord? But I knew it was Satan working against me and tried to pray against it because I felt so defeated. I felt so guilty about messing up, and so paranoid about the fact that I could mess up, that I had a huge desire to cut myself to punish myself for the pain. Which I know is wrong and really terrible, but I had a desire to do so anyways, it was almost a consuming desire too.

I just feel so upset because the two times when I thought I was close to God, the first when I thought the Holy Spirit was moving in signs and gifts, and this time when I was striving for the holiness of Christ, I was really just close with Satan. And satan took such advantage of me this time, tearing my soul apart and almost convincing me that I was never actually saved. It hurts.

Why would God let me go through this? How can I mess up? Does being close with God have to mean being vulnerable to Satan?

I mean, I know this. I have prayed against more attack than nearly everyone I know. I know what it's like when the burden is lifted and you feel the Holy Spirit and your mind is clear. But why do I have to suffer like this? Why doesn't God answer my prayers?

It's so terrible when I'm praying and I command for something to be gone in Jesus's name, and I have faith that it will work since I am a child of God and it was worked before and I have authority in Christ, but it doesn't work and God doesn't rescue me and Satan is still right there.

Why me?

And then I just don't know what to do.

[Gregg]

Wow! Prayers sent your way. Are you involved in a good Christian Church? Have you talked to the pastor about this?

[moonglow]

koriemo...first I want you to know you aren't alone in this. There are a couple of things that might be going on...lets explore them and get to the root of the problem here ok?


It's so terrible when I'm praying and I command for something to be gone in Jesus's name, and I have faith that it will work since I am a child of God and it was worked before and I have authority in Christ, but it doesn't work and God doesn't rescue me and Satan is still right there.

Are you rebuking out loud? Doing it in prayer doesn't usually work because these evil spirits cannot read your mind....they certainly are not on the same level as God is by any means. They can't be everywhere at once, nor know everything.

We all sin and fall short dear...you don't have to be totally perfect or sinless to rebuke such things...otherwise we would all be at the mercy of the enemy. Before I engaged in spiritual warfare though...I had to 'clean house' first...literally. I went through everything...see I used to be a big horror movie/book fan...alot of this though bordered on the occult though I didn't realize it.

While I had stopped watching those kinds of movie and reading those books I had stored them in boxes in my basement. So I went through them all and threw most of them away. The things I was in doubt over I prayed about and let the Lord guide me on those. I also got rid of New Age music too. Anything that could be offensive to God I threw in the trash. I didn't try to resell it...that would be wrong passing something bad onto others...so I just trashed them.

Then I was able to rebuke...it doesn't have to be some big deal...no shouting or waving the bible around ...just quietly rebuked in the Name of Jesus. I have to say I felt pretty silly doing this but this was for my son and I was that desperate. It worked not because of me but because of my faith in Christ. But if you have occult things in your house...I have heard that is like leaving a spiritual door open to unwanted visitors...if you know what I mean.

Here are some links to an article about spiritual warfare done by Chip Ingram, a pastor.

http://www.walkthru.org/lote/pdf/101_26301_SpiritualWarfare101.Message_Notes.pdf
The Invisible War

http://www.walkthru.org/lote/pdf/101_26302_SpiritualWarfare201HowtoPrepareYourselff orSpiritualBattle.Message_Notes.pdf
Spiritual Warfare 201 : How to Prepare

http://www.walkthru.org/lote/pdf/101_26303_SpiritualWarfare301HowtoDoBattlewiththeE nemyandWin.Message_Notes.pdf
Spiritual Warfare 301: How to Do Battle With the Enemy and Win

http://www.walkthru.org/lote/pdf/101_26304_SpiritualWarfare401HowtoGainDeliverancef romDemonicInfluence.Message_Notes.pdf
Spiritual Warfare 401: How to Gain Deliverance from Demonic Influence

I have to say this too..I am deeply concerned about some of the problems you have listed here and wonder if this could be more then spiritual warfare going on. Its possibly you have a medical condition that needs to be addressed. If anyone in your family has suffered from this kind of anxiety, hearing voices, etc...I would strongly suggest you seek medical advise. This type of thing can run in families and is not typical of spiritual attacks. You can try these things first but if nothing gets better, then I would be inclined to think its medical and you need to see a doctor.

I am praying for you on this too! Having as many pray for you on this is one of the basis steps in spiritual warfare.

God bless

[koriemo]

Yes, I am involved in a good Church, and I have talked to my Pastor about this in the past but not recently. It's really hard for me to talk about it. I generally ask for prayer for it in vague terms.

Yes, I rebuke out loud.

I am pretty sure that it is not a medical/mental condition. It is only tied to Spiritual stuff and it doesn't interfere with my everyday life- only my spiritual life.

I do have a family history with the occult and i do live at home with my parents who aren't Christians. Which could be part of it.

[Kahtar]

A couple things I see here.
First, sort things out a little bit.
You know that God loves you, and wants the best for you.
You know that Satan hates you, and wants to kill, steal, and destroy.
One of Satan's greatest tactics against the Children of the Most High is to keep them weak and confused. In looking through your post, he has done a good job. As long as you are focused on what he is doing to you, and as long as you are LISTENING to his lies, he is keeping you from progressing with God.
You know what the Word says. So, refuse to listen to what you know is not right.
You know you are a child of God. You know you have been given authority over the powers of darkness in Jesus' Name.
Keep your focus on Christ, instead of on Satan, or you.
Second, you cannot earn God's love or provision. You already have it. His love for you, and your righteousness in Him has absolutely nothing whatever to do with you deserving it or earning it. Your only part in that regard is to simply believe God. Abraham believed and it was accounted to him as righteousness.
He does want you to be obedient, but your salvation, your acceptance by Him, your righteousness, is not dependant upon your obedience. Your rewards are. Don't stop trying to be obedient and holy, but quit thinking that your inabilitys and failures to do so is keeping you from God's love and provision.
My wife took lessons once on riding a motorcycle. Her instructor explained to her that 'where she is looking is where she will go'. Wise man. This is true in the Christian walk as well. If you are focusing on your sin, you will end up sinning more. If you focus on Satan and what he's trying to do, or what he's saying to you, you will end up walking in darkness.
If your focus is on Christ, the Light, you will walk in the light.

[theBelovedDisciple]

I'll be praying for you.. that He gives you Wisdom and Understanding into the Invisible war that is waging on in the supernatural around you... Pray that He give you Spiritual Discernment into what is 'of God' and what 'is not of God'... there are so many things today that 'appear' to be of God.. yet they are not.. Satan is a master thelogian and hes still the devil and he's a master at illusion.. making things appear to be ... yet they are not..

believe me I have been down the road you have been on.. God hasn't abandoned you... and because Satan is doing these things means that God must be alot 'closer' to you than you perceive or imagine... and one following reminder.. if your a Child of God.. Truly Born Again from Above and purchased at the Foot of Calvary.. then Satan 'knows' who you are... and God 'will' give you the 'insight' and the wisom to 'percieve' his tactics and devices... Satan can't come against you unless he recieves permission to do so... and most of the time the 'evil' he plans and tries to make come to pass against the Saints of God.. God turns the tables on him.. and uses it for His glory... and sometimes He allows this stuff to happen so that we can 'learn'.... God is Soveriegn and Providential over everything.. and that even means satan and those that followed him...

I pray that you come out of these circumstances with the knowledge and wisdom of the Almighty.. and a better 'warrior' equipped for the battle... one does not become 'battle hardened'.. by taking the easy route... it's not easy but God is faithful.. He will not abandon you nor will He fosake... He is the One who called you out of Darkness into HIS Marvellous light...

[theBelovedDisciple]

I just want to reiterate something and this is the fact that if your involved in spiritual warfare... spiritual warfare has nothing to do with psychology... many who are in the heat of battle will be 'labeled' by psychology and psychologists as to having 'problems'... believe me I have been there.. spiritual warfare is real.. it is the supernatural.. a walk in it... devils, demons, manifestations, demon possessed people, animals possessed by devils... all of this is real..

A born Again Christian going into Battle will be able to
tread upon serpents and scorpions and over all the power of the enemy.. and nothing by any means shall harm you....

Jesus said prior to this...... BEHOLD.... which means to 'see, look' perceive... you can do it and this is a fact about Christianity which has been shoved to the back room and labeled as 'psychology'...

Friends its real.. and its as real as the five fingers on your hands..

[koriemo]

Thanks so much for your replies.

I am beginning to fall back into sin and walking angrily away from God. I know it's wrong and I am so petrified, but I feel like I just want to rebel and sin and go against God because I am so angry and upset about how things have been going.

And once you start down that road, it's hard to turn around, so I am trying to get everything worked out before I start seriously backsliding.

[moonglow]

Thanks so much for your replies.

I am beginning to fall back into sin and walking angrily away from God. I know it's wrong and I am so petrified, but I feel like I just want to rebel and sin and go against God because I am so angry and upset about how things have been going.

And once you start down that road, it's hard to turn around, so I am trying to get everything worked out before I start seriously backsliding.

You just posted your first post yesterday..how many sins can you get into in 24 hours? And feel you have blacksliden that badly in a day? :confused If you feel petrified then why do it? I don't understand. Most people don't do things that make them feel bad...:confused When a person black slides it usually goes on for a long period of time...then yes, its hard to come back to God...you only had one day...:confused

Its ok to be frustrated and even angry at God...but He isn't the one doing this to you. I never understood why people got angry with Him when clearly it was another person...or in this case, spiritual attacks that were causing the grief. Its like being on fire and mad at the water being poured on you to put it out...makes no sense...at least to me it doesn't. Just seems like to me it would be the fire you should be upset with...not the water.

I am still praying for you.

God bless

[koriemo]

No, no, I didn't mean I started backsliding yesterday.

This is something I have been seen going on since probably last november.

[DaniHansen]

I've been involved in warfare since the day I was saved. At first I thought it was because there is something wrong with me or because of some horrible sin.

Turns out, I'm called to intercede for others and God let me go through on-the-job training. Through the years He has taught me that this whole thing is real, and it has done so much to deepen my faith. I know the enemy is real, I know how he works, and I know what to do about it. I know how to surrender to God and see the enemy defeated, time and time again. It's been a nonstop thing, for 13 years now, but since I surrendered to God's plan for me, and accepted that this is where my anointing is, and have learned the ropes of it all, I've been at peace, even in the midst of attacks, because God has kept me there. I no longer take them personally, because they are not. How can you, when you know that God is with you and that He loves you? They are God's refining tool to a) bring me to surrender so I can be delivered and b) learn how to fight on the behalf of others so they can be delivered.

It's not about you nor some sin. You have been forgiven, washed clean by the blood of the Lamb, and put in right standing with God. You have stepped from death into life already and have become God's child and you are now a citizen of His Kingdom. It's now a matter of living daily in that standing and using it to fight for those who do not have it and who are yet blind.

You know the devil is real, you know how the occult works, and so you stand for your family and you hide yourself in Christ and let Him be your deliverer. Stand in the gap. Cover yourself and your home and your family with the blood of Jesus, as a royal priest of God. Pray without ceasing. Put on your armor, take up your sword, and stand. Proclaim God's Word, in faith. Cry out to Him for deliverance. Who else is going to fight for them? If not you, then who? If not now, then when? Do not give up, not even one inch of ground. You already know this is war, so act accordingly. You are there, Jesus is there, and He is your stronghold and He will deliver you, and your loved ones.

Our breakthroughs happen when we step out of "why me?/woe is me" over into "this is what it is, and what does God want me to do about it?"

[shawn_2828]

I have been through a lot of Spiritual warfare. It's been a battle i've been fighting since essentially the day I became a Christian. It comes and it goes, but it always returns. I have peace for a while, I have strength to fight for a while, and it slowly goes down, but then it will start back up again.

I posted here about a year ago about how i was speaking in demonic tongues. I thought that I was speaking in tongues, but it turned out to be demonic. I also experienced other things that I thought were the holy spirit, (prophecy, hearing things) that turned out to be demonic.

It really hurts me to think that I thought something was God when it was Satan. Shows how well I know Him...

Recently, I have been experiencing some of the worst warfare ever. Constantly hearing thigns, seeing things, and feeling things. I could barely sleep. I would wake up in the middle of the night and couldn't move. Or I'd be praying and all of a sudden my voice would leave and I couldn't breathe. I'd hear voices during worship say, "You are worshipping me, not Jesus."

I know exactly how to fight, and I would. I would pray and pray and it would go away and I know that there is victory in Christ.

People always told me it happened because of sin in my life. So I started to take all the sin out of my life. I didn't have some bad habit i was holding onto or anything, and I'm not really sure that it was the reason why. I mean, do I have to be perfect to get a restful night of sleep? Why me, and not everyone else?

So, whether or not it caused attack, I began to realize the importance of living holy and began to strive to serve God completely and live by the Spirit and pray constantly and read my Bible several times a day and find joy in it. And I was trying to put to death the deeds of the flesh and live Christ by the grace of God.

It didn't work. I ended up feeling so guilty, so pressed to be sinless, so condemned, that I was miserable. I couldn't even read my bible because every word was coated in condemnation and pain and I thought it might be posessed because Satan was using the Word of God against me and it was really scary. Because I can't trust my heart, and I can't trust the Word, how do I know that I even know the Lord? But I knew it was Satan working against me and tried to pray against it because I felt so defeated. I felt so guilty about messing up, and so paranoid about the fact that I could mess up, that I had a huge desire to cut myself to punish myself for the pain. Which I know is wrong and really terrible, but I had a desire to do so anyways, it was almost a consuming desire too.

I just feel so upset because the two times when I thought I was close to God, the first when I thought the Holy Spirit was moving in signs and gifts, and this time when I was striving for the holiness of Christ, I was really just close with Satan. And satan took such advantage of me this time, tearing my soul apart and almost convincing me that I was never actually saved. It hurts.

Why would God let me go through this? How can I mess up? Does being close with God have to mean being vulnerable to Satan?

I mean, I know this. I have prayed against more attack than nearly everyone I know. I know what it's like when the burden is lifted and you feel the Holy Spirit and your mind is clear. But why do I have to suffer like this? Why doesn't God answer my prayers?

It's so terrible when I'm praying and I command for something to be gone in Jesus's name, and I have faith that it will work since I am a child of God and it was worked before and I have authority in Christ, but it doesn't work and God doesn't rescue me and Satan is still right there.

Why me?

And then I just don't know what to do.

I'm sorry to hear about your problems. But one thing that I had to relize was that spiritual warfare is really not about us. This is a war between God and satan. Satan is attacking you because you are God's child, no other reason. satan can't fight God, so he trys to beat up on us to get back at God.

I remember when I was not saved. It seems like things were so simple and I did not really have any problems. But once I got saved, it seemed like stuff came out of know where day and night.

I learn not to take it personal, satan and his demons are just doing their God. They hate God, so naturally they are going to hate us, because of who we serve.

This may sound crazy to say, If you are saved and living for God and you find yourself in a spiritual battle then you are doing something right, because you are a child of God. Demons will come after you when you live a life for God.

God still love you. I don't know why you had to go through what you did, but God will never leave you. You never know, maybe you went through this to help someone else.

[Gregg]

Great words Dani and Shawn. Thank you.

[shawn_2828]

I'm sorry to hear about your problems. But one thing that I had to relize was that spiritual warfare is really not about us. This is a war between God and satan. Satan is attacking you because you are God's child, no other reason. satan can't fight God, so he trys to beat up on us to get back at God.

I remember when I was not saved. It seems like things were so simple and I did not really have any problems. But once I got saved, it seemed like stuff came out of know where day and night.

I learn not to take it personal, satan and his demons are just doing their God. They hate God, so naturally they are going to hate us, because of who we serve.

This may sound crazy to say, If you are saved and living for God and you find yourself in a spiritual battle then you are doing something right, because you are a child of God. Demons will come after you when you live a life for God.

God still love you. I don't know why you had to go through what you did, but God will never leave you. You never know, maybe you went through this to help someone else.

Sorry, I saw a typo in what I wrote, I meant to say satan and his demons are just doing their job

[keyboard4eva]

Learn to praise God more as you spend quality time during your quiet time in praise and worship.

God indwells the praises of His people,so bring His presene down into your situation and He fights your battles for you as you give Him the the glory.
Focus on Christ the author and finisher of our faith
Heb 12:2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

[iluvyeshua]

ok first of all you're not the only one--me too. Second of all, it's not because of your sin. It's because they see you and your faith as a threat. You really need to remember that. If they're going out of their way this much to take you away from God, then He must have an awesome plan for you that'll definately help His Kingdom. I know it's hard to presevere when you haven't slept in a week. My mom and I both went through that at the same time. So, when I was fianlly able to get sleep, she'd wake me up because she needed help and vice versa. No matter what it is that's trying to communicate with you, praise God. Don't argue with thoughts in your head or be afraid or try to fight it anymore. Give it to God to fight. Don't even think about the evil or acknowledge them...have God be all you think about. If you have any specific questions, I'll try to help all I can. But believe me you're not alone..

[-A-]

Hi,

I started going through something similar last year.... it occurred when I was at my weakest physically, mentally and emotionally. It makes sense that the devil will attack when you are at your weakest because he's a loser. Remember the devil is a murderer, a liar and a thief and he knows his destruction is coming soon... soon our Beloved Jesus Christ will return and destroy the enemy. Until then, the devil will try and kill as many souls as he can by trying to confuse us with lies, and trying to steal our peace and ruin our relationship with Jesus before his time is up. he hates us because we are children of the One True God. Don't let the enemy weaken your faith -- when you found Jesus you found Life....remember that. Before you became a Christian, you were walking dead. Don't go back into darkness after you have found Light.

I know how it feels to be bombarded with evil, blasphemous unwanted thoughts, and then I feel so guilty and petrified that God will be angry. But try to focus on God's promises, and His mercy and love that lasts forever --- remember we are forgiven through Christ-- we belong to Jesus because He bought us with His blood. And God promised that He will never forsake us. All we need to do is have faith in Jesus and obey His commandments. No matter what filth the enemy shoves in your mind, just cling to the promises of Jesus.

This link contains extracts of some of God's promises from the Bible. Over the last few months I've found it a great source of comfort and strength when I felt like I was drowning in the bouts of evil thoughts. I hope it helps you too.

http://aquietplace.homestead.com/bverses.html

And remember, faith needs no signs. Don't look for signs, because this gives the enemy an opportunity to confuse you. Just read the Bible and believe with all your heart in the promises of our Heavenly Father.

Also, stay away from anything occult --- this only leaves the door open for the enemy to start harassing you again.

I will add my prayers to the many who are already praying for you --- you WILL get through this :)





Thanks so much for your replies.

I am beginning to fall back into sin and walking angrily away from God. I know it's wrong and I am so petrified, but I feel like I just want to rebel and sin and go against God because I am so angry and upset about how things have been going.

And once you start down that road, it's hard to turn around, so I am trying to get everything worked out before I start seriously backsliding.

[aliveinchrist]

I want to reiterate what someone said. The reason you are being attacked so bad, is because you are closer to God than you realize. The closer to God you are, the more attacks you will get, I believe.

Do NOT be mad at God. God is NOT doing this to you. You NEED to stop focusing on your sins, and stop focusing on Satan....you're focus needs to be ALL on Jesus. Praising Him, praying to Him, walking with Him.

I have to say, Satan is pretty good. He's accomplishing just what he wants. You getting angry at God, and walking away from Him. Which is exactly what you said you were doing. Satan is making you angry, and is making you angry at God, so you will walk away from Him. You have to realize this, and turn back.

[1:12]

Hey Koriemo!

Thanks so much for sharing with everyone! It is good to see fellow believers bold enough to openly discuss their struggles so that we may all learn and grow as we walk the Walk and fight the Good Fight of Faith in Christ. May God richly bless you for your openness and sincere desire to follow Him. You are blessed Koriemo!!! Never doubt that God is still with you and He loves you!!!

Remember God works all things out for good for those who love Him. It is obvious that you love Him or you would not be fighting so hard to please Him and to follow Him and to seek Him with all of your heart. Do not judge yourself for the times you have fallen astray. God forgives all sin. By His stripes we are healed. It is evident that you are diligently seeking to obey the Great Commandment: to love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul. Be encouraged and stay strong in the Lord. Whom the Son sets free shall be free indeed. Do not give up. Steady your foot. Noone or no thing can keep you from the destiny God has for you.

Nothing can separate us from the Love of God:

"37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[m (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans%208&version=31#fen-NIV-28140m)] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8: 37-38.

Sometimes in this life we will suffer, not unlike our Savior did. Yet we have the promise of a future Glory, not unlike our Savior:

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the Glory that will be revealed in us"

Romans 8: 18

Remember God works all things out for our good:

28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[j (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans%208&version=31#fen-NIV-28130j)] who[k (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans%208&version=31#fen-NIV-28130k)] have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

Never doubt that you love Him. Never doubt that He will work all things out for your good. It is so obvious from your postings that you love Him. Please know in your heart of hearts that He loves you too.

You have the promise that nothing will separate you from the destiny God created you to fulfill. Just look at Joseph in the Old Testament. Not even being sold into slavery by his own brothers--nor being put into prison upon false accusations when he really did the right thing--stopped God from bringing him into his destiny. In fact, it was these very same trials that God used to bring him into his destiny. Were Joseph not in prison, he would not have been brought out of prison by Pharoah and placed in charge of all of Egypt in order to save the world from starvation. People with great destinies go through great trials.

Keep calling on the name of the Lord. He will set you free. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but keep pushing forward as He will eventually transform you by the renewal of your mind. You have the promise of a greater reward.

May God bless you.

Brian

[Kharisma]

I have been through a lot of Spiritual warfare. It's been a battle i've been fighting since essentially the day I became a Christian. It comes and it goes, but it always returns. I have peace for a while, I have strength to fight for a while, and it slowly goes down, but then it will start back up again.

I posted here about a year ago about how i was speaking in demonic tongues. I thought that I was speaking in tongues, but it turned out to be demonic. I also experienced other things that I thought were the holy spirit, (prophecy, hearing things) that turned out to be demonic.

It really hurts me to think that I thought something was God when it was Satan. Shows how well I know Him...

Recently, I have been experiencing some of the worst warfare ever. Constantly hearing thigns, seeing things, and feeling things. I could barely sleep. I would wake up in the middle of the night and couldn't move. Or I'd be praying and all of a sudden my voice would leave and I couldn't breathe. I'd hear voices during worship say, "You are worshipping me, not Jesus."...

People always told me it happened because of sin in my life. So I started to take all the sin out of my life. I didn't have some bad habit i was holding onto or anything, and I'm not really sure that it was the reason why. I mean, do I have to be perfect to get a restful night of sleep?...

It didn't work. I ended up feeling so guilty, so pressed to be sinless, so condemned, that I was miserable. I couldn't even read my bible because every word was coated in condemnation and pain...I can't trust the Word, how do I know that I even know the Lord? But I knew it was Satan working against me and tried to pray against it because I felt so defeated....I had a huge desire to cut myself to punish myself for the pain....it was almost a consuming desire too.

Satan took such advantage of me this time, tearing my soul apart and almost convincing me that I was never actually saved.... Does being close with God have to mean being vulnerable to Satan? Why doesn't God answer my prayers?

It's so terrible when I'm praying and I command for something to be gone in Jesus's name, and I have faith that it will work since I am a child of God and it was worked before and I have authority in Christ, but it doesn't work and God doesn't rescue me and Satan is still right there.


Hello Brother or Sister in Christ,

When you mentioned the symptoms I said to myself this sounds like heavy spiritual warfare that is more than just a Believer dealing with unconfessed sins. I knew it had nothing to do with you having a medical or psychological problem although that is how the secular world looks at it because they're ignorant of the spiritual realm. Then in your next post you mentioned two things that I don't think you realize are heavy weights: 1) family history of occult activity and 2) Unsaved parents and you live in their home. This means that you're in the territory of the kingdom of darkness. Of course Satan is against you because you are the light in a dark home and your presence is deadly to the kingdom of darkness.

There is an all-assault on your mind (which is the battlefield) to convince you to give this up. Thoughts of: you're not really saved, condemnation, counterfeit supernatural gifts, compulsion to cut or mutilate yourself, and so forth. If it hasn't started yet, thoughts of suicide will torment you as well. You have to make a decision: can you move out of your parents home (are you of legal age)? If so, please do so because in their home you're to submit to their authority as your parents. The only problem is they're under the authority of the kingdom of darkness (occult) so that's who rules the home's spiritual environment. You must also renounce any occultic activity, vows, rituals or agreements that you have been a part of or that your parents/grandparents have spoken over you and commit the world of God in it's place. This means you will need your bible and must recite the scripture verbatim for each situation.

Submit yourself to God, resist the Devil and he will flee from you. Stop judging your salvation based on how your feel or the intensity on spiritual attacks. Your salvation is based on the Word and the word says: Whoever believes and is baptized shall be saved. Whoever does not believe shall be condemned (Mark 16:16). For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast. (Ephesians 2:8-9).

Your salvation is by believing that Jesus died for your sins and accepting him as savior from God's wrath. This has nothing to do with your good works. Get that clear in your thinking right now otherwise Satan will use that against you: "See, told you that you're not saved because you still sin". Remember Jesus said Satan is a liar and the father of lies. So you can NOT believe any thought that comes to your head that does not line up with the Word of God. Take captive every thought to make it obedient unto Christ. When a thought doesn't line up with the Word then verbally rebuke the thought "THE LORD REBUKE YOU! I SUBMIT MYSELF TO GOD!" Then Satan has no choice but to flee. Lastly, your parents or other occult members are probably praying and speaking curses against you. Also, many items in that home have been dedicated to the Devil, demons, evil spirits, or ancestors which is idolatry. This would be another reason why your attacks seemed to be more of a victory for Satan than for Christ. If you are not of legal age and can't leave their home yet then pray with strong pray-warriors at your church. Pray for spiritual covering and protection (the blood of Jesus is your covering and the angels of the Lord are your protection because they encamp around those who fear (reverence) Him and He delivers them) as you are living in the enemies' territory not by choice.

You mentioned nothing about fellowshipping with other Believers from church. This is vitally important because you are a part of Christ body. When you are off on your own separate from the rest of the body you are more vunerable to spiritual attack especially living in a home with unsaved authority and a history of occultic participation. There is strength in numbers and power from encouragement among other Believers praying for you. Please do not forsake assemblying with the brethren and sisters of Christ. Be encouraged, others here including myself have suffered very similiar things to what you have. We believe you and know you're not crazy or in need of medication. The Lord has delivered us and given us the victory. Victory is available for you as well but you must either move off territory that has been dedicated to Satan (occult activities) or cleanse everything in that home and property by the washing of the Word. I doubt your parents will go for that nor will they renounce their occult participation so meanwhile pray for their salvation once you are back in strong fellowship yourself in a bible-teaching church. God bless.

[kricaud]

Do you have Christian CD's or a Christian radios station that you can leave on at night while you are sleeping? I know this has helped me in the past. I have also found comfort in sleeping with my Bible next to me in bed. God is in control at all times and Jesus has already defeated satan for us. It is difficult to do, but place your trust in God because it is a battle that only He can win. Ephesians 6:10-11 " Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes." Remember, God has legions and legions of angels doing battle against satan and his fallen angels. God's team is the one to bet on every time!

[bagofseed]

I believe it is because you are being made into a threat.

Father has considered you as mature for such combat.

But praise God, this is something He has allowed!

That means it is for your good.

Mostly for me, testing is about exposing my heart of sin.

Exposing sin is a wonderful work of God, because what comes next is our confession and His cleansing.

I have been brought to the place of losing my faith only to find it was my faith in my self.
Jesus was still there on the other side, my ever present only hope.

Can God be trusted?
Even if He kills you?

If you have been asking for holiness and the perfection that is through the Holy Spirit, it seems to me that this is the path. The valley of the shadow of death in a way.

When they come, Give Him praise!
They are not your portion, Jesus is.
Your transformation is in His hands, not yours.
You are not worthy on your own merits but on His.

[faithfullyseeking]

In the presence of praise and worship of God, he surrounds us, fills the room/place where you are. Praise is a practical way of using our faith which creates possibilities for God to reveal Himself in our lives. Praise is a weapon that helps us against the enemy and it will always be a force against him. When we are praising, we are at the same time in a battle against the
darkness. Evil has to flee when you are praising God. You can't have light and darkness (evil) in the same place. Wonder if I am right? Just go into a dark room and turn and that light then try to find the darkness again with the light burning.

I sounds to me that you are in a prison of sorts. You mind is imprisoned by that evil that is trying to speak to your heart but the word says this:

Acts. 16:22-40
22. Then the multitude rose up together against them; and the magistrates tore off their
clothes and commanded them to be beaten with rods.
23. And when they had laid many stripes on them, they threw them into prison, commanding
the jailer to keep them securely.
24. Having received such a charge, he put them into the inner prison and fastened their feet in
the stocks.
25. But at midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners
were listening to them.
26. Suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken;
and immediately all the doors were opened and everyone’s chains were loosed.
27. And the keeper of the prison, awaking from sleep and seeing the prison doors open,
supposing the prisoners had fled, drew his sword and was bout to kill himself.
28. But Paul called with a loud voice, saying, “Do yourself no harm, for we are all here.”
29. Then he called for a light, ran in, and fell down trembling before Paul and Silas.
30 And he brought them out and said, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”
31. So they said, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your
household.”

As you see, when Paul and Silas were thrown into jail they did what few would consider, they give praise and worship to God and God came to them in that place and delivered them from that prison. Now while that prison was a physical place your prison is in your mind and heart. It is a battle for your soul. God doesn't care what place the prison is but that you need to be set free from it. The next time those voice come to you just begin to praise and worship God. Turn on some praise music and sing along or just sing from your heart. Evil will flee from you and the voices will cease if this is a spiritual battle you’re having. You will have to do this every time those voices come and the more you do it the better you will feel and the less often that evil will come because Satan will know he can't hit you that way.

Here's another for you:

Praise is spiritual warfare
Psalm 149:6-9
6. Let the high praises of God be in their mouth, and a two-edged sword (part of the armor of God) in their hand,
7. to execute vengeance on the nations, and punishments on the peoples;
8. to bind their kings with chains, and their nobles with fetters of iron;
9. to execute on them the written judgment – this honor have all His saints. Praise the Lord!
Jehoshaphat was a king in Israel who experienced a wonderful victory with praise and worship as the only weapon.

God's word has the answers to your problems as you see.

Ask God to shield your heart, mind, soul from the attacks of the enemy every morning. He is faithful to be there every single time. He sends the angels to war on our behalf. We all have our own guardians from the lord to help us in times when the demons of hell are on us. Ask God for that help, his help. He is your true source of help in these times and he will be there for you.

Study the word and look up everything you can about the whole armor of God. That's what you need. When you have on that armor the attacks of the enemy are barely noticed since nothing can get through the armor if you wear it all as God intends.

I will keep you in my prayers as I know many others will be praying for you also.