No sexual drive

[JesusPhreak27]

Hey guys....

Im in need of some help on a rather personal and embaressing subject.

Im a 29 year old guy and my wife (she is 26 turning 27 in November) and I have been married for a little less then 2 years now.

The problem is she has a very good sex drive but mine is almost nonexsistent.

Is this normal for a guy my age?

When I was married to my first wife it was just the opposite but now it seems that over the last 6 months Ive almost become inifferent to intercourse.

The worst part is its starting to affect my wife (not in that she wants to leave me but she is getting frustrated with me about this and I have heard her sometimes at night crying because she thinks it has something to do with her.....)

I have put on weight and am going through a major life changing experience (Im being seperated from the Air Force because of Physical Training and will be starting a new job soon [Praise God for that!] but im still worried about what the future holds)

I also think that God gave me a revelation this morning. Throughout my entire adult life intercourse has always been about me and the woman I am with. I have never once thought of it as a way to honor God. But He told me today to "Honor Me in all you do".

Guys Im so tired of hurting my wife because of this but I dont know what to do to change it.....

[Brother Mark]

Best thing to do... see your doctor. You may have a physical problem going on there.

Also, any chance you are depressed?

And as a side note, not that you have to answer here... Do you still find your wife attractive? Are you allowing yourself to have a sexual outlet in a way that does not involve your wife?

Just things to think on...

[JesusPhreak27]

Best thing to do... see your doctor. You may have a physical problem going on there.

Also, any chance you are depressed?

And as a side note, not that you have to answer here... Do you still find your wife attractive? Are you allowing yourself to have a sexual outlet in a way that does not involve your wife?

Just things to think on...

Thats the thing.... I did before (I was looking at porn every day) I have been able to walk away from that for over a week now (small steps)

What do you mean by depressed though?

[Brother Mark]

Thats the thing.... I did before (I was looking at porn every day) I have been able to walk away from that for over a week now (small steps)

What do you mean by depressed though?

Read Every Man's battle. What you describe above with your wife has been going on for longer than a week. ;) The porn was stealing from your wife what was rightfully hers. That can be restored.

When we are depressed, it can rob us of a normal drive to do things we ordinarily would do. It can also lead us to medicate our emotional pain. Sex in marriage is giving. Sex with porn is taking. So someone who is depressed may feel the need to be given to instead of giving.

Best advice I can give, get some counseling from a Christian counselor.

Grace and peace,

Mark

[Gulah Papyrus]

Is it that you want to and can't, or do you just not want to? Exercise and diet might help change your outlook. Create some romance and relax...and quit viewing porn. Not only is it a sinful portrayal of sex, but it numbs your ability to get aroused naturally.

[HisLeast]

Dude. Porn is the enemy man. The enemy. Crush it mercilessly and grind it beneath your heal until its dust. It doesn't feel like its "that big a deal", but its rotting away important parts of you that you won't even miss until they're gone. THIS must be remedied. Take it from a guy who avoided destruction by a hair's breadth. Years of porn watching compromised my ability to resist when I needed to the most. Use your imagination, but I have no business having a marriage and good health today.

Porn is toxic for 100 different reasons, not the least of which is the confusion it places in your mind. You might not be going to the porn for the sex... you might be seeking something legitimate. Its like taking cocaine for a headache. The high is so overwhelming, it destroys memory of problem that drew you to it. Its time to do a marathon session of introspection and soul searching. Why are you reaching for porn? What circumstances result in the biggest temptation? What emotional places are in before, during, and after a porn session?

You also can't discount the physical side. Get a check up and make everything is ship-shape. Then make sure you're getting a good amount of exercise and eating right. Are you doing any cardio? Cardio is king for sexual health.

[JesusPhreak27]

Guys let me rephrase what I said about porn

I have looked at the stuff ever since I was about 16 or so..... What Im saying is its been about a week since the last time Ive looked at it.....

[Gulah Papyrus]

Dude. Porn is the enemy man. The enemy. Crush it mercilessly and grind it beneath your heal until its dust. It doesn't feel like its "that big a deal", but its rotting away important parts of you that you won't even miss until they're gone.

Porn is toxic for 100 different reasons, not the least of which is the confusion it places in your mind.
Absolutely. Of all of the detructive things I have wrestled with in my life, porn is the most damaging of all. I never went off the deep end with it but I experienced enough to realize that porn was robbing me of precious things that drug and alcohol abuse could never touch. Like Hisleast said, it rotts your soul and stripps you of one of God's greatest gifts, namely the ability to correctly associate love with sex...it's deceit is unmatched in this world of sin IMO.

When you say 'a week', is that good, or bad? Not to take away from the accomplishment, but if you are expecting results after one week than you are underestimating how deep the roots of this particular sin go.

If you are saying that you recognize that one week is the tip of the iceberg, then you are correct. I will be praying for you either way brother.:pray:

[Buck shot]

Congrats on the week but as it had been said, a week is not the goal, it's a great start though.

Like Brother Mark said, a checkup with a doctor would be great to make sure there is not something physical that is causing the problem.

Another thing that is flagged for me is that you do not need to associate your wife with the sin of the porn. They are not at all the same in God's eyes.

Prayin for ya Brother! :pray:

[JesusPhreak27]

Absolutely. Of all of the detructive things I have wrestled with in my life, porn is the most damaging of all. I never went off the deep end with it but I experienced enough to realize that porn was robbing me of precious things that drug and alcohol abuse could never touch. Like Hisleast said, it rotts your soul and stripps you of one of God's greatest gifts, namely the ability to correctly associate love with sex...it's deceit is unmatched in this world of sin IMO.

When you say 'a week', is that good, or bad? Not to take away from the accomplishment, but if you are expecting results after one week than you are underestimating how deep the roots of this particular sin go.

If you are saying that you recognize that one week is the tip of the iceberg, then you are correct. I will be praying for you either way brother.:pray:

Like Buck Shot said.... that is just the beginning. I in no way mentioned that for kudos or congratulations...... I was just mentioning that I have finally decided that I dont want that stuff to be a part of my life anymore and have asked for forgiveness and am trying to repent from that stuff...

[JesusPhreak27]

Guys I miscounted the days...... Glory to God that it has now been officially 3 weeks and counting since the last time I have looked at porn!

The most awesome part is that not only is He making it easier for me to not look at the stuff..... but He is also "cleaning the INSIDE of the cup" and also showing me how to NOT look at other women as I walk by with lust in my eyes.... have I stumbled with that....yes.... but He keeps fortifying me each time!

I even feel different about sex with my wife.... not to be explicit but my drive has come back somewhat........


Praise my Father in Heaven!

[Brother Mark]

Glad to hear that JP. Thanks for the praise report.

Grace and peace,

Mark

[Buck shot]

Agreed !
Thanks for the update, now just keep it up :)

We'll keep prayin for ya :pray:

[tt1106]

I experienced this myself. After I became saved, my watching pornography and taking care of myself went from pretty much all the time to non-existent.
IN the conversion, my sexual appetite decreased and my wife's increased, especially as I progressed on my Christian walk. It was very disturbing. Especially when she remarked to me that she had seen a change in my sex drive. Well, guilt was horrible. I felt bad for being so ready and willing and able when I was viewing porn all the time to having less desire.
The only thing I can say is, I talked to my wife about it. She knew about the porn and everything else that comes with it anyway. But she didn't understand the connection until I explained it.
We pray together daily, so our relationship has matured significantly. My walk with God has grown much deeper and our sex life has worked itself out.
I will say that it is different. I won't get graphic, but there is more preparation involved. which works for both of us and I am far less lustful, probably because of the decreased stimulation of not viewing naked women several times a day, but the end result has really become a blessing.
I agree that you probably have ALOT going on in your life. I agree that you should see a doctor if you need to, and I agree that Prayer will help.
I would also suggest to you, that you are less stimulated because you are viewing less or no porn.

[amazzin]

Get your testosterone tested for hypogonadism. If it is low then a testosterone replacement cream will do the trick. You'll need a prescription and the best choice is a product called Testim

[tt1106]

Guys I miscounted the days...... Glory to God that it has now been officially 3 weeks and counting since the last time I have looked at porn!

The most awesome part is that not only is He making it easier for me to not look at the stuff..... but He is also "cleaning the INSIDE of the cup" and also showing me how to NOT look at other women as I walk by with lust in my eyes.... have I stumbled with that....yes.... but He keeps fortifying me each time!

I even feel different about sex with my wife.... not to be explicit but my drive has come back somewhat........


Praise my Father in Heaven!

Praise God. Carry on!

[baxpack7]

Guys I miscounted the days...... Glory to God that it has now been officially 3 weeks and counting since the last time I have looked at porn!

The most awesome part is that not only is He making it easier for me to not look at the stuff..... but He is also "cleaning the INSIDE of the cup" and also showing me how to NOT look at other women as I walk by with lust in my eyes.... have I stumbled with that....yes.... but He keeps fortifying me each time!

I even feel different about sex with my wife.... not to be explicit but my drive has come back somewhat........


Praise my Father in Heaven!

This is praiseworthy news!:pp
What has happened is that your desire for porn has now been replaced with a desire for your wife, which is the way that God wants it to be. It's good to hear this great news. Don't let your guard down-keep yourself prayed up and you will continue to overcome.

God bless!

[HankZ]

Jesusphreak,
There is a lot of awesome advice in here. It is great that God has got your attention and is working in you. One more thing, do you have a christian brother who you could share this with and ask him to help keep you accountable? Brother Mark mentioned the book, "Every man's Battle," it also comes on CD. I got that CD a couple years ago and it has helped me out tremedously. Keep up the good work. I am praying for you.

[JesusPhreak27]

Jesusphreak,
There is a lot of awesome advice in here. It is great that God has got your attention and is working in you. One more thing, do you have a christian brother who you could share this with and ask him to help keep you accountable? Brother Mark mentioned the book, "Every man's Battle," it also comes on CD. I got that CD a couple years ago and it has helped me out tremedously. Keep up the good work. I am praying for you.

I just got done reading that book this week....

Let me tell you something.... it has changed my entire way of thinking.

There was a point earlier this week when I was at the gas station paying for something that I caught myself looking at the cashier (she was wearing a VERY tight fitting top) ina a way that was completely wrong..... Well after I got done paying for whatever it was I was buying (there was no one in line behind me) I said to her "Maam I must appologize to you, I am fighting sexual impurity and I just wanted to appologize for looking at you in a demeaning way....for that I am sorry"....

Well she didnt know what to do..... but at the end I saw a tear come down her cheek and she just whispered "Thank you" and I left....

I cant believe how alive I feel anymore....

The one thing I have learned that REALLY helps is that verse from Corinthians where Paul tells us that since Christ paid the price of blood for me I no longer have the authority to be sexually impure.

Now can I tell you tha Im completely healed? Absolutely not! My failures (looking or undressing a woman a little with my eyes) still outweigh my victories.... but Im now cognizant of what I am doing and, like Job, have made a covenant with my eyes......

But on the even better news front it has been over a month since the last time I looked at porn!

My sexual drive is so so right now....there are times it will burn uber hot but then times that it isnt there.....but its getting better!

Praise God for what is happening!

[HankZ]

I just got done reading that book this week....

Let me tell you something.... it has changed my entire way of thinking.

There was a point earlier this week when I was at the gas station paying for something that I caught myself looking at the cashier (she was wearing a VERY tight fitting top) ina a way that was completely wrong..... Well after I got done paying for whatever it was I was buying (there was no one in line behind me) I said to her "Maam I must appologize to you, I am fighting sexual impurity and I just wanted to appologize for looking at you in a demeaning way....for that I am sorry"....

Well she didnt know what to do..... but at the end I saw a tear come down her cheek and she just whispered "Thank you" and I left....

I cant believe how alive I feel anymore....

The one thing I have learned that REALLY helps is that verse from Corinthians where Paul tells us that since Christ paid the price of blood for me I no longer have the authority to be sexually impure.

Now can I tell you tha Im completely healed? Absolutely not! My failures (looking or undressing a woman a little with my eyes) still outweigh my victories.... but Im now cognizant of what I am doing and, like Job, have made a covenant with my eyes......

But on the even better news front it has been over a month since the last time I looked at porn!

My sexual drive is so so right now....there are times it will burn uber hot but then times that it isnt there.....but its getting better!

Praise God for what is happening!

That is fantastic. Praise God!

Thank you for the progress report. Keep it up.:pp