My 6 year old and potty training

[SethElijah]

OK, my husband and I have 2 sons, one 9 and one 6 on the 21st of this month. Seth, the oldest, I remember having such issues potty training. It seemed like it took forever, but finally he was fully trained before he started school. Well, my youngest, Elijah, is almost 6, in kindergarten, and is still not fully potty trained. He has normally an accident a day. For a while we flipped back and forth between he is stubborn and he is just too absorbed with what he is doing he doesn't realize. Well, today he had two accidents, one at school and they changed him, then one at day care that was rather messy. I just lost it, and called my sister to cry. She reminded me that her youngest had the same problem and she had the same reactions. He is 12 and still has accidents now and again, the very messy kind. He cannot feel sometimes when he needs to go, his bowels just let go. He had Asperger's and this is an unfortunate side effect of that. She had suggested long ago that Elijah may have the same thing, just from watching his social interactions, how he grabs a topic of interest and wears it into the ground, they both are highly intelligent for their age (my nephew seems to "suffer" more from this aspect than Elijah). Anyway, we have studied a LOT on this topic and from what we have read doctors mainly want to put them on meds to "fix" it. My sister did not want to put her son on meds to fix the emotional aspect since her son functions well when he works at it, he just needs a gentle nudging once in a while. If this is what is going on with Elijah I am with her. The meds would do nothing for the physical side effects. Have any of you ever dealt with this? I am calling his doctor in the morning to see what he says. It could just be a gluten allergy, easy enough to fix. He could just be a weird kid that is stubborn about potty training.

I will say we have tried the star chart, potty seat, books and colors and snacks in the bathroom, potty time until his legs were asleep, punishment, withholding toys and fun stuff, begging and pleading, bribing, etc. etc. I had started to feel like a horrible parent but I have to get that out of my head. I just go cry for a bit and talk to my mom or my sister and that helps me calm down. But seriously, my husband and I are pulling our hair out. Any advice would be appreciated.:help:

[moonglow]

From everything I have heard about such things its a physical problem they really cannot control. Have you had him checked out physically for this? No child wants to suffer the embarrassment of having accidents at this age especially at school...and they sure don't want upset parents either. I seriously doubt any child is just being stubborn...who wants to have accidents in their pants? I would take him to the doctor and have things checked out...rule out any medical problems for sure.

Plus if your son has AS that needs to be dx and treated....especially in school he could get any extra help he might need and avoid him suffering from embarrassment because he can't do what the other kids are doing.

God bless

[ServantofTruth]

It could be a physical problem and this should be checked out. However we have 3 autistic children and toilet training has been very late with all of them/ being in nappies.

Our 5th son, Caleb, is 4 and despite many efforts shows no sign of understanding when he will go to the toilet or wanting to be out of nappies. We expect him to still be in nappies when he goes to school in 7 months time, though we'll keep trying. It's one of the reason, only one, that we hope he'll go to a special school that deals with these kind of things.

I love your user name/ the names of your sons. We have a 6 year old Malachi. Some people round us think these names are odd, not English/ British. That's Christian people thinking bible names are odd! Sad. God bless, SofTy.

[sunsetssplendor]

OK, my husband and I have 2 sons, one 9 and one 6 on the 21st of this month. Seth, the oldest, I remember having such issues potty training. It seemed like it took forever, but finally he was fully trained before he started school. Well, my youngest, Elijah, is almost 6, in kindergarten, and is still not fully potty trained. He has normally an accident a day. For a while we flipped back and forth between he is stubborn and he is just too absorbed with what he is doing he doesn't realize. Well, today he had two accidents, one at school and they changed him, then one at day care that was rather messy. I just lost it, and called my sister to cry. She reminded me that her youngest had the same problem and she had the same reactions. He is 12 and still has accidents now and again, the very messy kind. He cannot feel sometimes when he needs to go, his bowels just let go. He had Asperger's and this is an unfortunate side effect of that. She had suggested long ago that Elijah may have the same thing, just from watching his social interactions, how he grabs a topic of interest and wears it into the ground, they both are highly intelligent for their age (my nephew seems to "suffer" more from this aspect than Elijah). Anyway, we have studied a LOT on this topic and from what we have read doctors mainly want to put them on meds to "fix" it. My sister did not want to put her son on meds to fix the emotional aspect since her son functions well when he works at it, he just needs a gentle nudging once in a while. If this is what is going on with Elijah I am with her. The meds would do nothing for the physical side effects. Have any of you ever dealt with this? I am calling his doctor in the morning to see what he says. It could just be a gluten allergy, easy enough to fix. He could just be a weird kid that is stubborn about potty training.

I will say we have tried the star chart, potty seat, books and colors and snacks in the bathroom, potty time until his legs were asleep, punishment, withholding toys and fun stuff, begging and pleading, bribing, etc. etc. I had started to feel like a horrible parent but I have to get that out of my head. I just go cry for a bit and talk to my mom or my sister and that helps me calm down. But seriously, my husband and I are pulling our hair out. Any advice would be appreciated.:help:

I don't know about this condition your son may have but what I do is automatically take my son even when he doesn't ask. Perhaps you could ask the school to take him every hour/ or every two hours . I think they have a schedule where they go once in the morning/ afternoon/ evening but he may need to go more often. Hang in there.

[SethElijah]

Thanks for all the replies. I saw a shirt yesterday that said "Lord, keep your arm around my shoulders and your hand over my mouth" and I had to keep that in mind when I talked to the nurse today. I wanted to ask her to put a grown up on the phone but I did not as I realize she had to go to school to learn about medical stuff to get where she is, even if she is just out of school. She said to start keeping a journal of everything he eats and when, and everytime he visits the bathroom and when. I am not sure how to coordinate this between school and day care since neither can even keep track of the spare clothes I take for him. Anyway, I am just upset. Then she said that he may just be a late trainer. All the reading I have done has said that if the child is 6 and still having more than two accidents a week there is an issue. So, we will keep the journal for a month and go over it at his next appointment.

I did talk to my sister. She said she had a very hard time with doctors accepting the Aspie diagnosis because people are trying to tie vaccinations with Autism. She said even the specialists were wary of this diagnosis. Very frustrating.

[ServantofTruth]

I've atarted a few topics on autism, which I am told have helped a few people. Now I'm going to say something that if/ when said by a non parent would drive me crazy - but please forgive me, as I'm someone who is living with 3 children with 'autism.'

These diagnoses can sometimes be ball park areas of 'not sure' what else to put. Autism is a huge spectrum which in fact every human being is on.

I know of people, even in my own extended family, who I would call autistic. They have never been through the health system, have good jobs, got married - but everything about them screams - autism!

My children were all late talkers, very late. No words even mum/dad at 3 plus. My eldest was a very late eater, we thought he never would. Eating packet food at 5. They said it will just happen one day, it drove us crazy - they were right though.

Schools, doctors, health pros in general, have so often interviewed us more to learn than to help us with their training. After 15 years with our eldest, we just go with the flow. Scratch our heads at what training they did to get their high paid jobs.

Believe me I have been in the lowest times. Washing soiled bedding every day for months. Been kept awake most of the night by ascreaming child, and eventually being threatened with legal action and having to move house. Having many extended family members and friends, even Christians, run me down because I gave up paid work to be a full time carer 10 years ago.

Each day, allow yourself to laugh with your husband, even if it has a 'crazy' distressed over tired edge. :o My eldest son still at nearly 16, never leaves the house alone, has no friends - but on the plus side is a straight 'A' student. Would I swop him. Sometimes.....no, seriously, only kidding! Never. These children are special. God chose us as special parents for them. You and your husband are




SPECIAL PEOPLE !!!


God bless, and please pass my love to your husband. If he wants to talk, I'm here for both of you. SofTy.

[moonglow]

Thanks for all the replies. I saw a shirt yesterday that said "Lord, keep your arm around my shoulders and your hand over my mouth" and I had to keep that in mind when I talked to the nurse today. I wanted to ask her to put a grown up on the phone but I did not as I realize she had to go to school to learn about medical stuff to get where she is, even if she is just out of school. She said to start keeping a journal of everything he eats and when, and everytime he visits the bathroom and when. I am not sure how to coordinate this between school and day care since neither can even keep track of the spare clothes I take for him. Anyway, I am just upset. Then she said that he may just be a late trainer. All the reading I have done has said that if the child is 6 and still having more than two accidents a week there is an issue. So, we will keep the journal for a month and go over it at his next appointment.

I did talk to my sister. She said she had a very hard time with doctors accepting the Aspie diagnosis because people are trying to tie vaccinations with Autism. She said even the specialists were wary of this diagnosis. Very frustrating.

I can understand your upset and frustration on this. Though my son didn't have a problem in this area...he sure has in other areas!

One thing I did was keep track of what he ate and drank because of some of the problems he was having. I was surprised to read that milk allergies can cause some children to lose control of their bladders. and even cause constipation ..then it hurts and they don't want to go and hold it..or diarrhea. Milk is a common allergy but rarely tested because its been drilled into our heads that children have to have milk in order to get the calcium they need. My son was dx with milk allergies at the age of four...meanwhile he cried alot as a baby...but didn't have the typical signs of having milk allergies...he didn't have severe diarrhea or vomiting...so the doctor would not listen to my concerns. At age two he started refusing milk..he was not verbal enough to tell me why ..that drinking it made his stomach hurt. With cheese he had a delayed reaction so neither of us made the connection. Like if I fixed him mac and cheese for lunch...four hours later his stomach would hurt and he would feel bad. Once he was finally tested and I stopped all dairy intake he was able to get some relief.

Right now I am sitting here miserable...with a congested nose, bloated stomach that keeps making threatening rumblings sounds...I checked and what I had for supper last night (in which I didn't sleep well at all) and then late this morning, contained milk...:( I should have known better...this was some beef tips in gravy package I got at the store the other day. Never had it before...I try to remember if I get something new to check the ingredient but sometimes I forget so I feel sick later and eventually I do go check and see I had some milk product. blah. Now if I was a little kid or a baby I would probably have kept my mom up all night crying ...:rolleyes: If I have enough milk I will throw up too. yuck.

When I was a baby I got very sick on milk so the dr had my mom switch me to goats milk...they say a child will outgrow this on most of these sites (I think what happens is the body just doesn't react as badly but the problem doesn't go away) like with my son, he can drink milk at school now...but too much milk he starts having problems again. I don't even keep milk in the house..I use soy milk for us to drink, use on cereal and cooking. Now if Nate ends up like me he will start having stomach pains, upset stomach, etc by the time he is in his mid or late teens...his body no longer able to handle milk. It took me a long time to figure out I was having problems with milk again. :(

Alot of autistic children have food allergies and I have read site where the parents put them on a special diet to avoid milks, other foods and especially dyes. For some, their children did show alot of improvement. Even if your son isn't autistic, you might try removing milk from his diet for a week and see if his bathroom habits improve. I have seen amazing changes in my son due to just taking something out of his diet. He was also dx with other food allergies too. Now he can do ok with those...but as I have gotten older I can no longer eat some of those things...so I suspect I had those same food allergies...past them onto him and never knew it.

I have done years of research on this...long story as to why which I don't have time to get into now..but I have read tons of books, papers online...did all sorts of studies on how food allergies can really affect a child's behavior and cause leaky gut syndrome...which in turn causes its own major problems. Anyway if possible to get all these people in your son's life to avoid giving him any milk...no cheese, ice cream..at least the obvious things for a week...that should be long enough for you to know if its milk or not causing some of this. Or you could just have him tested for a milk allergy...

God bless

[SethElijah]

I do plan to have him tested for allergies to gluten and casein (includes the dairy area). In needed we will slowly switch him to a gluten and casein free diet. I studied on that with my nephew to help my sister. I just see them both, my son and my nephew, as kiddos. They have their quirks, but we all do. They both excel in one area at a time...awesome!! The only thing is the poop thing, I just wish it wasn't so embarrasing. But, I talked to Elijah about it, he was so sweet he made me cry. I guess I am also frustrated with myself for punishing him at times when I now know he doesn't even know when he needs to go. I will get some sleep tonight, take him to a hockey game Sunday since I made him miss the one last night, and keep my journals. Thanks so much for the words of encouragement guys!!!:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

[ddmor]

If your son is 6 - and has potty issues, then you're right, it's physically with him - not your parenting, so you can stop anguishing over it. Try to get to see a specialist. It took my Son and DIL almost 2 years to get in to see one, and it wasn't a surprise Autism was the diagnosis.

My grandson, almost 5 now can say when he has done his business, he says "all done" very quietly, and if you don't catch it when he says it, the next time usually is an overflow. He really doesn't understand what is going on, until it's all over with. How can we punish that? There is nothing we can do but go with the flow (sorry for the pun, but as SofTy says, we find the humor - it keeps our sanity!).

Ben's little brother also has autism, though there is no diagnosis yet - we're waiting patiently to see the specialist. The diapers this little family goes through is enormous - if the grandparents didn't help out, they wouldn't be able to aford them. And right now they can't see a future without them, although we're all praying that they'll both figure it out.

So, take a deep breath, and thank God that your son is walking, talking, and laughing. Toilet training will come, or it won't - and then if it doesn't you'll learn to live with it. God doesn't give us anything He knows we can't handle.

Have you looked up online how to potty train the special needs child? You might find someone who has gone though it too.

[moonglow]

I do plan to have him tested for allergies to gluten and casein (includes the dairy area). In needed we will slowly switch him to a gluten and casein free diet. I studied on that with my nephew to help my sister. I just see them both, my son and my nephew, as kiddos. They have their quirks, but we all do. They both excel in one area at a time...awesome!! The only thing is the poop thing, I just wish it wasn't so embarrasing. But, I talked to Elijah about it, he was so sweet he made me cry. I guess I am also frustrated with myself for punishing him at times when I now know he doesn't even know when he needs to go. I will get some sleep tonight, take him to a hockey game Sunday since I made him miss the one last night, and keep my journals. Thanks so much for the words of encouragement guys!!!:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

I know...its very difficult and hard to not feel like you are carrying alot of worry, concern, frustration...(where is the book on what to do with my child), going through your head.

My son was almost dx AS due to his quirks too...fixation on things...horrible social skills...as he told me the other night in his dreams the people in them never had faces when he was younger... now they do. I remember when he was little...he made some remark once that I had no face...I had a body and a neck but no head. That explains why he never picked up on my facial expression...he sure never picked up on my tone of voice! I had to tell him how I felt...if I was happy, upset, etc...because while he looked at my face..things didn't translate...and I had to be blunt...hints didn't work...he missed it...so I had to be pretty blunt with him for him to understand things. Over time though and after years of working on these things, now he can understand facial expressions, tone of voice, body language pretty well.

As I said he had alot of major problem..I don't think it would help you for me to write a long post as to what they were...just briefly; he was dx with airborne and food allergies (milk, soy, wheat and eggs)..plus reaction to dyes, especially red dye 40 made him very hyper out of control...dx with a sensory integration disorder, ADHD, delays in his fine and motor skills...learning disability in reading and spelling, major anxiety and at one point depression and PTSD...those last two are no longer listed. He had to have weekly allergy shots...major changes in his diet, got therapy for all of these other things...so yea I have a good idea what you are feeling right now..though just not in that area.


and ddmor is right..for parents of these gifts from God.(gfg).. .we have to find humor in what we can in order to not fall apart. I started posting little Nate stories on here when I first joined...then I moved many of them to a blog: http://velcorepeanut.blogspot.com/

Please forgive my spelling on there..I really need to work on that...:rolleyes:

People enjoyed my stories about him so much I decided to do that blog. He is 13 now and rarely funny anymore...:lol: Those little stories helped me keep my sanity through some very, very difficult times. I might have to start them again just to survive his teen years...:rolleyes:

You hang in there!

God bless