My spouse has an Alcohol problem but doesn't see it as a problem Advice?

[bs13]

Hi,

My husband has an Alcohol problem that he does not define as a problem.
He drinks every evening and average of 6-8 beers. He is not an abusive drunk. In fact I don't think anyone would ever know he had been drinking.
He is a wonderful provider, has a good Job and he never misses a day of work. His view is that it is only a problem if it interferes with your everyday life so I believe he goes to great pains to do everything he thinks is right.
Like come home have dinner with the family, take care of the yard, cars etc.
But when it comes time for him to sit down and watch some TV and relax it always involves (every night) drinking Beer.

He is not a Christian. I am a fairly new Christian. I am trying each day to study, and pray (and pray for him) and listen to God. Advice has been given and I agree with it about... as a wife, setting a positive loving example and not beating him over the head with my faith for fear of turning him against it. I really feel that as long as Alcohol Is such a large focus for him ( I do think he puts family one notch above the Alcohol routine) It is going to be very difficult for him to have any desire to change.

When I have tried non-accusingly but more in a caring way to point out that it may be a problem he responds with I am doing everything I should and I am not hurting anyone so it really is not a problem and I don't want to quite.

[D in Georgia]

Praise God that you are now a Christian!!!!! :pp

I will pray that God will use you to reach your husband. D

[turtledove]

Hi bs13, it sounds to me that you are already doing the right things. And it also sounds like his consumption is way beyond moderation as far as alcohol goes. And it could lead to a stronger need for more and could become more of a problem than it is..so your concern is well founded.

The thing is that he has to see it as a problem himself. When he is not drinking you might try telling him how you feel when he consumes so much beer, but you shared that you already have done that, maybe not when he is sober though?? But I assume he does know that you don't think it is good for him either and it isn't, really. That much beer can take a toll physically in time.

He may think he is okay but there is that thin line where it can turn into something more and even if it never does..still alcohol has a big part in his daily life.

Keep right on praying for him and expect something more to happen to help him see this besides what you may say to him.

And especially that he sees his need for Christ and Christian living as you already do.

I have an older brother who has been consuming a like amount of beer for probably at least fifty years now. He is generally pretty pleasant when he drinks too. He goes to his tavern every day to meet with friends and the drinking has become his social life as well. This was to the dismay of his family. (His son is a recovered alcoholic active in AA for years now) and my brother's wife, now deceased, resented that time away from home and family every day. When he doesn't go to his tavern he still drinks daily in any event.

The thing about alcohol is that it can become an end in itself around which someone's entire life can revolve even if they aren't quite technically addicted. For health reasons, e.g. surgeries.. my brother has often quit drinking for long periods of time which he always handled well; but he always choses to return to the beer when he is feeling better.

My heartfelt prayers and understanding of the situation. You are doing well with it and that you can come and share with us is good.

Here is an encouraging scripture about trusting God for you today:

Ps 91:1-2. (NIV) He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty I will say of the Lord, "he is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." :amen:

[Fresco]

Does he appear drunk after 6 to 8 beers??
Cause if he's a big guy then 8 beers wont mean much.
I can easily drink 6 to 8 beers if I'm at a party and not be drunk. Although drinking that much every night is probably overdoing it.

How does he act after 8 beers?? Is he depressed, happy, sleepy??

[livingwaters]

Hi, bs13...it's great to have you here....I understand how you feel, for sure....I, myself, before being saved, drank everyday after work...I didn't see it as a problem, either. I went to work everyday and functioned well, I thought. But, getting to that beer at the end of the day was always on my mind...When I was off of work, I drank most of the day. If I went to family's house, I'd bring my beer....of course, it was a stronghold of satan, I know that now...so, after 10 years of that same old same old, I couldn't do it anymore, so, I asked the Lord to come and take over my life. I asked HIM to help me....and HE surely did....Romans 10:13 says: For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. And that's exactly how it happened for me....the Lord put such a desire in my heart for HIM that I truly didn't know, at first, what had hit me. I, thru Jesus, put down the alcohol, cigarettes(at least 35 yrs worth-at last, 3 pks a day), pot, and pills down, with NO withdrawal from any of it. That had to be God, cause I had tried on my own to quit and had gotten as sick as a dog.....So, God's Word is TRUTH!!!! What IT says, is what IT is!!!!

I, also, was raised with alcholic parents, who worked and (so-called) functioned normally.....NOT!!!!!!

Just continue to pray for your husband, cause he truly doesn't see "it." But, God can change his heart in a twinkling of an eye....Amen...Keep your eyes upon Jesus!!! HE will not let you down!!!! Amen:pp

God Bless:hug:

[Gregg]

First of all Praise the Lord that You have found Him!

I am a recovering person that did not want to quit either. So while I am not the expert on things I do have a point of reference.

A couple of questions: Do you drink at all? Do you smoke at all? Did you use to do either of these and quit when you became a Christian? How long have you been a Christian? Would you want him to quit if he was a Christian and going to church with you? Is so why?

God bless you and yours.

[karenoka27]

Hi,

My husband has an Alcohol problem that he does not define as a problem.
He drinks every evening and average of 6-8 beers. He is not an abusive drunk. In fact I don't think anyone would ever know he had been drinking.
He is a wonderful provider, has a good Job and he never misses a day of work. His view is that it is only a problem if it interferes with your everyday life so I believe he goes to great pains to do everything he thinks is right.
Like come home have dinner with the family, take care of the yard, cars etc.
But when it comes time for him to sit down and watch some TV and relax it always involves (every night) drinking Beer.

He is not a Christian. I am a fairly new Christian. I am trying each day to study, and pray (and pray for him) and listen to God. Advice has been given and I agree with it about... as a wife, setting a positive loving example and not beating him over the head with my faith for fear of turning him against it. I really feel that as long as Alcohol Is such a large focus for him ( I do think he puts family one notch above the Alcohol routine) It is going to be very difficult for him to have any desire to change.

When I have tried non-accusingly but more in a caring way to point out that it may be a problem he responds with I am doing everything I should and I am not hurting anyone so it really is not a problem and I don't want to quite.
:oI had to look twice to see if I wrote this.

I have been married for 25 years to an alcoholic much like yours. I have done everything to try to encourage change in my husband's life.
My conculsion? Stop. What I found that I was doing was using alcohol as my reason to justify my feelings towards him. I blamed the beer on everything. Here he was a man who worked hard for his family,kept the house up,played sports with our kids and loved his wife, and yet all I did was find fault with him.
When I made a decision to put my feelings about alcohol aside, it has and is changing my married life.
One thing the Lord did for me was put on my heart:
Philippians 2:12-"... work out your own salvation..."
In other words, the Lord had given me everything I needed to live my life before Him without blaming my husband.

You are his helpmate. I have learned through God's Word that if you want to help him,pray for him without him knowing it. I have often wondered if I hadn't led my husband to drink...I say that sort of kidding,....:
Proverbs 21:9-"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife."
When God says something in His Word more than once..you "know" He is trying to tell us something:
Proverbs 25:24-"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.":eek:

It's not easy, I understand. I have wrestled with this for years and it is only by the grace of God that we are still together.
You are a new Christian,so my advice to you is to listen to those who have been there. There is wisdom in that.
Praying for you!

I'm here for you should you ever need to talk privately. You can start a thread in the Chat to Moderator forum.

[sunsetssplendor]

I haven't read all of the replies yet.

I grew up in a home with a functioning alcoholic. He had a great job and was a good provider but come Fri/ Sat night it was non-stop drinking. I dreaded the weekends because of this. He wasn't abusive either - at least not to us kids.

My FIL was a notorious alcoholic who started drinking from morning to evening. Unfortunately he woke up one night and started throwing up blood. He died. We tried to get him to seek help but he denied having a problem and there were enablers in the family. One who claimed he was fine and we needed to mind our business and a silent enabler who acted like it wasn't happening.

Do whatever you can to get him help ASAP.

[bs13]

Thank you everyone for the kind words and encouragement.

Livingwaters, I am thrilled to hear your experience. I know in my heart God can do anything, so my first response is to try to keep on praying for him. It is just uplifting to me to hear someone actually say it happened for them.
I know it doesn't always work that way and God may have a different plan but I really am concerned about the health risks. His wonderful father who we still miss, died when he was only 56 of a heart attack and he was both a smoker and he drank. (I have been told this family history increases his risk)

Gregg, To answer your questions. I do not drink or smoke. I used to smoke when I was younger but quit 23 years ago when I found out I was expecting and never started back up. I also did drink occasionally (out to dinner, parties, etc) I stopped doing that a about 3 years ago, before I became a Christian. (Just didn't care for the way I felt from it) I have been a Christian about a year and a half. I would like him to quit whether or not he ever comes to church or becomes a Christian. I think it is unhealthy. I really don't object to drinking alcohol. I grew up in a family where my parents could drink A glass of wine occasionally with dinner or when they had a family gathering or at a Chirstmas party. My dad liked and still does (he's 86) a glass of beer once in a while. I almost:)always used moderation. But drinking 6-8 beers every single night just can't be good for you. It may not alter his personality but what is it doing to his liver etc. I would love for him to become a Christian but even if he never does...... I just don't want to see him end up like his father. I know we are not in control but we certainly should at least try not to kill ourselves with our lifestyle. Our youngest child is 2 years from graduating High school, we got married at 20 and have spent the last 23 years raising our family I am looking forward to having some time together. I am interested in your reply since it seems like you may have some insight here.
God bless

[cheech]

Great responses thus far. Sunsetssplendor made an excellent point about enablers...One who claimed he was fine and we needed to mind our business and a silent enabler who acted like it wasn't happening.

We never consider silence as an enabler, but it is. We don't want to upset the person, fearing their response. Enabling of any kind shouldn't be done. Over Christmas time my mom asked me to pick up a bottle of vodka for her for my brother for Christmas. Now, considering I run a biblical addictions recovery program and she has been after my brother for years to quit drinking I said "is that what you really want to give him considering you keep telling him to quit drinking?" Surprisingly she agreed and thanked me for reminding her of that. Sometimes people really don't think about what they are doing.

Karenoka gave some great advice. I'd like to add that if you are also in the habit of picking up the beer for him...stop. Do not enable him. Pray for him daily. God works miracles every day but it takes time for these miracles to come. Healing comes but there is often things that must be learned. You sound as though you have a great husband. Focus on that for now and focus on learning as much as you can about Christ and feeding yourself on His word. As your husband sees the change in you, he may want that change as well. Pray for God to open his eyes to the truth, removing any blinders the enemy may have placed there to think what he's doing is ok. Start little and work up and pray for God's guidance and for restoration and healing for your husband.

[Gregg]

Thank you everyone for the kind words and encouragement.

Livingwaters, I am thrilled to hear your experience. I know in my heart God can do anything, so my first response is to try to keep on praying for him. It is just uplifting to me to hear someone actually say it happened for them.
I know it doesn't always work that way and God may have a different plan but I really am concerned about the health risks. His wonderful father who we still miss, died when he was only 56 of a heart attack and he was both a smoker and he drank. (I have been told this family history increases his risk)

Gregg, To answer your questions. I do not drink or smoke. I used to smoke when I was younger but quit 23 years ago when I found out I was expecting and never started back up. I also did drink occasionally (out to dinner, parties, etc) I stopped doing that a about 3 years ago, before I became a Christian. (Just didn't care for the way I felt from it) I have been a Christian about a year and a half. I would like him to quit whether or not he ever comes to church or becomes a Christian. I think it is unhealthy. I really don't object to drinking alcohol. I grew up in a family where my parents could drink A glass of wine occasionally with dinner or when they had a family gathering or at a Chirstmas party. My dad liked and still does (he's 86) a glass of beer once in a while. I almost:)always used moderation. But drinking 6-8 beers every single night just can't be good for you. It may not alter his personality but what is it doing to his liver etc. I would love for him to become a Christian but even if he never does...... I just don't want to see him end up like his father. I know we are not in control but we certainly should at least try not to kill ourselves with our lifestyle. Our youngest child is 2 years from graduating High school, we got married at 20 and have spent the last 23 years raising our family I am looking forward to having some time together. I am interested in your reply since it seems like you may have some insight here.
God bless


Alcoholism is a tricky subject. Christianity is also. Please do not take this next part as judgement. Maybe just some things to think about and discuss, maybe pray about. Some of the things I am going to mention comes from my personal experience of getting sober, helping others to get sober, watching some succeed and some fail as well as watching the interaction of being sober with a spiritual life style. In my case I have been sober and drug free for 23 years. I came to the Lord about a year or year and half into it. I did not want to quit, but it was causing problems in my life. I was not married nor had ever been married when I got sober.

So now I ask you as a Christian, why you would want your husband to quit? You mentioned you would want him to quit even if he doesn't come to Christ. I find this a bit strange. Is it better to have a Christian husband who drinks or a non-Christian husband who doesn't? You paint a picture of a man who is responsible, loving and caring, a good provider, who doesn't seem to get drunk, but drinks more than what is socially considered normal. Are you afraid of what the future might bring? Because of your new found Christianity are you worried that his drinking will stop him from coming to the Lord? It is one thing to say to a spouse "you need to stop drinking because you are mean when you do" than "you need to stop drinking because I want to control you". Would you be happy if he drank only 3 beers a night? I am going to wait for some of you answers, but I want to leave you with this. Is there any reason that you could not show him complete love and let him see your walk for the next year, before you bring up his drinking?

Again I am not suggesting anything, just trying to get some facts and have you think and pray about a few things. We have hope that he will come to the Lord, and we have hope that he will control his drinking.

God bless you and yours.

[Ta-An]

bs13 :hug:
My Mom one day asked me if I was scrubbing floors on my knees, and I had to look at them :eek:...... I noticed they bore scars of hours spent on them, but that was in prayer :)



G_d does answer prayers :idea: it took about 20 years to answer my prayers..... but G_d did :pp

The day I stopped playing "Holy Spirit" in his life, and started fasting before G_d..... He started answering :)

1. Talk to G_d about him, not to bad-mouth him, but ask Him for healing of the situation. And for protection over your children.
2. Do not take the blame that it is your fault, or that you have failed in any way.
3.As cheech said.... Do not enable him, it might cause drama in your life, but stick to it.

Alcoholism is NOT a disease, I believe it to be an oppression , the reason I say that, I have seen it,,,,,,please :idea: find a prayer counselor to help you through it.

:hug:

All I can say : Praise be to G_d who answers prayers :pp for He is a Faithful G_d.

The blessing in all this is : G_d restored the years the locusts have eaten :pp and He is still restoring every day :pp

[bs13]

Alcoholism is a tricky subject. Christianity is also. Please do not take this next part as judgement. Maybe just some things to think about and discuss, maybe pray about.
Gregg,
I really don't feel you are judging. You are really making me dig deep:) I said before I don't have anyone that I can discuss this with that would give sound advice from a Christian stand point and be honest! I need this!


So now I ask you as a Christian, why you would want your husband to quit? You mentioned you would want him to quit even if he doesn't come to Christ. I find this a bit strange. Is it better to have a Christian husband who drinks or a non-Christian husband who doesn't?
I have wanted him to quit even before I was a Christian. I am not sure if you are asking me to choose between the two but I believe his salvation would be most important. I just don't think that is something I have any control over! I am finally getting that I really don't have any control over any of it! If I had to choose between the two choices I would take my husband who drinks and is a Christian over him quitting drinking and never coming to Christ.
You paint a picture of a man who is responsible, loving and caring, a good provider, who doesn't seem to get drunk, but drinks more than what is socially considered normal. Are you afraid of what the future might bring? Because of your new found Christianity are you worried that his drinking will stop him from coming to the Lord? It is one thing to say to a spouse "you need to stop drinking because you are mean when you do" than "you need to stop drinking because I want to control you". Would you be happy if he drank only 3 beers a night? I am going to wait for some of you answers, but I want to leave you with this. Is there any reason that you could not show him complete love and let him see your walk for the next year, before you bring up his drinking?

Again I am not suggesting anything, just trying to get some facts and have you think and pray about a few things. We have hope that he will come to the Lord, and we have hope that he will control his drinking.

God bless you and yours.
I am realizing I have several issues not just one. I started, before I found a relationship with Jesus, wanting him to quit because I thought over the long haul it would become a health issue. I was sensitive to this because his father died young of a heart attack. We all took it extremely hard! I know from a health stand point his fathers situation increases my husbands risk I think he could minimize that by making some lifestyle changes. Now that I am a Christian I think... I still think the health risks are important but I admit that it concerns me that if he is numbing, comforting, or using it to relieve work stress...whatever the reason for the drinking it will interfere with him coming to the Lord.
I am being forced to really look at this so I want to say It isn't that I want to control him as much as I care, and don't wish either the health consequences or eternal consequences that drinking this amount and possibly in turn not coming to the Lord would bring. (If that makes sense)

Now you are making me rethink my motives. I hope it's not about control.

About the amount, I used to think cutting back would be ok but everything I hear about alcohol addictions suggest that that won't work. Also when I have in the past asked him to cut back he has but gradually it increases back up to an excessive point again.

I was up almost all night unable to sleep last night just thinking and praying about this. Ok so when I started this I wanted answers on how to fix him but now I am beginning to think that I may need to change my focus back to myself. I am willing to do what you are suggesting. Ok:)Now I know you aren't saying it is but...This is not going to be easy!!

God bless you for taking the time to talk this through with me.

[bs13]

Karenoka gave some great advice. I'd like to add that if you are also in the habit of picking up the beer for him...stop. Do not enable him. Pray for him daily. God works miracles every day but it takes time for these miracles to come. Healing comes but there is often things that must be learned. You sound as though you have a great husband. Focus on that for now and focus on learning as much as you can about Christ and feeding yourself on His word. As your husband sees the change in you, he may want that change as well. Pray for God to open his eyes to the truth, removing any blinders the enemy may have placed there to think what he's doing is ok. Start little and work up and pray for God's guidance and for restoration and healing for your husband.
Cheech,
I am getting some wonderful advice!!! I needed to hear from others. I don't have any Christian friends that I can get advice from and I really wanted sound advice. I know anything I have done in the past (which is very little) wasn't working.
I don't pick it up for him but he doesn't ever ask me to either. I think he realizes how I feel and doesn't expect me to go along in this way and he really doesn't want me to pay attention to how much he consumes.


So far I have been praying daily for him. The advice you give about focusing on my walk with Christ and reading and praying seems to be what everyone here is getting at and it really makes the most sense. I think what everyone is saying is to stop focusing on fixing him right now and focus on letting God work on me and pray for him.:idea:

[livingwaters]

bs13, just know that through your prayer and obedience to our Lord and Savior, HE will give you HIS peace and joy that is past all understanding...there is no other to compare it with....even, through all the trials and attacks from the enemy, that peace and joy will remain...don't let satan steal your joy through any tactics he will try, cause if he steals your joy, he steals your strength...we will need all of our God-given strength to get through these last days!!! Read your Bible daily and pray and praise while you walk, talk, sit, kneel, crawl, cry, laugh, drive, run or whatever and wherever....praise YOU, LORD JESUS!!:pp

I pray that God will soften and turn your husband's heart toward HIM!!! That is the ultimate GOAL....really, without Christ, nothing else matters.

God Bless:)

[Gregg]

Gregg,
I really don't feel you are judging. You are really making me dig deep:) I said before I don't have anyone that I can discuss this with that would give sound advice from a Christian stand point and be honest! I need this!


I have wanted him to quit even before I was a Christian. I am not sure if you are asking me to choose between the two but I believe his salvation would be most important. I just don't think that is something I have any control over! I am finally getting that I really don't have any control over any of it! If I had to choose between the two choices I would take my husband who drinks and is a Christian over him quitting drinking and never coming to Christ.

I am realizing I have several issues not just one. I started, before I found a relationship with Jesus, wanting him to quit because I thought over the long haul it would become a health issue. I was sensitive to this because his father died young of a heart attack. We all took it extremely hard! I know from a health stand point his fathers situation increases my husbands risk I think he could minimize that by making some lifestyle changes. Now that I am a Christian I think... I still think the health risks are important but I admit that it concerns me that if he is numbing, comforting, or using it to relieve work stress...whatever the reason for the drinking it will interfere with him coming to the Lord.
I am being forced to really look at this so I want to say It isn't that I want to control him as much as I care, and don't wish either the health consequences or eternal consequences that drinking this amount and possibly in turn not coming to the Lord would bring. (If that makes sense)

Now you are making me rethink my motives. I hope it's not about control.

About the amount, I used to think cutting back would be ok but everything I hear about alcohol addictions suggest that that won't work. Also when I have in the past asked him to cut back he has but gradually it increases back up to an excessive point again.

I was up almost all night unable to sleep last night just thinking and praying about this. Ok so when I started this I wanted answers on how to fix him but now I am beginning to think that I may need to change my focus back to myself. I am willing to do what you are suggesting. Ok:)Now I know you aren't saying it is but...This is not going to be easy!!

God bless you for taking the time to talk this through with me.

I cannot tell you what to do or will work. I do not know if your husband is an alcoholic or not. He does drink a lot. I do know that alcoholics like to protect their/my drinking. It is called living in denial. All of us who are drinking and not wanting to quit, roll our eyes at that and fluff it off. We also know for a fact (of course we are wrong) that the holy rollers want us to quit because of their strange beliefs. I am hoping and praying that your husband will see you finding Jesus and understand that you are seeking him for yourself. That reflection of Christ should be attractive to him even if his words do not reflect it. He may even get a little annoyed with you (which is actually a good sign) and your journey. Then just smile and invite him to come along. I am only suggesting this because of the way you described your life. Many have different problems that cannot wait so drastic measures must be taken. This does not mean that your situation is not important or critical. Keep loving him and praying for him. God bless you in your journey and watch for God to answer.

God bless you and yours.

[cheech]

Alcoholism is NOT a disease, I believe it to be an oppression , the reason I say that, I have seen it,,,,,,please :idea: find a prayer counselor to help you through it.

I definitely agree. Unfortunately people do not look at it that way because many (in general) are unlearned about spiritual strongholds. I was at one time until I began reading the Bible and working in biblical recovery programs. I have been delivered of strongholds as has my husband. God is a wonderful God and can do so much for us. We have to be careful though not to allow these strongholds back into our lives after He has delivered us from them. He can clean the house (Matthew 12:43-45 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=47&chapter=12&verse=43&end_verse=45&version=31&context=context)) but we have to fill it with the Holy Spirit or risk these strongholds coming back full force and worse than before. Another interesting thing is to research the Bible of illnesses that Christ cured. We now have medical names for them. Luke 13:10-13 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke%2013:10-13%20;&version=31;) - woman crippled by a spirit and bent over for 18 years...today we call it Osteoporosis but Christ called it a spirit. In Mark 5:1-8 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark%205:1-8%20;&version=31;) we read about the man with an "evil spirit", wasn't in his right mind (read further in verses as they say "when he was in his right mind"), unable to be subdued, cut himself with stones, etc. Today they would say he has a mental condition but the Bible says he had an "evil spirit". Even seizures, which we now call Epilepsy, was known as an evil spirit back then. This isn't to say every illness is caused by evil spirits, but it's interesting to see the medical names we call illnesses and conditions and what the Bible and Christ called them.

Any addiction is definitely a stronghold because it can't be controlled by us and keeps us bound so we cannot move forward, but when we go to the Lord for help in removing these strongholds and fill ourselves with His word and with the Holy Spirit, we can be sure these strongholds will leave due to the promises of the Lord.

[iluvyeshua]

I suggest that you, for the sake of your husband, and everyone else in this forum section reads the Bondage Breaker.[by Neil Anderson. (inserted by mod) :)]
I found it at Barnes and Noble--amazing it gives you a whole new insight to breaking free of continuous sin that seems to never give up on you. Good luck to you and your husband...I'll be praying for ya'll

[kkeller]

bs13,

I've been married to my wife for 20 years, we did everything together. We traveled the world, we lived in many different locations (due to a military life), and we used to party all the time. When it is said "hindsight is 20-20," its true...all those years of the party lifestyle I wasn't aware of my wife developing an addiction to alcohol. By the time I retired from the service, 3 yrs ago, my wife's addiction was more apparent than ever. She would stay up drinking long past midnight and start up immediately the next morning. Now, I'm not saying everyone will develop that kind of drinking, but what I'm going to say is that Alcoholism affects everyone around the alcoholic, in some fashion. I drove myself into a depression that was killing me inside because I was trying to do everything in my power to get my wife to stop drinking, my relationship with our grown children was strained at such a state we didn't talk to each other for 6 months. My wife and I separated twice (each time for 6 months). But I wasn't ready to give up on my marriage, I loved this woman, she was my best friend, my lover, my wife and I knew somehow there must be something to do to help us out. Well, I found that source. We have been Christians for 12 of those 20 years together, so I leaned heavily on the Lord. I prayed every night while my wife laid passed out drunk beside me. I started going to Al-Anon. And I'll admit, I thought Al-Anon was going to teach me how to sober up my wife, but it did no such thing. What Al-Anon taught me was how to take of myself. Now I know you must be thinking, why do I need to take care of myself??....the wife is the alcoholic, she needs the help! Right? Remember the three "C's"....1. you can't Control it, 2. you can't Cure it and 3. you didn't Cause it. When I got that through my thick-headed brain I started changing, I started feeling better about myself, I started caring about what I wanted in life. And the real God Blessing Miracle was...my wife saw the change in me and wanted that too. So my wife started doing her own AA program. Now it wasn't "BAM!" She is sober! No, it has been a LONG journey so far, alcoholics have a mental and physical addiction to alcohol. She has been to In-Patient treatment twice, she's detox countless times, but by the Grace of God she is hanging in there and working her program to stay sober. The best advice I could offer anyone who is dealing with alcoholism is to attend at least 6 Al-Anon meetings, find the right group for you. I know Al-Anon uses that "Higher-Power" metafor, but I replace that with GOD! And I STILL pray daily to Jesus, I give God the Glory for my wife's recovery, not Al-Anon. Al-Anon was just a tool to teach me how to take care of myself and I truly think God led me to that program. God Bless you and your husband, you have all my prayers.

[bs13]

iluvyeshua Thank you for the suggestion. I am will look for it at the library.


Kkeller I actually thought about Al-Anon quite sometime ago but just never really checked it out. It is great to hear from someone that has been through it. I am not sure of what is in our area but I will check into it. I actually know someone that attends AA regularly. I can ask him to check with the place he attends and see if they have Al-anon meetings or know where to get involved in one. You say find the right group. Did you have to go to more than one to find the right fit?
Thanks again for the input.

[turtledove]

bs13..I inserted (in blue) the author in iluvyeshua's post..Neil T. Andersen, who has some good books including the one mentioned: The complete title of that one is: The Bondage Breaker: Overcoming Negative Thoughts, Erratic Habitual Sins.


This one is more basic and general and may be a good place to start if you want to explore some of his books:

Victory Over the Darkness: Realizing the Power of Your Identity in Christ. by Neil T. Anderson.

This one which includes Quarles and Whalin as well as Andersen.applies to problems mentioned here and could be most helpful. I haven't read it but I trust that since his others are good this would be too.

Freedom from Addiction: Breaking the Bondage of Addiction and Finding Freedom in Christ, by Anderson, Quarles, and Whalin.

All are available at amazon. I would think a larger public library should have some of his books particularly Victory Over the Darkness which I recommend.

Dr. Andersen is also a former pastor and now a professor of practical theology. His work and writings are all biblically based..the main theme of which is:

"You will know the truth and the truth will set you free." (John 8:32)



peace and blessings,:)

Your sister in Christ,

[kkeller]

iluvyeshua Thank you for the suggestion. I am will look for it at the library.


Kkeller I actually thought about Al-Anon quite sometime ago but just never really checked it out. It is great to hear from someone that has been through it. I am not sure of what is in our area but I will check into it. I actually know someone that attends AA regularly. I can ask him to check with the place he attends and see if they have Al-anon meetings or know where to get involved in one. You say find the right group. Did you have to go to more than one to find the right fit?
Thanks again for the input.

bs13- I went to maybe 3 or 4 different groups before I settled on just one (actually, I'm spreading out a little now, I've been involved with another group which I "chair" the meeting every 2 months.) And what I mean by "the right group", is a group you feel most comfortable with meeting with and enough support that you can easily get a sponsor. Its important to have a sponsor, someone to call if you need to talk to someone instead of waiting on the next meeting. You'll see once you start attending these meetings, they have been a BIG help with my serenity.