Dragonfighter1
Feb 5th 2009, 06:39 PM
My Testimony.
Born in England I was raised on a small farm. My father was the eldest son of a wealthy business man who owned the largest car transporter company in Europe. After Grandpa’s death dad took over the reins until the 3 brothers decided they couldn’t work together and sold it to a French firm.
With all the money my dad had he bought a farm, a factory, a warehouse. We went from living in middle class to living in the extremely wealthy… Private school, color tv’s (they were just on the market and we had 2 of them) Skiing in Austria, summer vacations all over Europe…. And then Jimmy Carter became president, and the oil crisis started and the global economy had a melt down, and dad started working 15 hr days just to keep his business’ afloat. Field by field he sold off the farm, sold the candy company, sold the phone company, and in the middle of this mom had an affair and decided to live with the man. Dad was devastated and never recovered. He remarried but he was never the same robust man I knew. His heart was missing.
I was sent away to boarding school during this time- age 13. I remember mom taking me aside the first time I came home on break and said…” the next time you come home I won’t be here…” It broke my heart. I had no idea they were having problems. More than that, I didn’t like boarding school. I was lonely, didn’t fit in… an ignorant farm boy with few social skills. I was extremely athletic, broke all kinds of sports records but had very bad grades and a poor self image, no confidence, and essentially lost in the big scheme of things. The last thing I wanted to lose was my mom and here she was saying I would never see her at home again.
At 15 and a half it was legal from me to drop out of school… so my education ended and I became a dirty unwashed, no good, smoking, moped riding, misfit of society- long haired and smelly. At 17 I still didn’t know what sex was all about, though I had found the porn mags under dad’s bed. I wondered how embarrassed I’d be if anyone found out I was still a virgin, especially the first girl -if I ever got that lucky.
I bummed around the county I lived in, staying at dads when I wanted to, rarely at moms… and then decided one day that since I couldn’t train myself maybe the Army could and I signed up to become a soldier. I was the only one to make it through training. Every single one of my original training squad quit except me. The sergeant was retiring and had made a bet that he could destroy an entire squad. It had never been done before but he was going to do it! I cost him a bundle by not quitting… and yes I am slightly proud of my stick-to-it attitude.
Right before I went to the training depot I went to say goodbye to my old elementary school best friend who was immigrating to the USA. His dad was a professional soccer coach and had been offered a job there. At the home Mary, the mom, took me aside and asked me if I was saved.
Saved? What’s that I said?
She said, saved from hell.
I said Mary! I am an Englishman obviously I am not going to hell!
She smiled and said” No Being English didn’t mean you were a Christian.
I said but I AM a Christian.
She said Simon, you need to get saved.
I said what from?
She said from sin,
I said but I’m English! And we went round and round with only John 3:16 being added … FOR 2 HOURS!!!!
On the train journey home my head started playing games with me… or was it God guiding me??... the train rattled along making the same sound trains make the world over. Tatta, tat, tat,… Tatta, tat, tat,… Tatta, tat, tat,…. Tatta, tat, tat,
but inside my head was hearing…“You gotta get saved” in perfect rythm with the track sound. Let me tell you 2 hours of that and even Hitler would have gotten saved! I ran from the train station all the way home, ran into dad’s study, picked up the phone, dialed Mary, and said:
What must I do to be saved? And she led me to the Lord right over the phone. ( I was thinking… Can you do it this way? (Lol)
Anyway the British Army put me on Prostitution patrol and red light district patrol in Northern German. There I got the sex education ! Ugh what a way to learn. 2 years into my 3 yr stint I attended a Bible study and was told that it was a sin to be a soldier and that I would go to hell if I carried a gun. Still being naïve, I went to my sergeant and asked for help, that I wasn’t sure I could use a gun in good conscience… bad choice of words! Within 6 months I was out of the Army and they didn’t want to see me ever again.
I bummed around Germany for a short while and got a job selling life insurance to soldiers. I would crawl under the barbed wire to get on base. Sell a couple of policies, get caught and escorted off base, go around back the very next day and do it all over again. But after 6 months my heart was heavy, my soul was tortured, and I had a God moment.
I stayed up late one night smoking and feeling sorry for the crud in my life and turned on the radio for distraction. I heard Trans-world radio come on in English and share the gospel. Wow did that resound with me. After that I stayed up to 2 AM every night to hear the English speaker. They rotated each hour to different languages so all Europeans could hear in their native language and 2 AM was the English version in the schedule of things.
I started to pray again and thought of Mary my spiritual birth mother. I hunted her down for 2 weeks dialing every way I knew to find her. I didn’t know about area codes until the International operator came on and told me that the initials VA at the end of someone’s address meant the state of Virginia. Finally I could find out how to identify an area code.
When I finally dialed Mary’s proper number and she answered the phone I was so emotionally broken all I could say was a tear jerked “Mmmaaarry?” and then broke down weeping. I never did say any more on that phone call but she sure did.
She said in her beautiful Scottish brogue: Och, Simon, we have been praying for you solidly for a long time now, maybe a year, we have a scholarship for you at the college, room and board too, just get on a plane and we’ll help you get back on track with God” Then she hung up and I didn’t speak to her again, that I recall, until I got off the plane in Lynchburg Virginia to got to Liberty Baptist College (Now Liberty University).
I studied for 3 years to be a youth Pastor. During which I met, fell in love and married Sally. I never did finish my degree. Sally wanted to live near her daddy. So we stopped the college education and moved to Ohio thinking to pick up at a local Christian college to finish my degree- but of course that never happened.
Within 4 years of arriving in America with $50, and a suitcase, I had a wife, a car, money in the bank, a home, and shortly thereafter a son! ( I now have 3 sons)
I was active at the local church her dad had started with the preacher and taught the senior high kids. I just clicked with that age group and within 3 months they could tell the difference between Justification and sanctification, between Mercy, and Grace, and name in Chronological order the new testament book: where they were written from, who the author was(if known) why it was written, what the major purpose or unique theme of each book was, the year it was written and etc.. They were an awesome class!
Then I got a phone call out of the blue. Did I want to become a pastor?
I had thought the chance to be a pastor was forever gone as I didn’t get my degree. But after telling them I wasn’t qualified they said, we have heard of your teaching,, we know your heart, we don’t care for qualification so much as we care that you are called.
So I agree to candidate officially …But ultimately they elected to hire a more experienced man. I was happy with that outcome as I felt unqualified no matter what they said about being called. But, I thought: God wanted to know if I was obedient and so I am glad that I candidated. 3 months later the phone rang again. The new preacher couldn’t handle one of the nastier women in the church and was I interested in trying again? I said well, err, OK I’ll candidate if that what you and God want. I attended their board meeting the next Tuesday only to find out that they had already voted me in and just needed to make sure the salary was OK with me. It was a part time position for a very old but very small church but I didn’t care. I was going to serve God!
The nasty lady was everything I was warned about, but every time she exploded I would act contrite and take the blame for other people mistakes claiming I didn’t guide them correctly. Of course she would have none of that!! I wasn’t the one to be blamed, it wasn’t my fault, so and so didn’t cleaning the nursery right, and then I’d say to her:
‘Yes it is. I saw the way it was and I didn’t guide them to do it properly and if they were to be punished I was to share in that punishment. Pretty soon her antics changed and she just became a minor annoyance every once in a while. I loved her really- a fire cracker, hard working, grandma, who did just about anything the church needed doing! She just had an extremely abrasive style.
After 14 years of ministry and 21 years of marriage my wife met someone from her childhood at the local gymnasium. They started an affair that would end in her ambushing me with divorce papers and a nasty hate filled spiteful attorney on her side and (silly me) a gentleman attorney on mine! (note to everyone- if you’re getting a divorce settle early or hire a shark! You cant get into the water with a shark of your attorney is jellyfish!)
The divorce cut me to the core. For years I had preached about the sanctity of marriage, of the permanence of true love, and of the ability to forgive. But even though I forgave her she wanted to live with the new dude! My heart ripped, depression swallowed me and I turned to the church and resigned.
They rejected the resignation and ordered me to stay. That I wasn’t to blame and that they loved me. 3 weeks later and almost catatonic I resigned again saying I couldn’t handle the ministry that I had nothing left to give. They rejected my resignation yet again and gave me a month off. For the last 4 years I had been mentoring a trucker who had rededicated his life, bought the Liberty University online study course and had gotten a Bible degree by CD distance learning. He took over for that month and I rested… well almost, the wife had only served me with papers for the divorce it wasn’t final yet, we still lived in the same home because we had 3 kids.
That month off was no help as she was a never ending screamer and I about lost my sanity with the incessant verbal efforts to send me over the edge. I knew what was up. She wanted me to grab her or hit her so she could have me kicked out and she would be able to keep the kids! But fortunately I didn’t pop off! And after the matter was finalized we had shared custody and shared parenting too.
I should mention that in the same time period I lost a VERY high paying job due to layoffs! 75k a year gone! I returned to the church to say, thanks for the sabbatical but I can’t stay as pastor- you must let me go. I needed time to heal. They rejected my resignation a third time, only this time they had compassion: they made me Pastor Emeritus, stopped paying me (another 14K gone) and said I was loved and welcome back any time. What a wonderful blessing that was. I needed that vote of confidence I was so tired and hurt and confused, and in pain.
The credit cards were ran up over 100 thousand by the ex, the bank funds were stolen, the insurance savings was stolen by her forging my signature, and she lived in the home without paying the mortgage for 18 months So…. my credit was destroyed.
Its been 4 years now… The pain is no less. But I have learned to live with it. I found someone who I could marry, Judy. Someone I could love and trust to keep faith with. I miss the ministry and hope to return to it when God says so. Meanwhile I am active in an online fellowship group.
To God be any glory, to me be the shame.
Simon
Update: This morning I got a knock at the door. One of the old flock has left the church for some reason and wants to know where I go to worship AND if I am interested in starting another church.
Update: this is weird…. I got a phone call while he was here asking me if I wanted to start a new church.
Update: freaky weird. I was just told that 2 more people want me to start a church.
OK what’s going on? The pastor of the church I put myself under has asked me to be more active in utilizing my ministry skills.
Hello??? God? I want this so bad I am almost crying- correction now I am crying. Do you really think I am ready? Please don’t let me be deceived about this.
Tearfully, joyfully, hopefully,
Simon
Born in England I was raised on a small farm. My father was the eldest son of a wealthy business man who owned the largest car transporter company in Europe. After Grandpa’s death dad took over the reins until the 3 brothers decided they couldn’t work together and sold it to a French firm.
With all the money my dad had he bought a farm, a factory, a warehouse. We went from living in middle class to living in the extremely wealthy… Private school, color tv’s (they were just on the market and we had 2 of them) Skiing in Austria, summer vacations all over Europe…. And then Jimmy Carter became president, and the oil crisis started and the global economy had a melt down, and dad started working 15 hr days just to keep his business’ afloat. Field by field he sold off the farm, sold the candy company, sold the phone company, and in the middle of this mom had an affair and decided to live with the man. Dad was devastated and never recovered. He remarried but he was never the same robust man I knew. His heart was missing.
I was sent away to boarding school during this time- age 13. I remember mom taking me aside the first time I came home on break and said…” the next time you come home I won’t be here…” It broke my heart. I had no idea they were having problems. More than that, I didn’t like boarding school. I was lonely, didn’t fit in… an ignorant farm boy with few social skills. I was extremely athletic, broke all kinds of sports records but had very bad grades and a poor self image, no confidence, and essentially lost in the big scheme of things. The last thing I wanted to lose was my mom and here she was saying I would never see her at home again.
At 15 and a half it was legal from me to drop out of school… so my education ended and I became a dirty unwashed, no good, smoking, moped riding, misfit of society- long haired and smelly. At 17 I still didn’t know what sex was all about, though I had found the porn mags under dad’s bed. I wondered how embarrassed I’d be if anyone found out I was still a virgin, especially the first girl -if I ever got that lucky.
I bummed around the county I lived in, staying at dads when I wanted to, rarely at moms… and then decided one day that since I couldn’t train myself maybe the Army could and I signed up to become a soldier. I was the only one to make it through training. Every single one of my original training squad quit except me. The sergeant was retiring and had made a bet that he could destroy an entire squad. It had never been done before but he was going to do it! I cost him a bundle by not quitting… and yes I am slightly proud of my stick-to-it attitude.
Right before I went to the training depot I went to say goodbye to my old elementary school best friend who was immigrating to the USA. His dad was a professional soccer coach and had been offered a job there. At the home Mary, the mom, took me aside and asked me if I was saved.
Saved? What’s that I said?
She said, saved from hell.
I said Mary! I am an Englishman obviously I am not going to hell!
She smiled and said” No Being English didn’t mean you were a Christian.
I said but I AM a Christian.
She said Simon, you need to get saved.
I said what from?
She said from sin,
I said but I’m English! And we went round and round with only John 3:16 being added … FOR 2 HOURS!!!!
On the train journey home my head started playing games with me… or was it God guiding me??... the train rattled along making the same sound trains make the world over. Tatta, tat, tat,… Tatta, tat, tat,… Tatta, tat, tat,…. Tatta, tat, tat,
but inside my head was hearing…“You gotta get saved” in perfect rythm with the track sound. Let me tell you 2 hours of that and even Hitler would have gotten saved! I ran from the train station all the way home, ran into dad’s study, picked up the phone, dialed Mary, and said:
What must I do to be saved? And she led me to the Lord right over the phone. ( I was thinking… Can you do it this way? (Lol)
Anyway the British Army put me on Prostitution patrol and red light district patrol in Northern German. There I got the sex education ! Ugh what a way to learn. 2 years into my 3 yr stint I attended a Bible study and was told that it was a sin to be a soldier and that I would go to hell if I carried a gun. Still being naïve, I went to my sergeant and asked for help, that I wasn’t sure I could use a gun in good conscience… bad choice of words! Within 6 months I was out of the Army and they didn’t want to see me ever again.
I bummed around Germany for a short while and got a job selling life insurance to soldiers. I would crawl under the barbed wire to get on base. Sell a couple of policies, get caught and escorted off base, go around back the very next day and do it all over again. But after 6 months my heart was heavy, my soul was tortured, and I had a God moment.
I stayed up late one night smoking and feeling sorry for the crud in my life and turned on the radio for distraction. I heard Trans-world radio come on in English and share the gospel. Wow did that resound with me. After that I stayed up to 2 AM every night to hear the English speaker. They rotated each hour to different languages so all Europeans could hear in their native language and 2 AM was the English version in the schedule of things.
I started to pray again and thought of Mary my spiritual birth mother. I hunted her down for 2 weeks dialing every way I knew to find her. I didn’t know about area codes until the International operator came on and told me that the initials VA at the end of someone’s address meant the state of Virginia. Finally I could find out how to identify an area code.
When I finally dialed Mary’s proper number and she answered the phone I was so emotionally broken all I could say was a tear jerked “Mmmaaarry?” and then broke down weeping. I never did say any more on that phone call but she sure did.
She said in her beautiful Scottish brogue: Och, Simon, we have been praying for you solidly for a long time now, maybe a year, we have a scholarship for you at the college, room and board too, just get on a plane and we’ll help you get back on track with God” Then she hung up and I didn’t speak to her again, that I recall, until I got off the plane in Lynchburg Virginia to got to Liberty Baptist College (Now Liberty University).
I studied for 3 years to be a youth Pastor. During which I met, fell in love and married Sally. I never did finish my degree. Sally wanted to live near her daddy. So we stopped the college education and moved to Ohio thinking to pick up at a local Christian college to finish my degree- but of course that never happened.
Within 4 years of arriving in America with $50, and a suitcase, I had a wife, a car, money in the bank, a home, and shortly thereafter a son! ( I now have 3 sons)
I was active at the local church her dad had started with the preacher and taught the senior high kids. I just clicked with that age group and within 3 months they could tell the difference between Justification and sanctification, between Mercy, and Grace, and name in Chronological order the new testament book: where they were written from, who the author was(if known) why it was written, what the major purpose or unique theme of each book was, the year it was written and etc.. They were an awesome class!
Then I got a phone call out of the blue. Did I want to become a pastor?
I had thought the chance to be a pastor was forever gone as I didn’t get my degree. But after telling them I wasn’t qualified they said, we have heard of your teaching,, we know your heart, we don’t care for qualification so much as we care that you are called.
So I agree to candidate officially …But ultimately they elected to hire a more experienced man. I was happy with that outcome as I felt unqualified no matter what they said about being called. But, I thought: God wanted to know if I was obedient and so I am glad that I candidated. 3 months later the phone rang again. The new preacher couldn’t handle one of the nastier women in the church and was I interested in trying again? I said well, err, OK I’ll candidate if that what you and God want. I attended their board meeting the next Tuesday only to find out that they had already voted me in and just needed to make sure the salary was OK with me. It was a part time position for a very old but very small church but I didn’t care. I was going to serve God!
The nasty lady was everything I was warned about, but every time she exploded I would act contrite and take the blame for other people mistakes claiming I didn’t guide them correctly. Of course she would have none of that!! I wasn’t the one to be blamed, it wasn’t my fault, so and so didn’t cleaning the nursery right, and then I’d say to her:
‘Yes it is. I saw the way it was and I didn’t guide them to do it properly and if they were to be punished I was to share in that punishment. Pretty soon her antics changed and she just became a minor annoyance every once in a while. I loved her really- a fire cracker, hard working, grandma, who did just about anything the church needed doing! She just had an extremely abrasive style.
After 14 years of ministry and 21 years of marriage my wife met someone from her childhood at the local gymnasium. They started an affair that would end in her ambushing me with divorce papers and a nasty hate filled spiteful attorney on her side and (silly me) a gentleman attorney on mine! (note to everyone- if you’re getting a divorce settle early or hire a shark! You cant get into the water with a shark of your attorney is jellyfish!)
The divorce cut me to the core. For years I had preached about the sanctity of marriage, of the permanence of true love, and of the ability to forgive. But even though I forgave her she wanted to live with the new dude! My heart ripped, depression swallowed me and I turned to the church and resigned.
They rejected the resignation and ordered me to stay. That I wasn’t to blame and that they loved me. 3 weeks later and almost catatonic I resigned again saying I couldn’t handle the ministry that I had nothing left to give. They rejected my resignation yet again and gave me a month off. For the last 4 years I had been mentoring a trucker who had rededicated his life, bought the Liberty University online study course and had gotten a Bible degree by CD distance learning. He took over for that month and I rested… well almost, the wife had only served me with papers for the divorce it wasn’t final yet, we still lived in the same home because we had 3 kids.
That month off was no help as she was a never ending screamer and I about lost my sanity with the incessant verbal efforts to send me over the edge. I knew what was up. She wanted me to grab her or hit her so she could have me kicked out and she would be able to keep the kids! But fortunately I didn’t pop off! And after the matter was finalized we had shared custody and shared parenting too.
I should mention that in the same time period I lost a VERY high paying job due to layoffs! 75k a year gone! I returned to the church to say, thanks for the sabbatical but I can’t stay as pastor- you must let me go. I needed time to heal. They rejected my resignation a third time, only this time they had compassion: they made me Pastor Emeritus, stopped paying me (another 14K gone) and said I was loved and welcome back any time. What a wonderful blessing that was. I needed that vote of confidence I was so tired and hurt and confused, and in pain.
The credit cards were ran up over 100 thousand by the ex, the bank funds were stolen, the insurance savings was stolen by her forging my signature, and she lived in the home without paying the mortgage for 18 months So…. my credit was destroyed.
Its been 4 years now… The pain is no less. But I have learned to live with it. I found someone who I could marry, Judy. Someone I could love and trust to keep faith with. I miss the ministry and hope to return to it when God says so. Meanwhile I am active in an online fellowship group.
To God be any glory, to me be the shame.
Simon
Update: This morning I got a knock at the door. One of the old flock has left the church for some reason and wants to know where I go to worship AND if I am interested in starting another church.
Update: this is weird…. I got a phone call while he was here asking me if I wanted to start a new church.
Update: freaky weird. I was just told that 2 more people want me to start a church.
OK what’s going on? The pastor of the church I put myself under has asked me to be more active in utilizing my ministry skills.
Hello??? God? I want this so bad I am almost crying- correction now I am crying. Do you really think I am ready? Please don’t let me be deceived about this.
Tearfully, joyfully, hopefully,
Simon