Dravenhawk
Feb 7th 2009, 03:18 AM
My life has been messed up before it ever got a chance to get started. My family lived in Utah during the 1950's at the height of Mormon control. My dad was Protestant and my mom was Episcapalean although neither of my parrents ever entered a church as far as I know. Dad worked as a doctor in Provo Utah in a hospital under a Mormon only stranglehold. And as the story goes he became quite artful at dodging the advances of the Pressures exerted upon him by the Mormon clergy to join. Eventually push came to shove and the Mormons ganged up on him and had him blackballed out of the hospital where he worked. At the time dad got fired mom was pregnant with me and our family headed out west to try thier luck in Seattle Washington.
Things were rough and mom was hitting the booze hard she was also a pack and a half a day smoker as well. By the time I was born I had what is known as fetal alchol syndrom. My body was covered with large patches of discolored skin mainly on the legs, I was cross eyed and had several surgeries in an attempt to correct the crosseyed thing that nearly blinded me in my right eye. I was a small and sickly kid as far back as I can remember. My first memory is hearing an argument between mom and dad where I was referred to as a little bastard. I was slapped so much as a child I have an ingrained reflex to duck whenever someones hand gets close.
As a child I had to go to a preschool and wear tape over my left lens of my glasses. I got alot of abuse from my peers and teachers as the right eye didn't work right and would drift off. I hated the hurtful names I got called at school. I hated being told by my parrents it was my fault for reacting and had to just "ignore it" It gets tough ignoring a kid who is twice as big as me on top of me tickling me till I wet my pants and then getting laughed at for the entire day. I also have allergies associated with the fetal alchol syndrom and usually I will sneeze 5 to 7 times in a row. I caught alot of flack from the other kids at school for sneezing. Between the beatings and harsh words at home and the rash teasing from schoolyard peers life was insufferably rough.
When I was around 9 a Christian man bought a vacant lot next door to where I lived. He was building his house himself and introduced me to Christ. I went to Sunday school and learned about the Bible characters. As a pre -teen I had real anger issues and the grounding in Christ kept me out of real trouble. Through out my childhood I was given all kinds of drugs in high doses for hyperactivity by my parrents. I went to scores of psychiatrists and psycologists whose only solution to being teased to a sobbing mass of tears was more drugs and "just ignore it"
At age 11 my parrents got divorced and I remember hearing my name spoken through the heater vents from downstairs I was the center of blame from both ends ov mom vs dad. At 15 I was getting involved in fights at school on a daily basis and Mom dumped me in a group home I was forsaken by my family and shuffled from one group home to the next till I hit age 18. During the first week in the group home I got raped multiple times by a homosexual male peer. That was my first sexual experiance that has scarred me ever since. I thought of suiside alot after the rape and attempted it many times. Death seemed to evade me and I felt all hope was lost. I withdrew behind a defensive fortress and barred the gate shut. A lady from one of the churches shared bible verses with me and told me That Christ didn't see me as worthless and that He died for me because He saw I was worth saving.
Because of how messed up my life was in the group homes and all I qualified for SSI checks and at age 20 I was smoking dope and dropping pills and acid in addition to a pack and a half a day cigarette habit (picked up at one of the group homes) to escape / forget the pain of just how much life indeed sucks. I met a Christian lady who I was attracted to and I sincerely believe that the LORD used her as His mouthpiece and worked several miricales through this woman to lay His claim upon me and pull me from the gaping maw of the abyss. Like the apostle Paul at this time in my life I had a distinct hatred for God, Jesus and the whole Christian lot. My mind had been poisened by hate, drugs, rape and distrust. The sad thing is that this woman got dragged into the mess I was in while trying to save me I hope Christ will forgive me for this as she picked smokin dope and cigs from being around me.
The LORD witnessed to me one day as he showed me how my behavior affects everyone around me and held me accountable for my drug and cigarette addiction. Surrender was required for Him to heal me through forgivness brought about by a true repentance. His strength carried me through the roughest time of my life to a redemption that can only come from a LIVING GOD. Slowly I worked my way off the SSI checks and earned my keep as a productive member of society.
It is amazing how pride can go to your head and it is true that a war is being waged over the soul claimed by Christ. Just as I thought I had gotten it all together I met the woman who would be my wife. The first night I dated her she offered herself for sex with me. Again the LORD witnessed to me and this time I ignored Him and was plunged into a dark marrage without Him. We were unequally yoked and after the trappings of sex vanished I discovered the sham my marriage really was. My wife was having an online affair and she left. I tried escaping into drugs and sex but again the LORD witnessed to me through others. In one week 7 people who have absolutly no connection with one another told me I need to get back to church. You know it has Gods trademark on it when the drug dealer says "you need to get back with God man."
I have returned to church and have gotten back into my relationship with Christ which I consider very deep and personal. I am prepared to die in His name because He is just that real to me. I also feel very sorry for those whose hearts are as hard as stone and will never have a chance to know the bountiful love Christ has to offer no matter how many times you mess up for all have fallen short of the glory of God. I am thankful everyday for the sacrifice He made at the cross for a sinner like me.
Praise be His name JESUS, King of KINGS and Lord of LORDS!!
Dravenhawk
Things were rough and mom was hitting the booze hard she was also a pack and a half a day smoker as well. By the time I was born I had what is known as fetal alchol syndrom. My body was covered with large patches of discolored skin mainly on the legs, I was cross eyed and had several surgeries in an attempt to correct the crosseyed thing that nearly blinded me in my right eye. I was a small and sickly kid as far back as I can remember. My first memory is hearing an argument between mom and dad where I was referred to as a little bastard. I was slapped so much as a child I have an ingrained reflex to duck whenever someones hand gets close.
As a child I had to go to a preschool and wear tape over my left lens of my glasses. I got alot of abuse from my peers and teachers as the right eye didn't work right and would drift off. I hated the hurtful names I got called at school. I hated being told by my parrents it was my fault for reacting and had to just "ignore it" It gets tough ignoring a kid who is twice as big as me on top of me tickling me till I wet my pants and then getting laughed at for the entire day. I also have allergies associated with the fetal alchol syndrom and usually I will sneeze 5 to 7 times in a row. I caught alot of flack from the other kids at school for sneezing. Between the beatings and harsh words at home and the rash teasing from schoolyard peers life was insufferably rough.
When I was around 9 a Christian man bought a vacant lot next door to where I lived. He was building his house himself and introduced me to Christ. I went to Sunday school and learned about the Bible characters. As a pre -teen I had real anger issues and the grounding in Christ kept me out of real trouble. Through out my childhood I was given all kinds of drugs in high doses for hyperactivity by my parrents. I went to scores of psychiatrists and psycologists whose only solution to being teased to a sobbing mass of tears was more drugs and "just ignore it"
At age 11 my parrents got divorced and I remember hearing my name spoken through the heater vents from downstairs I was the center of blame from both ends ov mom vs dad. At 15 I was getting involved in fights at school on a daily basis and Mom dumped me in a group home I was forsaken by my family and shuffled from one group home to the next till I hit age 18. During the first week in the group home I got raped multiple times by a homosexual male peer. That was my first sexual experiance that has scarred me ever since. I thought of suiside alot after the rape and attempted it many times. Death seemed to evade me and I felt all hope was lost. I withdrew behind a defensive fortress and barred the gate shut. A lady from one of the churches shared bible verses with me and told me That Christ didn't see me as worthless and that He died for me because He saw I was worth saving.
Because of how messed up my life was in the group homes and all I qualified for SSI checks and at age 20 I was smoking dope and dropping pills and acid in addition to a pack and a half a day cigarette habit (picked up at one of the group homes) to escape / forget the pain of just how much life indeed sucks. I met a Christian lady who I was attracted to and I sincerely believe that the LORD used her as His mouthpiece and worked several miricales through this woman to lay His claim upon me and pull me from the gaping maw of the abyss. Like the apostle Paul at this time in my life I had a distinct hatred for God, Jesus and the whole Christian lot. My mind had been poisened by hate, drugs, rape and distrust. The sad thing is that this woman got dragged into the mess I was in while trying to save me I hope Christ will forgive me for this as she picked smokin dope and cigs from being around me.
The LORD witnessed to me one day as he showed me how my behavior affects everyone around me and held me accountable for my drug and cigarette addiction. Surrender was required for Him to heal me through forgivness brought about by a true repentance. His strength carried me through the roughest time of my life to a redemption that can only come from a LIVING GOD. Slowly I worked my way off the SSI checks and earned my keep as a productive member of society.
It is amazing how pride can go to your head and it is true that a war is being waged over the soul claimed by Christ. Just as I thought I had gotten it all together I met the woman who would be my wife. The first night I dated her she offered herself for sex with me. Again the LORD witnessed to me and this time I ignored Him and was plunged into a dark marrage without Him. We were unequally yoked and after the trappings of sex vanished I discovered the sham my marriage really was. My wife was having an online affair and she left. I tried escaping into drugs and sex but again the LORD witnessed to me through others. In one week 7 people who have absolutly no connection with one another told me I need to get back to church. You know it has Gods trademark on it when the drug dealer says "you need to get back with God man."
I have returned to church and have gotten back into my relationship with Christ which I consider very deep and personal. I am prepared to die in His name because He is just that real to me. I also feel very sorry for those whose hearts are as hard as stone and will never have a chance to know the bountiful love Christ has to offer no matter how many times you mess up for all have fallen short of the glory of God. I am thankful everyday for the sacrifice He made at the cross for a sinner like me.
Praise be His name JESUS, King of KINGS and Lord of LORDS!!
Dravenhawk