Just wondering.

[JK18]

Someone on another board I'm on asked if it is wrong to hold hands before your married, and I also know some people who believe it is wrong to hug until your married.
Now I know for some it might be better for them to wait until they are married because it could lead to wrong things.
But My question is to those who are married, or are getting married and they are or did wait like this did it have any negative effects to your relationship?
Please reply I would really like to hear your thoughts on this.

[Uriel]

My finance and some of my friends are counselors and have learned in a few of their classes that waiting like what you describe above and be very bad for a sexual relationship after they are married. Mainly because on the wedding night they go from 0 to 60 in no time at all. Both people do not know how to properly warm the other up and thus it makes things very painful for one and the other feels bad and stuff like that. So it makes wanting to do it more very hard for one or both people. So the advice is if you do not want to do much or anything before being married, such as kissing or hugging or what not then those people need to spend a lot of time making out and spend a lot of time warming each other up on their wedding night or when they have relations so that they get to know each other better.

My friends from these classes found from their seminary teacher that many couples end up in marriage counseling because of this type of issue. The Joshua Harris method makes more couples go into counseling, pretty sure it is him the I kissed dating goodbye guy.

[JK18]

I agree with you, but see My finance is kinda like that I mean I'm not sure about the holding hands asnd huging but she really is about the kissing before your married. (Long story) But I'm not really sure how to really talk to her about it. If anyone has any ideas please let me know.
But anywaqy back to the main topic. Joshua Harris isn't the only author who tells people all that stuff I know of another one except he says in his messageboard insted of in his books Which is kinda part of the problem.
I believe in the end because of what these people a lot of lives will be hurt.

[tango]

This kind of thing is difficult to define, not least because even asking the question of where boundaries are often shows that we are asking the wrong things.

Asking "how far can I go?" implies that we want to go right up to the edge of sinning without quite sinning, which isn't a healthy way to live in any aspect of our lives. (Just to be clear, I'm not saying you are asking this question, just making the point).

On the other hand to avoid any form of physical contact, however innocent, until marriage seems excessively strict to me. If you're walking down the street holding hands I wouldn't see anything wrong with that. If you're spending a lot of time in heavy kissing in a room with a bed in it with nobody else around, you're asking for trouble.

As to where to draw the line, this is something that ultimately each individual couple needs to decide for themselves, within the provisions of Scripture. If either of you feels like things are moving too far, too fast, then slow down and back up a bit. If either of you finds temptation to go further increasing, slow down and back up a bit.

[JK18]

Thanks for the advice. I do agree with you as well.
I'm just not really sure how to talk to my finance about it.