Problems with my 14 year old being baptised

[ServantofTruth]

For 6 months I went to a church and I asked one of the priests if they could baptise my son. The response was, we've just had a baptism and then there was no interest again.

I then went to a church of a different denomination and to be honest, despite me discussing baptism often with the pastor, he's never shown any interest in actually doing it.

I'm now on an Alpha course (4 weeks in) with my son and baptism doesn't seem to be part of that either. To be honest although they do suggest you might like to attend the church/ activities - it is a little like they're not bothered either way.

Out of my 3 older children, who I've done daily bible study with for well over 3 years (we've completed the whole bible and re started) my 14 year old is the only one who wants to come to church and be baptised. My wife is a non believer.

So I feel a responsibility to find a church that will baptise him. But I also want to be honest with the church that does it. Feel that church is biblical and loving.

This does create a problem, because the first 2 churches I've mentioned deny many Christians/ denominations are biblical - different ones in each case - and I just can't go along with either. So to have the baptism done at either would mean me being dishonest, by just keeping quiet on the issue.

Which brings me to the church my son and I are doing Alpha at. On Sunday they are having baptisms as part of the service. They have invited us to come and watch. But this church is in the next town and I have over 20 churches of many denominations nearer to where we live. I can't say I would join this church, when there are so many churches localy I have been to in the last 8 months that could easily be just as biblical and good.

Surely it would be wrong to be baptised in a church and then only go there a few times a year?

I guess part of the problem is I won't deny whole denominations are Christians and when I go to any church I discuss the bible and baptism almost immediatly. I feel it would be dishonest just to find another church keep quiet and get him baptised.

This also involves me, because I come from from an Anglican background and have an infant baptism and comfirmation and have through long discussions come to a point of also wanting a 'believers' baptism. But my son takes priority.

At the moment I go to different churches each week, occassionally going for 3 or 4 weeks in a row - but I can't see what is to be gained by continuing to go to the same church. Especially when it takes little time for each to start telling me who is either not a Christian at all in other churches locally or at least inferior! They can't even stop critising churches in their own denominations!

So although it would be nice to get my 14 year old baptised, I can't see it happening any time soon. Which is sad.

I will be discussing the issue with the people who run my Alpha group over the next 4 or 5 weeks. We did a little last night. But in 5 weeks time Alpha will be over and it's unlikely we'll go to that church for months unless they have a special event they invite me to/ I hear about.

What do you guys think? SofTy.

[RabbiKnife]

I think the foundational issue is

1. Does your son want to be baptized and
2. What do you and your son think baptism means?

If you get baptized but have no relationship with Jesus, all you get is wet.

[diffangle]

Could you baptize him?

[daughter]

Hi Softy...

You might be lucky. I nearly had a similar problem with my son when he wanted to be baptised, but fortunately when I explained to the only church that would baptise him that it was impractical for us to attend weekly (it's twenty miles away, and we have no vehicle... public transport on Sundays is very spotty in the UK also) they were perfectly understanding.

It may help that I had previously been a member at that church, and had been baptised there myself.

But, I think I'm right, the denomination of your church is CofE? Could you not just write to the Bishop? Because I think it's outrageous the way you and your child are being treated. If your child is ready for baptism, and there is no reason to believe that he isn't, then the church should baptise him. Quite frankly, I'm disgusted! What's wrong with these people? :giveup:

[daughter]

I think the foundational issue is

1. Does your son want to be baptized and
2. What do you and your son think baptism means?

If you get baptized but have no relationship with Jesus, all you get is wet.
I think that Softy is discerning enough to know whether his son is ready for baptism. He's not pushing this, obviously, since only one of his four children wants it, and at fourteen is capable of wanting to make a public commitment to Jesus.

And I'm sure that Softy knows what baptism is too.

[moonglow]

I am not sure I understand...so correct me if I am wrong. You feel if your son is baptized by a certain church you should keep attending that same church...but don't really want to stick with one church at all...you like going to different churches..right?

That alone would keep him from being baptized anywhere though. Not even getting into this other stuff you brought up.

Some churches require the person to be a member for a period of time before they will baptize because they feel its their responsibility to help that person continue to grow in Christ. Have any of them mentioned this?

Most people like to stick with one church because in that way you grow in fellowship with its members and get to really know them. Since the bible says we are suppose to share each others worries and concerns...confess our sins to each other...support each other. Just seems that would be hard to do if you don't stick around long enough to really get to know anyone. We are suppose to be a family in Christ in this way. Each person in the body of Christ having a different job to do to work together..but you constantly going to different churches would make that impossible.

Have you asked your son wants he wants? If there is a church he likes and would like to attend every week? He might want to be friends with some of the other teenagers but can't if you rarely attend the same church. I know my son always looked forward to seeing this other boy around his age at church and felt he was a friend. He wanted that social time too with another Christian boy. Sadly that boy's family wasn't too keen on them being friends...:(

While their might be churches closer of the same denomination...the same people don't go there. For your son that might be important. Plus kids like the sameness too. All I know is if my son wanted to attend church...I would go those extra miles to get him to that church...

God bless

[ServantofTruth]

At Christmas I felt our Lord calling me out of the C of E/ Anglican church I had been attending for 6 months. This site helped me see, it was Roman Catholic in all but name, high Anglican. (I am aware of Anglican churches locally that are more Baptist/ Pentecostal).

I felt God sending me to another church and I jumped to the conclusion it was to be perminent/ to join. But I now feel he was showing me that rather than all my answers being in that church/ denomination, that it was made up of flawed people, like I am myself, and infact in many ways similar to the previous church.

I'm not going to open up the whole baptism issue on this topic. Out of my 5 sons, yes I feel this one knows the gospel message and is ready for baptism. We are doing Alpha together and he could have prayed the 'believers' prayer with the leaders of our table, from the authority of the church, last night but I feel may do this next week.

No I would not baptise him. If we were on a desert island or a place with no access to a minister ever, I think this approach would be acceptable - but as I have 20 churches in a 10 minute drive, I have plenty of people called by our Lord to do the baptism.

I do know the church my son wants to attend, it is the original Anglican one. There he would be expected to accept every belief a Roman Catholic does. As his father, I believe it is my duty to take him away from this teaching. While I was and am strong enough to attend that sort of church, because I know the bible and that these beliefs contradict it, why would I want to attend myself or expose his young mind?

I am aware that I can't stay outside of a regular church for ever, perhaps even much longer. The answers I recieved to the - Who do you accept as Christians? at the Pentecostal church I do Alpha, was a lot more reasonable. They even said they attended different churches themselves. :) Perhaps the longer journey might be worth it. I've been going to church on a Sunday night as well, so I could cut that out if I found 1 good church.

But I have a personal problem with Church on Sunday - nothing till the next Sunday. The odd once a month social. Also although I have a bible group with people from that old Anglican church, not an official group and no priests or church authority present, just a nice group of elderly ladies - I do bible reading every day obviously and would like to connect this to my church and other people.

Also I do mission with tracts and visit those in need 2 or 3 times a week. I'd like to do this with a church and under authority/ with support. Just not possible in any church I know. It would take years of attending to be put up for this kind of work.

I realise that I am a big part of the problem here, and I have to find a solution. Hopefully the Alpha course will lead to baptism for him. I'll pray for this to be our Lord's Will, and would appreciate anyone who feel able to also pray for a solution for my son's baptism.

Please continue to give your Spirit led thoughts. Thank you, SofTy.

[techie4u]

I know each church is different but are their any nondenom churches in your area? I belong to a nonndemon and it is great!! www.thecrossing.net (http://www.thecrossing.net)
They would baptise anyone member or not at anytime if the person was genuine and truly desired a relationship with Christ. It just seems odd to me that you are having such a hard time finding a church. I think it would be great if you got baptised then turned around and baptised your son. My husband and I were both baptised as infants (I was raised Catholic and him Methodist) but then when we decided for ourselves to really get baptised the pastor baptised my husband then he baptised me!!! It was great!!!

[moonglow]

At Christmas I felt our Lord calling me out of the C of E/ Anglican church I had been attending for 6 months. This site helped me see, it was Roman Catholic in all but name, high Anglican. (I am aware of Anglican churches locally that are more Baptist/ Pentecostal).

I felt God sending me to another church and I jumped to the conclusion it was to be perminent/ to join. But I now feel he was showing me that rather than all my answers being in that church/ denomination, that it was made up of flawed people, like I am myself, and infact in many ways similar to the previous church.

I'm not going to open up the whole baptism issue on this topic. Out of my 5 sons, yes I feel this one knows the gospel message and is ready for baptism. We are doing Alpha together and he could have prayed the 'believers' prayer with the leaders of our table, from the authority of the church, last night but I feel may do this next week.

No I would not baptise him. If we were on a desert island or a place with no access to a minister ever, I think this approach would be acceptable - but as I have 20 churches in a 10 minute drive, I have plenty of people called by our Lord to do the baptism.

I do know the church my son wants to attend, it is the original Anglican one. There he would be expected to accept every belief a Roman Catholic does. As his father, I believe it is my duty to take him away from this teaching. While I was and am strong enough to attend that sort of church, because I know the bible and that these beliefs contradict it, why would I want to attend myself or expose his young mind?

I am aware that I can't stay outside of a regular church for ever, perhaps even much longer. The answers I recieved to the - Who do you accept as Christians? at the Pentecostal church I do Alpha, was a lot more reasonable. They even said they attended different churches themselves. :) Perhaps the longer journey might be worth it. I've been going to church on a Sunday night as well, so I could cut that out if I found 1 good church.

But I have a personal problem with Church on Sunday - nothing till the next Sunday. The odd once a month social. Also although I have a bible group with people from that old Anglican church, not an official group and no priests or church authority present, just a nice group of elderly ladies - I do bible reading every day obviously and would like to connect this to my church and other people.

Also I do mission with tracts and visit those in need 2 or 3 times a week. I'd like to do this with a church and under authority/ with support. Just not possible in any church I know. It would take years of attending to be put up for this kind of work.

I realise that I am a big part of the problem here, and I have to find a solution. Hopefully the Alpha course will lead to baptism for him. I'll pray for this to be our Lord's Will, and would appreciate anyone who feel able to also pray for a solution for my son's baptism.

Please continue to give your Spirit led thoughts. Thank you, SofTy.

Yea you are right...you don't want him going to a church that isn't teaching right...that is for sure. I have run into that problem myself with my son since of course he wouldn't know better. So of course you have to make sure its a bibically sound church. I am will be in prayer with you, that the Lord guides you both to the right church. :)

God bless

[cnw]

a preacher doesn't need to Baptise someone. Why don't you have some of your Christian friends over (or just others who you want to witness to) and your other children and you as his father and Spiritual leader baptise him. What a wonderful display of love. Maybe there are others around that want to be bap. too and you could have a neat gathering and all do it.

[Watchmen]

Could you baptize him?I agree, why do you not just baptize him yourself? We are not baptized into church membership we are baptized into Christ any believer can baptize another unbaptized believer.

[ServantofTruth]

Although I thank you for you replies, I have to respectfully disagree. A baptism should if possible be done by a minister of God. A person called by God, and who has had hands laid on them, by a congregation/ authority of a church. SofTy.

[cnw]

where do you find Scripture saying it has to be an authority of the church? Lets say we go to the Amazon and we have "Mr and Mrs amazon tribal people" get saved because we told them about Jesus. Do we wait for a pastor to be made to form a formal church before they can be baptised? not likely.
I can't find anything for or against this. Acts 2 says there were 3000 baptised that day. The only stipulation was
38Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.
But nowhere does it say who could Baptize. If people in authority of the church wont B. then I would think it wuold be the authority of the home, the family and the Spiritual leader of the children, which was Scripturally the parent. My husband says the philosophy that a church leader has to baptize sounds very Catholic. Maybe this is where the confusion lies.

I have found the word spelled with both a z and an s. Which is correct?

[moonglow]

where do you find Scripture saying it has to be an authority of the church? Lets say we go to the Amazon and we have "Mr and Mrs amazon tribal people" get saved because we told them about Jesus. Do we wait for a pastor to be made to form a formal church before they can be baptised? not likely.
I can't find anything for or against this. Acts 2 says there were 3000 baptised that day. The only stipulation was
38Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.
But nowhere does it say who could Baptize. If people in authority of the church wont B. then I would think it wuold be the authority of the home, the family and the Spiritual leader of the children, which was Scripturally the parent. My husband says the philosophy that a church leader has to baptize sounds very Catholic. Maybe this is where the confusion lies.

I have found the word spelled with both a z and an s. Which is correct?

I think its with a 'z'...at least that is what I show using biblegateway in doing a search on verses with this word...nothing came up using it with a 's'.

Anyway I agree with Servant...I think the church leader needs to do it. We see every single example of baptisms in the bible being done by an apostle or someone like John the Baptist. Jesus disciples baptized as He gave them the authority to do so...we don't read the people they baptized going on to baptized others unless they were appointed to be leading in some way...usually we read they were sent out to preach the gospel then those that accepted it were baptized by them. We don't read a believer in the crowd stood up and started baptizing after they were done explaining who Jesus was. I have never been a Catholic or attended their churches so I am not influenced by any Catholic teachings on this..Catholics I believe baptists babies anyway...these babies are told the gospel before hand...it just makes sense because of the examples given in the bible.

If a missionary goes to the Amazon, called by God to do such a thing and preaches the gospel to those people and they accept it, then those missionaries being in spiritual authority could of course baptize them. A missionary in this sense IS their pastor....which just means spiritual leader. Its not about a church building....its about who has the spiritual authority to do such a thing.

God bless

[TrustGzus]

I'm "ordained" but whoop-dee-do. Peter states that we're all part of the royal priesthood (1 Peter 2:9) and that includes SofTy. This isn't the Old Covenant with a special priesthood. The veil is torn and the Old Covenant is over and my ordination makes me no more special than any of you.

I agree with the idea of getting some believers with whom you have good fellowship and baptize him yourself if you can't find a church you find appropriate to fellowship with who will do the baptism.

Grace & peace to you,

Joe

[Cloudwalker]

If you ever get over to Tennissee Contact The Parson (one of our Mediators here). As long as the person being baptized is a bleliever he will be glad to baptize them. I'm not ordained but if you get to the Orlando area I will, or I'm sure my minister will.

[Seeker of truth]

Hey there SofTy :wave: I just want to give you a :hug: and tell you that you and your family are in my prayers :pray: