Helping families with children with drug addiction. (moved from BtC)

[MercyChild]

My heart is broken as I write this. Last week one of my 23 year old user friend who battled and fighted to stay clean from herion has died in his sleep, due to an OD. So many times I read about family members and parent crying and searching for help when they find out that a loved one is abusing drugs........

So I am not sure if I will be allowed to place this here, but I have thought about this, and perhaps I can add some advice for parents on what to do if they find out their child or loved one is using drugs and how to try and handle the sittuation, also some tips and what to be on the lookout..... I am not a professional, but have a lot of knowledge on drug abuse which I want to share, if this could help anyone.

I am not sure if this will just be to help others with an addiction, or rather a support group for those who have loved ones being addicts.......

I know from experience, that having an addict in the family makes life compicated and somewhat confusing, as people do not know how to help their loved ones......

So let me do some homework, and the next post will include information for parents on what to do, if I find out my child is an addict.......

[turtledove]

Hi Mercy, pointers for parents in that situation is good; but BtC is so geered mainly to address individual needs/concern one at a time on each thread which is started by the original poster. This is not a section for group formation. That can only be done in the social groups section which is part of the Community section under Jennifer and TrustingFollower.

God bless.

[MercyChild]

All cool..............

[MercyChild]

I am of the opinion that in order to understand addiction as well as preventing drug addiction, parents and peers should get themselves informed firstly.


Within the South African Police Service I have learned the following facts:

Drugs does not descriminate between race, gender or age
Diffrent drugs causes different feelings and physical responses
Diffrent people respond diffrently to the same drug
The more drugs you take the more you will need
There is different drugs giving different feelings such as:


UPPERS (cocaine, ecstasy, speed, crack-cocaine)

Uppers are designed to make you feel great. You make you feel alive, dynamic, and energized. Depending on your personal response to the drug, you could, however, also feel anxious, nervous and paranoid. You could even die. Uppers put a terrible strain on the heart. Long-term use destroys your nerves, takes away your appetite and causes sleeplessness. You will end up taking a downer as your body suffers withdrawal symptoms when the drug wears off. You will feel depressed and, sometimes, suicidal.

DOWNERS (alcohol, dagga, heroin, mandrax)

Downers make you feel relaxed or laid back. Unfortunately, you cannot control just how relaxed you will be. Long-term use of downers causes lethargy and makes it harder for you to do the things you need to do as a functional member of society. Schoolchildren and students who use these drugs find it hard study or complete assignments, and relationships inevitably suffer. Too much of a powerful downer like heroin causes the systems of the body to shut down, eventually leading to death.

HALLUCINOGENS (LSD, mescaline)

These drugs cause powerful hallucinations or dreams in which your reality is changed. You cannot predict whether the dream will be enjoyable or be a hideous nightmare. A “bad trip” can haunt you for the rest of your life, with flashbacks occurring at any time

[MercyChild]

The reasons for starting to use drugs will differ from person to person, but all too often would indicate some underlying painful situation in their personal lives, and then often in the relationship with their parents or other important people in their lives.

Some say they do it because drugs offer a quick relief from emotional pain (for as long as the drug works). Others may even consider that they use drugs to punish their parents (retaliation or revenge).
There are some who say they do drugs because they have lost hope for their future, or as a result of loneliness eg. after a disappointment in love, or due to boredom and even depression, eg. as a result of unemployment.

Some are just seeking excitement, and are not unwilling to act outside the law. Reasons?
Many young people think they will live forever. They feel as if their future stretches ahead of them forever. Often they make the mistake of believing that they, while still young, can take all kinds of risks, whether to reduce inner pain, or even just for fun and pleasure. They seem to believe there is going to be plenty of time in the future to make up for the consequences of their present behavior.

From the moment that the child discovers himself as an individual, as "I", he begins exercising his wings. He wants to take decisions himself. We know their sayings: But I want to do it MYSELF! He also wants to be involved in decisions that concern him. His purpose is not just to permissively get everything that he desires; he wants to experience that his ideas make a difference and are considered, that he is respected and valued, and he wants to practice new-found skills and decision-making. Yet so often children are too restricted and controlled in the decisions that they are allowed to make, even on a straightforward issue like when to bath. The parent considers the child with the idea: "I am the parent, I have more experience, I know better, and I want to guide and protect my child." This is part of the normal protective and responsible function of a parent. Unfortunately this all too often goes together with an overly authoritarian attitude that says: "Do as I say, because I say so."

Together with sentences of caring, a parent often sends ambiguous messages simultaneously of lack of caring of how the child feels, such as:
"Stop crying immediately, it’s your own fault that you fell! I told you not to climb up there! You have nothing to cry about, it wasn’t sore!" (Compare that with: "Wow, you must have had a big fright! And now you’re scared your leg may really have broken?")

Over the years the growing child experiences a lack of recognition of his feelings, and abilities. His attempts to help himself are met with put-downs, and rejection of his growing need to be, and to become his own person, in his own right.



Recall how you yourself felt as a child, when you were put down as being stupid, naughty or undeserving and unworthy, while at the same time, you knew it was untrue. Or even worse, perhaps you were afraid that this grown-up’s judgment of you might possibly be true!


The parent doesn’t mean his put-down messages to be a rejection, but all too often the child experiences it as such, of himself and his needs. These feelings of rejection will continue if not corrected by the parent. Children can be very sensitive, for both the negative as well as the positive in their lives.

The intensity and frequency of these negative experiences, toward which he, as a small child, stands powerless, leaves him few choices, yet he feels rebellious. Outbursts of anger, crying bouts, the silent treatment, go-slow-strikes, etc, are the only tools he has to handle the excess of power the parent wields over him. These "tools" that he uses are most often in response to the way in which he was treated.

Children "listen" more with their hearts than with their ears. They learn from our moods and attitudes. What they receive is the measure of their value as a person, and they learn how to interact, by following the model they are given.
As he grows older, he discovers that there are indeed some things about which he can make decisions, without his parent’s control, or even his knowledge. If the feeling of rejection has not been removed by way of the parent communicating acceptance of him in all his dealings with the child, the child might then say:
"It is MY life, and I will do with it as I please. "
At that moment he stands before a choice: He can choose (if feeling accepted and resourceful), a positive direction for his life, and accept responsibility for this choice eg. "I want to do what is right." As alternative, he can choose (particularly if feeling unaccepted and unresourceful) something which he already knows is bad for him. He could even decide to do something that would be in conflict with his parents’ wishes, or could even hurt them if they knew. It makes him feel empowered and in control of his own life. He feels guilty but free.

If drugs etc. come his way, it suits him, because by then he believes the lie, that it won’t harm him, or that harm only comes after many years, and that he has enough time to stop. And he believes he will stop, as soon as the inner pain he is experiencing is over. What he does not know, however, is that something so compelling, so overpowering as drugs can spell the end of his "freedom", his independence, his control over his future, and even of his life. When drugs have him in their iron claws, he becomes a "slave" of the drug pushers, who now have attained a grip over his life far worse than anything from which he has "fled". Thankfully, this doesn't have to mean a dead end. There is a way to get out, but it calls for a decision on the part of the child himself, and it will be enhanced if he can rely on the support of his parent/s, and family members.

One fact remains sticking out like a sore thumb, however:


The statistics of the drug abuse problem in my country tell their own story. All the actions which parents, schools, the community and the powers that be have taken in the past to combat drugs, have not been enough. Despite all these efforts, the drug problem has simply mushroomed!

[turtledove]

OP has agreed to move this thread to "Families in Christ." :)

[MercyChild]

OP has agreed to move this thread to "Families in Christ." :)


Thank you for the help:hug:;)

[MercyChild]

· A lack of affection and attention from parents
· The demands of a performance driven society
· Parent's believe that their kids would never do drugs and fail to inform or warn them.
· Parent's ignorance about drugs
· Peer pressure
· Over emphasis of the harmlessness of drugs by the peer group

The effects of drug abuse are not restricted to the drug abuser but spill over to his/her family, friends and society.

[MercyChild]

· The excessive use of mouth sprays, chewing gum and sweets to remove the smell of alcohol
· Burning of incense to disguise sweetish marijuana odours
· Continuous use of eye-drops to clear blood-shot eyes
· Sunglasses worn at inappropriate times
· Unexplained tablets, powders or small dry seeds or dagga pips in pockets, handbags or plastic bank sachets
· Cigarette rolling papers or thin, hand-rolled cigarettes
· Inhalant substances such as glue, thinners, "Spray 'n Cook", turpentine, lighter fluids, and acetone
· Unsmoked cigarettes with the filter broken off
· Dagga seeds in ashtrays and on carpets
· Broken bottle necks, dagga pipes or "hubbly bubblies"
· Hypodermic needles or syringes
· Single-edged razor blades (for cocaine)
· Empty cough mixture bottles or diet pill containers (Thinz)
· Tiny spoons, bent spoons, burnt spoons and tin foil (for heroin preparation)
· Brown marijuana stains or glue stains on the fingers, clothes, handkerchiefs or bed linen.

[MercyChild]

Physical indicators


·`Red/blood-shot eyes, visual distortion
·`Markedly dilated or constricted pupils
·`Unexplained, repeated vomiting or abdominal pains
·`Indistinct speech
·`Excessive perspiration
·`Delayed reflex action and lack of co-ordination
·`Disorientation, dizziness, trembling hands
·`Regular nosebleeds
·`General deterioration of health
·`Inexplicable weight loss
·`Injection marks/bruising/scabs/sores on arms, legs or private
parts
· Yellow stains on hand/finger as a result of smoking dagga
· Endless cold symptoms (sore throat, coughing)

Behavioural indicators

· Long uninterrupted sleeping periods or insomnia
· Change in appetite
· Aggressive/hostile behaviour
· Unaccountable mood swings/personality disturbances
· Lack of communication with family
· Lying and dishonesty
· Guilty behaviour; avoiding eye contact
· Disappearance for considerable periods, especially at night
· Sudden change of friends or becoming loners
· Hallucinations
· Theft (money, household articles) or abnormal spending
· Neglect of personal hygiene
· Untidiness, if previously tidy
· Impaired word performance, reduced concentration span
· Lack of motivation (school, hobbies, friends)
· Visits to clubs known as places where drugs are used/abused/sold

[MercyChild]

· Make time to listen to the child's problems and work through it with him/her.
· Give clear no-use messages about drugs and alcohol.
· Help your child to deal with peer pressure.
· Get to know your child's friends and their parents.
· Monitor your child's whereabouts.
· Supervise teen activities and set an example in the healthy use of leisure time.
· Maintain an open and honest dialogue with your child.