I am so mad

[KJo]

My 26 year old daughter called about 9 p.m. last night with this news.

Mama I'm in jail. What for ???
Possession and manufacturing crystal meth.

This is the same daughter I had posted somewhere earlier that had been arrested before for pOssession of cocaine.
Her daddy and I got her out of jail and sent her to a Christian rehab, she has been out a while and we thought and prayed that she was still clean.A prayer was answered when she came to Church last week.

She still hasn't been endicted on the previous charges yet, but I feel this time she is going to be in jail quite a while.She has 3 beautiful children ages 9, 7, and 4. Thank God they weren"t with her, they are at their daddy's.

Also she got sick awhile ago and we found out she has Hep C. Now mind you she uses needles to get high, not smoking or snorting the stuff !! The doctors told her not to even take any medicine unless it was prescribed for her.

I know I am rambling but as stated above I am so mad. I am hurt of course but mostly I am just ticked off at her. We have talked and begged her for so long to please stay clean, if not for herself at least do it for the kids and she has promised and promised.

My husband feels the same as me, so does her birth Mother.
She is my stepdaughter, but me and my husband raised her. Her other mama has always wanted to be a parent when it was convenient for her to do so.
In my teenage years I wasn't perfect, I smoked pot and did some drinking but never had any problems being addicted.
Can anyone help me understand how you can do something to cause you to loose your children,freedom, even your life? :B:B:B:B:B

[DaniHansen]

I personally don't know what you're going through, but my heart goes out to you. I don't know why people insist on just throwing their lives away like that. Drug addiction is a horrible, horrible thing. My prayers are with you and your family.

Maybe jail is exactly where she needs to be. Unfortunately, many of us have to hit rock bottom and come to the absolute end of our ropes before we come to our senses, realize the extent of the mess we've made, and begin to seek God.

There's really no such thing as step kids, is there? When God gives you children, love is love.

:hug:

[Reynolds357]

My 26 year old daughter called about 9 p.m. last night with this news.

Mama I'm in jail. What for ???
Possession and manufacturing crystal meth.

This is the same daughter I had posted somewhere earlier that had been arrested before for pOssession of cocaine.
Her daddy and I got her out of jail and sent her to a Christian rehab, she has been out a while and we thought and prayed that she was still clean.A prayer was answered when she came to Church last week.

She still hasn't been endicted on the previous charges yet, but I feel this time she is going to be in jail quite a while.She has 3 beautiful children ages 9, 7, and 4. Thank God they weren"t with her, they are at their daddy's.

Also she got sick awhile ago and we found out she has Hep C. Now mind you she uses needles to get high, not smoking or snorting the stuff !! The doctors told her not to even take any medicine unless it was prescribed for her.

I know I am rambling but as stated above I am so mad. I am hurt of course but mostly I am just ticked off at her. We have talked and begged her for so long to please stay clean, if not for herself at least do it for the kids and she has promised and promised.

My husband feels the same as me, so does her birth Mother.
She is my stepdaughter, but me and my husband raised her. Her other mama has always wanted to be a parent when it was convenient for her to do so.
In my teenage years I wasn't perfect, I smoked pot and did some drinking but never had any problems being addicted.
Can anyone help me understand how you can do something to cause you to loose your children,freedom, even your life? :B:B:B:B:B

I am a police officer and deal with meth addicts everyday. The best thing for them is to let them stay in jail for a long time. Prison is the best re-hab.

[D in Georgia]

I am in agreement. Jail might just save her life. I am praying for you, your daughter and those precious children. D

[turtledove]

Dani has given you a good reply which pretty well sums up anything I would also say. Having said that though,

I would ask you to pray and especially that you can get passed this anger. I can understand the anger..and can really relate to that; but it won't do you nor her any good and could get worse.

Addictions can hang on and those addicted don't always get over them easily no matter how much help they get from agencies and parents who are trying to help. But just that she has received so much help so far is indicative of God's help. We don't always know why it takes some longer than others to be free and recovered.

We do know that you should not give up and that you should continue to lend your love and support as she goes through this again. Right now I agree with others here that confinement is the best thing so that she won't continue.

Even though her return to drugs is hard on you and not something you will ever approve (and rightly so) it will help you and her to forgive her once again.

How many times do you forgive? Remember the words of Jesus to Peter when Peter asked.."Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times? Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." (Matt. 18:21b-22)

We are not professional counselors on this website; but simply Christians who give advice from a biblical viewpoint. Hopefully some who have been freed from drug addiction will be joining us in giving you replies here. But, you should certainly be talking to your pastor or others who can give you help and support beyond anything we can give you here as you can talk to them face to face.

My heartfelt prayers for all of you today. :pray:

Your sister in Christ,

wiseoldowl

[white rose]

i know the feeling, it realy hurts!!!
two of my kids used drugs, they went for help and it was painfull to go through rehab with them, but i did it.
they are clean now for a year and my worries will never go away.......will they do it again?
good luck to you
a mother that knows

[Lyndie]

Hi Kjo. I am a recovering alcoholic, so maybe I can give you some insight. One of the first things I learned is that addiction isn't the actual problem, it is a symptom of a bigger problem. There is something in her life that she is running from, or trying to get by getting high. Until she understands that and deals with it, the addiction will be there. Jail is probably the best place for her, for her own safety. There is nothing you can do to make her stop. It has to be her choice, and as a parent I know it can be difficult to sit and watch our children head down a destructive path. Be there, support her, but do not enable her. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.

[KJo]

Thank-you all for your replies and prayers.

I know what y'all have said is true, and even if we were financially able to pay bond again I don't think we would. I know she is safe where she is at.

A year and a half ago she was a stay at home mom, then she left her husband and agreed to joint custody of the kids,which that was fine.
Then along comes this fellow who she just LOVES so much, and he has helped her destroy her life. She never did drugs or even drank much until then. I know she could have gotten into all this without him but I can't help but think he pushed her into some of it. He was arrested last night too though so maybe this will put and end to that.

I do love her with all my heart and I know I will get over the mad in time.
She and her full sister are daughters of my heart instead of daughters of my blood. They were only 6 and 2 when my husband and I got married.

Thank you all once again for your prayers and any more suggestions on how to deal with it will be appreciated.

[moonglow]

I am so sorry you and especially her children and everyone involved is having to deal with this. Drugs destroy lives and families everyday and its really hard for us that haven't gone through this to understand. Here is a link I hope helps:

NIDA InfoFacts: Understanding Drug Abuse and Addiction (http://www.nida.nih.gov/Infofacts/understand.html)

Many people do not understand why individuals become addicted to drugs or how drugs change the brain to foster compulsive drug abuse. They mistakenly view drug abuse and addiction as strictly a social problem and may characterize those who take drugs as morally weak. One very common belief is that drug abusers should be able to just stop taking drugs if they are only willing to change their behavior. What people often underestimate is the complexity of drug addiction—that it is a disease that impacts the brain and because of that, stopping drug abuse is not simply a matter of willpower. Through scientific advances we now know much more about how exactly drugs work in the brain, and we also know that drug addiction can be successfully treated to help people stop abusing drugs and resume their productive lives. (read the rest at the link)

While this article addresses most of the reasons why...it doesn't address the spiritual affects or needs for these people. So many times they go to rehab and do well for awhile then start doing the drugs again, knowing full well the cost...I think its because no spiritual healing has taken place.

Remember in the bible it says if a demon is cast out of a person, seven more will come back to take its place....if the person's house is 'empty'...meaning while the demon was cast out the Holy Spirit didn't come in to fill that person...they are left empty.

Luke 11

24 “When an evil spirit leaves a person, it goes into the desert, searching for rest. But when it finds none, it says, ‘I will return to the person I came from.’ 25 So it returns and finds that its former home is all swept and in order. 26 Then the spirit finds seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they all enter the person and live there. And so that person is worse off than before.”

Adam Clark's bible commentary

The last state of that man is worse than the first.
His soul, before influenced by the Spirit of God, dilated and expanded under its heavenly influences, becomes more capable of refinement in iniquity, as its powers are more capacious than formerly. Evil habits are formed and strengthened by relapses; and relapses are multiplied, and become more incurable, through new habits.

Each time they replase it gets worse and worse and worse. She has got to repent and turn to God in order to escape this completely and be filled with the Holy Spirit so she won't fill the emptiness inside of her with drugs again. I really think this is why so many never break free from drug addiction...their only choices are jail or death. Which is truly horrible.

Think of it this way...IF she were happy and healthy and 'her self'...she would never choose to lose her freedom let alone her children! You have to realize you aren't dealing with 'her' anymore...but the addiction...but in a way..an evil spirit that has its grips on her...

Jail never cures anyone though...unless something inside can change and only God can do that..

Pray for her like you never prayed before. That would be my advise. And get everyone you know...church members, family, etc, to pray for her too. I will pray for her too. To not just be free from these drugs...but to find freedom in Christ.

God bless

[Walking the Walk]

If it's any consolation, a friend of mine caught his 17 year old son with drugs...guess what he (as a Father) did? He brought him to the police station himself and slapped the drugs right down in front of him while the police had him in the questioning room! My friend said that really got him! So, don't be discouraged if your daughter is in jail...that's what corrections are there for... at least she's not getting away with it, leave it to the authorities and God...

[livingwaters]

The ONLY ONE who can deliver her with no withdrawals or no more desires is our LORD. She will have to be at the very bottom of her resources, with none left, and she will call on the name of Jesus. I am here to tell you that our God, can and will come right on in, when we call HIS name. HE did it for me and HE will do it for "whosoever" asks!!! Praise YOU, LORD!! KEEP ON PRAYING. That is our connector to the Father. HE will call her in when HE thinks she's ready....Amen.

If you can, try to send her some Gospel tracts. Don't shut your heart down to her, cause God says to forgive. Our prayers get blocked when we know what we have to do and don't. Do not speak aloud what the devil wants you to say, but speak aloud, Glory to God...Cast all your cares upon HIM; HIS yoke is light!!!

God Bless and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.:hug:

[fuzzi]

There, but for the grace of God, could be any of us, myself included.

You have my sympathy, KJo, and my prayers. :hug:

[baxpack7]

Hi Kjo,I hope that you are doing well when you see my post.

First of all, let me tell you that my sympathy and prayers are with you and your daughter. I understand what you are going through because I've been there. But not from your side, from the other side.

You see, I'm a recovering drug addict. I didn't sell or do meth, but I did do things like smoke crack and pot. I snorted cocaine and heroin. I dropped acid and took pills and....well you get the picture.

I stopped because God intervened and spoke to me (see my signature below) and I listened. It sounds to me like God is speaking to your daughter and she's choosing not to listen right now. Sometimes we have to fall all the way to the bottom of the barrel in order to see the light above us

I'm not saying to stop praying or give up...not at all. What I'm saying is that maybe incarceration is not the worst thing. In jail, you certainly have plenty of time to think. Visit her, take her a bible, tracts, anything to reach out to her in a loving way. I've been in jail for drugs and other things as well and definitely had lots of thinking time. My jail time was limited and so was my thinking time, except for "I need to get out of here", but if someone had reached out to me in jail, I might not have had to go to the extreme to finally see the light.

Yes there's a demonic influence and yes prayer is most assuredly needed. Question is, does she really want to stop? I say, just be there for her when she reaches up from the bottom of that barrel and give her the love and attention she needs. And when she does, then realize that it's hard to stay straight. You need to help her set up accountability partners because trust is a hard thing to come by especially when you are coming down off drugs. The good thing is, when she gets out she'll be de-toxed and on the road to recovery.:hug:

I've rambled a bit, but I felt led to respond to your post. I know that everyone who has posted in this thread thus far is trying to be helpful, but only one has mentioned some experience with addictions. That doesn't mean that what they offered wasn't good words-just less experienced.

I hope that what I've put down here is somewhat of a help for you and I pray that you have a God-blessed day.:pray:

[KJo]

One of Ashley's jailers called tonight to tell us some things she needed, and said she was doing okay. We can't go see her til Sunday, that is the only visitation day.

Yes I am still mad but moving more toward acceptance that this is how it is going to have to be.

I love her so much and my heart is breaking because I have always been able to help fix things for my children but this is way to much for me to handle. But I know that the one that is able will do what he knows is best.

I used to have a gardening knee pad. Looks like I need to find it as I am going to be spending more time on my knees, and they ain't what they used to be. :)

Once again thanks for the encouragement and prayers.I will let you know if anything changes.

God Bless you all.
Jo

[dena_cat]

Kjo, I have been where your daughter is and not that long ago. My original charge was high level trafficking. It carried a 10 year to life mandatory sentence. I am ver grateful that the charge was reduced to possession with intent and transportation. That was Gods doing not mine. 20 years ago I arrested on distrubition charges on marijuana. Yes my story is a lot like your daughters. My first husband introduced me to drugs. I am a believer that prison doesn't do anyone any good. I have known people who went to prison and came out worse than when they went in. I have been in 3 rehabs, 2 where for my meth use, and relapsed twice in the last 20 years. From my own experience with my addiction I can only tell you that unless she wants to get clean and stay clean she won't. Meth is a hard drug to get off of and stay off of. It is the worse. One thing that you might think about doing is seeing if the jail has a Pastor on staff. If so see if you can get him to go talk to her or when you see her on Sunday ask her if she will talk to the Pastor. This last time I was in jail going to the church services they had, going to the AA, NA and CA meetings, and talking with the pastor helped me alot. Not only did it help me with being in jail and with the fears I had about going to prison but also helped me get a little closer to God and my savior Jesus Christ. I hope this helps. My mom knows exactly how you feel. It helped me to knowing that she was still standing behind me and supporting me thru it all and is still supporting me today. The best thing you can do for her now is to stand behind her and let her know that you are supporting her and are there for her.

Dena:hug:

[Borean]

I have been a difficult daughter in the past and hope things get better for you. I cannot imagine what you are going through and I thought *I* had it bad.

[Dauwq]

I am praying with you....Been down this road before and it really does hurt. Know this that only God can provide the awnsers and only God can give you the peace.


Anger does not solve it.



Feelin your pain

Dauwq:pray::hug:

[turtledove]

Hi Jo, seems like you are doing much better today...:hug:

I am joining the others here to let you know that you are in my prayers. :pray:

I have a daughter, now an adult, who was once on cocaine when she was in high school twenty years ago. She didn't get addicted but it was close and she acted out a lot at school and at home. At the time I was recovering from major surgery and going through chemotherapy treatment for cancer; so that made dealing with it all the more difficult. I don't know how we could have got through it without the help of the Lord. He is definitely there and I know you know that.

Before ours got to college she stopped and never went back to using and now has a successful career. She is not in Christian fellowship so we still pray for her often and try to lend the support she will accept.

It is hard and so hard to see how they get and how this adversely affects their lives.

This scripture has always spoken so much to me; so am sharing it with you.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.

peace...

your sister in Christ,

wiseoldowl :)

[CoffeeCat]

I just wanted to let you know I'm praying for you and your family, and will be keeping you in my prayers. :hug:

[KJo]

Just a update
I wanted to let y'all know that my husband went to see Ashley today and she is doing as well as can be expected seeing as where she is at. I didn't go because one of my other daughters was baptised today after Church. I struggled over where to go and finally decided to go celebrate with Sarah.

Ashley's bond has been set at $140,000. So shes going to be there at least until trial, probably longer. But the one other thing she asked for was her Life Recovery Bible she got in rehab. I'm going to take it to her tomorrow along with a long letter telling her how much I love her and how many people are praying for her. I won't be able to see her but they will give it to her.

Love in Christ,
Jo

[baxpack7]

Thanks for the update Kjo.
We will continue to keep your family in our prayers and hope that this situation can be resolved as quickly as possible. I will say that it is wonderful news that she requested her bible. That's a really good sign. Keep up your prayers as well.
God bless

[steelerbabe]

I am praying for all of you:pray: My sister in law passed away two years from abusing drugs:( She went to jail three times, lost custody of her three sons and went to re-hab several times all to no avail. Anytime someone mentioned God and salvation she would get angry. Everyone has free will and we must continue to pray for them and leave it in God's hand:hug:

[KJo]

We went to see ashley in jail yesterday.
Her boyfriend got bailed out and she is convinced that he is somehow going to get her out of this by making some kind of deal with the authorities. I'll believe it when I see it.

She looked well, but spent most of her time talking to me trying to justify her use of meth. 'Mama it is not like before we weren't doing it all the time" ..yada, yada, yada.
The only time she seemed real was right before she had to leave I told her prayers were being said for her all over the place and for her to remember that no matter what I would love her always.
Then she broke down and cried and I felt like I saw my Ashley for those last few seconds.
Please continue to remember her in your prayers

God Bless
Jo

[fuzzi]

Hugs for you and prayers for all. :hug:

[KJo]

I got a letter from Ashley yesterday, and the tone of the letter was filled with anger toward her Daddy and me.
Things like: I do not deserve to be here in jail, I can't believe y'all are not bonding me out of here, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing somebody I loved was in here, and so on.

This really hurt us. Though we know intellectually that none of this is our fault it's hard to know that she thinks we are just being mean I guess.
It's not like we have the thousands of dollars it would take to get her out and she knows that. I refuse to go borrow the money from the bank, it's hard enough to pay the bills we allready have.

Her boyfriend got bonded out about a week and a half ago and she is still writing him. He can't go see her because he is not immediate family, thank you Jesus!!
She ended the letter with the threat if Joey gets the money and bonds me out I will be going back with him, like shes trying to get us to hurry up and beat him to the punch, so to speak. I 'm not to worried about that he doesn't even have a job so how does she figure he can help her??
My belief is thet she will go back with him if and when she gets out reguardless unless her heart changes, that being the one reason I had rather her be where she is.

I'm assuming this anger toward us the people who love her so is a stage that will pass, and that maybe everybody who is having to face the reality of their addictions and their consequences goes through? :dunno:

[Vhayes]

KJo - I think your last sentence pretty much sums it up. Also, as you said, she is wanting to try and make you feel guilty for where she has found herself when in truth, it was all based on her decisions.

The boyfriend will move on to another person. No worries there. Good timers have no idea what to do when bad times come.

Just keep praying and loving her. She is angry with herself and taking it out on everyone she knows will still love her no matter how badly she treats them. This to shall pass.
V

[Diddits]

Kjo,

I have a close friend who has watched her oldest teenage son lose himself in drugs and is now watching her 14 year old follow in his footsteps.

She knows it was never "her" plan for these things to happen. It has tested her faith and brought her to moments of extreme brokeness. While she has been angry with her kids and angry with God at times, she, like you hits her knees and prays her heart out when it all feels like too much. Out of her brokeness has come renewed trust as she has handed over the reins so to speak to God who she knows has a plan that she perhaps doesn't understand at this time.

While I could never to presume to know what you're going through, please know that I WILL BE PRAYING for you, your daughter and your family.

Hang in there and God Bless you.

[cheech]

Can anyone help me understand how you can do something to cause you to loose your children,freedom, even your life?

When a person is addicted to something, the craving is so strong that nothing else matters. Things that should matter don't which is everything you mentioned. That is how addiction works. I'm reminded of the following verse:

1 Corinthians 6:12
"Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything.

When something masters us, we are a slave to it and this is what's happened with your daughter. It's hard for many to understand and believe this but it's true. It's like your body is starved for it. If you've never been addicted to anything, think of it this way...imagine not eating for a few days and then having a plate of wonderful smelling food put in front of you. The temptation to eat would be so strong most people would not be able to contain themselves. They would automatically dive in even if told not too. They crave it...they need it. That is how addictions are.

As for what your daughter said (in your last post)...this is normal behavior for an addict...the guilt trip. They can't understand why you would do such a thing as to leave them in jail and don't see themselves as wrong and yes, they will justify their use. The best thing for her is to remain in jail as hard as it is for you and your husband. She needs to reap the consequences of her actions. Bailing her out time after time will only make it worse. Continue reassuring her of your love. I know her words hurt but they are words of an addict who only wants to get back to her old way of life. Pray for God to shield you from the pain of her words and to help you see things through God's eyes. Ask Him for guidance and strength. Don't give up hope and pray for her daily. :hug: