Any other couples work opposite shifts?

[mrsparks]

How do you find time to talk when issues come up? The only time we have to talk at all is when one of us is either working or sleeping. It really makes it difficult when you really need some time to sit down & hash something out. Sometimes things just can't wait until the weekend.
TIA!

[Ascender]

One of the ways we talked was to take a shower together. 9 years of my working nights and her days we had to scrape and sometimes lose sleep to have time together and it is NOT easy. I am glad to have a "normal" life now, but I would shower before going to bed, she would shower before going to work, and so sharing a shower was a good way to talk, scratch each others back and be romantic as well. She loves me washing her hair.

[RabbiKnife]

Me taking a shower with my wife is not conducive to talking.:cool:


My wife and I worked opposite shifts for 3 years while I was in grad school.

You have to work diligently to plan communication time.

[mrsparks]

We talk throughout the day via IM, email & telephone. Normal daily communication isn't the problem. Issues arise between couples that need substantial face time. How do you handle that?

[revrobor]

My wife and I worked opposite ends of the day and it's something I never cared for as it really doesn't give us "together" time even since I've retired. Not that we have "issues" to resolve. We don't. Neither do we argue or fight. But perhaps that's because after 39 plus years of marriage we know each other and respect each others needs. We really are total opposites and have learned to respect that.

[mdc406]

For the first four years that my wife and I were married we worked opposite shifts. I worked the normal 7:30AM - 4:30 PM as a Draftsman. She worked 5:00PM - 2:00 AM as Assist Manager of a Convenient Store.

When I got home from work I would give her a kiss and send her off to work, set the VCR to record our favorite shows, eat a quick bite and go to bed. I would wake up and shower just before she got home. We would eat together and watch the progams I had recorded. I would leave for work and she would go to sleep and and wake up in time to be ready to leave when I got home. This really worked out OK for us. Sometimes instead of watching TV we would go do our grocery shopping. We had a 24hr. market close to where we lived. 2:30 AM - 7:00 AM is a pretty good chunk of time to spend together (especially when the rest of the world is asleep. lol)

[mrsparks]

I wish I could get up when he gets home. He works similar hours to what your wife did, mdc. But I have kids, so I can't go to bed early enough. I appreciate you all sharing your experiences. I think we are just going to have to learn to delay those serious discussions until the weekends when we really have time for them. We sat down this past weekend & worshipped together, then prayed together, then discussed our communication problems in depth. We wrote down steps for each of us to take to avoid turning the discussion into a big fight. I know that if we try to honor God, even in disagreement, He will move in our marriage.

[My_King]

I know, I'm coming in a bit late! :)

To share my experiences....My husband works 2nd shift and I work from a day shift from 8 am - 5 pm. So, I'm asleep when he gets home at 1 am and he's snoozing when I wake up at 6!

We've been married 15 years and 10 of those has been working this shift so this is how we handle it:

We tend to talk MUCH better on the weekends because it's given us time during the week to "cool off" if the topic is a touchy one! I know many times I'd be grumbly and negative and angry at him on Wednesday only to be calmed down and more eager to work on the issue and not take it out on him by Saturday! LOL

Also - we use e-mail and phone calls OFTEN during the week. He calls me every single dinner break he gets. It's amusing to think we balance our check book, discuss upcoming appointments, events, schedules, grocery lists, household needs, etc....during our 30 min's of dinner time phone conversation. But it DOES work. He's committed to calling me every day on his break, I'm committed to be in a position to have that "Us" time on the phone. In other words, I'm not out shopping or having coffee with my girl friends when I know it's time for him to call me.

We also "Share" our days by doing things for each other every day. I know this sounds absurd. But he'll take things to the cleaners for me on his way to work at 2 PM. I'll pick up things for him after I get off of work at 5 pm. By doing things for EACH OTHER every day like that, it's almost as if we've "shared" that moment. I could drop the cleaning off myself after 5 pm, but having HIM do it makes it like he was a part of my day and visa versa.

This is not an easy life, for sure! I understand. Sometimes, I feel like a widow! LOL Not really. But I did have a period of time where I cried out to God and asked why can't I have a normal work schedule with my family? ** sigh ** So I feel for you.

I do know some couples who wish they had this type of work schedule to prevent them from having to pay childcare expenses. I keep that in mind sometimes when I get really self absorbed and wishing my life would run the way I THINK IT SHOULD GO. I'm blessed. Too bad I don't always see it that way.

[mrsparks]

My King, thank you for posting! The trouble I have is being able to wait until the weekend to talk about something. I have a hard time dealing with everyday activities when there is an unresolved issue.

Yes, there are definitely advantages to someone being at the house almost all the time. We do not have child care & my husband has been able to take the kids to medical appointments so I didn't have to take time off work.