I really need some help, because I cant think clearly right now

[EaglesWINGS911]

My boyfriend and i have been together for three months now. I have never before met a sweeter, kinder, more mature Christian man than he is.
He was hurt badly in a past relationship that he is still recovering from, and so am I. I really believe I love him, but I have had a poor way of showing him. He isn't there at the "love" yet but he has shown me more love and respect and true care than any man ever has.
My problems in life mainly boil down to selfishness. I think of myself first in just about any situation. I'm really insecure, fearful, and I have problems being criticized about anything. I'm also really anxious and get stressed out or depressed easily. I'm in college, working, and trying to maintain relationships and I've been trying to do this basically all by myself...without God...except I've been stressing and dumping all my issues on my poor boyfriend. He has school , work, activities and friends with plenty of stress of his own and I have been hurting our relationship. Things came to a head when I finally admitted how I had been acting and asked for forgivness. I was changing some, he started to see a difference and then...last night...I blew it. His best friend just had a major crisis happen and I was aggrevated last night because he was paying more attention to him than to ME ME ME. As a result, I basically left the restaurant we were at with my friend and we went to her friend's house where I proceeded to down a pint of Smirnoff in about 15 min. I was reaching for her bottle that was 3/4 of the way full when her friends pulled it away and said I was going too fast. I got drunk for the first time in my life. Not falling over, cant stand up but tripping, goofy, all around stupid drunk. And I meant to do it. I wanted to get drunk, because I didn't care, and I was depressed and I wanted a quick fix. And I wound up sittin in the basement of my friend's friend (whom I didnt know) and inhaling secondhand smoke and listening to their stories about getting busted for weed. I actually remember everything, and vividly remember the thought that scared the you know what out of me..."your gonna wind up just like your grandfather" FYI..my grandfather was a great guy who just happened to be an alchoholic who skipped out on my grandma and dad frequently and died when my dad was 15. Between that and how the night had went, I cried almost the entire night when we made it home. I confessed to my bf tonight what I had done. Amazingly he wasnt mad but he was extremely worried and heartsick about me. He didn't even break up with me which I figured would happen. I was so scared of that but I knew I had to tell him. I confessed everything and asked for forgiveness but told him that if he wanted to break up or take a break, I understood after all that happened. But he's still with me. And I can't understand it, I'm so thankful and so undeserving. I have hurt my family, my love, my friends, myself and most of ....my god in the process of all of this. I want my life to change for the better. I dont want to be afraid I dont want to be anxious I dont want to be insecure and I dont want to be selfish anymore....at all. I want to change, but Im not sure how to make it last. I dont really know what to do. Please, any prayers, advice, encouragement...if you want to tongue lash me, I would understand. I just need help...

[SweetSomber]

You sound rather desperate, and depressed.
It sounds like your boyfriend makes you feel better, but when he didn't, you turned to alcohol to make yourself feel better. Needing to feel better outlines a deeper problem - what is so sad about your life that you need a fix?

I don't judge you, I just want to help, I wanna understand what is hurting you, so that you can heal, and then joyfully serve God.

[DaniHansen]

My problems in life mainly boil down to selfishness.

Yours, and everyone else's.

But we're often selfish because we've been mistreated and haven't fully forgiven and surrendered those things to God and allowed Him to restore us and move us past them. And so we carry around these chips on our shoulders and our own walls of self-protection around us, and of course they're going to interfere with our relationships because no matter how much we love somebody, that's just another person we think we have to protect ourselves from, and try to manipulate and control, lest they, too, turn on us and hurt us.

Ask God to help you let go of the past so you can live in the presence and have a non-dysfunctional future, eh? :hug:

[karenoka27]

Before confessing to your boyfriend, you needed to confess your actions to the Lord. It's not too late to do so. You ran to something instead of "Someone" in your time of weakness.

As far as the boyfriend,it's only been a few months.Take your time and relax and enjoy the relationship. It sounds like you may be pressuring him to "love" you without realizing it.

You seem like you have a lot going for you with school and all. Don't lose sight of that. Keep doing what you are doing...and seek the Lord in everything you do and every desire you have.

[EaglesWINGS911]

I am so scared and I dont know why all this is happening. One moment I'm fine and several hours later I'm angry or crying and having these deep dark depressing thoughts, i dont know what to do, or how to change this and Im tired of feeling like a pendulum is swinging back and forth. I'm gonna lost everyone around me if this keeps happening...but what on earth do I do? Honestly, I dont realy believe God is going to help me and I dont know why I feel this way...

[SweetSomber]

Is it possible that you are bi-polar?

[daughter]

Hi Hisprincess.

It is possible that you're depressed... not necessariliy bipolar, but you could have some clinical health issues which need to be looked into. Sometimes hormones can play into things.

I would see a doctor for a blood test, describe your symptoms, get your blood sugars tested, levels of vitamins (sometimes B deficiencies can lead to depression and anxiety, or thyroid problems.)

Just to let you know, I've been there too. And yes, it's stupid, and selfish, and wrong... and in just the same way as you feared the worst when you told your boyfriend, and he still cared, God absolutely cares... and unlike your boyfriend, He'll definitely never give up.

Keep taking it to God, repenting before Him... and get yourself to the doctor to be checked out. There's no shame in it, if there are physical elements tied in.

I've suffered clinical depression before, and you really can feel out of control, depressed, falling to pieces.

Here's some advice for you... get your Bible, and start reading it. I would advise reading through psalms, slowly, prayerfully... when something is triggered in your spirit, pray what is given you to pray.

And at bed time, start reading through one of the gospels.

If anything comes up in your scripture reading, questions, insights, whatever... post it here so we can share with you and pray along with you.

Look after yourself sister. :hug:

[EaglesWINGS911]

Thank you so much daughter! I'm going to start on that tonight. I really need to get an appointment with the doctor soon. I've been thinking about that and I think I should call tomorrow and make one.

[livingwaters]

Praying for you, Sister!!! Take it to the Lord....HE can fix anything...HE loves us sooooo much. HIS love alone is enough to give you peace and joy unspeakable. Pray, pray, pray....take a deep breath and quit trying to force things in all areas of your life....Hey, let Jesus drive your bus!!!!! :pp:pp:pp

God Bless:)

[EaglesWINGS911]

Thank you so much, I'm doing it little by little each day, with God's strength. I'm fighting this with God because I'm trying to break the stronghold that I need "something" anything + God to equal my freedom and happiness. Not so. I'm gonna follow his lead on this one. It starts with one thought, refuting the bad, repeating the good. For anyone who thinks that they just have a little insecurity problem, or a little fear or a little jealousy or they just cant handle stress...I never thought that I would actually be facing a potential problem with alchohol if I kept going down that road. Before any sin presents a outward manifestation, it begins quietly, inwardly with accepting a single thought. This is where the battle really is. What we believe, not just the very act of accepting Christ..that's only the beginning...this is fighting for your life right now, while you live on earth.

[DaniHansen]

Amen. Because as a man thinks in his heart, so is he.

Let this mind be therefore in you that was also in Jesus ....

... and bring every thought into captivity to Him. :)

[EaglesWINGS911]

I'm writing this with a broken heart and tears in my eyes. Saturday night he picked me up from work, took me to dinner, i thought he wanted to see me..he drove to the park and proceeded to tell me that he thought we should take a break. It's over. Once again I have been betrayed and heartbroken by a guy --i went way too fast into this relationship and was led on. Now I'm devastated. I feel alone, I feel helpless, and most of all there is an ache in my heart that hurts worse than any pain ive ever had. I love him..I miss him..and I'm devastated he doesnt feel the same about me. :cry:
I know I have to lean on God. I dont have any strength left. This is the second time this has happened to me...and within a year. I am hurting so so so bad. I can't even eat, and all I want to do is sleep..to forget about the pain. I dont know why this is happening to me, I dont understand. I just need peace, and I need to know that God loves me, I need to feel his arms around me and hold me tight because I have never felt so unloved and so rejected in my whole life. I'm fighting to keep going, to work, to go to school, to live normally..this has shaken me so much. He was such a big part of my life..too big, and I tried to make him something only God should have been. Now I'm heartbroken...desperate for love only God can give. Please pray for me, and pray for him also. Any encouragement will help...I really need help right now, because I know this may not seem a big deal to others, but I really really love that guy...and I'm just heartsick over this.:cry:

[daughter]

It does seem like a big deal to me. I know just how you feel... it really is a physical pain.

Every time you feel like crying, just cry, and cry out to God. Everytime you remember that you hurt, turn that hurt out towards God. Talk to Him, repent before Him... because yes, it's so easy to make the man you love a little god. Perhaps He has removed this temptation from your life for a season, so that you will turn fully to Him.

I loved my husband so much he was an idol to me, and it took a desperate wrench for me to realise that God alone is God, and He alone is constant. The love of your life, even if that love is returned, can never ever fill the ache and the gap inside you... only God can fill that void.

I will pray for you, because I do believe that what you are feeling is very much like bereavement. But I'll also offer you a bit of advice. You're feeling heart broken and betrayed by two men in a year. That sounds as though you were on the rebound when you met your last boyfriend. It also does sound like you need to see a doctor. Have you seen anyone? There really could be a chemical component in what is going on.

But sweetheart, most importantly. Be encouraged. My son was reading psalm 51 today, and he laughed out loud he was so happy by one verse in it... that God will cause even our broken bones to rejoice. (My son was beaten up recently, and has a fractured cheekbone.)

In every single bad thing that happens, it is possible to see God's goodness. The bad things that happen are not His doing, but they can still be part of His plan.

Accept that He is God. He breaks us to heal us, and I pray that you will soon feel His healing peace in your life.

[EaglesWINGS911]

I loved my husband so much he was an idol to me, and it took a desperate wrench for me to realise that God alone is God, and He alone is constant. The love of your life, even if that love is returned, can never ever fill the ache and the gap inside you... only God can fill that void.

That is exactly how I feel. I know that this was God's will for him to be taken out of my life. I feel as if God was preparing me for this, He even tried to tell me that he was going to have to leave, but I ignored it as just my fears of losing Him. The other night when I was crying out to God and pouring out my heart and buckets of tears..I asked WHY? Why this heartbreak again? Why over one I love so much? And he answered me..."so that I can heal you" :cry: I was heartbroken but I knew that He was right. There have been so many hurts, so much insecurity, so much pain in my life that I have never allowed the Lord to come in and heal..fully. I have never had to live and breathe Scripture and put the full force of my weight on my Heavenly Father. It's scary, it's lonely, but I know He is going to make it better. I still have moments, I walk into a room and see someone tall and dark, and I think it's him for split second. I hear a song that was "ours'' and it brings tears to my eyes. I think about him going on with his life..other girls, and it tears me up. But I know it will get better, that it's getting better every day.
He hasn't talked to me in two days, not even a text message. So I know that it's over, and I don't think he will ever come back. But I have Jesus, so it's going to be ok.
I am so thankful for the precious friends God has sent my way. Two of my friends , one who is Florida going to school and another in California told me to call them at 3 am if I just need to talk or sob. Yesterday, Jesus helped me to hold it all together, but when I told some of my friends what happened, they were so kind. The guy that sits next to me in english class kept asking me if I was going to be ok. My english proffesor (who is a Christian) gave me a hug and encouraged me to hang onto Jesus and believe him for good things. He told me how God brought a wonderful lady, now his wife, into his life,after his divorce. Two of my guy friends called me after school, one offered me a ride home, one said anytime I needed someone to talk to he was there. One of my friends brought me coffee, another just gave me a hug and a laugh. God is truly watching over me and has me in his arms. Jesus is becoming more real to me, I can feel more of his presence, I KNOW he is there. When I read and pray his word, the words come alive...they make me cry at times because it feels like the person writing was reading my mind and crying out to God with the same hurt I feel and needing the same comfort I need.
*Deep breathe* This is so difficult, not a minute goes by he doesnt cross my mind, but Jesus is starting to replace those thoughts, and I know this is good.



In every single bad thing that happens, it is possible to see God's goodness. The bad things that happen are not His doing, but they can still be part of His plan.

Daughter, your words here are nearly exactly what my friend molly said to me the other day. That God doesnt make bad things happen in our life, but he works ALL things to our good. I keep reminding myself that He knows the plans He has for me, GOOD plans, not bad and they are to give me a hope and future (Jer.29:11) I'm asking Jesus to become more real for me each day, and to give me dreams again. I need prayer for protection because my heart and mind are so so vulnerable right now. I need encouragement and it's an encouragement to just have this place to come and talk to others who won't judge and will pray and give Godly encouragement and wisdom. Thanks so much for that.

[JesusReignsForever]

I can only speak from my experiences so just know I'm not judging you but this is how it was for me and I see some patterns of myself in your story. :hug:

It is IMPOSSIBLE to love someone else truly if you first dont know the love of God. I am and have stumbled upon that down a long agonizing road. I have been is several relationships lasting a couple of months or so quickly and dangerously falling in love everytime...even a couple of times there were talks of marriage. I would put 100% of my love and affection into whom ever I was dating sometimes i even put my job or education at risk to keep my love life a float...when things got bad in my relationship I'd turn to drugs n alcohol to try n fill the gap in my heart n soul. I never realized what I was really doing to myself both spiritually and mentally. Its something about the haze of sin that really keeps you from seeing the light. I would come to God only when I myself had run out of quick fixes and was left bruised, beaten, and naked mentally and spiritually speaking. It was a horrible road I just recently got out of a relationship were I was planning on marrying this guy again trying to make my relationship God approved although I was living and committing sins left n right. It took for this man I was so deeply in "love" with to cheat on me with another man and give me an std before I FINALLY WOKE UP!!

I am now turned off from dating because I allowed my desires of man's love to take me over instead of giving my all and all to true love which is in Jesus Christ. Now I am experiencing what TRUE LOVE is...what God's love is really like...I refuse to give myself to anyone else but God because to know love is to know God.
GOD IS LOVE

I share this with you so that you may learn from my mistakes and turn to GOD, he the best companion ever and he will teach you how to really love and be loved. God is eternal all these things here on earth are going to pass away why not put your all and all into God. Be encouraged :hug:

Think of yourself as a precious rose in God's garden..with every relationship after the hurts n pains go by your shedding your rose petals hoping from one relationship to the next your losing more and more rose petals until finally your left with nothing but thorns....I believe that is how it is when we constantly give our love and hearts away...but thankfully God is an excellent gardener he knows how to restore us completly back to that beautiful rose we once were but we must first commit to him completly and allow him to bring the change! :hug:

[JesusMySavior]

I think everyone has covered most of what needed to be said.

However, there are a few things I'd like to touch on, HISprincess90...

your friends that are drinking and smoking are negative influences that are leading you down the wrong path. Ask God to give you some Godly friends who will help you through this crisis or else you will just be turning to alcohol for healing.

as for your boyfriend, i don't think it's right for you to be angry with him. You told him you would understand if he wanted to take a break, and when he did, your emotions exploded and now he's "led you on the whole time" and have been "heartbroken" by "just another guy". This could possibly be what he was seeing in you that was developing. Perhaps he prayed to God and God told him to back off for awhile so God could deliver you from this.

This isn't the end, and if you two don't reconcile this relationship, it doesn't mean you're a horrible person or vice versa. God's got it all figured out, but His agenda is to fix you first, not make you happy with a boyfriend.

"...Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him. " (1 Cor. 2:9)

God bless you and heal you my friend.

[EaglesWINGS911]

I think everyone has covered most of what needed to be said.

However, there are a few things I'd like to touch on, HISprincess90...

your friends that are drinking and smoking are negative influences that are leading you down the wrong path. Ask God to give you some Godly friends who will help you through this crisis or else you will just be turning to alcohol for healing.

as for your boyfriend, i don't think it's right for you to be angry with him. You told him you would understand if he wanted to take a break, and when he did, your emotions exploded and now he's "led you on the whole time" and have been "heartbroken" by "just another guy". This could possibly be what he was seeing in you that was developing. Perhaps he prayed to God and God told him to back off for awhile so God could deliver you from this.

This isn't the end, and if you two don't reconcile this relationship, it doesn't mean you're a horrible person or vice versa. God's got it all figured out, but His agenda is to fix you first, not make you happy with a boyfriend.

"...Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him. " (1 Cor. 2:9)

God bless you and heal you my friend.


I'm really not mad at him, just hurt, and confused. I miss him so much and I think about him all the time. I heard from him yesterday in a text, because I had asked him (after we hadnt spoken in three days) if he never wanted to speak to me again, or if he just needed space. He said he just wanted some space and would appreciate that right now. I understand. I've been trying to rely on God for what I need, and I want to learn how to do that. I feel like I've been doing a terrible job of it, because sometimes I feel the need to have flesh and blood to talk to, but I know that he's there and that He loves me and that he is listening. Today, I woke up and started praying and while I always pray for him, this morning I felt a sense..not sure whether it was urgency or importance..but I prayed, covering every area I could think of...and I still felt this, so I continued but I asked God to show me what He wanted me to ask for, and I believe he said "pray for Him to accept my love and to pour out his heart to me". I was a little weirded out by that. But that's ok, because I was thankful for the direction. Well this evening, his status on Fbook was from a christian rock song..fading...this is what he wrote... "wait, its all that I can take and every single day a part of my soul is fading, But now I am letting go some how I'm calling out his name...save me." He has often done this in the past when certain lyrics pertain to something going on or how he is feeling. I don't know what's going on, and I don't think I need to right now. I'm just going to put my trust, my love, my hope, and my all into Christ. If God should choose for us to be together, my heart's desire is for me and him to both be two healthy, whole, God-centered individuals. Thank you so much for the prayers they are much needed for us both right now.

[JesusMySavior]

I'm really not mad at him, just hurt, and confused. I miss him so much and I think about him all the time. I heard from him yesterday in a text, because I had asked him (after we hadnt spoken in three days) if he never wanted to speak to me again, or if he just needed space. He said he just wanted some space and would appreciate that right now. I understand. I've been trying to rely on God for what I need, and I want to learn how to do that. I feel like I've been doing a terrible job of it, because sometimes I feel the need to have flesh and blood to talk to, but I know that he's there and that He loves me and that he is listening. Today, I woke up and started praying and while I always pray for him, this morning I felt a sense..not sure whether it was urgency or importance..but I prayed, covering every area I could think of...and I still felt this, so I continued but I asked God to show me what He wanted me to ask for, and I believe he said "pray for Him to accept my love and to pour out his heart to me". I was a little weirded out by that. But that's ok, because I was thankful for the direction. Well this evening, his status on Fbook was from a christian rock song..fading...this is what he wrote... "wait, its all that I can take and every single day a part of my soul is fading, But now I am letting go some how I'm calling out his name...save me." He has often done this in the past when certain lyrics pertain to something going on or how he is feeling. I don't know what's going on, and I don't think I need to right now. I'm just going to put my trust, my love, my hope, and my all into Christ. If God should choose for us to be together, my heart's desire is for me and him to both be two healthy, whole, God-centered individuals. Thank you so much for the prayers they are much needed for us both right now.


Praying for you guys. God bless. :)

[EaglesWINGS911]

He cheated on me....I just found this out yesterday..two weeks after our breakup. Another cheater, another liar...I'm done with guys.

[CoffeeCat]

He cheated on me....I just found this out yesterday..two weeks after our breakup. Another cheater, another liar...I'm done with guys.

I just saw this now. I'm so sorry you're hurting so much. :hug: I think now's the time to let God draw you close, and let Him comfort you, love you, strengthen you. I know it hurts..... and please know you can talk here if you need a friend. I'm praying for you. :hug: