I'm tired of being lonely

[*Living~By~Faith*]

I'm so tired of being alone. I don't know how to meet anyone. I want a Godly man, someone that has the Lord first and foremost in his life. I go to a church that has over 200 people, but I still haven't found anyone at this church.

I've been thinking about checking out other churches in my areas to see if I may find someone at one of those churches.

I've tried the online dating and it didn't work because I want someone that is local and because I couldn't become a paid member to contact people I was interested in.

I've been looking through people's myspace pages to see if I could find any local guys within my age group, but I don't know what to do if I found anyone anyway.

I've told two or three people to let me know if they know anyone that may be interested in meeting me, but so far no one knows anyone.

I know a guy that used to go to my church that I've been thinking about contacting to see if he may not anyone. But I don't know how to do that without it coming off strangely.

Maybe it's seeing everyone around me being in relationships. Maybe it's because the guy that I've liked for so long stood right beside me last night and told his friends that got engaged last night. I just don't understand how or why some people can go from one relationship to another and yet some people can't even find one person to be with. This girl gets out of one marriage and is already headed into another one. She jumped into this relationship before her divorce was even final. I have bad feelings about this situation for this guy though. I just hope that he doesn't get hurt in the long run.

[Vhayes]

Hi Living -

I don't know if this will help you or not but I hope so. I've known people who are married who are more alone than they were when they were single. They live with a person they cannot relate to yet they have to share space and time with them. I can't think of much that would be worse than that, can you? Yet at one time, they thought they wanted to be married and were sure the other person would bring them happiness. And that's the fallacy - no one person can bring another lasting happiness.

God has you in His hand. He knows what you need and what you want. He knows your desires and your dreams. Turn it over to Him and allow Him to bring the people into your life that He would have you know, either as friends or as a life mate. Have you thought that maybe God is protecting you from this particular man because God knows he will make you miserable?

I hope this helps you. I know you are hurting and I am saddened by that. I will keep you in my prayers.
V

[*Living~By~Faith*]

I know this sounds stupid, but maybe I didn't hear him correctly. I thought he said that the reason he was late getting to church was because he proposed last night, but now I'm beginning to wonder if I just misunderstood him. He was a few feet away from me and no one responded with a congratulations. He was also talking about his brother and family moving back to town. He was excited that he'd have his niece and nephew back in his life. I wish I had a way to find out something before Wednesday, but I don't really have a way of finding out.

I know about loneliness in a marriage. My parents are like that and I had a friend that was in a marriage like that and now I guess that's what happened in my brother's marriage. I would much rather be alone and lonely than lonely with someone. I would much rather spend the rest of my life alone than to settle or be with someone that doesn't treat me right. Some days I think that I don't want to ever get married because of seeing how so many other's marriages have fallen apart.

But I just think it's going to be harder for me to find someone to share my life with because of my disability. I need someone that will understand and that will be there for me through the difficult times. I guess that's what has had me so interested in this guy, because we can relate to each other in ways that others can't.

[miepie]

Disability doesn't have to be a problem to meet Mr. Right.......
I am bedridden and severely disabled and I found someone too....... without going outside of the house! So that's not true........
What IS important is that you wait unto God to find you a matching partner..... His Timing is perfect....... finding someone just because you're lonely is no guarantuee at all for a happy marriage........ but waiting unto God to find you the perfect match is....... so just be patient........ :hug:

Love you,
Mieke :kiss:

[*Living~By~Faith*]

I guess I've beening holding on to the hope of something that isn't meant to be. But I don't know how to let go.

[miepie]

You will meet your Mr. Right at the right timing....... don't worry about that......
For now, build your relationship with Jesus as strong as you possibly can..... I remember my husband Charles tell me that one of the reasons he was attracted to me was because he knew that I loved God as much as he did......
That shouldn't be the reason why you're getting closer to Jesus, but it may help you to trust in Him a little bit more.......
I think I read in another post that you're getting two kittens...... believe me, you'll have your hands full on those two! :lol: I speak from experience there, and I had grown up cats when I was alone....... they kept me going....... they are wonderful company.......
Just enjoy those two and focus on Jesus........ and when the time is right, you'll meet the love of your dreams........ :hug:

Love you,
Mieke :kiss:

[*Living~By~Faith*]

I started talking to a guy on myspace today. He lives in my town and works at Wal-mart and we're the same age. He also said that he has type I diabetes and has to take dialysis because his kidneys are failing. I asked him if he goes to church when I emailed him, but he didn't answer that question. But on his profile, he did say something like he thanks God for every day that he has or something along those lines. The thought crossed my min about asking him if he'd like to visit my church sometime, but I don't know the best way to invite him without coming on strong. I also don't really know what else to really say to him right now. Knowing what to say was always a problem when I tried online dating. After the first few conversations, I wouldn't know what else to say.

[tango]

I started talking to a guy on myspace today. He lives in my town and works at Wal-mart and we're the same age. He also said that he has type I diabetes and has to take dialysis because his kidneys are failing. I asked him if he goes to church when I emailed him, but he didn't answer that question. But on his profile, he did say something like he thanks God for every day that he has or something along those lines. The thought crossed my min about asking him if he'd like to visit my church sometime, but I don't know the best way to invite him without coming on strong. I also don't really know what else to really say to him right now. Knowing what to say was always a problem when I tried online dating. After the first few conversations, I wouldn't know what else to say.

If you don't feel comfortable inviting him to your church you could always ask more direct questions about what his church is like. A lot of people say things like "I thank God" despite not having any concept of who or what God is. If it turns out he's not a Christian and just using the term "thank God" in a simplistic, throw-away fashion you're obviously better off not getting involved, other than as a platonic friend if you are inclined.

I guess I've beening holding on to the hope of something that isn't meant to be. But I don't know how to let go.

It's very easy to focus on finding that "someone special" to the point of driving them away, and to the point where the mission of finding someone ends up taking precedence over being close to God.

I've often found that if something is an ongoing distraction, it can be good to have a counter to it - perhaps someone to pray for. Every time you find yourself thinking about your distraction, pray for the person instead. Obviously the person has to be unrelated to the distraction or it doesn't help!

[*Living~By~Faith*]

Well we just talked. He said he doesn't go to church. I invited him to visit my church sometime, but didn't seem interested. He said he works on the weekends and has dialysis on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and that wears him out. So he can't go on Sundays and wouldn't feel like going on Wednesdays.

[treeinheaven]

Sorry you feel bad.I suppose focus on your strengths and hobbies.It sounds like you are looking for someone perhaps too perfect.Is there such thing as the perfect person?Consider what you have to give to a marriage.And be realistic in what you want in a spouse.I feel desperate too as I have extreme ocd and asperger syndrome and I am getting older.It sounds like you are doing things right.Keep praying and going to church.It seems like it's just a matter of time.

Adam

[WonderWoman4Jesus]

Living By Faith, I'm in your shoes. I am lonely to. I have met a couple Christian guys through Christian dating sites, but I'm afraid to start a relationship because I feel I'm not a good enough Christian. I feel I've made such big mistakes. I wonder if God just wants me to stay single, because the town I live in does not seem to have any single Christian guys at all!

[Deanna]

This makes me sad to know that someone else feels the way that I do (at times now) because I would not wish this on anyone. I am very lonely and get sad when I see couples laughing, crying, not talking, arguing because to me this is what comes with being in a healthy relationship and two who have become one can together with the Lord and prayer can tackle anything. I remember saying this and I told my self ok I am single and with the Lord and prayers I can overcome this (easier said that done) but I was tired of this consuming me. Wishing and hoping all the time for someone to do all the above. I got tired of this joined a church, and actually changed my job when everyone said that jobs were few and far in between. When I gave my month notice I said God I am leaving it in your hands and I know you will lead me. Well I moved close to my children and grandchildren who keep me busy, took a job as a caregiver and have a client who has Alzheimer's who keeps me busy but then comes the night and the weekend when kids are doing there own thing and it hits again. I told my self I must be a very dependent person that I need someone else to take these feelings away and reminded myself that is why I have 3 failed relationships for being impatient and not having faith. I want to say that the I don't feel that desperate or constant thinking about where I can find someone or boo hooing all the time. I'm not saying that this is what it sounds like this is what I was doing. I keep myself busy read my bible and pray, pray, pray. I know the Lord did it but I can't even explain how different I feel. Not to say that at times I do a crazy thing like join this (that's not what is crazy) and put how lonely I feel. I just left my 3rd relationship and the wounds are fresh but I can't even begin to tell you how God took those feelings that would have made me look for that wrong person again. Yes I get in my California king bed and look at the other side and close my eyes and start praying and yes tears do flow but it does not hurt as bad. I looking at the community calendar here in the town I moved in and I am exploring God's country. Being new in this town I pray for friends who I can hang and laugh and pray with. I will keep all of you in my prayers as I hope you keep me in your prayers.

"One day at a time" (Sorry for the length):B

[*Living~By~Faith*]

I believe I'm at my lowest points with this. I'm so tired of being lonely, but I'm also tired of wishing I had someone in my life. But I'm at a point where I don't even want to get into a relationship because I'm afraid of getting hurt.

I'm hurting so bad right now because of a guy. All this time I thought this guy was different. I thought he would accept me and give me a chance. But he's rejected me by never giving me a chance and I don't think he even reliazed how bad he's hurt me.

I can't stand seeing him but I can't get around running into him at church. He's hurt me and doesn't even have a clue. I want to say something to him but I don't know where to begin. This has hurt for so long that I have begun having bad feelings towards this guy. It's gotten to the point where the first word that pops into my mind is jerk everytime I see him.

I can't stand seeing him talking to everyone else and treating me like I'm invisible. I don't want to even be friends with this guy any longer, but I would like to be treated like everyone else.

I just can't stand him anymore. I deserve someone better than him. I know God has someone better for me and in His time He'll have us meet. I deserve someone that will look past my chair and accept me for who I am. But it still hurts that he rejected me without even taking the chance to get to know me. Now that what is called a genuine jerk.

I think the pain that I've been going through the past couple of days is the Lord's way of helping me recover and get over this guy. I know this has been a hinderance in my Christian walk and with God's help I will move forward.

[Mr King]

Hello, :)
I am going to provide help by responding to your first and last posts.

To your first post:

I'm so tired of being alone. I don't know how to meet anyone. I want a Godly man, someone that has the Lord first and foremost in his life. I go to a church that has over 200 people, but I still haven't found anyone at this church.

I've been thinking about checking out other churches in my areas to see if I may find someone at one of those churches.

Please listen carefully to what you wrote. You mentioned that you want a godly man, someone that has the Lord first and foremost in his life. Is the Lord first and foremost in your life?

Church isn't about recreational activities where we can indulge for ourselves with nor is it a dating service. It's a house of worship, to preach, learn, and pray with brothers and sisters in Christ together in a service to the Lord.


I know a guy that used to go to my church that I've been thinking about contacting to see if he may not anyone. But I don't know how to do that without it coming off strangely.

First of all, beware of your own desires. In Matthew 4:1-11 on Jesus' temptations in the wilderness. He endured temptation to the very limit of Satan's power, and He resisted to that very limit. He did not in the least degree allow temptation to develop into desire, much less into sin.

James 1:12-18 Loving God Under Trials; in verse 13-15 you will find it written; 'But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and entices. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin;'.

God knows we have a need for a male or female mate to share our lives with but do not let your need become a desire.

Now in Acts 20:35; 'I have shewed you all things, how that so labouring ye ought to support the weak, and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how He said, It is more blessed to give than to receive.'

You have been freely given so freely give to others. Ask him or someone else if he wants to get together involved in godly activities; showing compassion and help the poor, the hungry, the thirsty, the stranger, the naked, the sick, and the imprisoned. Do meals on wheels, visit the sick in the hospitals, visit someone who is in prison and preach the good news of the gospel.

You can ask someone or do these things yourself. You may find yourself to be surprised by ending up with a christian man who walks through your path that God has prepared for you.

Take one day at a time and do not be anxious. If you don't have a godly man to do these things with today then you should rejoice in the godly activities that you have done for the Lord today. That's the least you can do to thank Jesus Christ for what He has done for us.


Maybe it's seeing everyone around me being in relationships. Maybe it's because the guy that I've liked for so long stood right beside me last night and told his friends that got engaged last night. I just don't understand how or why some people can go from one relationship to another and yet some people can't even find one person to be with. This girl gets out of one marriage and is already headed into another one. She jumped into this relationship before her divorce was even final. I have bad feelings about this situation for this guy though. I just hope that he doesn't get hurt in the long run.

Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.

Put your trust in the Lord. God; who is perfect and makes no mistakes, has the perfect plan in your life but it has to be done according to His own will and His own time.

[Mr King]

To your last post:

I believe I'm at my lowest points with this. I'm so tired of being lonely, but I'm also tired of wishing I had someone in my life. But I'm at a point where I don't even want to get into a relationship because I'm afraid of getting hurt.

I can understand what you are saying. I know what it is like to be in my lowest points. Feeling lonely, wishing for a girlfriend especially a wife to share my life with. Have fearful thoughts and anxious feelings of getting hurt.

What I need to do when I go through this is repent, turn around, ask God for forgiveness and focus on living a Christ centered life with a biblical mind and conscious.

Because if I don't then that's when I get so caught up with my own self; my selfishness, selfish desires, lusts and sins. To continue in this way will magnify my own self in my life. This is what makes life so unbearable to live; the feelings of loneliness, sufferings, and to struggle with obstacles and fighting against temptations to sin.

So I need to focus on magnifying Jesus Christ in my life. In John 3:30 John the Baptist said, 'He must increase, but I must decrease.' When you magnify Jesus in your life, your own self shrinks. This will help you overcome your obstacles, selfish desires, and temptations to sin.

First of all, you need the Spirit of Christ in your life and to know God's Will in your life.

I have been working to provide a new thread on this board in the New in Christ forum. It will have the title; God's Will in your life. Please read it when I post it for you will find it to be very helpful.


I'm hurting so bad right now because of a guy. All this time I thought this guy was different. I thought he would accept me and give me a chance. But he's rejected me by never giving me a chance and I don't think he even realized how bad he's hurt me.

Isaiah 53:3
He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

Galatians 6:1; Bear and Share the Burdens
Brethren, If a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.

I know how painful rejection is but focus on Jesus. Know the truth in His Word that the rejection Jesus went through was more painful than we could ever know. And all the sins committed against you is nothing compared to the sins you’ve committed against the Lord.

To be a christian you must be willing to suffer for His sake and His righteousness. Before you are willing you must distinguish the difference between godly suffering and ungodly suffering. Godly suffering comes from living godly lives and godly relationships. Ungodly suffering comes from living ungodly lives and ungodly relationships based on your own selfish desires and sin. When you live a godly life you will rejoice in your suffering.

Romans 5:1-5 Faith Triumphs in Trouble;
Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

There will be more discussed in the new thread; God's Will in your life.

Put your relationship with the Lord first and foremost. Know that God is a jealous God. He loves you and wants to be your God. He wants to be the first and foremost in your life and that's through Christ Jesus.

To show His love for us;

John 3:16
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Romans 5:8
But God commends His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

If you do receive a boyfriend, he is not to be kept for yourself. Whoever He gives to you, you are to give back to Him.

True love toward yourself and others is selfless love and not selfish love. And the only way to truly love others and yourself is that you need to first love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your mind, and with all your soul. Without obedience to the first command there can be no obedience to the second.

You can read Genesis 21:5, 22:1-19 Abraham's Faith Confirmed. Abraham was one hundred years old before he had a son, Isaac. God called Abraham to offer his son, his only son Isaac, whom he loved, as a burnt offering. Abraham loved God and feared the Lord that he obeyed His command. Right when he was about to slay his son, the Angel of the Lord called out to him. Then He said, "Do not lay your hand on the lad, or do anything to him; for now I know that you fear God, since you have not witheld your son, your only son, from Me."


I can't stand seeing him but I can't get around running into him at church. He's hurt me and doesn't even have a clue. I want to say something to him but I don't know where to begin. This has hurt for so long that I have begun having bad feelings towards this guy. It's gotten to the point where the first word that pops into my mind is jerk everytime I see him.

God cannot stand the sight of sin! He hates sin! Yet He still loves you even though you, a born sinner, deserved eternal separation from God to be thrown in hell for all eternity. Yet He;

2 Peter 3:9
The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.


You need to repent! Be honest with God on what sufferings you are speaking of. I cannot judge you but from the last two sentences to this statement sounds as if you are suffering out of selfishness therefore going through ungodly suffering.

If this guy has hurt you in an immoral way then you need to go to him and tell him what he has done to you. Be merciful. Beseech him to repent then forgive him.

Approach to him with an open heart and as if your arms are extended and stretched out to him. Jesus did when He was dying on the Cross. We can tend to cling by wrapping our arms around ourselves, to clam up, and shrivel away from sinful fear and ungodly sufferings.


I can't stand seeing him talking to everyone else and treating me like I'm invisible. I don't want to even be friends with this guy any longer, but I would like to be treated like everyone else.

Think about how you’ve been treating Jesus yet He loves you and Died for you.

Galatians 6:1; Bear and Share the Burdens
Brethren, If a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.

For you to say that you do not want to be friends with this guy any longer and if he is a Christian;

Matthew 6:14-15
For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

1 John 2:9
He who says he is in the light, and hates his brother, is in darkness until now.

1 John 2:11
But he who hates his brother is in darkness and walks in darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes.

1 John 3:15
Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.

Your statement on how you want to be treated;

Luke 6:27-36;
"But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you? For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back. But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful."


I just can't stand him anymore. I deserve someone better than him. I know God has someone better for me and in His time He'll have us meet. I deserve someone that will look past my chair and accept me for who I am.

No. You do not deserve someone better especially if you both are Christians. This is a prideful statement on your part. Do you actually believe God has someone “better” for you? If you are proud then you need to repent of your pride. If you do repent and receive a godly man in your life He is giving you more than you deserve.


But it still hurts that he rejected me without even taking the chance to get to know me. Now that what is called a genuine jerk.

Matthew 5:21-26 Murder Begins in the Heart
"You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgement.' But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgement. And whoever says to his brother, 'Raca!' shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, 'You fool!' shall be in danger of hell fire. Therefore if you bring your gift to the alter, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the alter, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. Assuredly, I say to you, you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny.



I think the pain that I've been going through the past couple of days is the Lord's way of helping me recover and get over this guy. I know this has been a hinderance in my Christian walk and with God's help I will move forward.

Like I mentioned before, I cannot judge you but you must examine yourself.

2 Corinthians 13:1-6; Coming with Authority
This will be the third time I am coming to you. "By the mouth of two or three witnesses every word shall be established." I have told you before, and foretell as if I were present the second time, and now being absent I write to those who have sinned before, and to all the rest, that if I come again I will not spare-since you seek a proof of Christ speaking in me, who is not weak toward you, but mighty in you. For though He was crucified in weakness, yet He lives by the power of God. For we also are weak in Him, but we shall live with Him by the power of God toward you. Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?-unless indeed you are disqualified. But I trust that you will know that we are not disqualified.'

2 Corinthians 13:7-10 Paul Prefers Gentleness;
Now I pray to God that you do no evil, not that we should appear approvred, but that you should do what is honorable, though we may seem disqualified. For we can do nothing against the truth, but for the truth. For we are glad when we are weak and you are strong. And this also we pray, that you may be made complete. Therefore I write these things being absent, lest being present I should use sharpness, according to the authority which the Lord has given me for edification and not for destruction.

2 Corinthians 13:11-14 Greetings and Benediction;
Finally, brethren, farewell. Become complete. Be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you. Greet one another with a holy kiss. All the saints greet you. The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Spirit be with you all. Amen.

[Mr King]

I want this to be included at the top of my previous post on living a Christ centered life.

Romans 12:1-2
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

I will have more written about the verses above in my next post.

[workingox]

Mr. King, Im assuming you are trying to help by bucking up her standards with scriptures, compassion is always kin to mercy, my wife calls me a jerk when she is angry, by the way, I was lonely, and the Lord brought my wife we were married in 3 wks. have been married 17 years have 4 teen agers and pastored full time two churches since our marriage began, Im assuming that the lady is in a wheel chair? that will take a special person just like marrying a preacher does, Mr. King could be a great blessing to your life if your condition is as he writes, remember you are the Lords responsibility, God gave you Jesus, now think on the Lord as your provider and have patience

[DaniHansen]

Thread closed per the OP's request. Thanks to all who participated and gave their input. :)