My last breath [Archive] - BibleForums Christian Message Board and Forums

CjSoReLFoReaL

Apr 11th 2009, 01:40 AM

paidforinfull

Apr 11th 2009, 02:09 AM

Hi CJ:
First off: God loves you (no matter what you've done/do). He looks at your heart, not your weaknesses. Your heart's desire is to do the right thing and to please him - now THAT is what counts.

Secondly - nobody is beyond help/redemption, and nobody is worthless: that includes you too.

Thirdly - He is more than capable to help you overcome, no matter how many times you fall. He is the God of new beginnings, and He is strong enough for the both of you (and much more besides, of course).

Ok, so you've gone and done it again. Pity, but certainly not the end of the world, and only the beginning of what God is doing/going to do in you.

Whatever you do, don't stay down. Get up and stand. The devil wants you lie down and rot, but that isn't what God wants. Just stand up, ask for forgiveness, trust God and go on. His Blood is more than powerful enough to wash away and cover all your sins and weaknesses. That is the honest truth.

God bless you.

DaniHansen

Apr 11th 2009, 02:13 AM

What makes drugs so much better than Jesus when it comes to dealing with reality?

I don't see drugs so much as a weakness as I see them as idolatry and a crutch we choose to use when we don't want to deal with something. It's an escape, no? What is so bad in your life that you need escaping from, that Jesus can't help you with?

You may want to not answer that until you're sober and back in your right mind.

:)

shepherdsword

Apr 11th 2009, 02:30 AM

CjSoReLFoReaL

Apr 11th 2009, 02:57 AM

I start walking with God and i can almost see the person he wants me to be and its so close i can reach out and almost touch it and then i go to reach and fall back down on my face again and have to start all over....And it just seems that failure after failure makes me think im a failure in christ eyes...i just wonder why its so hard for me i cant i get it....i feel the only way for me to be that person that god wants to be is to actually be touched by him,when i see him face to face...i feel so broken and the only cure is him and the new body he gives me....

Dani to answer your question...I hate drugs i rather be high on jesus but for someone reason i do the things i hate and the things that are good i dont do...

I havent had at all a bad child hood if anything ive had a good one and my parents dont even understand it.....Why i feel such a void of depression where did it come from? it criples me and ive always felt like this sense as long as i can remeber...A emptyness is the lonelyness feeling, i could be surround by people the love me yet its still there...

When im in gods word and going to church and im in it and i even get that high of knowing him and then it wears off and then i go back to my pity party..

Thanks for the message sherperdsword

DaniHansen

Apr 11th 2009, 03:55 AM

Have you ever asked the Lord those questions and asked Him to show you? Or are you worried what you might find?

You know, I understand depression. I was plagued by that for a span of a couple years. It wasn't about anything in particular, it was just like some blanket covering me and I didn't have any joy. This happened after I was saved. It never hindered my fellowship with God either, and honestly, that was the only thing that brought me any sort of joy. I was just really looking forward to leaving everything behind and being forever with my Lord. I couldn't even pinpoint any specific cause of it, just a general sense of "blah". And I felt guilty, because I knew my husband and kids needed me to stick around, and so I kind of just plugged through it. Until one day God confronted me and asked me if I was going to live to die, or live to live? The lightbulbs went on and I chose to live to live. At that moment, that heavy blanket got lifted from me, in an instant, and I haven't been depressed since.

I'm not sure if that helps you any but there you have it. :)

miepie

Apr 11th 2009, 05:33 AM

I have been battling with depression too..... I have been suicidal for many years in my life...... from the age of 13 till about 37 I hated myself and my body for failing me (I am severely disabled and bedridden).....
It all changed after a suicide attempt when I realised God was not going to allow me in Heaven this way...... so I called up my minister and in the presence of my parents and my brother I was anointed to make a new start and for healing of my crippled body..... I didn't get healed but I did get stronger after I made my promise not to try suicide again......
Looking back I now see that God had great plans for my life...... He has led me to this site, where I became a moderator, He has given me a husband who loves Him as much as I do and He's taken away my depressive moods and gave me peace over everything....... It still ain't easy, I have a lot of pain, and my husband isn't healthy either..... some days are a struggle but I know I'll never sink as deep again anymore as I did before...... God will be there to rescue me from that..... and when I thought He was far away from me, He was right there but I was too blind to see Him..... I turned away from Him, He never turned away from me......

My advice to you would be to get some help for your depression (maybe meds or therapy) and, even more important, talk to God about this..... He has better answers for you than we can ever give you here......

If you need to talk in private, you can start a thread in Chat to the Moderators..... call it Miepie and I'll meet you there..... :hug:

Love you,
Mieke :kiss:

JesusMySavior

Apr 11th 2009, 01:17 PM

Well just snorted up some drugs when i promised myself and to God that i wouldnt again...Im like incapable of doing good and staying away from sin...nevermind being a good christian im not even good by human standards...I hate myself and who i am who i become im better of dead. My greatest day will be the one where i take my last breath..I fail at everything i attempt, maybe thats how God created me a failure...im worthless....I called upon the lord to save me of my sins, but i will understand when he stands and says i never knew you depart from me...i deserve hell

Heart-broken

Wow, I think you described the cause for Christianity in a nutshell.

I'm in the same boat you are. But the amazing thing is, if there was ever a candidate for grace, it would be us broken hearted failures. I totally deserve hell, maybe even worse, since after knowing the truth I had backslidden. But God in His great mercy sent His Son SPECIFICALLY for seasons and times like this. God is serious about sin. It's big business to Him. In fact, He is so serious about sin that the only OPTION was to send His Son to die for them. Remember what it says in Hebrews? Jesus died once and for all for ALL sins. Hallelujah!

"By the which will we are sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all." (Hebrews 10:10)

Though it may feel wrong or ackward, thank God for your failures. What? Yeah. Thank Him for granting you failure. Because if we didn't fail, we wouldn't need grace. I was in the same position you were (almost, except with pot and alcohol and sex), and I thought I needed HARD discipline. While that was partly true, God knew the real reason I was running from Him - a lack of accepting love and true grace in my life. So God took me and washed me up, cleaned me completely, wrapped me in a bathtowel of grace, and began to hold me and tell me He's missed me so. I tell you what, after that, all I wanted to do was sit at His feet and read His Word and learn my Heavenly Father more.

I never had a bad childhood. My parents split when I was two but the rest of my family (including my parents) made sure to doctor all of that with admiration and gifts and big birthday parties. I had a great childhood. But for some reason after knowing the truth, I decided to go down the wrong path. God was disappointed in my decisions, but He still loved me. He still loves you too.

1 Jn. 3:20 says if our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts and knows all things.

God knows why you are struggling, and He's not pointing a judgmental finger at you. He wants to help you and all you need to do is accept His grace at face value.

Just talk to Him and say God, you know I love these drugs. But You know that I know that You are better than these drugs, any day. I can't do this alone, and I know it's wrong. Please take them from me. I promise not to condemn myself if I fall down because I know You're always there to help me back onto my feet. Please take my hand, Daddy, and show me the way home.

God cares about you. He fashioned you in the womb and desperately wants to set you free. Just accept His grace at face value, just as you are - regardless of your past or your walk with God. He's not mad at you because you turned back to drugs. He is more concerned than anything. Beating yourself up is only going to make it worse, so when and if you mess up, just say "God, I'm sorry. Forgive me of this sin. I accept Your grace right now to forgive me of my sin. Thank You for Jesus. Amen."

If you want to talk please PM me. I seriously think God just wants to see you happy again. :)

"Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water. " (Hebrews 10:22)

"But call to remembrance the former days, in which, after ye were illuminated, ye endured a great fight of afflictions ... For yet a little while, and he that shall come will come, and will not tarry." (Hebrews 10:32,37)

Sojourner

Apr 16th 2009, 06:03 PM

CjSoReLFoReaL,

Since the last reply was six days ago why do you tell us where you at today, mentally, and get this thread going again.

I will tell you this, that when you beat up on yourself with self-condemnation you are playing right in to the Devil's plan and it hurts God. When these thought come say, I rebuke you Devil in Jesus name. The Word of God say, "Rebuke the Devil and he will flee from you."

The Apostle Paul talks about the Shield of Faith wherewith the Devil's fiery dart are deflected and fall to earth. Faith comes by the Word of God so read the Word of God much and you will have the Shield of Faith.

I'll be checking in. :pray:

Partaker of Christ

Apr 20th 2009, 07:19 PM

Well just snorted up some drugs when i promised myself and to God that i wouldnt again...Im like incapable of doing good and staying away from sin...nevermind being a good christian im not even good by human standards...I hate myself and who i am who i become im better of dead. My greatest day will be the one where i take my last breath..I fail at everything i attempt, maybe thats how God created me a failure...im worthless....I called upon the lord to save me of my sins, but i will understand when he stands and says i never knew you depart from me...i deserve hell

Heart-broken

Hi CjSoReLFoReaL!

I may be wrong but:
I think perhaps that your problem is, you are 'wrongly' believing that you must first get victory over this and that, before God would love you, and accept you as His child. It as though you have to first reach a certain standard, before you can be accepted.

Deu 20:3 And shall say unto them, Hear, O Israel, ye approach this day unto battle against your enemies: let not your hearts faint, fear not, and do not tremble, neither be ye terrified because of them;
Deu 20:4 For the LORD your God is he that goeth with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you.

1Sa 17:46 This day will the LORD deliver thee into mine hand; and I will smite thee, and take thine head from thee; and I will give the carcases of the host of the Philistines this day unto the fowls of the air, and to the wild beasts of the earth; that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel.
1Sa 17:47 And all this assembly shall know that the LORD saveth not with sword and spear: for the battle is the LORD'S, and he will give you into our hands.

2Ch 20:12 O our God, wilt thou not judge them? for we have no might against this great company that cometh against us; neither know we what to do: but our eyes are upon thee.

2Ch 20:13 And all Judah stood before the LORD, with their little ones, their wives, and their children.
2Ch 20:14 Then upon Jahaziel the son of Zechariah, the son of Benaiah, the son of Jeiel, the son of Mattaniah, a Levite of the sons of Asaph, came the Spirit of the LORD in the midst of the congregation;

2Ch 20:15 And he said, Hearken ye, all Judah, and ye inhabitants of Jerusalem, and thou king Jehoshaphat, Thus saith the LORD unto you, Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God's.

2Ch 20:16 Tomorrow go ye down against them: behold, they come up by the cliff of Ziz; and ye shall find them at the end of the brook, before the wilderness of Jeruel.
2Ch 20:17 Ye shall not need to fight in this battle: set yourselves, stand ye still, and see the salvation of the LORD with you, O Judah and Jerusalem: fear not, nor be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them: for the LORD will be with you.

2Ch 20:18 And Jehoshaphat bowed his head with his face to the ground: and all Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem fell before the LORD, worshipping the LORD.
2Ch 20:19 And the Levites, of the children of the Kohathites, and of the children of the Korhites, stood up to praise the LORD God of Israel with a loud voice on high.
2Ch 20:20 And they rose early in the morning, and went forth into the wilderness of Tekoa: and as they went forth, Jehoshaphat stood and said, Hear me, O Judah, and ye inhabitants of Jerusalem; Believe in the LORD your God, so shall ye be established; believe his prophets, so shall ye prosper.

2Ch 20:21 And when he had consulted with the people, he appointed singers unto the LORD, and that should praise the beauty of holiness, as they went out before the army, and to say, Praise the LORD; for his mercy endureth for ever.

2Ch 20:22 And when they began to sing and to praise, the LORD set ambushments against the children of Ammon, Moab, and mount Seir, which were come against Judah; and they were smitten.
2Ch 20:23 For the children of Ammon and Moab stood up against the inhabitants of mount Seir, utterly to slay and destroy them: and when they had made an end of the inhabitants of Seir, every one helped to destroy another.
2Ch 20:24 And when Judah came toward the watch tower in the wilderness, they looked unto the multitude, and, behold, they were dead bodies fallen to the earth, and none escaped.
2Ch 20:25 And when Jehoshaphat and his people came to take away the spoil of them, they found among them in abundance both riches with the dead bodies, and precious jewels, which they stripped off for themselves, more than they could carry away: and they were three days in gathering of the spoil, it was so much.
2Ch 20:26 And on the fourth day they assembled themselves in the valley of Berachah; for there they blessed the LORD: therefore the name of the same place was called, The valley of Berachah, unto this day.
2Ch 20:27 Then they returned, every man of Judah and Jerusalem, and Jehoshaphat in the forefront of them, to go again to Jerusalem with joy; for the LORD had made them to rejoice over their enemies.
2Ch 20:28 And they came to Jerusalem with psalteries and harps and trumpets unto the house of the LORD.

2Ch 20:29 And the fear of God was on all the kingdoms of those countries, when they had heard that the LORD fought against the enemies of Israel.
2Ch 20:30 So the realm of Jehoshaphat was quiet: for his God gave him rest round about.