Provoking your children?

[*Hope*]

In Ephesians 6:4, it tells Fathers not to provoke their children to anger. What does this mean? I used to try to use it against authority figures to sort of say "Hey, if you're too strict, you're going to provoke me to rebel!" but of course it never worked, lol. To some degree though...do you think this verse could mean there's a responsibility that parents have to not push their children so much that they are frustrated, angry, and rebel?

[daughter]

I'm a Mum, and my son is thirteen. I remember this verse a lot... I read it to mean that I must absolutely love my child, and everything I do, I should do for love of him. In the same way that I shouldn't spare discipline when it's necessary, I also shouldn't cause him to feel hopelessly unable to meet my standards.

If parents remember above all to love their children, then their discipline will always be tempered with love, not hardness. And then a child can take loving correction without feeling downhearted... and also a child can be encouraged by loving praise.

Hope this helps.

[Oma]

There are many ways parents can provoke their children to wrath. A few are: favoring one child over the others, disciplining in anger rather than from principle, and the parents displaying habits they won't tolerate from the children.

[DaniHansen]

I think it's simply an admonition to fathers to nourish their children, because if you read the rest of the verse, it says for them to bring up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Like God nourishes us even when He disciplines us. Discipline without nourishment leads to exasparation and alienation. Women are "natural" nourishers, and so this verse isn't directed at moms, but at the dads, who would have to work on that a little more. Like husbands have to be told to love their wives, because it's not something that necessarily comes naturally to the male psyche, which is more geared towards respect, goal direction, and so forth.

That's how I see it anyway. :)

[*Hope*]

Thank you for the responses. So, if I'm hearing you all correctly, you do feel there is a responsibility not to provoke anger in your children? I hear that it involves nourishing, guiding, etc. But what if you have a child that is easily angered? What if even mild discipline "provokes" the child? Does this mean you should try a different form of discipline so as not to provoke them?

[DaniHansen]

Thank you for the responses. So, if I'm hearing you all correctly, you do feel there is a responsibility not to provoke anger in your children? I hear that it involves nourishing, guiding, etc. But what if you have a child that is easily angered? What if even mild discipline "provokes" the child? Does this mean you should try a different form of discipline so as not to provoke them?

I think you shouldn't necessarily let your child's temperament be your guide. Because kids can figure out really quick how to use anger as a weapon for manipulation and to get what they want. There comes a point where they need to become acquainted with such wonderful things as patience and self control and respect. Because otherweise they're going to turn into loose cannons running around and making other people miserable, and one of those people where you always have to tread on egg shells, lest they blow up. That's not godly, is it?

Provocation to my mind disregards children's limits and the fact that they're still learning and growing. We can easily frustrate our kids when we don't keep in mind that they're ... children.