Sex Addiction/Pornography Addiction

[TheAnswer99]

As a new convert (within the past few weeks), I've found that the hardest thing to avoid is the desires resulting from our innate lust

As an agnostic, I always used to feel that I had an abnormal sex drive. Now, as a Christian, it is even more apparent

I guess I have 2 questions

1.) Do you have any advice dealing with avoiding pornography? Are there technological tools to block my access to these sites? Any personal tips?

2.) I have engaged and continue engage in fornication in a monogamous relationship...how do I address this? (the hardest part) It is inevitable that we must stop fornicating until marriage or (if she refuses)...end it?

God bless for any help

[bagofseed]

Freedom is in the truth.
One truth is that its self deception.

Another is that it is unloving.

Real Love is the way out.
Loving other people, not wiling to use them for your own pleasure.
Better to suffer pain and truly love.

Pray that God would show you your heart, show you where you don't love and where you are deceived and bound by lies.

[VerticalReality]

1.) Do you have any advice dealing with avoiding pornography? Are there technological tools to block my access to these sites? Any personal tips?

All that is needed to overcome pornography is faith. If you allow the devil to convince you that you're "addicted" you will never overcome. The truth of God's Word proclaims that the Lord Jesus Christ has delivered us from all bondage to sin (Read Romans 6 on this issue). We are not forced to sin. All sin is done by choice. It's not addiction. I had a post dealing somewhat with this topic recently. Give it a read.

http://www.bibleforums.org/forum/showthread.php?t=163381

2.) I have engaged and continue engage in fornication in a monogamous relationship...how do I address this? (the hardest part) It is inevitable that we must stop fornicating until marriage or (if she refuses)...end it?

Yes, you must stop. To live for the Lord is to die to self. You must die to the sinful passions of your flesh. If you are a child of God you have been given the power of His Spirit to overcome sin. If His love has been shed abroad in your heart you will desire to live for Him who died for you rather than going after the flesh that wants to kill you. Remember:

The enemy comes not but to steal, kill and destroy. But Jesus came that you might have life and life more abundantly. (John 10:10)

If you live for your flesh you will reap death. This does not just mean death later. You will reap death now and all the characteristics that come along with it. If you choose to seek Christ instead you will reap everlasting life. This is not just everlasting life later. You will reap it now.


Galatians 6:7-9
Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart

[HisLeast]

1.) Do you have any advice dealing with avoiding pornography? Are there technological tools to block my access to these sites? Any personal tips?

Only that I overcame every artificial obstacle I placed in my way. All the leading monitoring / blocking software can be circumvented. The fix has to come from inside. My addiction was so bad I went to therapy for it, and was asked possibly the most interesting and effective question I ever heard: if you somehow stop yourself from watching porn, where is that "energy" going to go?

The idea is, we tend to reach an equilibrium in our beliefs and actions. The variables in this equation are vast and complex. To effectively "alter the equation", you're going to have to (1) find out what's driving you to the porn and (2) build a different response to it. To my surprise, what was driving me to the porn wasn't sexual at all: it was just the way I trained myself to respond to certain situations. Too much doubt, too much anxiety, too much expectation, and too much self criticism and all of a sudden I was neck deep in porn; not because I wanted sex, but because I reached for ANY good feeling, and porn was the apex pleasurable experience (free, effortless, affirming, and good feeling).

This might not fit your experience exactly, but you must find the triggers none-the-less. Sometimes finding out HOW to do something requires knowing WHY its done in the first place. Pray about it daily, and keep on your guard. By "keep on guard" I mean specifically pay attention to your thoughts and emotions throughout a week, especially as you feel the draw to porn getting stronger. Keep a log. Think back over your life and how different events have shaped that response.

It ain't easy. Lord help me, its NOT easy. But it must be done.
Genesis 4:7
"If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it."

2.) I have engaged and continue engage in fornication in a monogamous relationship...how do I address this? (the hardest part) It is inevitable that we must stop fornicating until marriage or (if she refuses)...end it?

Has your partner come to Jesus as well? If so, the good news is she might be thinking the same thing. If she's unsaved... well... you've got some serious thinking to do. So before I proceed, does she know Christ?

[TheAnswer99]

Has your partner come to Jesus as well? If so, the good news is she might be thinking the same thing. If she's unsaved... well... you've got some serious thinking to do. So before I proceed, does she know Christ?

Well, she was raised by Buddhist parents (she was actually born outside the country but moved here when she was 1), but she isn't a Buddhist...more like an agnostic. However, she is not hostile towards Christians or Christianity. I've been exploring Christianity for months, and she doesn't condemn it or make fun of it or anything. I'd say that it's POSSIBLE she is interested. She's certainly aware that some of my family members are Christians, so I'm sure she has thought about the fact that her agnosticism may come into conflict with her future in-laws...I should clarify that she is more apathetic than anything. You know how most people just kind of drift through life without thinking much about religion...it's not like she is an adamant agnostic who reached that position through years of religious study and philosophical consideration

I figured that I should become strong in my owns convictions and beliefs before attempting to convert her. I haven't had a "you should come to Jesus" discussion, but I do mention Christianity in passing (such as giving advice and using a parable from Jesus to support a position)

[Gregg]

Well, she was raised by Buddhist parents (she was actually born outside the country but moved here when she was 1), but she isn't a Buddhist...more like an agnostic. However, she is not hostile towards Christians or Christianity. I've been exploring Christianity for months, and she doesn't condemn it or make fun of it or anything. I'd say that it's POSSIBLE she is interested. She's certainly aware that some of my family members are Christians, so I'm sure she has thought about the fact that her agnosticism may come into conflict with her future in-laws...I should clarify that she is more apathetic than anything. You know how most people just kind of drift through life without thinking much about religion...it's not like she is an adamant agnostic who reached that position through years of religious study and philosophical consideration

I figured that I should become strong in my owns convictions and beliefs before attempting to convert her. I haven't had a "you should come to Jesus" discussion, but I do mention Christianity in passing (such as giving advice and using a parable from Jesus to support a position)

Find a good Bible based church that deals with healing and applying the word to our everyday life. Invite her to attend. See what happens.

God Bless you and yours.

[DaniHansen]

I think that God has given you gifts, that are probably quite powerful and that He is planning on using to set lots of people free and bring deliverance to many, but very often, the enemy comes in and tries to combat that by pulling us off into things that keep us distracted and that don't profit, because really, we are threats to him but we don't know it, because we don't fully understand what is within us that God has placed there for His own glory.

That's what I think.

No, sorry, that's what I know.

God bless you. Keep pushing, keep searching, keep praying, keep fighting. What God has deposited within you, is well worth the fight, and so don't give up. We have to have something that is worth fighting for, other than just "don't do this, it's a sin". God is worth it. You're worth it. The people He is going to use you to touch their lives and bring deliverance to them, are worth it.

What will a man give in exchange for his soul? :hug:

[bagofseed]

i think that god has given you gifts, that are probably quite powerful and that he is planning on using to set lots of people free and bring deliverance to many, but very often, the enemy comes in and tries to combat that by pulling us off into things that keep us distracted and that don't profit, because really, we are threats to him but we don't know it, because we don't fully understand what is within us that god has placed there for his own glory.

that's what i think.

no, sorry, that's what i know.

god bless you. Keep pushing, keep searching, keep praying, keep fighting. What god has deposited within you, is well worth the fight, and so don't give up. We have to have something that is worth fighting for, other than just "don't do this, it's a sin". God is worth it. You're worth it. The people he is going to use you to touch their lives and bring deliverance to them, are worth it.

what will a man give in exchange for his soul? :hug:
sweet.............................

[JesusMySavior]

First of all bud, I want to give thanks and glory to God for your salvation and your decision to follow Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior. What an awesome event and what a great thing to praise God for. I pray He will lead your g/f to salvation as well that you may both live holy before God. Just keep pressing into God, be yourself with Him, and ask your g/f questions once in awhile, she'll see that you're the real thing if you keep sticking with it and don't compromise.

In response to your first question, I use Safe Eyes filtering software. It was designed by Christians and is highly, HIGHLY effective. You can block certain sites, or in extreme cases (which I have done), you may block every single website on the web EXCEPT for the ones you specify are okay to visit. You can also have multiple users for different settings so all may surf the web as they wish. I struggled with porn for 10 years, and believe me, I can get around basically anything, since i'm well acquainted with the terms they use, so you can easily search for anything and get around filters. Safe Eyes knows this and will easily block anything out. It's fully customizeable and even can monitor chat programs and block all download programs (limewire, kazaa, etc).

This of course is in addition to getting every type of temptation out of your path. All of your movies, tv shows, comic books, dirty magazines, etc...shred them and throw them in the trash. As I was coming back to God, I threw my *really* dirty mags away, but I justified keeping a soft-core one, for about a week...and God kept bugging me and bugging me about it, it was like a big sore thumb in my garage where it was...every time I thought about my home, I thought about that magazine being this huge obvious thing even though it was hidden in a bag. I finally threw it away and the nudging stopped.

Any thing that will tempt you, including your girlfriend, you must deal with effectively. God helping you and giving you strength, sit her down and tell her what you are intending to do. You intend to not sleep with her ever again, or do anything sexual or anything leading up to it, until (if) you are married. If she goes along with it, sweet. If she doesn't, politely say goodbye.

Christ is too important in your life to compromise, especially this early in your Christian walk, since you don't have much of a foundation. What the devil tries to do is get you to compromise early on so that your foundation that you are building on now becomes rotted and won't hold later on. Keep your foundation strong in Christ and make Him your prime. Stand strong in the grace of God and keep pressing on dear brother.

If you need any other advice, let me know.

Oh yeah, and if you want a good website to help you overcome your addiction (it won't solve it, it will help you - it's all about your heart), go to http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/ it's a free course and will take you to the heart of hearts of porn and illicit sex, and deal with it GOD'S way.

God bless you friend, may God set you free through His Son Jesus Christ :)