I don't understand my girlfriend, half the time.

[Magnetic]

I admit that I have trouble understanding how the mind of many women are, particularly my girlfriend's mind. I've posted a few post about my relationship on here, but this one is a new one. I'm sure that most men could say the same thing, about not really understanding the female mind. . . .Heck, maybe even women could say they don't really understand the minds of women sometimes either. :)

I have a very analytical mind, . . . and am rightly accused of 'overanalyzing situations', as I try to understand things. So, maybe I'm overanalyzing or not, . . . I don't know.

Case in point, about my girlfriend, . . .today, she is friendly, but more like a friend. Departing, she didn't make an attempt to touch, but rather walked away without any notion of our "boyfriend/girlfriend relationship". My analytical brain perceives it in a "non-positive" way because FOR ME, if you really care for someone, you make an attempt to show it, even if just a little.

She's done this before, though, . . . . then in a few days, gets more affectionate. An ebb and flow of sorts.

I'd like to silence that analytical mind. However, I DO have to wonder why it brings it up. . . . .if things are normal? I know she likes to be touched, because she said so. It is things like today that confuse me, and create this lack of understanding.

As I said in my other threads, we are supposed to have a session with a counselor soon, so I may have to bring this up in an effort to have a completely open dialogue about feelings/perceptions.

[moonglow]

I admit that I have trouble understanding how the mind of many women are, particularly my girlfriend's mind. I've posted a few post about my relationship on here, but this one is a new one. I'm sure that most men could say the same thing, about not really understanding the female mind. . . .Heck, maybe even women could say they don't really understand the minds of women sometimes either. :)

I have a very analytical mind, . . . and am rightly accused of 'overanalyzing situations', as I try to understand things. So, maybe I'm overanalyzing or not, . . . I don't know.

Case in point, about my girlfriend, . . .today, she is friendly, but more like a friend. Departing, she didn't make an attempt to touch, but rather walked away without any notion of our "boyfriend/girlfriend relationship". My analytical brain perceives it in a "non-positive" way because FOR ME, if you really care for someone, you make an attempt to show it, even if just a little.

She's done this before, though, . . . . then in a few days, gets more affectionate. An ebb and flow of sorts.

I'd like to silence that analytical mind. However, I DO have to wonder why it brings it up. . . . .if things are normal? I know she likes to be touched, because she said so. It is things like today that confuse me, and create this lack of understanding.

As I said in my other threads, we are supposed to have a session with a counselor soon, so I may have to bring this up in an effort to have a completely open dialogue about feelings/perceptions.

Us women are run by our hormones...sorry but its a fact of life. I would suggest you read up on this actually since you like to really understand things and why we seem different from one day to the day...I am learning all this myself never realizing just how much hormones affect my moods, my thinking, how I think the world is great one day and horrible the next...:rolleyes: Its really rather disheartening to know my hormones really are affecting me this much. It makes me wonder where "I" am in all of this. Am I just a bungle of chemicals, hormones that are controlling my thoughts, feeling and thinking...and possibly even my personality to some extent?

As confusing and even at times upsetting all of this new knowledge is for me, I do wish I had know this when I was a teenager, young adult and so forth. All those 'emotional crisis' in the past I had might have been easily avoided by using some progesterone cream...:B Now that is upsetting! But in a way it does kind of relieve some of the guilt I have carried in over reacting to some situations in my life and making everyone miserable for awhile...

While she might normally like being touched, sometimes touch can just be irritating too...and I would bet some of this is hormonal. More then likely she didn't notice and if you asked her she couldn't answer...

Its no different then sometimes my son can jump out and scare me and I laugh and other times I get down right angry. I am not consistent on certain things like that. I am sure he is totally confused by me too. :cool: Alot of it has to do with how I am feeling. For me my back pain also plays a major role in how I respond to others. If I am hurting alot I don't want to be messed with. Not too many people do when they aren't feeling good or are in pain. Or I might just be very tired and again not in the mood for his games. She may be not feeling good, tired, hurting physically...hormones, or simply had other things on her mind and didn't even realize she didn't acknowledge you like this. While we seem to be hard to understand, I think if men just did a little studying on the female biology alot of their questions would be answered...

God bless

[Slug1]

I don't understand my girlfriend, half the time.So this means half the time you DO understand her, correct :P ;)

I don't have an answer but I do have a way to get the "don't" understand half to be reduced... stop trying to figure it out yourself. All you wrote in this thread to start off... did you bring it up with her first and got no answer?

Communicate with "her"!

Print your OP out and hand it to her :idea:

That may not work... bad approach but if you were to work all this into a conversation with her and begin to get her to answer... 60/40, 70/30... that's about the limit though... :lol:

[moonglow]

So this means half the time you DO understand her, correct :P ;)

I don't have an answer but I do have a way to get the "don't" understand half to be reduced... stop trying to figure it out yourself. All you wrote in this thread to start off... did you bring it up with her first and got no answer?

Communicate with "her"!

Print your OP out and hand it to her :idea:

That may not work... bad approach but if you were to work all this into a conversation with her and begin to get her to answer... 60/40, 70/30... that's about the limit though... :lol:

I tell you slug I would bet anything she won't have an answer to his question...not she won't answer, but she doesn't know the answer. Though you are right, Magnetic does need to just talk to her and ask...I am just saying half the time we don't know why we do what we do either! So Magnetic don't be frustrated about that or think she is hiding anything...I tell you alot of it hormones...ugh. :(

And I would bet that half the time men don't know why they do what they do either.

If you think this is all bad, try getting a little kid to answer why he or she does anything at all! :lol: Its even worse with kids...:rolleyes:

"Son why did you jump off a four foot porch? Didn't you know you would get hurt?"

"No..."

"Ok well, why did you even want to jump in the first place?"

"Cause..."

They don't know...maybe an image of superman flashed in his little mind and for a second he thought he could fly...who knows...

God bless

[Vhayes]

Ok - I agree with Monnglow on this one. Hormones do indeed play a huge role in how women behave.

Why not say to her as she's leaving, "Could I have a hug? I'll miss you while you're away." -
V

[Magnetic]

She has some concerns about our relationship, and we're supposed to discuss it with a counselor soon, perhaps this weekend.

As for the hormone issue, it isn't something having to do with the monthly cycle, is it? Can it be a any time of the month? That seems to be the way she has been going about it.

After lunch, I was walking her back to her work, and she wasn't making an attempt to touch, and I had to coax her into a quick hug. I said that it was alright to do that, and she she laughed and said that she knew that.

I will be bringing this up in the session, for sure,. . . if nothing else but to inform her of my needs.

[moonglow]

She has some concerns about our relationship, and we're supposed to discuss it with a counselor soon, perhaps this weekend.

As for the hormone issue, it isn't something having to do with the monthly cycle, is it? Can it be a any time of the month? That seems to be the way she has been going about it.

After lunch, I was walking her back to her work, and she wasn't making an attempt to touch, and I had to coax her into a quick hug. I said that it was alright to do that, and she she laughed and said that she knew that.

I will be bringing this up in the session, for sure,. . . if nothing else but to inform her of my needs.

It doesn't have to be PMS..as I am discovering our hormones wax and wane all month long! It can literally change from day to day. For me though in the past when I was supposedly 'normal' before going through this insane pre-menopausal thing, I would have TWO weeks of having major hormonal problems called PMS...before the monthly thing. This affected me physically and emotionally...until I discovered progesterone which gave me alot of relief from that. So before that I literally spend years only being sane and calm for two weeks out of a month. This is just terrible...:( At any rate now that I am going through this pre-menopause stuff I am learning how much hormones have always played a huge role in my life and now I have to pay attention to what my body and 'moods' are telling me so I know if I need adjust the medication or progesterone cream so I will stay emotionally balanced since my body can no longer do that for itself. :rolleyes: (not that it was doing a great job before now...:cool:)

Of course each woman is different...some are more affected by their hormones then others too.

Maybe she did have a good reason to feel a little withdrawn from you...you won't know unless you ask her. All I am saying is if she says she doesn't know why she responded that way, she is probably telling the truth...she really doesn't know why. As I said depending on what my hormones are doing, I can be very open to people one day, and very withdrawn the next...

God bless

[Magnetic]

Well, I recently got a call from my girlfriend which may shed some light on my recent "misunderstandings". She told me that her stomach hasn't felt very good since Wednesday. Had she told me this at that time, I would have better understood some of her actions. So, my misunderstanding was just that.

Anyway, if you could pray that her stomach starts feeling better, that would be great. Thanks!

[moonglow]

Well, I recently got a call from my girlfriend which may shed some light on my recent "misunderstandings". She told me that her stomach hasn't felt very good since Wednesday. Had she told me this at that time, I would have better understood some of her actions. So, my misunderstanding was just that.

Anyway, if you could pray that her stomach starts feeling better, that would be great. Thanks!

I will be sure to pray for her...

Some people don't like to talk about any aches or pains they are having and tend to keep it to themselves. But glad she finally told you.

God bless

[Magnetic]

Thank you, moonglow. I appreciate the prayers for her. :hug:

[ohmylove]

Depending on how long you two have been together, I suppose... this could be that she has become comfortable around you. When you are first seeing each other affection is important to helping it grow but once you two or at least one of you is comfortable it starts to die down because the "honeymoon phase" is typically over after the first 2 years. Life gets in way other stresses take place, it may not be the right time to express love but she still does. At least that is how it is for me with my boyfriend. You say that some days she is affectionate, so I do think she still cares about you. Don't blame yourself for overanalyzing, everyone I know does it, my parents have been married 22 years and I hear both their stories and they still do it. I pray for you both and I hope that you two have a long happy life together :)

[Magnetic]

Thanks for your reply. I appreciate it.

This weekend was a bit up, . . .then a lot down. Saturday, we went shopping and had a good time. When we got back, she went to her place to study, then later that evening, she came over with some of her work. I was on the couch, and she was on the "love seat" reading, . . . and she left about 9:00pm. Nothing more than a very quick hug, but a decent day/evening.

Yesterday, however, . . . after church, she went back to studying, but called about 5:30-ish, . . . and began to grill me about my relationship with God and how she didn't feel like I was doing it well enough. That is highly paraphrased, but that's how I took it. I agreed that I'm not to the place she is, and mentioned that I'm working at it. Here is the "DOWN" part. I suggested that we get a devotional and work through it. She said that I should get one to do for myself, and I agreed, but thought it would be nice to do such things together, and she said that "she wasn't ready to do that with me." It really hurt my feelings, and I'm not sure what that means, but pretty much this whole weekend, she was withdrawn. Even at church, she sat to the left of me, and seemed to sit as far left on her chair as she could get (has arm rests between the folding seats).

We didn't get in to the counselor, as he didn't call back. She left him a message, over the weekend, and hopefully he will be able to get us in this weekend. I'm still holding out for that because he may be able to pull out what is going on, and if we're both willing, work on a solution so the relationship can progress in a healthy way.

I'm still requesting prayer for those who would like to hold me up during this time. I'm feeling very stressed right now and need God's comfort. I'm trying to give all this to God, but the events of the weekend are in my mind.

[Partaker of Christ]

On the bright side, PMS is only once a month. On the not so bright side, it can often last for four weeks.:D

The other good thing about living with someone, who suffers with PMS is, that it give you an opportunity, to practise loving your enemies.:lol:

[BroRog]

An arrow in flight wiggles a little bit. Best to judge the path of an arrow by it's overall trajectory, rather than on its instantaneous position at any one moment.

(end of parable)

A bit of advice. Even though a woman says that her words and behavior are due to PMS or hormones, never and I repeat, never bring it up. Never suggest that. Never say, "I understand your feelings are chemical and this is not you talking."

oops.

[Magnetic]

Wow, I hope I didn't suggest that she was being this way because of any PMS. . . . . . however, I believe that she IS about 5 days from "that time of the month", so the PMS thing may be a part of it. However, I think it is more than that. She has concerns that need to be addressed, and at this point, addressed in the company of a neutral 3rd party,. . . someone who will be able to keep the conversation on track, AND be able to suggest that either her or myself is overanalyzing things too much, or seeing conflict too easily.

I haven't talked with her today. I'm purposefully not contacting her myself. If she calls me, I will be nice and sincere, of course. However, I don't want to get into another conversation like last night. It upset me too much, . . and I had a hard time sleeping. I woke up about 1:30 am, couldn't get back to sleep until after 3:00 am, and woke up 2 or 3 more times, until I had to get up for work. That's why I was needing prayer for comfort/peace. :pray:

BTW, BroRog, . . . I really liked your parable. It really is true. Thanks for that!

[My_King]

Maybe - she wants you to learn on your own simply to show her you're serious? I can't speak for her, but in my own marriage, when my husband takes the initiative and does it on his own, it makes me so happy!

Have you two considered asking to be mentored by an elder couple in the church that has been married for 100000000000000 years? You'll probably read this in lots of my posts, because I feel very positive about my experience with it. I can't say it's for everyone, but I'd like to suggest it.

Not only will the elder couple be able to give you lots of wisdom, insight, and information about being a "couple", but they will also become one of your best friends in your whole life! It blesses them and you both.

OH - another thought about being a woman - We have this ability to think about 10000000 billion things at the very same time...sometimes, we're simply "thinking." My husband used to ask me, "Are you mad at me for something?" Well...NO! LOL So I'd have to explain I was only thinking about this and that and this and that, etc..... Now he only asks, "What'cha think'n about, sweetie?"

[scottinnj]

Men and women are both guilty of this. It isn't a "girl" thing. I'm glad you got an explanation for what was going on, and I hope her stomach is feeling better.
But it will happen again, and throughout your relationship, you will do the same thing to her, but you won't even realize it when you do it. It's just the way it is.
If you get married, there will come periods when the relationship feels more like a business partnership then a loving relationship. Never fret over that, just know now that even when things don't feel emotionally like love, that doesn't mean love is gone in your relationship. It's just the ebb and flo of a relationship.

[Magnetic]

Thanks, you two. I appreciate your input.

Last night, before church, I stopped in to see my personal counselor. I spoke to him about some of my concerns, and her concerns, . . . and he requested that I ask her if she would be willing to come in to talk to him. I haven't mentioned it yet, since she has been dealing with this internal pain issue, but after it is resolved, and I feel the time is right, I may suggest it. I have another thread going that has included posts for today that may be relevant if you are interested in them. :(