Need help!

[lostmomma]

I put this in the prayer request section too. I am in such a funk! My marriage is not going well. My life in general. My husband loves God but refuses to give his entire life to him. He did not grow up in anything close to a church or good family. I met him and he did a lot of changing. He goes to church with me twice a week and he really does truly believe. He has a horrible circle of friends and habits he is not willing to give up completely. I do understand things can't all happen over night but there are somethings I feel he just really doesn't want to change. My kids are the main reason I am still in the family. I think sometimes I should just take my younger son and start life all over. I am not sure how much longer to wait for him to make a decision to give it all to God. We just don't have a close bond. I long for a companion I can dream with, share with, and feel connected with. While we have good days, it feels like a constant roller coaster. Last weekend he was out with friends twice. It just negated for me anything good that happened between us for the past week. I open up to him every week only to be disrespected and ignored over the weekend when he has better things to do. I feel like him and my kids only need me for things a maid, taxi driver, chef could do. I used to feel very successful and good at what I did. But now I am feeling lonely and worthless. I need to rely on God and his peace to bring me out of this. I cry every single day and no one knows or in my mind cares. I just want to be happy and live my life for God totally. Thanks for listening!

[Sojourner]

First, I am male. I certainly feel for you, but you mustn't correct him, it only drive a wedge between you all. The Holy Spirits "job" is to convict of unlove (sin); you can't do it from without, He must do it from within.

I am sure you are praying for him; focus on bettering your relation with the Father and live a quite and peaceable consecrated life as a hand maiden of the Father and your husband will see your sancified lifestyle and you will be a mirror in which to see himself (he will make the comparison).

Live in moderation and have a sweet, quite spirit. :hug:

[moonglow]

I put this in the prayer request section too. I am in such a funk! My marriage is not going well. My life in general. My husband loves God but refuses to give his entire life to him. He did not grow up in anything close to a church or good family. I met him and he did a lot of changing. He goes to church with me twice a week and he really does truly believe. He has a horrible circle of friends and habits he is not willing to give up completely. I do understand things can't all happen over night but there are somethings I feel he just really doesn't want to change. My kids are the main reason I am still in the family. I think sometimes I should just take my younger son and start life all over. I am not sure how much longer to wait for him to make a decision to give it all to God. We just don't have a close bond. I long for a companion I can dream with, share with, and feel connected with. While we have good days, it feels like a constant roller coaster. Last weekend he was out with friends twice. It just negated for me anything good that happened between us for the past week. I open up to him every week only to be disrespected and ignored over the weekend when he has better things to do. I feel like him and my kids only need me for things a maid, taxi driver, chef could do. I used to feel very successful and good at what I did. But now I am feeling lonely and worthless. I need to rely on God and his peace to bring me out of this. I cry every single day and no one knows or in my mind cares. I just want to be happy and live my life for God totally. Thanks for listening!

From your two posts it sounds like to me you are suffering from depression...and are just burnt out. A mom's job is hard and its usually the 'same old thing' day after day and it can wear us down for sure...especially if we feel like we are being taken for granted. On those days I try to remind myself that I am the rock for my son...Christ is my Rock and what holds everything together and when I am worn out I go to Him and rest on Him.

The bible tells us the work we do...regardless of whether its working at a job, working at home being a stay at home mom or dad...whatever kind of work it is, its work we do to honor God. He has made us stewards over a home He had provided for us, over children He has given us, over everything we have.

You are giving your children and your husband something very important...stability. Security and while what we do is never going to be appreciated enough...its devastating when its gone. Here is what I mean...you ever read those news stories or know someone who's mom ran away? Abandoned the family and even the children? The damage it does to those left behind is huge! The glue that held them together, and ran the house and took care of so much is suddenly gone. Its like yanking the foundation out from under a house...the house caves in! What hurts the family left behind isn't they lost someone to 'run them around' or mop the floors, or be 'the cook'....they lost someone they thought did those things and was there for them because she loved them...

That is not something a maid or a hired cook or hired driver can ever do. Those people care only in the sense its their job...you though love them. No one can replace that.

One time I read an article on how much it would cost to pay someone to do all the work a stay at home mom does...I just found a site and calculated it and I should be making 116,805 a year! lol.

This is the list of jobs we do just staying at home:
Housekeeper
Day Care Center Teacher
Cook
Computer Operator
Laundry Machine Operator
Janitor
Facilities Manager
Chief Executive Officer
Van Driver
Psychologist
Interior Designer
Administrative Assistant
Event Planner
Bookkeeper
General Maintenance Worker
Groundskeeper
Nutritionist
Staff Nurse - RN
Plumber
Logistics Analyst
http://swz.salary.com/momsalarywizard/layoutscripts/mswl_newsearch.asp
:eek: wow....

I would suggest a couple of things...maybe you need a vacation or a weekend out with the girls...your husband going out with friends on weekends is what he does to socialize....alot of spouses do this. You are taking it as a slap in the face though...I don't think you should unless there is more going on then you have told us. And yes it takes time for the Holy Spirit to work in us. Its an ongoing for the rest of your life type of thing. No one is saved then perfect. I think you need a social life...a chance to unwind from constantly 'being on duty'. The other thing is you might be suffering from a chemical imbalance and need medication to get out of this depression.

Give yourself credit and rewards for the work you do! Take a long bubble bath...listen to some music you like...read a book! Spend some one on one time alone with God most of all on a daily basis...

God bless

[lostmomma]

Thanks for the words of encouragement and advice. I do believe I am burnt out to a point. I talked to my hsuband this morning and told him how I was feeling. I have trust issues based on the fact that he hasnot always been honest about his actions and whereabouts when he is with his friends. It is a long story, too long to go into all the details. I just said I can not continue to open myself up each week just for you to hurt me by your actions each weekend. He has not responded to me yet, probably because my last sentence of the text was I wasn't sure there was anything HE could do. Of course he could change and be exactly who I want him to be, but I wont ask this anymore. I realize and agree with the first person who responded to my post that I have been thinking for too long that I could make these changes. He and the power of the HS are the only things that can make this complete transformation in his life. I will be praying hard the next few days, Sunday's sermon is about transforming your life (how appropriate) I need to be focused now on trusting God for His will to be done in my life and my marriage, not stuck in self pity and depression. I do need more of a life of my own, just not sure what things that entails yet. I have been going to the gym more and that makes me feel good about myself both mentally and physically. Thanks again!

[karenoka27]

First of all Welcome to the Board!:hug:

You are not alone in situations such as this. And I am one who can relate. I will share with you what I have learned through the years. You are to work out your own salvation. Your husband will have to stand before God one day and give an account for his own life. You will too. And if you were to try to point the finger at your husband and say "It was the man you gave me..."the Lord will remind you of what His word said:
1 Peter 3:1-"Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;"

I was troubled by something you shared because I have heard it so many times: "Of course he could change and be exactly who I want him to be, but I wont ask this anymore."
You or any wife do not have the right to change anyone to be who we "want" them to be. For one thing,they would never meet up to those expectations. It is important to keep in mind that it was God who created them to be who they are. It is each of our individual responsibility to find out who we are in Christ and live according to His plan. If your husband is not doing this,that does not mean that you shouldn't either.
The Bible does not give you permission to walk out on your marriage because your husband isn't walking with the Lord. I am married to an unbeliever for over 25 years and oh how I would have ran if I knew I had the Lord's blessing. But I have seen the Lord's blessing in my home because I stayed.

1Corinthians 7:13-14-"And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy."

Now to lighten things up a bit,have you heard this song about mothers? It is really funny and true!:hug: We are all in this together.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7R9SFBLvIk

[DaniHansen]

You know, for all the time I used to spend wondering when God was going to change my husband, it turned out that the person God wanted to change, was me.

Go figure. :D

[SweetSomber]

I think that one important truth to keep in mind is that sometimes wives need to have boundaries with their husbands.

As has been said a couple times now, the wife should focus on her part, on her trusting of God, and meek and quiet spirit, and yes that's very important. But that truth alone is an imbalance.

My mother lived solely by that truth in an abusive relationship until her health literally broke and she hasn't been the same. Since then, she started to realize that loving and supporting one's husband is good, but there are also times when you should not trust and support your husband in what he does. Times when you need boundaries. Times when you need to bring things before the elders of the church.

That's my two cents.

[lostmomma]

This weekend was horrible! Things were said by both of us that I don't think we will ever get past. I was not very Christian like and I hate that I allow this situation in my life take over my Spirit. I do agree Dani that there are definite things I need to change. But as Sweet Somber said I can only take so much. I try not to lose hope but after all of this I am just not sure anymore. I will stay as long as I am in no physical danger, for my boys. I am just not sure I can ever forget some of the things he said. I know I need God more than ever right now, but feel myself slipping in the hopelessness of it all. I can't even cry anymore.

[DaniHansen]

I'm sorry. :(

Hugs for you. :hug: :hug:

God still loves you, and your husband, and your children.

[Sojourner]

I talked to my hsuband this morning and told him how I was feeling.:) Last words of a dying marriage, I told him how I was feeling! Speak according to the WORD, not your feeling, and don't put him on a guilt trip.

We wrestle not with flesh and blood, but with [evil spirits].

Draw nigh to God, and He will draw nigh unto you. God wants to change you through all of this.

Wifes sumbit yourselves unto you own husbands, as unto the Lord. Perhaps you don't submit yourself neither to God or your husband. I said all of the post with love and compassion for you. :)