Saving my marriage

[KALHUN98]

Tonight I am telling my husband that I am aware of his relationship with another woman, which has been going on for quite some time but I only recently learned about it. Please pray for God's guidance for my words and actions and reactions. Please pray for my husband's heart to be open to the will of God for his life and our marriage. Please pray for my husband to be convicted to begin work on our marriage immediately through counseling and cutting off all connections with the other woman. Please pray that he not run away from me and our kids but run to God.

[Bandit]

A prayer has been lifted up for this situation. :pray:

[9Marksfan]

Praying as well in this very difficult situation :pray:

[amandabruderer]

We are praying for you and children in this tragedy.

[Redneck Charger]

Praying for you and your family:pray::pray::pray::pray:

[KALHUN98]

Thank you for your prayers. God is good! He agreed to go to counseling and the first appointment is today. Please pray that he hears what God wants him to hear and that the counselor guides my husband in the right direction. Please pray that he keeps his word and discontinues the relationship with the other woman. Please pray that he fulfills his promise to work on our marriage. Pray that God's will be done in my husband, myself, and our marriage. Thanks be to God!

[Frances]

:pray: that you both hear what God wants you to hear, that the counsellor guides you both in the right direction, that you both work together in your marriage and that God's Will is manifest in your relationship with your husband. . . .

[9Marksfan]

Thank you for your prayers. God is good! He agreed to go to counseling and the first appointment is today. Please pray that he hears what God wants him to hear and that the counselor guides my husband in the right direction. Please pray that he keeps his word and discontinues the relationship with the other woman. Please pray that he fulfills his promise to work on our marriage. Pray that God's will be done in my husband, myself, and our marriage. Thanks be to God!

That is SO encouraging! Praise God for answered prayer! How did the first appointment with the counsellor go?

[Diggindeeper]

Praying for you especially, for I know this is heartbreaking. Praying for him, because he has vowed to forsake all others. Praying for your family, that it can remain constant and enduring. Also praying that the homewrecker is removed and that she realizes she is trespassing.

Psalm 127:1
Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it....

[moltenflower]

Tonight I am telling my husband that I am aware of his relationship with another woman, which has been going on for quite some time but I only recently learned about it. Please pray for God's guidance for my words and actions and reactions. Please pray for my husband's heart to be open to the will of God for his life and our marriage. Please pray for my husband to be convicted to begin work on our marriage immediately through counseling and cutting off all connections with the other woman. Please pray that he not run away from me and our kids but run to God.

Father, I have to say that being married is hard work as You know and the whole "and the two shall become one" is particularly difficult. Somewhere along the way, however, some people drift from the understanding that they were married under the sight of You and that You Yourself is watching their every move...taking You with them when they give in under the temptation(s) of the Evil One. I ask that You help Kalhun98, Father. I can see that she very much wants to forgive her husband and desperately wants to regain complete trust and faith in a man she probably once held in high regard but maybe doesn't so much at this time. This type of betrayal, Father, is painful and has a way of even slicing through whatever "shields" we may have up around us that we carry with us from day to day. I ask that through this difficult time that You give Kalhun the strength that can only come from You and the wisdom to know what direction she should take. Only You can change her husband but he has to be willing. I ask that You soften his heart and make him aware of his actions. May she only speak the words placed on her heart at the precise moment she is to utter them. In Jesus Name, amen.

[KALHUN98]

That is SO encouraging! Praise God for answered prayer! How did the first appointment with the counsellor go?

Yesterday's appointment was just for my husband. This counselor, which I have been seeing for awhile now, sees couples individually at first and then brings them together several sessions down the road. My husband began playing the "quiet game" at home with me again last night. Probably resenting the fact that he "had to" attend counseling, or being "told to" give up the other woman.

My next session with her is today. Maybe she will give me some insight as to how their session went. At this time, I don't even know if he has scheduled a second session! I will update you as soon as I know.

Until then, please pray that God continues to soften his heart to me and harden his heart to the other woman. Please pray that he is open to continuing to attend counseling and that God speaks to him through those sessions and my words (or silence) and actions.

[Colo25]

Lifting you and your husband before The Lord right now. :pray:
Colo

[9Marksfan]

Yesterday's appointment was just for my husband. This counselor, which I have been seeing for awhile now, sees couples individually at first and then brings them together several sessions down the road. My husband began playing the "quiet game" at home with me again last night. Probably resenting the fact that he "had to" attend counseling, or being "told to" give up the other woman.

My next session with her is today. Maybe she will give me some insight as to how their session went. At this time, I don't even know if he has scheduled a second session! I will update you as soon as I know.

Until then, please pray that God continues to soften his heart to me and harden his heart to the other woman. Please pray that he is open to continuing to attend counseling and that God speaks to him through those sessions and my words (or silence) and actions.

I knew it would probably just be your husband but I'd hoped he'd share with you how it went - I guess it's not surprising that he didn't, in some ways, given his recent behaviour. Will keep praying along the lines you've asked for - just a suggestion but have you considered going to your pastor? Does your husband attend church regularly?

[KALHUN98]

I knew it would probably just be your husband but I'd hoped he'd share with you how it went - I guess it's not surprising that he didn't, in some ways, given his recent behaviour. Will keep praying along the lines you've asked for - just a suggestion but have you considered going to your pastor? Does your husband attend church regularly?

The counselor told me that he said he loves me, but is not in love with me. He is not ready to leave, but he is confused. He said that "two months of her changed behavior does not make up for 10 years". She said she sees some deep hurt and insecurity. And of course he denied any wrongdoing in the affair. I tell you I have loved this man the only ways I knew how and I am learning some things that I should have done differently, but he could have been a better husband too. He is trying to make this all me when we discuss it and now in counseling.

He did schedule a second visit for next week, so Praise be to God for that!

I did visit with our pastor, about two months ago. He said "Even though I am in the business of recommending prayer, it just may not work in this case. If he wants to go, maybe you should just let him go." I haven't gone back to see him since and I am almost considering changing churches. I felt worse when I left his office then when I walked in. & My husband does not attend services regularly with us, never has, which is just one of the many ways that the enemy has moved in to our marriage and our home!

Please pray that he sticks with the Christian couseling and that he actively participates in the restoration process. Please pray for continued separation between him and any ungodly influences or distractions. Please pray for his heart to be healed and for my continued hope in God's will for this marriage!

[Frances]

he is confused. He said that "two months of her changed behavior does not make up for 10 years". She said she sees some deep hurt and insecurity.

:pray: . . . . .

[9Marksfan]

The counselor told me that he said he loves me, but is not in love with me.

Well that's some comfort. To be honest, after 10 years of marriage, most couples are no longer "in love" - that's not what keeps a marriage going anyway - it's the commitment to love that does. Looks like that's still there to some extent, which is good.

He is not ready to leave, but he is confused. He said that "two months of her changed behavior does not make up for 10 years".

What do you think he means by that? Have you been marginalising him (unconsciously) over the 10 years? Speaking from my own experience, a man needs to feel he is still valued and important when kids come along, especially as they can take up just about all of mom's time!

She said she sees some deep hurt and insecurity.

It would be very important for you to explore that with the counsellor.

And of course he denied any wrongdoing in the affair.

You need to try to get to the bottom of this - was there any physical relationship?

I tell you I have loved this man the only ways I knew how and I am learning some things that I should have done differently, but he could have been a better husband too. He is trying to make this all me when we discuss it and now in counseling.

Don't be like him, then! It sounds like maybe you both need to look at yourselves - if you are prepared to accept that your behaviour has perhaps contributed towards things, it may make a big difference to things - if he feels deeply hurt and insecure, you need to work through the reasons for that and not keep saying it's all his fault (I'm not denying he's to blame, but you have to get to the root of his unhappiness). Marriage is a struggle for all of us, but it takes two to make it work! Well, for us, three!!!! :pp

He did schedule a second visit for next week, so Praise be to God for that!

Amen! That's really encouraging!

I did visit with our pastor, about two months ago. He said "Even though I am in the business of recommending prayer, it just may not work in this case. If he wants to go, maybe you should just let him go."

Dear, dear - a pastor saying prayer may not work! :o I'm suspecting however that he perceives your husband as an unbeliever and that if he no longer wants to stay in the marriage, you should let him go (1 Cor 7:15). But it sounds like he DOES want to stay now - or at least part of him does - and that's great! Even if he is an unbeliever, if he is prepared to stay, then God is still able to bless the marriage (look at vv13-14! It doesn't mean that your faith has made your husband a Christian, but he is "set apart" (ie sanctified) to receive God's blessing through your prayers and godly influence - as are youur kids!).

I haven't gone back to see him since and I am almost considering changing churches. I felt worse when I left his office then when I walked in.

That is very discouraging - however, it may be difficult to establish the kind of counselling relationship you need spiritually with a brand new pastor in a brand new church - it might be worthwhile going back to this pastor, share your concerns with him and let him know that God has been answering prayer and that you want to fight to save your marriage and would like his help - if he's prepared to give it, great! If not, then maybe you should be looking for a new church - one where the pastor is truly compassionate, believes in the power of prayer and is committed to helping his flock in all their trials.

& My husband does not attend services regularly with us, never has, which is just one of the many ways that the enemy has moved in to our marriage and our home!

Did he have any kind of strong Christian faith when you married him? Sorry to be asking all these questions, but it helps to know a bit more to be able to pray intelligently.

Please pray that he sticks with the Christian counseling and that he actively participates in the restoration process. Please pray for continued separation between him and any ungodly influences or distractions. Please pray for his heart to be healed and for my continued hope in God's will for this marriage!

Will do! :pray::pray::pray:

[daughter]

Certainly praying for you, your kids, and your husband. God bless you.

[KALHUN98]

I don't mind the questions at all. And I am very grateful for your concern and for your prayers!


[quote=9Marksfan;2053676]Well that's some comfort. To be honest, after 10 years of marriage, most couples are no longer "in love" - that's not what keeps a marriage going anyway - it's the commitment to love that does. Looks like that's still there to some extent, which is good.

I believe commitment may be the only thing that is keeping him at home with us at this point. And if that is a positive, then I will rejoice in it!



What do you think he means by that? Have you been marginalising him (unconsciously) over the 10 years? Speaking from my own experience, a man needs to feel he is still valued and important when kids come along, especially as they can take up just about all of mom's time!

I have spent eight of the ten years we have been married advancing my education and career, not to mention putting everything that was left in to my kids. I also have a very critical toungue. I have said some very unneccessary and hurtful things to him in the past. I never said them to hurt him, just to get a reaction - which I know now how poor a decision those times were. He is so cold, unresponsive. I just wanted to see emotion. Definately not the way to see it!



You need to try to get to the bottom of this - was there any physical relationship?

He claims it had not made it to that point yet, and they were just friends, but would he admit to the truth at this point anyway? My guess is no way.


Don't be like him, then! It sounds like maybe you both need to look at yourselves - if you are prepared to accept that your behaviour has perhaps contributed towards things, it may make a big difference to things - if he feels deeply hurt and insecure, you need to work through the reasons for that and not keep saying it's all his fault (I'm not denying he's to blame, but you have to get to the root of his unhappiness). Marriage is a struggle for all of us, but it takes two to make it work! Well, for us, three!!!! :pp

I am working hard on me. I am trying to be encouraging, compassionate, respectful, and submissive to him. It is so very hard when he continues to shut me out. I know that God is at work in me and in this marriage. I am more peaceful than ever before in my life - despite the possibility of losing my spouse and he is still at home, which I am thankful for, many times a day, everyday.



Did he have any kind of strong Christian faith when you married him? Sorry to be asking all these questions, but it helps to know a bit more to be able to pray intelligently.

No strong Christian faith as a child or young adult. The only experiences he has with the Lord now are forced by me...

He is off this weekend and should be at home for most of it. Please pray for the Lord to fill me as well as our home with His love and His peace and His joy. And pray that he takes my struggles and makes them His own. Because I know that He can handle them so much better than I can! I am so exhausted already from this trial, and the sad thing is, I know that God is really the one carrying me and He is the one doing all the work!

[JesusMySavior]

Lord, we thank You for giving us the gift of reconciliation. We know You are in the "reconciling" business, and we pray that You would reconcile this marriage and give it joy and peace, and thanksgiving, that it would give You honor, and these two would truly become "one flesh" again. Let her husband continue in classes and break through his hardened heart Lord. Thank You for these things, in Jesus' Name, Amen.

[livingwaters]

:pray::pray:Praying for you and your husband....God is very aware of what's going on...in fact, one of HIS "pet peeves" is adultery.....not good with God! But, since we do serve an awesome, forgiving, merciful, and everything else good, God...we should expect HIS best work in answer to our earnestly seeking HIM for results. HE CAN DO ALL THINGS!!!!! So, pray, and believe that you receive what you have prayed for....don't pray amiss...it must line up with God's Word....Alleluia!!!! Then, step back and wait on the Lord!:pp:pp:pp:pp:pp

God Bless and be diligent and persistent in your prayers.:)

[miepie]

This thread is going to be moved to Counseling Requests.

God Bless.