SavedByHisGrace
Apr 21st 2009, 02:26 AM
I was raised in a Christian home...was confirmed in 8th grade and attended church every Sunday throughout high school. I went off to college and became very depressed. I was never "suzie high school" and very much one of those kids that danced to the beat of their own drummer. I was in band and theater and never did your typical high school things. I did have a few good Christian friends though that I leaned on that got me though. When I moved away I was forgotten about. I was an outcast on my dorm floor. I was never in to pop music and movie stars. I was more concerned with my major than to go out and party. I didn't feel welcomed anywhere...even with the youth group on campus. Instead I got made fun of. My dorm room vandalized. I didn't even know these people but for some reason just because I wasn't "like them" they found that it was okay to be rude and nasty. I just didn't feel like I fit in anywhere and their actions only further enforced it. It was like high school all over again but this time worse.
I started to become lonely, depressed and angry at God. I felt like He had abandoned me on this college campus. He had gotten me through high school and all of the persecution I endured in high school youth group...where was He when I was getting the same treatment in the college youth group?!
Since the few Christian friends I had from high school had gone MIA I started to hang out with a different group of friends I had made back home. They were all Pagans. I never really knew what a pagan was and didn't care. During winter break of my freshman year I inquired about it. The girl across the hall in my dorm was one...and she was a sweetie so paganism couldn't be that bad right? Well, I learned about it and soaked it in and started practicing witchcraft.
The devil got ahold of me. I was so angry and bitter at God and I thought that I was finally happy with my new found friends who accepted me and who shared my new found belief. I made more Pagan friends and when I transferred to a different university and I joined the campus pagans and took position of president. I was living the pagen life that was supposed to be all sunny and great....but still so unhappy even though I kept telling myself that "this was where I was supposed to be".
My relationship with my parents got rocky. My grades were falling fast...and no "spell" I did could get me out of the mess I was in. I was even more depressed and went as far as trying to kill myself during my junior year of college. I was a wreck...and left the big university to go home and go to the junior college there in hope of turning myself around. Things started off okay...but soon went back downhill. Time went by...I kept asking my gods for help but none came to my rescue. I kept doing my spells to get me through...falling further into misery. I was threatened and beaten by the man I was dating at that time...and asked my gods why they let that happen...why my spell to protect me from his anger didn't work. I kept looking for grace and love from these pagan gods and kept turning up empty. Bad things happen...but wow. Don't you usually see the light at the end? Not me. Not then. Not as I was. Sure, I kept hearing God calling me back and I would crack open a Bible but would quickly close it the moment I thought about going back. After all, God had abandoned me!
Fast forward...
In October 2007 I met my current boyfriend and started dating him that December. He was a Christian and knew I was a pagan. I knew that it would eventually cause a problem...but I was so blinded by darkness that I didn't care. He said he was okay with it and I left it at that. For the first time in my life I was with a man who loved me unconditionally, who made me happy and brought so much light into my life. I started to realize that it was God's love that was shining through him and that maybe I needed to get to know God again...but would run back to my pagan alter at every thought. For 11 months God kept calling for me. Kept showing His love through my boyfriend. He kept trying to tear down my wall I had built to keep Him out...until one night in November when I was driving home from my boyfriends. Out of no where God grabbed me and said "STOP. I love you and don't want to see you like this. The devil has a grip on you and only wants to destroy you. I only want good for you. I love you. Please come back."
It was like I had been awaken from a million year sleep. That night I fell on my knees and gave my life back over to Christ. I asked for His forgiveness and became free that night. I boxed up and got rid of my pagan alter and books. I pulled out my Christian CD's and wept, rejoiced and praised God as I listened to them. I now have a wonderful relationship with my parents. I have a new outlook on life. I have new Christian friends. My boyfriend and I are more in love and stronger now than ever. We have found a church that both of us enjoy and are talking about becoming members there. God is in our lives and we worship Him together. It's amazing what God has done for me in such a short time!
My chains are gone. I have been set free! The darkness in my life is gone. His light is shining through me every day. The hardships in life are still hard...but He gets me through. I now understand His love...the love He has had for me the entire time.:)
I started to become lonely, depressed and angry at God. I felt like He had abandoned me on this college campus. He had gotten me through high school and all of the persecution I endured in high school youth group...where was He when I was getting the same treatment in the college youth group?!
Since the few Christian friends I had from high school had gone MIA I started to hang out with a different group of friends I had made back home. They were all Pagans. I never really knew what a pagan was and didn't care. During winter break of my freshman year I inquired about it. The girl across the hall in my dorm was one...and she was a sweetie so paganism couldn't be that bad right? Well, I learned about it and soaked it in and started practicing witchcraft.
The devil got ahold of me. I was so angry and bitter at God and I thought that I was finally happy with my new found friends who accepted me and who shared my new found belief. I made more Pagan friends and when I transferred to a different university and I joined the campus pagans and took position of president. I was living the pagen life that was supposed to be all sunny and great....but still so unhappy even though I kept telling myself that "this was where I was supposed to be".
My relationship with my parents got rocky. My grades were falling fast...and no "spell" I did could get me out of the mess I was in. I was even more depressed and went as far as trying to kill myself during my junior year of college. I was a wreck...and left the big university to go home and go to the junior college there in hope of turning myself around. Things started off okay...but soon went back downhill. Time went by...I kept asking my gods for help but none came to my rescue. I kept doing my spells to get me through...falling further into misery. I was threatened and beaten by the man I was dating at that time...and asked my gods why they let that happen...why my spell to protect me from his anger didn't work. I kept looking for grace and love from these pagan gods and kept turning up empty. Bad things happen...but wow. Don't you usually see the light at the end? Not me. Not then. Not as I was. Sure, I kept hearing God calling me back and I would crack open a Bible but would quickly close it the moment I thought about going back. After all, God had abandoned me!
Fast forward...
In October 2007 I met my current boyfriend and started dating him that December. He was a Christian and knew I was a pagan. I knew that it would eventually cause a problem...but I was so blinded by darkness that I didn't care. He said he was okay with it and I left it at that. For the first time in my life I was with a man who loved me unconditionally, who made me happy and brought so much light into my life. I started to realize that it was God's love that was shining through him and that maybe I needed to get to know God again...but would run back to my pagan alter at every thought. For 11 months God kept calling for me. Kept showing His love through my boyfriend. He kept trying to tear down my wall I had built to keep Him out...until one night in November when I was driving home from my boyfriends. Out of no where God grabbed me and said "STOP. I love you and don't want to see you like this. The devil has a grip on you and only wants to destroy you. I only want good for you. I love you. Please come back."
It was like I had been awaken from a million year sleep. That night I fell on my knees and gave my life back over to Christ. I asked for His forgiveness and became free that night. I boxed up and got rid of my pagan alter and books. I pulled out my Christian CD's and wept, rejoiced and praised God as I listened to them. I now have a wonderful relationship with my parents. I have a new outlook on life. I have new Christian friends. My boyfriend and I are more in love and stronger now than ever. We have found a church that both of us enjoy and are talking about becoming members there. God is in our lives and we worship Him together. It's amazing what God has done for me in such a short time!
My chains are gone. I have been set free! The darkness in my life is gone. His light is shining through me every day. The hardships in life are still hard...but He gets me through. I now understand His love...the love He has had for me the entire time.:)