"not ready to do Bible study yet", something worth breaking up over?

[Magnetic]

I was talking to my pastor about what I mentioned in my previous thread. It was about how my girlfriend wasn't ready to do bible study with me yet, . . . probably due to her other concerns, concerns that will be addressed in a counseling session soon. Anyway, the pastor told me that I need to break it off with her because of that. I understand the need for two people to be spiritually together, but the spiritual alone doesn't make a complete relationship. There are other factors that may need to be addressed that may cause a person to hesitate on something intimate, like doing devotionals together.

I just thought it was odd advice, . . . rather than suggesting that we get in to see a counselor, he said that the relationship should end. Was he speaking truth, . . .speaking out of turn, . . . perhaps speaking not knowing all the details?

I think the last one is more true. I think I didn't give him enough information to make such a strong assessment and suggestion.

What is your opinion?

[Vhayes]

Magnetic, I think he is trying to save you future heartbreak.

V

[DaniHansen]

How long have you guys been a couple? If you're both young and in the early stages of your relationship, and unless you're seriously considering marriage, why would you seek counseling? That's what I don't understand, and so please humor me if you don't mind. If you guys are overcomplicating these things now, this soon, then I would honestly have to question how it's going to be if things become really serious.

I'm sure you love your girlfriend and I understand she has trust issues, but a lot of what you're dealing with I think is completely normal as you get to know one another and build a relationship. You don't understand her half the time, sure. Guess what? I don't understand my husband half the time either, and more often than not I leave him scratching his head, but we love each other and we're committed to another. So I'm not sure why you would feel a need for counseling and so forth, if you're not engaged or discussing marriage, etc.

[Magnetic]

Here's the thing on the "heartbreak". Whether it is today, or in the future, . . . if we broke up, my heart will be broken, regardless. I just think it would be premature to do something like that before I know that what needs to be worked on IS attempted. . . . . giving up "without a fight", so to speak.

[Magnetic]

How long have you guys been a couple? If you're both young and in the early stages of your relationship, and unless you're seriously considering marriage, why would you seek counseling? That's what I don't understand, and so please humor me if you don't mind. If you guys are overcomplicating these things now, this soon, then I would honestly have to question how it's going to be if things become really serious.

I'm sure you love your girlfriend and I understand she has trust issues, but a lot of what you're dealing with I think is completely normal as you get to know one another and build a relationship. You don't understand her half the time, sure. Guess what? I don't understand my husband half the time either, and more often than not I leave him scratching his head, but we love each other and we're committed to another. So I'm not sure why you would feel a need for counseling and so forth, if you're not engaged or discussing marriage, etc.

The "counseling" was her idea. I mentioned this in a previous thread. She made a committment to a counselor (the one we'll be seeing) that if she finds herself in a relationship that she sees promise in, she would have that person, and herself, do an adjectives test. The test had 300 adjectives and I was to select the ones I saw in myself, then those I would like to see in her. That was all the test was about. The "counseling session" was to show where we have similarities, and where we need to work on things.

But yes, the relationship is fairly new, so we ARE in the stage of "getting to know one another".

[DaniHansen]

But yes, the relationship is fairly new, so we ARE in the stage of "getting to know one another".

Then I'm going to say that what you guys are dealing with is entirely normal, and so I wouldn't sweat it overmuch. If you submit your relationship to the Lord, He will let you know when it's time to walk away or if it's worth pushing through and working things out, because only God can see the end from the beginning and knows His own purpose for things. You're both so young yet. God uses our relationships to not only teach us things about other people, but mostly about ourselves. After 9 years together, my husband and I are *still* getting to know each other. Which is why marriage is designed to last a lifetime because honestly, that's how long it takes to really get to know another person and become true partners. :)

[Magnetic]

Your words inspire me, Dani. They are so true, . . . trusting in God, because he works things out for my good. :hug:

[Magnetic]

............After 9 years together, my husband and I are *still* getting to know each other. Which is why marriage is designed to last a lifetime because honestly, that's how long it takes to really get to know another person and become true partners. :)


I just had to quote this part and smile at the honest truth you gave in it. :)

[moonglow]

Ugh...ok...this is the thing. She may be expecting you to be lead in any bible study together...knows you can't and that puts her in a really bad situation so what else can she do but decline for right now?
She feels more stable in her relationship with God, correct? So how can she expect you to be the spiritual leader if this is the case? I can understand her not wanting to do bible study with someone that is still struggling in that area. The bible is clear the man (husband) needs to be the spiritual leader of the family but he can't be if the girlfriend (wife) knows more about the bible then he does, is further along in her spiritual maturity, etc...

I have been in situations where I knew more about the bible then one of the deacons at our old church....that is not a good thing. I really think since this is a new relationship that you relax and not worry about every little thing she does or doesn't do..and going to everyone about things she does or doesn't do either, as you will get ten million different opinions on it. Plus I think you really are worrying and over analyzing everything she does. I don't think she is resisting your leading...but you can't lead at this point.

Your communication with each other is horrible...I would be more concerned about that right now then anything else. If you aren't asking her why on this and other things you need too...if she isn't answering you, then you guys have bigger things to worry about...

Good communication is the key to any relationship and no one should have to go to a counselor to get answers from something they care about. If she really is leaving you to 'guessing' about things she does then you need to confront her on that..its not fair to you. Like with the not hugging you the other day....why couldn't she have just said, I don't feel good my stomach is hurting...and not leave you wondering what is going on. Just from your post it just seems like you guys don't talk...:(

God bless

[tango]

Is the problem that she's not ready to do Bible study at all, or not ready to study the Bible with you?

If she's saying she's not ready to do Bible study at all I'd have to ask about her commitment to God. If she's not ready to spend a lot of time with you (outside the context of a study group) and it's a new relationship I really wouldn't worry about it.

Depending on what these issues you mention are that might change things.

It's easy to jump to a conclusion and end a relationship but anything that's worth anything takes time to build. If you jump into giving someone their packing orders before you get chance to get to know them, draw closer to them etc, you'll never get close to anyone.

[Magnetic]

Yeah, we really DO need to work on our communication. I will personally take strides in that area, moonglow. Thanks for the "kick in the pants". :)

Tango, to me, she is worth "taking the time to build". It is a new relationship, so I will take that into account.

By the way, she is STILL upset in her stomach and is going to doctor's office to find out what's going on. They're going to draw some blood and possibly do other tests. Please keep her in prayer because she's also getting to the end of this semester of grad school and has finals this week.

Thanks!

[moonglow]

Yeah, we really DO need to work on our communication. I will personally take strides in that area, moonglow. Thanks for the "kick in the pants". :)

Tango, to me, she is worth "taking the time to build". It is a new relationship, so I will take that into account.

By the way, she is STILL upset in her stomach and is going to doctor's office to find out what's going on. They're going to draw some blood and possibly do other tests. Please keep her in prayer because she's also getting to the end of this semester of grad school and has finals this week.

Thanks!

I almost came back to delete my message..cause I don't want to hurt you...so I am relieved you didn't get upset with me or feel hurt...:hug:

Tell her too to check the side affects of any medication she is taking...some can cause upset stomach...I will pray for her on this though...

Meanwhile TALK to each other...;)

God bless

[Magnetic]

You're sweet, moonglow. Sometimes a harsh word is necessary, and I need that, from time to time. We told each other that we would have good communication, but in the past few weeks, we haven't. I need to change that, but am patiently waiting until these finals are over, the ones this week.

We are attending a conference, this weekend at our church, with a person talking about relationship issues, based upon the Song of Solomon. That could kindle some discussion. :)

Thanks for your prayers for her. I don't think she takes any meds, at the moment. I feel bad for her. . . I hate upset stomach stuff. :(

[moonglow]

You're sweet, moonglow. Sometimes a harsh word is necessary, and I need that, from time to time. We told each other that we would have good communication, but in the past few weeks, we haven't. I need to change that, but am patiently waiting until these finals are over, the ones this week.

We are attending a conference, this weekend at our church, with a person talking about relationship issues, based upon the Song of Solomon. That could kindle some discussion. :)

Thanks for your prayers for her. I don't think she takes any meds, at the moment. I feel bad for her. . . I hate upset stomach stuff. :(


I know you have been through an awful lot and went through alot of terrible pain and I didn't want to hurt you...I just hate to see you guessing and wondering what is going on with her. I am sitting here thinking..'just ask her!!' :lol: But that is me and I also realize I only know what you tell us on here..I am not there...so you have alot more insight then I do on things.

That is great about the conference this weekend I hope it does you both good. Couples have to be able to communicate no matter what is going on...especially in busy times..but I also realize you two are still in the 'getting to know you better' stage also and I can see why because of that you don't want to be too pushy. If later down the road you are more serious in your relationship, hopefully you both can communicate your thoughts and feelings more openingly. Also because you are so new in your relationship might also be another reason she isn't ready to do bible study with you yet.

Oh even vitamins on an empty stomach can cause stomach upsets too by the way.

God bless

[Magnetic]

Thanks again, moonglow. Yeah, the "new relationship" status tends to place both people on edge while they are getting to know the other, trying to determine if the person is going to be quality or not, and doing that all while being IN a relationship.

Due to her finals, and in order to let things rest a few days, I am going to keep from anything serious until the weekend, . . . and am hoping that this conference will ignite something new for both of us. I am going in to the conference expecting to learn new things, and would hope she is too.

I really DO want to get to the place where we are both comfortable enough to discuss potentially tough issues we are experiencing. The reason why I am looking forward to the session with the counselor is that she may need a 3rd party informing her of appropriate and unnecessary concerns. I could say the same thing, but she may need to hear it from someone with a Doctorate. LOL :rolleyes:

[Magnetic]

Well, my girlfriend called me last night to let me know what was going on with her stomach. I placed a thread in the prayer section about it. They did blood work and it came back normal. They felt around and thought it could be the gaul bladder or an inflamed stomach. She went in this morning for an ultrasound to see if the gaul bladder is abnormal.

I'm feeling somewhat better than the last few days about the relationship, . . . trying to be patient about everything, . . . less uptight about what I am not fully up to speed on (her true feelings). I still have a small bit of anxiety though. I am going to attempt as much strength about all this that I can.

[Vhayes]

Mag - allow yourself the pleasure of getting to know her. At the place you are at in your relationship, this should all be relaxed and fun. Stop stressing out about doing everything exactly "right" and just discover more about each other.

Enjoy the time you spend together and when you are apart, think of the smiles you shared. Cultivate the friendship; all the rest will fall into place as long as you are putting Jesus first.

I'm praying for both of you!
V

[Magnetic]

Thank you, Vhayes. I will try hard to be that way.

Thank you, also (and more importantly) for the prayers! :hug:

[moonglow]

Well, my girlfriend called me last night to let me know what was going on with her stomach. I placed a thread in the prayer section about it. They did blood work and it came back normal. They felt around and thought it could be the gaul bladder or an inflamed stomach. She went in this morning for an ultrasound to see if the gaul bladder is abnormal.

I'm feeling somewhat better than the last few days about the relationship, . . . trying to be patient about everything, . . . less uptight about what I am not fully up to speed on (her true feelings). I still have a small bit of anxiety though. I am going to attempt as much strength about all this that I can.

I would image you do have some anxiety...after what you went through...the fear of going through it again will cause anxiety and can make you a bit more needy on needing reassurance then others who haven't gone through what you have. I think just being aware of that in yourself can help alot cause you don't want to push her away because of this...you know what I mean?

Consider yourself braver then I am though...after eleven years I haven't even attempted another serious relationship...too chicken I guess! So you are doing better then me...:cool: If I ever do...I am sure all that past junk I thought I was over, is going to rear its ugly head...:B ugh...then I will be the one doing all these post and you will be helping me out...;) You'll be saying..."Do you think you might be over reacting to him doing that because your ex did that?" :cool: etc, etc, etc...


Anyway on her stomach...I sure hope its not gallblabber but from what I hear they can now take care of that pretty easy. Hopefully its something easily taken care of though...am praying for her on this.
God bless

[Magnetic]

moonglow, . . . there is probably a lot of truth in what you said about how I look at things now, having gone through a very painful divorce. I'm sure that I AM needing more assurance from her than normal, thus clouding my emotions when it doesn't come. I'm trying to conquer that "lack of trust". She may HAVE concerns, but she hasn't yet come out and said, "this isn't working". As for "being brave", . . .I suppose you could be right, though I don't FEEL all that brave, but yeah, after the emotional upheval (sp?) of a divorce, I can see how many people would shy away from it. Maybe I should have a bit longer, but I wasn't really looking for this relationship to happen, it just did and now I have to really rely on patience and peace. The conference (relationship based) is a few days away, and I'm still hopeful that it will create some renewal within myself, in her, and hopefully establish a more clear relationship between us.

About her stomach issues, I hope they will be able to discover what's going on. I haven't heard anything yet, so far, as to what the ultrasound may have discovered. I'm waiting for her to fill me in. I've been laying back recently so I don't appear to be smothering her. Whether good or bad. :rolleyes:

BTW, I'm embarrassed that I typed "gaul bladder" since it is GALL bladder. :o

[moonglow]

moonglow, . . . there is probably a lot of truth in what you said about how I look at things now, having gone through a very painful divorce. I'm sure that I AM needing more assurance from her than normal, thus clouding my emotions when it doesn't come. I'm trying to conquer that "lack of trust". She may HAVE concerns, but she hasn't yet come out and said, "this isn't working". As for "being brave", . . .I suppose you could be right, though I don't FEEL all that brave, but yeah, after the emotional upheval (sp?) of a divorce, I can see how many people would shy away from it. Maybe I should have a bit longer, but I wasn't really looking for this relationship to happen, it just did and now I have to really rely on patience and peace. The conference (relationship based) is a few days away, and I'm still hopeful that it will create some renewal within myself, in her, and hopefully establish a more clear relationship between us.

About her stomach issues, I hope they will be able to discover what's going on. I haven't heard anything yet, so far, as to what the ultrasound may have discovered. I'm waiting for her to fill me in. I've been laying back recently so I don't appear to be smothering her. Whether good or bad. :rolleyes:

BTW, I'm embarrassed that I typed "gaul bladder" since it is GALL bladder. :o

I can't spell either so don't worry about it...:)

Well even if you weren't looking for a relationship, when she appeared you could have run and you didn't. I won't say I haven't had some opportunities ...but none were right. Alot of red flags. This one guy was newly divorce and all he did was talk about his ex ..or talk about how women were falling over themselves to date him...:rolleyes: Don't know if that was suppose to make me more gun ho for him or what...was I suppose to think, 'gee he must be a real catch" ?? Yet he didn't want to date any women with 'baggage' from their past. Seemed like to me he had enough baggage of his own. I RAN from that guy...though I have to say I did feel very attracted to him..must have been one of those chemical reactions you hear about...:lol:

Later I saw him with a much younger woman with two young children (he supposedly also saw children as baggage,) later she shipped her children off to other relatives which he claimed she had been planning on doing before she meant him. :hmm: Maybe she was and that was why he got involved with her in the first place. His own son is grown and I don't think he is interested in raising someone else's child. They got married...six months later it was falling apart and things went very badly. I did feel sorry for him though because he really did seem to truly love her...

Another guy that showed interest was older then my mom...:cool: (found that out later..he was one that didn't show his age) The problem wasn't just age though..the closer he tried to get the more I pulled away..:cool:

At any rate I know God can and will put that right person in our lives too...sometimes whether we think we are ready or not. You just never know!

For me I don't think my problem will be being clingy but more like being distance. That is if I ever meet someone..lol. Us women tend to be one or the other especially if coming out of a bad relationship. :(

Anyway yea let us know what you find out something about her stomach. Nothing wrong with letting her know you care about her health..

God bless

[Magnetic]

Relationship stuff is crazy and boggles the mind at times. It seems like you did well separating yourself from those you mentioned, and I DO hope that someone comes along for you that you will feel comfortable with. I look at the relationships of a few of my friends and see how close they are with each other. It seem so priceless to me when two people unconditionally love the other person. It really is the way it should be. The TRUE picture of marriage. I don't want another counterfeit. If this relationship doesn't work out, I will be truly hurt. . . deeply. But if it DOES, I want it to be one of those priceless relationships that I see. I'm sure that the relationships I am speaking of have had their troubles, . . . no relationship is perfect, . . . but they truly love one another, and that is far better than gold, IMO.

All that to say, I hope that both of us can obtain that level of relationship in the future.

She may meet me for lunch, but if not, I may email her to see how the ultrasound went. I'm just trying to (as I said) not give the appearance of being pushy in this early stage of the relationship and run her off.

[moonglow]

Relationship stuff is crazy and boggles the mind at times. It seems like you did well separating yourself from those you mentioned, and I DO hope that someone comes along for you that you will feel comfortable with. I look at the relationships of a few of my friends and see how close they are with each other. It seem so priceless to me when two people unconditionally love the other person. It really is the way it should be. The TRUE picture of marriage. I don't want another counterfeit. If this relationship doesn't work out, I will be truly hurt. . . deeply. But if it DOES, I want it to be one of those priceless relationships that I see. I'm sure that the relationships I am speaking of have had their troubles, . . . no relationship is perfect, . . . but they truly love one another, and that is far better than gold, IMO.

All that to say, I hope that both of us can obtain that level of relationship in the future.

She may meet me for lunch, but if not, I may email her to see how the ultrasound went. I'm just trying to (as I said) not give the appearance of being pushy in this early stage of the relationship and run her off.

Yea I know what you mean regarding those kind of relationships...frankly I try not to think of them because if I did, I would soon be very miserable and depressed...and fall into a great pity party for myself and I just can't do that. So I pretend such couples are invisible when I see them out of the corner of my eye...:lol: Otherwise I start drooling with envy...:rolleyes:

Paul in the bible tells us to be content with whatever situation we are in and I just try to strive for that. I told God many years ago any relationship was in His hands and up to Him..I will not go looking because I have a great record for finding the worse man possible! So I don't trust myself in this area. The two I mentioned, you can believe me I was busy talking away to God about and listening for those red flags...something I did not do in my one and only marriage which I deeply regret now. He was throwing out red flags all over the place but I was too busy 'being in love' to take them seriously. :( So I learned my lesson! Love doesn't always mean its right.

And I know God may never send anyone...and that is ok.

I do wish you the best in this and in life in general of course. Hope you get together for lunch with her. :)

God bless

[Magnetic]

I would love to be content all the time. Really! I try to be, but my mind is really active at keeping me from being completely content. Like, right now, it tells me that if she really cared about me, she would have told me as soon as she finished with her appointment, letting me know what was discovered. I could be reading too much into her lack of divulging this information. She waited about telling me what happened in yesterday's doctor visit too. She MAY be waiting until after work.

Oh, in case you didn't guess it, she didn't meet me for lunch, but I understand that an upset stomach, after eating, would cause a person to not be at lunch. She didn't TELL me that she wasn't going to be there, but then maybe she assumed that I would figure that out, knowing her condition.

Then I wonder if I SHOULD email her to see how it went, . . .but then not wanting to be a pushy, needy, type of guy, especially if she HAS been pulling back while she thinks on where our relationship is. . . .

THESE are the reasons why I say that I have problems with being content. I probably need a miracle "healing" in my mind, because I can assure you that I can't be content on my own strength! I don't think I know HOW to be. :confused My signature verse is a great one, but actually NOT worrying about this, silencing my mind, . . . very hard to do.

[moonglow]

I would love to be content all the time. Really! I try to be, but my mind is really active at keeping me from being completely content. Like, right now, it tells me that if she really cared about me, she would have told me as soon as she finished with her appointment, letting me know what was discovered. I could be reading too much into her lack of divulging this information. She waited about telling me what happened in yesterday's doctor visit too. She MAY be waiting until after work.

Oh, in case you didn't guess it, she didn't meet me for lunch, but I understand that an upset stomach, after eating, would cause a person to not be at lunch. She didn't TELL me that she wasn't going to be there, but then maybe she assumed that I would figure that out, knowing her condition.

Then I wonder if I SHOULD email her to see how it went, . . .but then not wanting to be a pushy, needy, type of guy, especially if she HAS been pulling back while she thinks on where our relationship is. . . .

THESE are the reasons why I say that I have problems with being content. I probably need a miracle "healing" in my mind, because I can assure you that I can't be content on my own strength! I don't think I know HOW to be. :confused My signature verse is a great one, but actually NOT worrying about this, silencing my mind, . . . very hard to do.

you sound like me...:rolleyes:

Well when I said Paul said to be content in every situation...I didn't mean I was! I can drive myself crazy doing those 'what if's' also and other mind boggling lets go on the merry round too! In fact I was doing that alot the last couple of days so much so I was SICK of listening to myself think!!! ugh...then people wonder why TV is such a good thing...:lol: Or a book..or anything to keep us from thinking cause we drive ourselves batty...:B

That is why I like this board cause I am reading and not listening to myself...:lol: Or thinking about myself. I get so sick and tired of thinking about myself! Or my son...

So I know what you are going through.

Here is an way I found to derail some of these merry go round thoughts. When Jesus was walking on the water, Peter asked to come to Him..and Peter started out ok in walking on the water as long as he kept his eyes ON Jesus. As soon as he looked down or away, he started sinking...

When my thoughts are anxiety producing like this, I catch myself and visualize Jesus in my mind. I put the focus back on Him. It really helps alot. Maybe you could give it a try.:)

God bless

[Magnetic]

I try to focus my mind, but I have a constant "pit" in my stomach.

Yesterday, she hadn't made any attempt to contact me. Last night, when I left for church, she hadn't contacted me. Before church started, I texted her (not knowing where she was or what she was doing, thought it was medical related), to ask if she would please call to let me know what was going on. About 8:45-ish, she texted a short undetailed report, then I texted that I wanted to see her, so after a while, I was able to talk to her face to face.

She still seemed withdrawn, somewhat, but was cordial, at least. She told me what had happened yesterday. About noon time, she had a sharp pain, . . . a pain that scared her to where she was crying. She called her doctor's office and they told her to take another pill (that they'd given her via prescription) and to eat crackers. They also wanted her to come back in for more blood. She told me that she was very concerned about not being able to afford all the tests and that they needed to schedule a test, next Thursday, the one where nuclear dye is injected and then she's put in an imager to see what may be abnormal, . . .

There is an older man, named Cary, who she knows because she was close to him and his wife (she ended up dying of cancer, so my girlfriend is close him still). Anyway, she told me that she was on the phone to him and didn't know what to do and was upset about the bills she's incuring, and that he was telling her that things will be okay.

Here's the thing, . . . I realize that she was in pain, but all this happened yesterday without her ever getting with me to talk about it. We are supposed to still be in a relationship, . . . no talk of "taking a break", or "breaking up" has been even hinted at by her, . . . . . . So when I talked to her, last night, I told her that I hope she knew that she could rely on me and talk to me about such things, and that I want to know what's going on. I told her that I care about her and what she is going through. She gave me an "okay", . . . . .

I talked to her this morning to, to see how she was doing, and to again say that (paraphrased) I want to be in the loop of what's going on with her.

One final thing, I talked to my own counselor, before church, and he suggested that I ask her if she will come in (us together) to talk to him, so when she's feeling better, I am going to do that, because she's harboring something inside that needs to come to the surface.

Keep praying for her healing in her body. Thank you!

[moonglow]

I try to focus my mind, but I have a constant "pit" in my stomach.

Yesterday, she hadn't made any attempt to contact me. Last night, when I left for church, she hadn't contacted me. Before church started, I texted her (not knowing where she was or what she was doing, thought it was medical related), to ask if she would please call to let me know what was going on. About 8:45-ish, she texted a short undetailed report, then I texted that I wanted to see her, so after a while, I was able to talk to her face to face.

She still seemed withdrawn, somewhat, but was cordial, at least. She told me what had happened yesterday. About noon time, she had a sharp pain, . . . a pain that scared her to where she was crying. She called her doctor's office and they told her to take another pill (that they'd given her via prescription) and to eat crackers. They also wanted her to come back in for more blood. She told me that she was very concerned about not being able to afford all the tests and that they needed to schedule a test, next Thursday, the one where nuclear dye is injected and then she's put in an imager to see what may be abnormal, . . .

There is an older man, named Cary, who she knows because she was close to him and his wife (she ended up dying of cancer, so Alma (my girlfriend) is close him still). Anyway, she told me that she was on the phone to him and didn't know what to do and was upset about the bills she's incuring, and that he was telling her that things will be okay.

Here's the thing, . . . I realize that she was in pain, but all this happened yesterday without her ever getting with me to talk about it. We are supposed to still be in a relationship, . . . no talk of "taking a break", or "breaking up" has been even hinted at by her, . . . . . . So when I talked to her, last night, I told her that I hope she knew that she could rely on me and talk to me about such things, and that I want to know what's going on. I told her that I care about her and what she is going through. She gave me an "okay", . . . . .

I talked to her this morning to, to see how she was doing, and to again say that (paraphrased) I want to be in the loop of what's going on with her.

One final thing, I talked to my own counselor, before church, and he suggested that I ask her if she will come in (us together) to talk to him, so when she's feeling better, I am going to do that, because she's harboring something inside that needs to come to the surface.

Keep praying for her healing in her body. Thank you!

Mmmm well this doesn't sound good...but not knowing her personality its hard to say. I have a sister that tends to not tell us, her own family things going on in her life but will with a friend. The rest of the family is open and let each other know about things going on...good and bad, but not this one sister. She tends to just keep things to herself or talk to only one friend. Its not that she doesn't love us...its just part of her personality.

At least she told you about talking to this friend. She either has some trust issues or isn't really interested in a relationship. Its just really hard to know, since we don't know her personality. But with everything you have posted she just seems really disinterested...

I am sorry, I realize this will make your anxiety worse...:( But given how she is acting towards you I can understand why you have alot of questions and anxiety about your relationship. Something sure isn't right there...

Has she mentioned having a bad relationship with a man in the past?

PS with her stomach problems don't expect her to do this weekend church thing you mentioned. I think she will need to stay home and rest. I know you will be greatly disappointed but given the pain she is in, I don't think you can expect her to go.

God bless

[Magnetic]

Yeah, . . .believe me, I am understanding your words. . . they don't sit well with me. And yes, anxiety has been with me for the last couple of days. What I don't get is that on Saturday, she wanted to go shopping with me, spending a chunk of the day. I'm just remaining patient about all of this, and it is the reason why I will take my counselor up on asking her to see him. He isn't a clinical counselor, but on the counseling staff at my church, and he has a way of bringing out what I may not be able to pull out. It is something that I will have to do or I will not be satisfied.

It is heartbreaking to go through these things and I know that I deserve better, but until I also know all the reasons, I must remain on the path I'm on.

As for the conference, she may not go to it. . . .it's already been paid for, but depending on how well her meds work, this weekend is up in the air. That makes me a bit down, though, because something may have been brought up that would have made a difference, . . . .but then, I wouldn't want her to go if she's still sick . . . .

As for a "bad relationship", the only one she really told me about, that could be considered bad, is a guy who she was dating that decided that he no longer wanted to be a Christian, and they broke up over that. She said that "she really liked him".

There is a lot of things that I don't know, but what I DO know is that this uncertainty is REALLY hard on me, and my anxiety has a hint of the pain I went through a couple years ago with my divorce. And because of that past, it makes me more interested in getting to the heart of the issues, even if a 3rd party has to be there to direct it. My relationship with her is important enough for me to at least try.

[moonglow]

Yeah, . . .believe me, I am understanding your words. . . they don't sit well with me. And yes, anxiety has been with me for the last couple of days. What I don't get is that on Saturday, she wanted to go shopping with me, spending a chunk of the day. I'm just remaining patient about all of this, and it is the reason why I will take my counselor up on asking her to see him. He isn't a clinical counselor, but on the counseling staff at my church, and he has a way of bringing out what I may not be able to pull out. It is something that I will have to do or I will not be satisfied.

It is heartbreaking to go through these things and I know that I deserve better, but until I also know all the reasons, I must remain on the path I'm on.

As for the conference, she may not go to it. . . .it's already been paid for, but depending on how well her meds work, this weekend is up in the air. That makes me a bit down, though, because something may have been brought up that would have made a difference, . . . .but then, I wouldn't want her to go if she's still sick . . . .

As for a "bad relationship", the only one she really told me about, that could be considered bad, is a guy who she was dating that decided that he no longer wanted to be a Christian, and they broke up over that. She said that "she really liked him".

There is a lot of things that I don't know, but what I DO know is that this uncertainty is REALLY hard on me, and my anxiety has a hint of the pain I went through a couple years ago with my divorce.

Ok I see. Well..do you think this change in her has suddenly come on since her stomach problems started? Some people do just withdrawal when they are in pain or not feeling good. I know I sure don't want to be social when I don't feel well. It may be nothing more then that...she just hurts, doesn't feel good and is stressing about the cost and it could be she is afraid of being grouchy with you. I get grouchy when I don't feel good. It may have nothing at all to do with your relationship, just she isn't feeling good and worried about her health. I think I would be too if I were her. :(

Has she talked to this counselor at church before? Just wondering because of the way you phrased it: he has a way of bringing out what I may not be able to pull out.

I will pray her medication helps!

God bless

[Magnetic]

She was having some pain this past Saturday, but it seems to have gotten worse this week. But yes, she started acting this way when the stomach issue came on. It is a reason why I'm trying to not "jump the gun" on her actions because it could just be the way she handles this sort of thing. She is scared at what it could be AND the cost that is building up. It COULD be as simple as that,. . . . but me not knowing has been very difficult. There could still be a necessity to get my counselor involved, if the need arises, and it is something that I have on my plate. I haven't brought it up to her yet, though. She has too much to worry about right now. But yes, she knows who the counselor is, but hasn't been under his counsel. He is able to pull things out of someone (in general). He's just good at getting people to open up, AND listen.

Thank you for praying for the meds to work. I know she'll feel better emotionally if she starts feeling better physically.

[My_King]

Just a short note to tell you I'm praying for your girl friend's health and for your relationship. May you both find God's will in how HE wants you to progress with each other.

God bless you both,

~ Sandice

[Magnetic]

Thank you SO much. We (our relationship) needs prayers. She (her physical pain) needs a healing touch. :pray:

[moonglow]

She was having some pain this past Saturday, but it seems to have gotten worse this week. But yes, she started acting this way when the stomach issue came on. It is a reason why I'm trying to not "jump the gun" on her actions because it could just be the way she handles this sort of thing. She is scared at what it could be AND the cost that is building up. It COULD be as simple as that,. . . . but me not knowing has been very difficult. There could still be a necessity to get my counselor involved, if the need arises, and it is something that I have on my plate. I haven't brought it up to her yet, though. She has too much to worry about right now. But yes, she knows who the counselor is, but hasn't been under his counsel. He is able to pull things out of someone (in general). He's just good at getting people to open up, AND listen.

Thank you for praying for the meds to work. I know she'll feel better emotionally if she starts feeling better physically.

Ok I see...then more then likely its just her not feeling well and nothing more then that. I am going to continue to pray for her health problems. And pray you can have no anxiety about all of this.

God bless

[Magnetic]

Thank you, moonglow. I truly hope that it IS because of the way she is feeling. As far as her not getting with me yesterday, until I let her know I wanted to see her, . . . perhaps I should not dwell on that too much. She did come up and talk, when she could have said that she was too tired and was going to go to sleep. It all centers around her past concerns, so when they are finally addressed and moved on from, these types of things will be less anxious for me. It is still a new relationship and this is the first time she's gotten this sick.

[Magnetic]

I talked with her after work and she said that she did fairly well today.

Here's the thing, I decided to get some "non-threatening flowers", daisies (white and yellow) and a snapdragon, . . . as an "I'm thinking of you while you're sick". She liked them and thanked me for them. We talked for a short while after that before she said that she has to study for her final tomorrow.

I'm sure her sickness, and being tired, plays a role, but considering all of that, her response (she cut the flower stems to fit a vase, filled it with water and thanked me (verbally)) was appropriate.

Comments?

[moonglow]

I talked with her after work and she said that she did fairly well today.

Here's the thing, I decided to get some "non-threatening flowers", daisies (white and yellow) and a snapdragon, . . . as an "I'm thinking of you while you're sick". She liked them and thanked me for them. We talked for a short while after that before she said that she has to study for her final tomorrow.

I'm sure her sickness, and being tired, plays a role, but considering all of that, her response (she cut the flower stems to fit a vase, filled it with water and thanked me (verbally)) was appropriate.

Comments?

Sounds good to me. :)

God bless

[Magnetic]

Today, I looked up this verse in Philippians 4:6-7...."Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I'm praying for the peace that God promised. I have given the situation up in prayer, and am waiting for that peace. I have had anxiety for several days now and it is tiring. That's why I looked up that verse. I know it says that God's peace will guard my heart, but I'm not sure how to recognize it. When I attempt to "lay it down", my mind is still plagued by "the unknown" and "the uncertain", as it pertains to the relationship.

I'm glad, though, that she did better yesterday, and I hope that trend continues until they discover what's going on inside her. I am holding back until the internal physical stuff is taken care of before I attempt to discover what's going on in the relational stuff. It has just been difficult for me.

So, please continue praying for her (all aspects of this thread), and for me to gain the peace of God in a real and unmistakable way.

[moonglow]

Today, I looked up this verse in Philippians 4:6-7...."Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I'm praying for the peace that God promised. I have given the situation up in prayer, and am waiting for that peace. I have had anxiety for several days now and it is tiring. That's why I looked up that verse. I know it says that God's peace will guard my heart, but I'm not sure how to recognize it. When I attempt to "lay it down", my mind is still plagued by "the unknown" and "the uncertain", as it pertains to the relationship.

I'm glad, though, that she did better yesterday, and I hope that trend continues until they discover what's going on inside her. I am holding back until the internal physical stuff is taken care of before I attempt to discover what's going on in the relational stuff. It has just been difficult for me.

So, please continue praying for her (all aspects of this thread), and for me to gain the peace of God in a real and unmistakable way.

I know its difficult. I will be sure to pray for you on this!

God bless

[Magnetic]

Thank you for your prayers! :hug:

I wonder how many people go through something like this, even those who are actually married, . . . . the desire to remain strong in the face of uncertainty? Until I know different, though, I will remain strong, be supportive, and hopefully, when the time is right, open up the appropriate communications until resolution.

[moonglow]

Thank you for your prayers! :hug:

I wonder how many people go through something like this, even those who are actually married, . . . . the desire to remain strong in the face of uncertainty? Until I know different, though, I will remain strong, be supportive, and hopefully, when the time is right, open up the appropriate communications until resolution.

I image alot...which I hate to say this, but makes me glad I am not married or in a relationship most of the time. While I know there are many happy marriages, I am aware they all go through their difficult times. When I read the struggles married couples go through on here...well, it doesn't exactly make me want to have a relationship...you know what I mean? Maybe God had intended me to be 'blessed with singleness'...then I messed it up and got married..lol...and as a result I am raising my son alone. But you know most of the time I really don't mind.

God bless

[Magnetic]

I understand what you're saying. I'm not sure you are "to be single", but it seems that "finding Mr. or Mrs. Right" is hard to do, and when it doesn't seem to be going that way, it causes all sorts of emotional struggles. I wonder if it is worth it too, . . . but I know I have a lot to offer someone and feel like I should continue to work at having that level of relationship with someone. Having said that, it does come with its "hazzards"...

I don't have any ongoing issues with anxiety, but have experienced a heightened anxiety over the past week.

The past several nights, I have had a hard time with anxiety throughout the day and at night, I wake up a few times with my heart beating a little harder than normal. It makes it tough to fall back to sleep. I know that I have to work on the issues pertaining to the relationship, but my personal struggles with anxiety have been rough.

I don't have the anxiety that I experienced when I was going through my past seperation and divorce, but that past experience may be affecting the anxiety I have had recently.

I have a question. Several places in the Bible talks about "casting your cares upon God", . . . or "not being anxious but praying and letting God's peace enter in". . . . but though I know those verses are there to help, I haven't been able to mentally come to that place where I can absolutely give such things over to God. I'm not really even sure how to do it. . . to "trust God that things will work out for my good". My mind is still plagued by the uncertainty surrounding something that has come to mean a lot in my life. I really DO wnat to experience the peace of God and I know it is FOR my best interest to do so. I just know that I haven't been the best Christian in the world, and sometimes wonder if, because of that, I am punished (in a way) with what's going on, and my inability to experience true peace. :confused

[moonglow]

I understand what you're saying. I'm not sure you are "to be single", but it seems that "finding Mr. or Mrs. Right" is hard to do, and when it doesn't seem to be going that way, it causes all sorts of emotional struggles. I wonder if it is worth it too, . . . but I know I have a lot to offer someone and feel like I should continue to work at having that level of relationship with someone. Having said that, it does come with its "hazzards"...

I don't have any ongoing issues with anxiety, but have experienced a heightened anxiety over the past week.

The past several nights, I have had a hard time with anxiety throughout the day and at night, I wake up a few times with my heart beating a little harder than normal. It makes it tough to fall back to sleep. I know that I have to work on the issues pertaining to the relationship, but my personal struggles with anxiety have been rough.

I don't have the anxiety that I experienced when I was going through my past seperation and divorce, but that past experience may be affecting the anxiety I have had recently.

I have a question. Several places in the Bible talks about "casting your cares upon God", . . . or "not being anxious but praying and letting God's peace enter in". . . . but though I know those verses are there to help, I haven't been able to mentally come to that place where I can absolutely give such things over to God. I'm not really even sure how to do it. . . to "trust God that things will work out for my good". My mind is still plagued by the uncertainty surrounding something that has come to mean a lot in my life. I really DO wnat to experience the peace of God and I know it is FOR my best interest to do so. I just know that I haven't been the best Christian in the world, and sometimes wonder if, because of that, I am punished (in a way) with what's going on, and my inability to experience true peace. :confused

You know that is the million dollar question...its asked alot on the board! Once anxiety has us in its grips its hard to pry those fingers off of us. :(

When you read through the Psalms of David you can see him struggling with it also. It seems to be hard for us to give our burdens to the Lord and not take them back again....and again and again...

This will sound kind of silly..but bear with me. My son has an anxiety disorder and has to take medication for it. I realize you don't...but we all struggle with anxiety from time to time. When my son is struggling with his anxiety usually all upset over some school work he has to do I talk calmly and quietly to him about it. Will the world end if he doesn't do a good job on this? No. Will he drop dead if he doesn't do a good job on it? No. Will he flunk out of his grade over one paper? No. What is the worse possible thing that could happen? Then I listen while he tells me...and usually its not really that terrible. It might be bad..but it doesn't usually mean the world will end or he will die.

Just the other day he was having major anxiety over a paper he had to write and how the kids were told if their paper was really good they would get to read it in front of the whole school! As if that was a reward???? :eek: Most kids do not like getting up in front of their own class let alone the whole school to read something. Nate was totally appalled by this idea so that didn't exactly motivate him to do really well on this paper. :rolleyes: Second the teacher was going on and on about how very, very, very important this paper was...adding to his anxiety.

I told Nate this...when the fourth of July comes this summer, are you going to be thinking about this paper you wrote? Is it going to change your life somehow? In a year will you even remember what you wrote? He realized this one paper wasn't a life changing, live or die thing after all. Once he realized it he complained; well why do the teachers act like it's that important? I said well they do that to get the kids to do their best on it. He said, but I always do my best. I said I know you do but not all kids do. Many are lazy and don't do their best, they do just enough to get by..this is to get them to do their best...so you have nothing to worry about.

I am one of those too that image the worse of the worse when I am anxious about things also...I do a much better job at fatalistic thinking then my son does! :lol::rolleyes: Good thing he doesn't know what goes around in my head sometimes...ugh...

Studies show most of the time what terrible thing we worry will happen, never happens at all.

I would image yourself putting this worry in a box and handing it to Jesus...THEN ask the Lord to not let you take it back. Tell Him He is in control of this..you want Him to be in control of this relationship and you want Him to take your anxiety and fears about it too. Then I want you to image the best possible outcome from this relationship viewing it as God would...making Him the center of it.

The fact is your worrying isn't going to change a thing...only make you miserable.

Matthew 6

25 “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? 27 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

28 “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, 29 yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. 30 And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

34 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

God isn't punishing you. He wants to comfort you. :hug:

Ps...listening to some uplifting music over and over again always makes me feel better: Desert Rose (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujDrT1PnwdM) For me anyway, music can really affect my mood...and help me stay focused on God. I have been listening to this one for hours now and I feel so calm and relaxed. :)

God bless

[Magnetic]

Thanks for offering that bit of your life (or son's life, rather). You are right in that worrying does nothing to solve anything at all.

What I really liked is when you said to give it to God then, rather than worry, imagine the best outcome. It is something worth training my mind over because my past experiences have seen my mind looking at the negative. That's no way to live.

During the past week, or so, I've been listening to Pandora internet radio. I have a "Hillsong Radio" station that I created. Just trying to fill my mind with such things.

Thanks again for your continued help/advice. :hug:

[moonglow]

Thanks for offering that bit of your life (or son's life, rather). You are right in that worrying does nothing to solve anything at all.

What I really liked is when you said to give it to God then, rather than worry, imagine the best outcome. It is something worth training my mind over because my past experiences have seen my mind looking at the negative. That's no way to live.

During the past week, or so, I've been listening to Pandora internet radio. I have a "Hillsong Radio" station that I created. Just trying to fill my mind with such things.

Thanks again for your continued help/advice. :hug:

Sure. Yea like I implied though, I need to take my own advise when talking to my son...:lol: And like I said, for him I keep it simple. Just wait until he is faced with 'grown up' problems! Hopefully what he learns now though will carry through in those times and he can think of his own more 'grown up' things to calm himself down.

I think it can become a 'habit' to fall into negative thinking on things. Its a hard habit to break but as the bible tells us, we can take every thought captive...so its a matter of 'catching yourself'. When you realize you are thinking negatively stop it and turn it around to something positive instead..even if its an exaggeration at first, just to get yourself to break the habit. Image yourself with her on the cover of a magazine stating "the world's most happiness couple!" And all the reporters are asking how you did it...;) Everyone wants to know your secret. :lol:

Actually I really have seen news interviews for couples married forever and the reporting asking them their secret...lol.

Its a matter of retraining our thinking basically and of course asking God to help us do that.

What is this radio station you created? How does that work?

God bless

[Magnetic]

Thanks again, moonglow. I'm sure we both have work to do on that. Looking at the positive outcome, . . .which can be equally as possible. The "glass half full" thing, I guess. But yeah, if your son can learn how to do this at an early age, you may save him pain in the future as he realizes what you taught him when he was younger. After all, . . . we BOTH know how a paper in school is SO minor compared to what life can REALLY throw at you. :o

About the radio station. I was a bit vague in how I worded it. If you go to pandora dot com, you set up your own "stations", which is basically a style of music you like, and they play music of that type. My "Hillsong Radio", that I set up there, also plays stuff from other artists, Mercyme, Chris Tomlin, etc. . . It is worth checking out.

I talked to a friend of mine, after lunch, . . . and he had some good words for me. It helps to talk out things, coming to understandings within my own mind and heart.

[moonglow]

Thanks again, moonglow. I'm sure we both have work to do on that. Looking at the positive outcome, . . .which can be equally as possible. The "glass half full" thing, I guess. But yeah, if your son can learn how to do this at an early age, you may save him pain in the future as he realizes what you taught him when he was younger. After all, . . . we BOTH know how a paper in school is SO minor compared to what life can REALLY throw at you. :o

Isn't that the truth...but I am not going to tell him that. He is just in sixth grade after all and I would like to not have him worrying about grown up things...you know what I mean...

About the radio station. I was a bit vague in how I worded it. If you go to pandora dot com, you set up your own "stations", which is basically a style of music you like, and they play music of that type. My "Hillsong Radio", that I set up there, also plays stuff from other artists, Mercyme, Chris Tomlin, etc. . . It is worth checking out.

Oh ok I see...thanks for explaining.

I talked to a friend of mine, after lunch, . . . and he had some good words for me. It helps to talk out things, coming to understandings within my own mind and heart.

Great, I am glad you have some face to face friends to talk too. :)

God bless