Employee is homosexual and suicidal over it.

[SweetEnigma]

Hello all. Well, yesterday I was faced with a difficult situation.

I am a manager, and one of my employees called me to tell me he was gay and *going to kill himself* if he didn't tell everyone he knew. He was hysterical on the phone, and immediately after talking to him, I called his mom and dad (he is 30 and single). I didn't tell them what he told me, just that he was suicidal. They seemed to roll their eyes and not take the whole thing seriously.

I guess I'm wondering how I should handle him now. He's clearly emotionally unstable.. perhaps too much for this job. Everytime I've tried sitting him down to talk to him about his behaviors, he gets very standoffish. I'd hate to push him over the edge so to speak.

Six months ago as an atheist, I'd have no problems just firing him for being a wackjob, but I am much more kinder and compassionate with Christ's love in my life. I see life as a gift now from God.

I guess I'm wondering how I should converse with the employee now. He was asking my personal opinion about homosexuality on the phone.. and well, 6 months ago, again, I was pro- gay, but now, I have mixed feelings about it since God so explictly condemns it in the bible.

Any thoughts or tidbits to help me would be appreciated.

thank you.

[Sojourner]

You are a good manager, but your caught between a rock and and hard place. As a Christian you want to reach out to him and not wanting to throw gas on the fire (his problem) by firing him, but on the other hand you are answerable to your ower/boss and have to do the best thing for the business.

I have subscribed to this thread and let me mull it over and maybe the Lord would give something to me. In the mean while, can you befriend after hours - go to a coffee shop.

[karenoka27]

If this person goes through with it, you will have to carry the burden of knowing for the rest of your life. You would feel much better if you tried to intervene in some way.
Here is a website and phone number that might help you in helping this desperate person. Above all, pray.
http://www.newhopeonline.org/referrals/suicidal.html
1-714-NEW-HOPE (639-4673)

[moonglow]

Hello all. Well, yesterday I was faced with a difficult situation.

I am a manager, and one of my employees called me to tell me he was gay and *going to kill himself* if he didn't tell everyone he knew. He was hysterical on the phone, and immediately after talking to him, I called his mom and dad (he is 30 and single). I didn't tell them what he told me, just that he was suicidal. They seemed to roll their eyes and not take the whole thing seriously.

I guess I'm wondering how I should handle him now. He's clearly emotionally unstable.. perhaps too much for this job. Everytime I've tried sitting him down to talk to him about his behaviors, he gets very standoffish. I'd hate to push him over the edge so to speak.

Six months ago as an atheist, I'd have no problems just firing him for being a wackjob, but I am much more kinder and compassionate with Christ's love in my life. I see life as a gift now from God.

I guess I'm wondering how I should converse with the employee now. He was asking my personal opinion about homosexuality on the phone.. and well, 6 months ago, again, I was pro- gay, but now, I have mixed feelings about it since God so explictly condemns it in the bible.

Any thoughts or tidbits to help me would be appreciated.

thank you.

Can you explain this part a little bit more: I am a manager, and one of my employees called me to tell me he was gay and *going to kill himself* if he didn't tell everyone he knew.

It sounds like he said he would kill himself IF he didn't tell everyone he was gay...is that right?

What does him having to be gay have to do with being suicidal? I guess I don't understand that part. Anyone can be suicidal and I would focus on that not the latter...though I realize he asked you about it. I would frankly dodge the question because of the state of mind he is in...I would tell him your thoughts on it don't matter..what happens is he gets the help he needs so he doesn't hurt himself. And focus on that. I would ask him if he was taking medication, seeing a therapist...let him know depression can be caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain but can be helped with medication. I would just focus on that for now.

Yes of course a lifestyle can bring on emotional struggles that can lead to serious depression...

And also many homosexuals suffer from depression because of how they are treated and can and do commit suicide. If he is being harassed daily for being gay that could lead him to this point...yet others have no problems at all at work or other places...and he could simply be depressed solely due to a chemical imbalance or he is just miserable being gay...you just don't know. A doctor can help him and you need to make that clear you are no doctor and really don't know how to help him but that you are very concerned about him.

And yes pray for him.

God bless

[bagofseed]

Hello all. Well, yesterday I was faced with a difficult situation.

I am a manager, and one of my employees called me to tell me he was gay and *going to kill himself* if he didn't tell everyone he knew. He was hysterical on the phone, and immediately after talking to him, I called his mom and dad (he is 30 and single). I didn't tell them what he told me, just that he was suicidal. They seemed to roll their eyes and not take the whole thing seriously.

I guess I'm wondering how I should handle him now. He's clearly emotionally unstable.. perhaps too much for this job. Everytime I've tried sitting him down to talk to him about his behaviors, he gets very standoffish. I'd hate to push him over the edge so to speak.

Six months ago as an atheist, I'd have no problems just firing him for being a wackjob, but I am much more kinder and compassionate with Christ's love in my life. I see life as a gift now from God.

I guess I'm wondering how I should converse with the employee now. He was asking my personal opinion about homosexuality on the phone.. and well, 6 months ago, again, I was pro- gay, but now, I have mixed feelings about it since God so explictly condemns it in the bible.

Any thoughts or tidbits to help me would be appreciated.

thank you.
Being that you job may also be on the line be sure you let your supervisor know. I would suggest making continued employment dependent on consoling. You could recommend a christian one, do a little research for one that works with homosexuals.
Consider contacting some of the ex homosexual christian groups for advice.

May God guide you.

[livingwaters]

:pray:Prayers going up for the Lord's wisdom to come to you in this situation. I think Karen offered good advice with the link.

God Bless:)

[DaniHansen]

As employer/employee, it doesn't matter what your personal feelings are, and you're going to want to stick to company guidelines, whether he asks for your opinions on his sexual orientation or not. If he is that unstable, whatever personal opinion you may share with him, surely he'll use against you, and so I'd caution you strongly to not do so.

If I was in your position, I would either a) address this issue with my immediate manager or b) go to HR and seek out company policy on situations like this. It doesn't matter what his sexual orientation is, he has made threats to kill himself and that needs to be dealt with. Gay people like to make their "gayness" the issue, but it never is, so don't get caught up in that. This isn't about his sexual orientation nor your feelings about them. This is about an emotionally unstable person who has made open suicide threats and whose job performance may be compromised due to his instability, and should be addressed at that level, as his manager.

[Sojourner]

As employer/employee, it doesn't matter what your personal feelings are, and you're going to want to stick to company guidelines, whether he asks for your opinions on his sexual orientation or not. If he is that unstable, whatever personal opinion you may share with him, surely he'll use against you, and so I'd caution you strongly to not do so.

If I was in your position, I would either a) address this issue with my immediate manager or b) go to HR and seek out company policy on situations like this. It doesn't matter what his sexual orientation is, he has made threats to kill himself and that needs to be dealt with. Gay people like to make their "gayness" the issue, but it never is, so don't get caught up in that. This isn't about his sexual orientation nor your feelings about them. This is about an emotionally unstable person who has made open suicide threats and whose job performance may be compromised due to his instability, and should be addressed at that level, as his manager.'nough said. I think that your first priority is the trust that have been laid on you as a person of authority and responibility. After that becomes you consideration then help him as much as possible, and don't play the guilt game. Good luck (I mean God lead you).

[JesusMySavior]

I used to be in the same position with my attitude and offendedness. I was never gay nor will I ever be; but every time my employers wanted to talk to me about behavior I got extremely defensive and would fight back.

The only thing that changed me was Jesus. Be tenderhearted, compassionate, ask conscience-probing questions... is this right, how did you come to this conclusion, etc. Give him the Gospel. And pray for God to intervene, and while God is doing the work, just be Jesus to him. Tell him your story. Also...

Don't give him a hotline. Hotlines may work sometimes, but when I was suicidal and I wanted help or attention from people, when they gave me a hotline I wanted to sucker punch them in the face and then hang myself. They're so impersonal and the person on the other side may "seem" to care, but really in your mind, you're thinking - this guy or gal doesn't even know me so how could they possibly know.

Take this from an ex-suicidal person. No hotlines :)

[Sojourner]

Don't give him a hotline. Hotlines may work sometimes, but when I was suicidal and I wanted help or attention from people, when they gave me a hotline I wanted to sucker punch them in the face and then hang myself. They're so impersonal and the person on the other side may "seem" to care, but really in your mind, you're thinking - this guy or gal doesn't even know me so how could they possibly know.

Take this from an ex-suicidal person. No hotlines :)Yeh, I would say so, and don't call the police for me ever again. I made the mistake dumping my stuff on my acoholic brother and he went next door to talk to a feffow AAer and the neighbor call the police on me (I had a gun). The thing was when the police came I was alright and relaxed (after a nap). My mother paid alot of money because of that call.

[SweetEnigma]

Thank you all for your responses. I should have maybe been a little more clear. I am a part owner and manager of a coffee stand. I am at the top of the food chain, so there really isn't anyone I can go to for advice or counsel. We aren't big enough to have "company policies" re: something of this nature.

To update you all: the employee is back to work now. he still seems emotionally unstable, but able to work. My partner and I just aren't sure what to do with him.

[moonglow]

Thank you all for your responses. I should have maybe been a little more clear. I am a part owner and manager of a coffee stand. I am at the top of the food chain, so there really isn't anyone I can go to for advice or counsel. We aren't big enough to have "company policies" re: something of this nature.

To update you all: the employee is back to work now. he still seems emotionally unstable, but able to work. My partner and I just aren't sure what to do with him.

Right now I would just pray..pray for him and ask God to guide you on what to do with him...

God bless

[karenoka27]

Right now I would just pray..pray for him and ask God to guide you on what to do with him...

God bless
Excellent advice. Pray also for the protection of those at the coffee stand. When someone is unstable,they are capable of just about anything.

[livingwaters]

Of course the Lord is the one to first and foremost go to with all of our petitions...Even though HE already knows what's going on, HE wants us to bring it to HIM first. Of course there is nothing that HE cannot fix, handle, mend, etc., etc. After praying, I would wait to hear from the Lord. This person's life may be saved just by being at work. I will lift you up in prayer, also, that the Lord give you a speedy answer to this problem.:pray::pray: Have you talked to this person about the Lord? Now may not be a great time to talk about his issue, but surely we can always talk and never finish on the subject of: God is love!!!!!!!:pp:pp

God Bless you in your efforts!:)