Am I living in Sin?

[SeekingGodNGa]

Im not sure if I am posting this in the right place or not-so if not I apologize.

My girlfriend and I have been together 2 1/2 years. I love her SO MUCH, and have every intention of marrying her. The only reason I do not at the current moment is financial issues. She and I are having sex. She is the only one I have, or ever will have sex with. She has recently asked me to move in with her. What is everyones take on this? I have asked people whom I feel to both be in a good relationship with God, and have gotten mixed answers. She and I BOTH have no doubt that God has brought her into my life for his will. She has got me going to church, doing bible studies, and basiclly being a better christian in the 2 1/2 years i've known her. Am I an awful sinner?

[Xel'Naga]

Will be moving this to counseling. However, yes, you are living in sin and need to stop.

[HisLeast]

Im not sure if I am posting this in the right place or not-so if not I apologize.

My girlfriend and I have been together 2 1/2 years. I love her SO MUCH, and have every intention of marrying her. The only reason I do not at the current moment is financial issues. She and I are having sex. She is the only one I have, or ever will have sex with. She has recently asked me to move in with her. What is everyones take on this? I have asked people whom I feel to both be in a good relationship with God, and have gotten mixed answers. She and I BOTH have no doubt that God has brought her into my life for his will. She has got me going to church, doing bible studies, and basiclly being a better christian in the 2 1/2 years i've known her. Am I an awful sinner?

You're no worse a sinner than the rest of us. The question is what are you going to do about it? If you're that sure about marrying her, then why are you waiting on finances?

Going to church, bible studies, "basically better" ... blah blah blah. Sorry if that sounds rude man, but none of those is what makes a follower of Christ a follower of Christ. It just makes you a attentive church goer. How are you going to show God that you love Him, obey Him, and please Him? Do you love Him enough to do the right thing?

[SeekingGodNGa]

You're no worse a sinner than the rest of us. The question is what are you going to do about it? If you're that sure about marrying her, then why are you waiting on finances?

Going to church, bible studies, "basically better" ... blah blah blah. Sorry if that sounds rude man, but none of those is what makes a follower of Christ a follower of Christ. It just makes you a attentive church goer. How are you going to show God that you love Him, obey Him, and please Him? Do you love Him enough to do the right thing?

I am waiting on Finances because she is an amazing woman, and while she would not care I want to have that ring to give her as I ask her to marry me.

I show God I love him by wanting to learn more about him, his word, and his plan for me. God did send her to me to bring me closer to him. It may seem like a little not important thing to you, but before I met her I was a Christmas and Easter christian, all my bible did was collect dust, going to a bible study would have NEVER happened. I feel 100% that God has brought me to her for his pourpose, and will.

[BrckBrln]

Get married as quickly as possible. You can get a ring later.

[HisLeast]

I am waiting on Finances because she is an amazing woman, and while she would not care I want to have that ring to give her as I ask her to marry me.
Ok. Tough question I know, but why does it matter so much waiting afford the proper ceremony when you won't wait to celebrate the benefits of marriage?

I show God I love him by wanting to learn more about him, his word, and his plan for me. God did send her to me to bring me closer to him. It may seem like a little not important thing to you, but before I met her I was a Christmas and Easter christian, all my bible did was collect dust, going to a bible study would have NEVER happened. I feel 100% that God has brought me to her for his pourpose, and will.
Awesome! Now, one thing that's a tough pill to swallow is that God doesn't have separate rules for each of us. His expectation for righteous behavior is uniform. "Finding out his plan for you" is often as simple as looking at the kind of life he wants you to live: free of fornication and adultery.

And its not a me-against-you thing bro. Its honestly not. It might seem like an icy splash of cold water, but the measure of a good servant throughout scriptures is how well they serve, not their doing of churchy activities. Don't use those as a barrier to hide behind. Be courageous and ask yourself the tough questions: Is fornication and adultery a sin?

There's two simple, yet painstakingly difficult answers to the inquiry, and I know them from experience. If you're worried about living in sin then...
1) Stop having premarital sex.
or
2) Marry her immediately.

Having no idea what your relationship looks like, or what you both understand love to be, I'd strongly recommend (1). It might sound cliche, but if the relationship can't sustain a chaste courtship, I'd question its ability to sustain the long gruelling haul of life. There will be harder challenges than a few months to a year of no sex.

[SeekingGodNGa]

Ok. Tough question I know, but why does it matter so much waiting afford the proper ceremony when you won't wait to celebrate the benefits of marriage?


Awesome! Now, one thing that's a tough pill to swallow is that God doesn't have separate rules for each of us. His expectation for righteous behavior is uniform. "Finding out his plan for you" is often as simple as looking at the kind of life he wants you to live: free of fornication and adultery.

And its not a me-against-you thing bro. Its honestly not. It might seem like an icy splash of cold water, but the measure of a good servant throughout scriptures is how well they serve, not their doing of churchy activities. Don't use those as a barrier to hide behind. Be courageous and ask yourself the tough questions: Is fornication and adultery a sin?

There's two simple, yet painstakingly difficult answers to the inquiry, and I know them from experience. If you're worried about living in sin then...
1) Stop having premarital sex.
or
2) Marry her immediately.

Having no idea what your relationship looks like, or what you both understand love to be, I'd strongly recommend (1). It might sound cliche, but if the relationship can't sustain a chaste courtship, I'd question its ability to sustain the long gruelling haul of life. There will be harder challenges than a few months to a year of no sex.

We are not commiting adultery.

adul·tery
Pronunciation:
\ə-ˈdəl-t(ə-)rē\
Function:
noun
Inflected Form(s):
plural adul·ter·ies
Etymology:
Middle English, alteration of avoutrie, from Anglo-French avulterie, from Latin adulterium, from adulter adulterer, back-formation from adulterare
Date:
15th century
: voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a married woman and someone other than her husband ; also : an act of adultery

Neither of us have EVER been married, OR had sex with any, but each other.

Im very confused. would just LIVING with her-not having sex be a sin???

[Diggindeeper]

I don't doubt your word when you say you really believe God brought this girl into your life. So, friend, do the right thing...if you do indeed love her, then MARRY THE GIRL.

DO NOT move in with her, unless you MARRY her. You know that answer. You knew that was your answer when you asked your question on this board. The Bible says:

1 Thessalonians 5:22-23
22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.

23 And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Shacking up is not even an option, my friend. Not if you intend to avoid the very appearance of evil. In fact, you also know that you two should abstain until you marry her. People can play house till the cow jumps over the moon, but it will never work! Anything out of God's divine order will not last! it can't.

I'll tell you something that was very hard for me to learn. Friend, my marriage, my home and my life was so broken that it was like Humpty Dumpty. All the kings horses and all the kings men, couldn't put my marriage and my home and my heart back together again! I had not yet learned this important truth:

Psalm 127:1
Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it...

Please listen to us, and do the right thing...as the man...as the head of the family. Marry her and abstain until you do.

[SeekingGodNGa]

Its so important to give her the ring, and ceremony she deserves, because she is an amazing woman, and has been very patient, and DESERVES it!

[SeekingGodNGa]

I'll tell you something that was very hard for me to learn. Friend, my marriage, my home and my life was so broken that it was like Humpty Dumpty. All the kings horses and all the kings men, couldn't put my marriage and my home and my heart back together again! I had not yet learned this important truth:

Psalm 127:1
Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it...

.

Mind if I ask if you're married or divorced?

[HisLeast]

We are not commiting adultery.

adul·tery
Pronunciation:
\ə-ˈdəl-t(ə-)rē\
Function:
noun
Inflected Form(s):
plural adul·ter·ies
Etymology:
Middle English, alteration of avoutrie, from Anglo-French avulterie, from Latin adulterium, from adulter adulterer, back-formation from adulterare
Date:
15th century
: voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a married woman and someone other than her husband ; also : an act of adultery

Neither of us have EVER been married, OR had sex with any, but each other.

Soooo... people can basically be as promiscuous as they want before marriage, but then its strict monogamy from there on out? Based on the examples of scripture, sex outside the marriage was either adulterous or fornication. Take your pick.

Im very confused. would just LIVING with her-not having sex be a sin???
It's ill advised, because its really hard to live with someone without having sex, but strictly speaking, probably not. But with the money you'll save from moving in together, why not seal the deal and get married?

OR, why don't you wait until its the right time for EVERYTHING. Seriously, I don't doubt the sincerity of your feelings for her. But just ask yourself how you can get through the bumpy roads in a marriage (and don't kid yourself: they're very real) if neither of you can sustain a chaste courtship?

[HisLeast]

Its so important to give her the ring, and ceremony she deserves, because she is an amazing woman, and has been very patient, and DESERVES it!

Then isn't she as equally deserving of righteousness and a courtship that does not compromise her walk with God?

[Diggindeeper]

Mind if I ask if you're married or divorced?


I'm married. In fact, I have a thread in Anything Goes because yesterday was my Wedding Anniversary!

Listen Sweetie, marry the girl and have a nice ceremony and a ring later. Protect her reputation. If you really love her, you should be her PROTECTOR, her PROVIDER, and the PRIEST of your home! That's the man's job!

Don't you care about her reputation? Sure you do! If anyone called her a name because she shacked up with you, I betcha you'd punch their lights out. Protect her reputation. Marry her. Commit to her. Commit to each other.

[SeekingGodNGa]

She totally is-I am afraid though. She has brought up the idea of us living together. The whole sex issue could probably b fixed. I could just straight up tell her I think we should wait till marrige. but then shed bring up the "THEN WHY DONT WE GET MARRIED" She just does not understand that I want to give her everything she deserves, and right now, I can not afford that.

[HisLeast]

She totally is-I am afraid though. She has brought up the idea of us living together. The whole sex issue could probably b fixed. I could just straight up tell her I think we should wait till marrige. but then shed bring up the "THEN WHY DONT WE GET MARRIED" She just does not understand that I want to give her everything she deserves, and right now, I can not afford that.

Without knowing more about you two AND with financial burdens in the picture, I hesitate to just tell you to get married. You might consider though, that what she deserves to be a wife.

[SeekingGodNGa]

I'm married. In fact, I have a thread in Anything Goes because yesterday was my Wedding Anniversary!

Listen Sweetie, marry the girl and have a nice ceremony and a ring later. Protect her reputation. If you really love her, you should be her PROTECTOR, her PROVIDER, and the PRIEST of your home! That's the man's job!

Don't you care about her reputation? Sure you do! If anyone called her a name because she shacked up with you, I betcha you'd punch their lights out. Protect her reputation. Marry her. Commit to her. Commit to each other.


Im tottally commited to her, she deserves a big ceremony and ring though. the engagment ring is the most exciting thing a woman shows her girlfriends. I want her to be able to experience that. I want her friends, our friends to be able to come to the wedding, I want her to have the storybook, princess wedding, because she is a princess.

[Diggindeeper]

Are you working?

[SeekingGodNGa]

Are you working?

I am. Am I in a "Carrer" that i want to be in? no. I am atempting to go back to school for a carrer.

[BrckBrln]

Im tottally commited to her, she deserves a big ceremony and ring though. the engagment ring is the most exciting thing a woman shows her girlfriends. I want her to be able to experience that. I want her friends, our friends to be able to come to the wedding, I want her to have the storybook, princess wedding, because she is a princess.

It seems to me that you two need to sit down and talk together about this issue. Either you get married right away and then move in, or you wait until you can give her the wedding she deserves but in the meantime you don't need to be living together nor should you be having sex.

[Diggindeeper]

SeekingGodNGa, I love your signature....

We had a couple at church who could not afford a nice wedding, and people at church pitched in and we gave them a very nice wedding. They really did not have the money, especially the bride's family. The girl only had a mom and a sister, and they really could not afford all the things the bride is responsible for.

It was a beautiful wedding. There are ways...

[Vhayes]

Im tottally commited to her, she deserves a big ceremony and ring though. the engagment ring is the most exciting thing a woman shows her girlfriends. I want her to be able to experience that. I want her friends, our friends to be able to come to the wedding, I want her to have the storybook, princess wedding, because she is a princess.
I'd like to share something with you, if I may.

My girlfriends all had story book weddings. Beautiful gowns, rings that cost the earth, huge receptions with catered meals, honeymoons to Hawaii and Europe.

I did not come from wealth as did most of my girlfriends. I met my future husband while working my second, part-time job. We hit it off. We talked and laughed and became friends. He asked me to marry him. After telling him no twice, I finally agreed. We were married three months later in front of the YMCA (that's where I went to church, there was no physical building at that time). I had a plain silver wedding band placed on my finger that day. My gown was one of my wedding gifts from a friend who was a seamstress and designer. It was made out of deep purple velvet and flowed like the wind. i can (and do) still wear it on occassion. Our reception was at a rented space that cost more than the food my mother and I made.

My friends are all, with the exception of one, divorced - some two or three times. My husband and I celebrated our 36th anniversary last October. We replaced our plain silver bands with antique gold ones on our 25th anniversary. I feel just as much a fairy princess today as I did all those years ago. It has nothing to do with my ring or my dress - it has to do with being married to the man who loves me for me.

Be blessed, dear heart. Begin your lives together out of debt and deeply in love.
V

[Jeffinator]

I know you love her and she loves you, but I hate to break it to you but stuff happens. I was engaged to the girl of my dreams and it was amazing all we talked about was getting a place together and getting married and having kids and I proposed to her. I was young so we planned on waiting a few years but the love and everything was there and yes we had premarital sex too, and I know its really tempting and it seems perfect and right because your intentions i think are good because you love her. But guess what? we broke a month ago because the "love" just wasn't really there anymore. Now we might try to work things out but my point is play it safe and wait, I mean I wish I did. Things happen no matter how much you try and strive and push and are dedicated, sometimes things just happen. You wont want to believe it and youll push that thought as far away from you as you can and I hope it NEVER happens to you guys but dont think because its perfect now that it will be that way forever. So thats why God wants you to wait because love is a sticky situation that will knock you down before you have a chance to realize whats coming.

Hope things work out for the best

God Bless

[paradiseinn]

Im not sure if I am posting this in the right place or not-so if not I apologize.

My girlfriend and I have been together 2 1/2 years. I love her SO MUCH, and have every intention of marrying her. The only reason I do not at the current moment is financial issues. She and I are having sex. She is the only one I have, or ever will have sex with. She has recently asked me to move in with her. What is everyones take on this? I have asked people whom I feel to both be in a good relationship with God, and have gotten mixed answers. She and I BOTH have no doubt that God has brought her into my life for his will. She has got me going to church, doing bible studies, and basiclly being a better christian in the 2 1/2 years i've known her. Am I an awful sinner?

You are a sinner just like everybody here. Stop having sex with her, ask God for forgiveness, repent, and wait until you are married.

[Jeanne D]

I'm sorry but I don't get the logic here.
If you're contemplating living together, sharing the same house, the same bed, and your everday lives, that's just like being married "without" the license, so why NOT make it legal and blessed by God??
Being obedient to God is far more important than a wedding ceremony with the frills. That can come later on.

Jeanne

[9Marksfan]

You have received some really excellent answers here, but from what I can gather from your posts, neither of you is ready to be married yet. This is because you are not SPIRITUALLY ready, which is the most important thing.

You are committing fornication and you are trying to justify it by saying it isn't adultery. That's right - it isn't - it's fornication. But you need to know that God will judge adulterers AND fornicators and His word says they will not inherit the kingdom of heaven. So this issue is WAY more important than if or when you marry this girl. Your and your girlfriend's eternal well-being is what is at stake here.

Your growing interest in spiritual things is all very well but you need to know this - I know with 100% certainty that it is God's will for you to STOP having sex with her NOW. His word is crystal clear on this. If you can't do that, then you are a slave to sin - read Rom 6 and ask yourself if you are a slave to sin or a slave to righteousness - there's no middle option. Christians are to be slaves to righteousness = godly living = (among other things) no fornication. I'm not preaching perfectionism but I want to know the attitude of your heart.

I'm also concerned about your girlfriend - she's supposed to be the strong Christian, right? But she was presumably happy for you to have sex with her, right? No guilt or remorse, right? And it's been HER idea that you move in together, right?

I think BOTH of you need to get some really sound, biblical, godly advice from a trustworthy pastor - I hope the pastor of your church would be 100% against pre-marital sex and living together - if he isn't, you should find another church. If you're ashamed to tell him what you've been doing, doesn't that TELL you something about how wrong your behaviour is?

You're madly in love with this girl, it's clear - but being IN LOVE isn't what keeps a marriage - especially a Christian marriage - going for life, which is what it ought to be - a lifelong commitment. I think you both need to get your relationship with God sorted out and the first thing you need to do is what paradiseinn said in his last post.

For the record, I've been married for nearly 17 years and I wish we had had MUCH more godly input into what marriage entails and how to be ready for it than we did - not availing ourselves of that was more down to us living a long distance apart when we were engaged and not having the opportunity to get pastoral counsel together through the week. If you have the opportunity, for your own sakes, take it. But, quite apart from the marriage issue, you are disobeying God and rejecting His will NOW - so you need to repent without delay.

What saddens me most is that it seems that some apparently godly Christians are not advising you to stop fornicating - if so, they will have to give an account to God for having dreadfully misled you and caused you to stumble further. Luke's gospel tells us it would be better for them to have a millstone put around their necks and for them to be cast into the depths of the sea...

I'm sorry if you think this post is quite harsh, but it's posted prayerfully with the utmost concern and love for your souls - hopefully you'll thank me for it one day...

[SeekingGodNGa]

Are you working?

Why did you ask?

[Diggindeeper]

To be honest, I asked were you working to as to find out if you were a luv-stricken teen smitten by your first encounter with a woman....

If you were not working, then that would be even MORE reason not to move in with her. Anyway, she is a Christain girl. By your own admission, she got you closer to the Lord.

Can't she see what shacking up, playing house, pretending to be married would do to her witness?

And if you are not working, then SHE would be keeping you up. Totally, totally wrong.

Listen friend, if you love her, REALLY love her, then do the right thing. MARRY THE GIRL!

Now, what have you decided to do after all of us have our advise on here?

[Partaker of Christ]

Its so important to give her the ring, and ceremony she deserves, because she is an amazing woman, and has been very patient, and DESERVES it!

Isn't God's blessing a far greater gift then anything else, that you could give each other?

Is having a ring, and a big ceremony more then precious, then being right with God?

As for finances; if you are honouring God's name, He will meet your all 'needs'

[SeekingGodNGa]

I am praying on it for sure. Im feeling kinda a sick feeling in my stomach about the whole thing. I kinda just want the decission to come easily and have the whole thing be done and over with. I have no idea what I am gonna do here.:giveup::B

[RabbiKnife]

That's easy.

You will either choose to follow Jesus or you will choose to satisfy your flesh and sin.

[Josie]

She totally is-I am afraid though. She has brought up the idea of us living together. The whole sex issue could probably b fixed. I could just straight up tell her I think we should wait till marrige. but then shed bring up the "THEN WHY DONT WE GET MARRIED" She just does not understand that I want to give her everything she deserves, and right now, I can not afford that.

If you wait until you are finiancially secure to give her all the material things then you will never get married.
Why not get married now and if you both feel it is that important to have a large wedding have one when is more affordable.
I think Love and Godly commitment is more important than material things you will get tired of anyway.
My husband told me 21 years ago he was not financially able to marry, I worked also.
I told him we would would work it out together or I was not going to continue in our relationship.
We have been married all this time I am seeing material things less and less important.
Just my 2 cents. :)

[Diggindeeper]

Friend, talk to your lady! Talk it all over with her. For example, be truthful and tell her that you'd move in with her in a minute, (which I think you were near to doing, before the spirit of the Lord convicted you!) but tell her, "we are to avoid the VERY appearance of evil." And this would certainly harm her Christian witness. Tell her that people who are not saved would use your "living arrangements" (living together, but not married) and they would say, "Hey, those 2 are Christians, and they live together,so we can too!"

Ask her if she will marry you. And add, "But I will have to buy you a ring later. And we could save for a REAL wedding ceremony later."

I don't know if you know this or not, but most of the expense of the wedding costs are supposed to be on the bride and her parents anyway. She may not want a big ceremony if her parents can't afford the expense. Have a small wedding. It can still be pretty, believe me.

But talk about these things. Also, talk about someday, how many children do you want? How many does she want? The thing is, just discuss and tell her everything that's running in your head. Then, the two of you can go and talk with your Pastor.

By the way, my good friend, that "kinda a sick feeling in your stomach about the whole thing" is due to the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Please notice that not one person on here has said to go on and move in with her. But, you see, we did not meet and decide to be in agreement. No way we could have gotten together to decide this. You have heard from people all over the place and they are all in agreement that you should MARRY her and then have your sex.

So, friend, you are under conviction. The Holy Spirit is reminding you...choose you this day who you will serve. Please don't take this lightly. Anytime the spirit is dealing with your heart and soul, it puts you in the valley of decision. You are at a crossroad of your life, and a CROSS road, strangely, is in the shape of the cross!

Only you can decide to go on, straight ahead like you were headed, go the wrong way, or the RIGHT way. The decision is yours, and of course it can also be a decision you two make together!

[SeekingGodNGa]

It seems to me that you folks are judging me

[Diggindeeper]

No. No one has judged you. We have answered your question to us. We have been teaching you what the Bible says. And warning you. That's what we are supposed to do, as Christians. Warn others. If someone you know is running headstrong, heading for a drop off a big cliff or where the bridge is out, wouldn't you warn them?

Paul did.

Acts 20:31 (http://bibledatabase.org/cgi-bin/bib_search/bible.cgi?BIBLE=48&BOOK=44&CHAP=20&SEARCH=jesus%20king%20lord&Read=Read&FIRST=OK&HV=31) Therefore watch, and remember, that by the space of three years I ceased not to warn every one night and day with tears.

1 Cor 4:14 (http://bibledatabase.org/cgi-bin/bib_search/bible.cgi?BIBLE=48&BOOK=46&CHAP=4&SEARCH=jesus%20king%20lord&Read=Read&FIRST=OK&HV=14) I write not these things to shame you, but as my beloved sons I warn you.

Col 1:28 (http://bibledatabase.org/cgi-bin/bib_search/bible.cgi?BIBLE=48&BOOK=51&CHAP=1&SEARCH=jesus%20king%20lord&Read=Read&FIRST=OK&HV=28) Whom we preach, warning every man, and teaching every man in all wisdom; that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus:

Jude 1:23 (http://bibledatabase.org/cgi-bin/bib_search/bible.cgi?BIBLE=48&BOOK=65&CHAP=1&SEARCH=jesus%20king%20lord&Read=Read&FIRST=OK&HV=23) And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh.

We love you, and don't want you and that girl who is so special to you to head in the wrong direction. Let her read all these posts. See what SHE thinks....