She broke up with me tonight.

[Magnetic]

I knew this was going to happen, and I knew it would be another heart break. I was right. She had been distant for the past several days, but tonight, she came over and seemed happy, smiling, talking like things were normal. Then she said that she had been thinking and thought that "we should just be friends". She said our age difference and differing paths were the reasons. We're both adults, so age doesn't matter that much, and paths are NOT EVEN SET YET, . . . for EITHER of us, yet she assumes that they are. She managed to over analyze the relationship to its death, and now I have to endure another broken heart.
Once again, regardless of how kind, thoughtful, caring of a guy I am, I am rejected, and by someone I actually cared about. I can't be "mr. perfect" because I am far from it, . . . . but it seems that I will never be accepted as a quality husband for whatever reason, I don't know.
I just do not understand how someone can be so cruel. I don't know how she thinks I could be "her friend" when she hurt me so badly.
I had hope again. I was trusting that she wouldn't hurt me like my past relationships. How can I hope or trust again? :cry:

[tayariswife]

:pray: For you. I know this is tough.

[bagofseed]

I knew this was going to happen, and I knew it would be another heart break. I was right. She had been distant for the past several days, but tonight, she came over and seemed happy, smiling, talking like things were normal. Then she said that she had been thinking and thought that "we should just be friends". She said our age difference and differing paths were the reasons. We're both adults, so age doesn't matter that much, and paths are NOT EVEN SET YET, . . . for EITHER of us, yet she assumes that they are. She managed to over analyze the relationship to its death, and now I have to endure another broken heart.
Once again, regardless of how kind, thoughtful, caring of a guy I am, I am rejected, and by someone I actually cared about. I can't be "mr. perfect" because I am far from it, . . . . but it seems that I will never be accepted as a quality husband for whatever reason, I don't know.
I just do not understand how someone can be so cruel. I don't know how she thinks I could be "her friend" when she hurt me so badly.
I had hope again. I was trusting that she wouldn't hurt me like my past relationships. How can I hope or trust again? :cry:

Ever see a guy who is a natural jerk with women at his beacon call?

What does he have:
He is self assured in his jerkdom.
He acts with authority, even if its a false source.
He is bold and forceful and doesn't shrink back.
He is not fearful of doing something that will cause him to loose.
He has a this is me, take it or leave it attitude.
He is full of pride in the great things he does.
He is loved and hated, but seldom ignored.
He is wildly acting out to puff him self us and cover his fears.

There is a godly version of this

A man who it righteous, faithful, bold, assured in faith, fearless, open, and painfully honest who trusts in love and does not seek to control it (gentle).
He has a this is God in me, forget me, take Him please attitude.
He is humble in all the things he does.
He is called prideful by the cowards because of his boldness in love and truth.
He is loved, hated, and feared, never ignored.
He holds to nothing in desperation but Love Himself.
He is not tame, but he is good.
He fears God alone.

Become the kind of man, the kind of woman, you would want, would want.
To seek anything less is not love.

[Sojourner]

There is someone for you that will love you for who you are, the way you are. God makes all things beautiful - in his time.

[watchinginawe]

but it seems that I will never be accepted as a quality husband for whatever reason, I don't know.I would stop trying so hard. This wasn't going to work and you knew it a few weeks ago. Regardless, there is no way to brace for a heartbreak, so I feel for you.

I mentioned at the very beginning of your posting on this that these emotions and the possibility of success/failure are a good thing for you. They are undeniable and real and put you back into the game of life. I like your positive self image regarding quality and that is something to build upon. You seem to have a lot of good qualities mag and the right person is out there for you. Don't fall into a lasting depression over this, take it to the Lord.

Psalms 34:17 The righteous cry, and the LORD heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles.

18 The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.


Psalms 30:5 ...: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

I just do not understand how someone can be so cruel. I don't know how she thinks I could be "her friend" when she hurt me so badly.
I had hope again. I was trusting that she wouldn't hurt me like my past relationships. How can I hope or trust again? :cry:Don't say anything you will regret. I don't know how she could have ended it that would have satisified you. But I am going to give you peculiar advice on this. Put the relationship behind you the best way you can and attempt to be her friend. Not best friends, or whatever, but friendly. Maybe you tell her your going to be a "good sport" about her smashing flat your heart, but that you appreciate her frankness in ending it when she knew it wasn't going to work out being a couple.

It may be probably that she sees you or will see you as a perfect match for someone that is not in your circle right now. She knows you pretty good and I doubt she thinks you are worthless, so add her to your networking and move on. That way you won't have to avoid seeing her and the potential people you might meet in doing so.

Also, maybe there are people that you know (anti gun, one world liberals, etc. :lol: ) that might be good for her.

God Bless!

[Magnetic]

What was cruel about it is that she broke up with me 30 minutes before we were to go to a "Song of Solomon" relationship conference.

I am just SO hurt right now, and just can't understand why people do what they do. She couldn't be content in the relationship, but over analyzed it over and over, and now it is dead. I cared about her so much, but now it is all lost. :cry:

[moonglow]

Oh no...:( I saw the title of this and my heart just sunk for you...:cry: I really thought she was just being distance due to her health problems...I am so, so sorry!

Of course you will go through the roller coaster of emotions right now...from grief, to anger and upset. I truly I wish I could say something to make you feel better...all I can do is listen and pray for you...

God bless

[Vhayes]

Much better to be hurt now than 10 years down the road with 4 children, a mortgage and burnt bridges.

Magnetic, God is watching out for you. Yes, you are hurt right now. Yes, this girl has made you feel bad. But thank God He allowed this to happen now and not later when it would have effected many others in a negative way.

Praying for you -
V

[Magnetic]

I appreciate the words you all are saying. It is just so hard to deal with this right now. It's so hard to look at an unknown future where I do NOT want to remain a single person. I hear people say that I should trust God that he will bring THE right person along, . . . . .but considering my track record, . . . my ex wife, now this relationship, . . . how do I know if the NEXT person is that "God given" person? I struggle with this sort of thing, and now it has happened again. I WANT to trust in God, I really do! I just don't know how to at this moment.

Since she wasn't the right person for me, then yes it is better that it didn't go further, but that doesn't help the pain in my heart. I'm sure eventually I will move on, but I didn't expect (when this relationship started) to be heartbroken again.

Where I am missing what's necessary? What makes me "Mr. Wrong" all the time? How will I know what to do when my "good qualities" aren't enough? I just can't believe I'm back to this state of grief again. :cry:

[livingwaters]

;):hmm:Could this be God saying, "she is not the right one for you. She doesn't want to seek ME and learn MY Word. YOU cannot be unequally yoked!!" God puts the right people in our lives, and HE, sometimes takes the wrong ones out. Let HIM lead you...quit pursuing a wife, and pursue the Lord...Amen....HE will take care of you..and HE says if you seek first the Kingdom and HIS righteousness, all things will be added......HIS Word is the only Truth....let us always be in it to grow our relationship with HIM, rather than people. If your relationship with Jesus is not strong, you will never be able to have a godly relationship....YOU must know and live The Word!!!!

God Bless....use this time to delve into God's Word....stay there as much as possible. Alleluia:pp:pp

[Magnetic]

I appreciate what you're saying, livingwater, . . . . but I've never been wired to where I gain comfort out of "seeking God in troubles". It never really works for me. It is a failing, I'm sure, . . . but I'm just not made with the ability to allow "scripture reading to be all I need". I'm sorry if that sounds "wrong", but I'm just being truthful. I can read all the promises there are, . . .even actively search for answers from God, . . . but "a relationship with Jesus", FOR ME, isn't the same thing as an actual physical (human) relationship, and especially when that human interaction dies. "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him." That means that God does not try to be "all we need", and he knows that we need human companionship!!

I can pretent, but then I'd be a hypocrit, and God would not be pleased with that. I can only BE the person I am, that means how I am able to comprehend the spiritual as it relates to an "interaction with God".

Again, I appreciate your thoughts, but right now, being told to "focus on God" isn't always the best answer to give someone who is in grief.

[DaniHansen]

I'm sorry that you're hurting, brother. I feel your pain, and understand it. So does Jesus. How many people leave Him in the dust and seek after others? Does that make Him "Mr. Wrong"? No, it does not. And, neither are you.

The right woman for you will be the one who recognizes Jesus in you and that will be the one who isn't going to make the relationship about herself, but about our Lord. :)

[tayariswife]

magnetic:
I am saying this with all the love in the world.

When I look over this post I see you finding a negative rebuttal to almost everyone who has responded. You have thanked everyone and been very gracious, but I want to offer that maybe a first step is try and find the good in the posts here or in anything else that is happening in your life. I pray that you are able to reap the good from your own life so that you are less focused on the things that YOU feel you are lacking. There is a time and a season for everything and it's not always fun or easy but we have to accept the season that we are in our lives to gain from it what God intends. make yourself pliable to what God is trying to do with you and you may be surprised at how well things turn out.
BLESSINGS and LOVE!!
I continue to pray for you! :pray:

[Magnetic]

Kind of a negative moment in my life, so I hope that is understood. It's all new, and the grief is real. I will be better eventually, as I work through it all.

[Diggindeeper]

One thing you ARE learning, friend, is about the wonderful gift of T-I-M-E !
You said yourself, " I will be better eventually, as I work through it all." And that is so, SO, true. Allow yourself TIME.

...and may I suggest, next time don't, DO NOT, go into a friendship with the thought, "This MUST be THE one!" Just let friendship run its course. If its meant to be MORE than that, then you WILL know, but she will too. Don't discuss "our future together" or anything long-term. Let TIME do its job.

If she is THE one, she will know it and you will too. In time! Perhaps thats what you are doing wrong...rushing in and thinking, "This one IS the One! I am sure of it."

THE ONE meant for you will want to spend the rest of her life with you at her side. This ONE was not her. And it hurts, I know, but you convinced yourself SHE was the one.

She wasn't.

Time, Magnetic. Time. (A wonderful gift from God Almighty!)

[moonglow]

Kind of a negative moment in my life, so I hope that is understood. It's all new, and the grief is real. I will be better eventually, as I work through it all.

Yes I do understand and I don't think anyone should pressure you to 'be positive' right now either. Also just because she is a Christian doesn't mean she was right for you of course.

One thing though I want you to be careful of...and I realize you are saying this out of emotions right now...is the use of 'every time' or 'all'. You haven't been rejected every time in all relationships as if this is your hundred time of trying. Its two relationships. Just two.

What makes me "Mr. Wrong" all the time?

Its not 'all' the time...its happened two times.

I do not mean to make less of this at all...its heartbreaking, it hurts...but if you stay in this kind of thinking you will doom any other relationships that may come alone eventually...you'll give up before trying...and that is even worse then this.

Give yourself time to just be mad, and time to grief. Its not the time to trust God for a new relationship either..you have to deal with this first ok? Know what I mean? With your emotions so raw right now don't even go there yet ok?

God bless

[Magnetic]

Those two were just the more recent two. There were others before my marriage. But I know what you're saying.

I just can't believe it has happened again, and it will take a bit of time to heal from it. I appreciate you all praying for me that I find comfort through this. Thank you.

[Sunshineformyheart]

Magnetic,
I'm in the middle of a huge trial in my life, but I hope that maybe I can help a bit. What helps me is to talk to God in prayer (I walk when I pray). Just tell Him everything - your hurts, your pain, your questions - pour out your heart. Ask Him to speak to you.
Please don't try to analyze everything. Ask God for His wisdom.
He's the only One that's holding me up right now.

[Xel'Naga]

What was cruel about it is that she broke up with me 30 minutes before we were to go to a "Song of Solomon" relationship conference.

You mean opposed to the cruelty of going to the conference, getting yourself even more worked up about your relationship and its possibilities and then her breaking up with you? Seems to me like breaking up before the conference isn't so cruel after all.