The TRUE reason I am devastated....ashamed.

[Magnetic]

I have to confess to the main reason why this breakup has hit me so hard. It is something I can't tell my friends and family because I am ashamed, . . . and it makes little difference if I did now. But I need people to pray for me.

I am ashamed to even tell you all on here, but I feel you all need to know the true reason.

It was something that I didn't expect to happen, and something that I didn't push to happen, but I was weak and she was uninhibited and drove me to give in. I'm not making this up, and I know it takes two people, but I seriously would not have initiated it, . . .but we were physically intimate with each other.

Because of that, this breakup is that much harder for me. The sights, sounds, words, they now plague my mind, . . . . . and I really feel that, because of my failing, I am being sorely punished now. I have asked for forgiveness from God, but still feel harsh punishment because of what I did. I would have been disappointed, if we hadn't done the act, but because we did, I am devastated. I'm not one for casualness in that sort of experience. . . . .for me, it held great meaning, . . .created a bond, and how I am reaping the effects of what I sewed.

I ask forgiveness of you all for disappointing you. :cry:

[karenoka27]

First of all.....:hug:,it seems you need one right about now.

Secondly, you can't disappoint us. We are all but human beings with the capacity to sin.

Thirdly, we are not the ones you need to say sorry too but to the Lord our God!

Go and get on your knees and ask the Lord to forgive you. But not for cheating on your girlfriend,but for having sex outside of marriage in the first place. He will forgive you. Then dust yourself off and keep walking,with Him!

If this girl broke up with you because she knows what you did, then of course she would. I was engaged when I found out my fiance was cheating on me. I called the wedding off two months before we were to marry....I don't think so.

You need to get yourself in a church and find where you can serve. You need to stop playing around in the world and getting caught up in this web. You are not only hurting the girl,but yourself as well as you can see.

(I'm a mother, can you tell?;))But I've also been out there before I was saved and the world offers nothing but a brief temporary satisfaction...then it spits you out...you know that now.
:hug:

[Magnetic]

I think I must have caused a misunderstanding. I was having this activity WITH my girlfriend, because she was very pushy about wanting it. I gave in to her temptation.

I have asked forgiveness from God for my failing, but still feel the punishment for my actions.

[HisLeast]

Hey bro,

First, a short sting: while forgiveness is only as far away as repentance, sometimes the consequences are unavoidable. Consider David's affair with Bathsheba. The Lord forgave him, but the consequences were dire and far reaching. Let us not cringe at this, but instead recognize its truth and let it sober us.

Now the good news is that God forgives. He's forgiven greater than this. Like those of us who have strayed in this manner, you too now understand the "why" behind the "thou shalt not". You now have wisdom, which is precious.

I pray for healing in your heart, so that you may move on and one day be a voice of reason for those considering, or active in this sin.

[karenoka27]

Please understand what I am saying. You should not be having sex with anyone,girlfriend or not. You said that your girlfriend pushed you into it. This means you have a weakness in this area.
Praying for you.

[Magnetic]

Yes, I know that VERY well, . . .even when I was doing it.

From your last post, though, it sounded like you thought I had cheated on my girlfriend with another girl. I may have misread what you said.

But you all are right. I DO have a weakness, . . . but now must live with that mistake. Maybe forgiven, but still punished harshly. :B :cry:


Added to say: I am being truthful right now in that, before the breakup, I told God that I was going to put an end to those activities and was going to stick to that promise.

[HisLeast]

Well my friend, there's no "maybe". If you repent, you're forgiven.

It may help to realize that there's a difference between punishment and consequence sometimes. That heartstopping pain you feel inside right now? That's the consequences. God may not be "punishing" you per say, so much as allowing you the consequence of your choice. Make sense?

When I had my catastrophic brush with consequence, a wise gentleman on this forum told me something very encouraging, and I'll paraphrase it here:
" It hurts right now, and it hurts very badly. But as you move on with your life in righteousness, that pain fades as you establish a new history. "

[Magnetic]

I'll take that word for me too.

[moonglow]

Yea I took it that karenoka27 thought you had cheated on your girlfriend...which would make an additional sin instead of one. Then you would have to deal with having commitment problems on top of this...

At any rate I knew what you meant...reminds me of Joseph being tempted by Potiphar's wife in Genesis 39. Some women DO push it...and push it and push it...:( It can really be tough for a man to continue to resist this too. :( Especially if you have feeling for her, which I know you did...

Maybe that is part of the reason she broke up with you...feeling guilty on her part? I don't know. At any rate since all of us fail at some point in our lives we really can't say too much about what you did. I am just sorry its brought you more pain. If you are ever in this situation again, I think it should be a huge red flag she isn't the one for you or she wouldn't push such a thing in the first place. And as the bible says resist the devil and he will flee from you...

Do what the others said...though I am sure you have already, repent to God..

God bless

[Xel'Naga]

As someone wise once said to me when I was in the same position. Repent of your sin and turn from it, ask her for forgiveness (even if she she won't give it or doesn't see the purpose) and cut off all contact with her and move on. You made a mistake, it's a substantial mistake, however, it's a very forgiveable mistake assuming you're sincerely repentant.

Speaking of myself I can say, 'she wanted it and pushed me and it wore me down' all I want. However, the truth is I wanted it just as much as her - putting the ownus on her, in my case, was cowardly. You sure you aren't doing the same thing?

[karenoka27]

:B I did read it wrong. I am so sorry.
Ok but I was right about the get on your knees and ask the Lord for forgiveness which you did.

Move on. You need to surround yourself with people who are walking with the Lord and want to please Him as well. It is a beautiful thing to want to wait until marriage.

I'm praying that you will find a girl that you can treasure like a precious jewel who desires to please the Lord by waiting.


Sorry for misreading....

[DaniHansen]

Added to say: I am being truthful right now in that, before the breakup, I told God that I was going to put an end to those activities and was going to stick to that promise.

Then I would go with the notion that God is helping you stick to your promise by putting an end to things.

I'm also here to tell you that God is more interested in our holiness than in our happiness.

Love you, brother. :hug:

[Magnetic]

Yea I took it that karenoka27 thought you had cheated on your girlfriend...which would make an additional sin instead of one. Then you would have to deal with having commitment problems on top of this...

At any rate I knew what you meant...reminds me of Joseph being tempted by Potiphar's wife in Genesis 39. Some women DO push it...and push it and push it...:( It can really be tough for a man to continue to resist this too. :( Especially if you have feeling for her, which I know you did...

Maybe that is part of the reason she broke up with you...feeling guilty on her part? I don't know. At any rate since all of us fail at some point in our lives we really can't say too much about what you did. I am just sorry its brought you more pain. If you are ever in this situation again, I think it should be a huge red flag she isn't the one for you or she wouldn't push such a thing in the first place. And as the bible says resist the devil and he will flee from you...

Do what the others said...though I am sure you have already, repent to God..

God bless

Xel'Naga, this is for you too. I failed in the temptation because I DID like her that much. It makes little difference now, but I can only hope to resist in the future. I am just "easy prey" when it comes to the physical. I would not be the one to initiate it, but I have had weak resolve to stop it, but after this, for my future HOLINESS (Dani) and happiness, I must make myself resist such activities because they lead to heartache, which isn't what I was called to be under. That's how I plan on living the rest of my life, should I end up in another relationship, . . . . .I do NOT want to go through this again.

The next time, I will keep marital things there only, karenoka.

Also, at some point, I'm sure that I will talk with her again, and I will apologize to her for allowing myself to fail.

[karenoka27]

Xel'Naga, this is for you too. I failed in the temptation because I DID like her that much. It makes little difference now, but I can only hope to resist in the future. I am just "easy prey" when it comes to the physical. I would not be the one to initiate it, but I have had weak resolve to stop it, but after this, for my future HOLINESS (Dani) and happiness, I must make myself resist such activities because they lead to heartache, which isn't what I was called to be under. That's how I plan on living the rest of my life, should I end up in another relationship, . . . . .I do NOT want to go through this again.

The next time, I will keep marital things there only, karenoka.

Also, at some point, I'm sure that I will talk with her again, and I will apologize to her for allowing myself to fail.

Can I share one more thing with you? You are not unlike the rest of us in any given situation. We are all tempted with one thing or another. Simply saying you are easy prey is,I say this as a sister in Christ, a cop out.We are all so easily entangled with the sin that so easily besets us..(Hebrews 12:1).

You need to look at every girl/women as a treasure, a precious jewel, a princess. If you love her, you want her to be your princess and you don't want anyone else to love her or touch her,only you. In the same way, you need to respect other girl's as they might not be "your" princess"in the end.

Respect can overpower weakness. Get on your knees and ask the Lord for strength and for the right princess to come into your life.:hug:

[Magnetic]

I will. Thanks.

[My_King]

We all have our weaknesses. And you said that she initiated this physical relationship between you? Well - according to the Song of Solomon, this may not be unusual.

However, two different times the text shows the woman initiated and Solomon resisted before Chapter 4 when the wedding night took place.

Read Chapter 2 vs. 7 - he's restraining from her wish to make love in vs. 5 & 6.....

Then read Chapter 3 verse 5. Again - he restrains - when in previous versus she's "looking for him"........

I know that God will give you the strength and ability to resist if ever this situation should occur again.... And I also know that when you do resist her, it could very well make your relationship STRONGER. It can build her trust, her respect in you, her ability to know that she's in a strong and Godly relationship.

I'm not saying having pre-marital sex is an act to DOOM the relationship, many people go on and get married and stay that way forever. However, just in knowing that God warned us against it for a reason - makes sense.

And - God takes our sins as far from the East is from the West when we repent... :) :) Isn't that wonderful? He truly loves us!

[Magnetic]

Thank you for your input, My King. It is true that God can take the worst in us and make something incredibly beautiful out of it.

I'm going to strive to be strong, should I find myself in another relationship, using the Song of Solomon as my road map.

Thanks everyone for your replies. Continue to pray for me. Pray for her too that God will comfort her. I have no idea how she is feeling at this moment, but I'm sure she isn't completely happy, so she could use a healing in her heart too.

Thanks again. :)

[Sojourner]

Magnetic, God is not angry with you; you see when we sin we do not anger the Heavenly Father, we hurt him, and He is hurt because we, his child, is hurt and damaged by sin. That is how Satan lashes out to try to hurt God, through us.

Don't hide from him, run to him, His arms are open to receive you right now. He will restore the joy of your salvation and help you get through the memory of intimacy.

Renew you mind with the Word. "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom..."

[Sojourner]

6 Steps To Restoration


Be Honest About Your Failures
Accept Responsibility
Repent
Restore Relationships
Learn the Lesson
Be Thankful

For everyone there are challenges in life. Satan often uses these difficulties to discourage us, and this makes God seem far away.

These difficult times often cause us to stray from God in our fellowship with Him. This is a warning that we are entering dangerous territory. So instead of feeling like a failure or being plagued with guilt, we must seek to restore our relationship with the Lord.
This concept takes on special significance when we look at the Greek meaning of the word "restore." This term referred to setting a broken bone back in place. Though not a pleasant process, it is necessary if the bone is to ever grow properly. Just as it must be set correctly in order to grow physically, a Christian must be in a right relationship with God in order to grow spiritually.

Be Honest About Your Failures

There are six main steps leading to a restored relationship with God. First, you must be honest and recognize your failures. Stop rationalizing your behavior as anything other than what it is–sin.
This does not mean, however, that you should be overcome with guilt. God never desires for you to feel oppressed by guilt. It is a tool used by Satan to prevent you from coming to God for forgiveness. If he can convince you that you're a disgrace–too worthless to approach Holy God–he can prevent a growing relationship from developing. And if he succeeds in doing that, he also succeeds in robbing you of the joy that relationship can bring.
The truth is that when you sin, you pay God no tribute by staying away. He has paved the way for you to approach him immediately after you sin. Yes, it is difficult to face him after you’ve blown it, but there is no reason to fall prey to condemning guilt. After all, there is nothing between you and God except sin–and he is ready and willing to forgive you of that.

Accept Responsibility

Secondly, you must accept responsibility for your sin. Blaming other people and circumstances for your own sinfulness won’t help.
In the end, the decision is up to you, and you choose to sin. Claiming responsibility is difficult to do–no one ever wants to do that! But it is essential for restoration to occur.

Repent

A third step in the process of restoration is repentance. Repentance means turning from sin to God with a change of mind. This eventually results in a change of conduct and attitude as well.
All too often, we do things in the reverse order. We have a sense that we must first change our behavior before we can change our minds. We have the mistaken idea that it is up to us to stop whatever sin has us in bondage.
Once our minds change, our actions will soon follow. But the best news of all is that we are not alone. God is there to help, guide, encourage, and strengthen us throughout the entire process.

Restore Relationships

Next, you need to repair your relationships with people you may have wronged. In other words, you must attempt to restore any relationships that have been affected by your sin.
Maybe this restitution is accomplished by asking the person you’ve offended for forgiveness. Maybe it’s returning something you’ve stolen. Or maybe it’s something you can't make restitution for. In this latter case, you have only one option: ask for God's forgiveness, forgive yourself, and let go of the guilt.
In the process of restoring right relations with those you’ve wronged you will also move toward restoring right relations with God through obedience to his commands.

Learn the Lesson

The fifth stage in restoration is to receive the message God wants to teach you through your failure. You may not want to hear what God is telling you, and you may be resistant or reluctant to learn this lesson, but you must learn it nonetheless.
The only time that failure is unprofitable is when we refuse to learn from the experience. If we learn and grow, we have not failed. We have, instead, taken the opportunity to learn more about ourselves and about God.

Be Thankful

The final step is to respond to God’s chastisement with gratitude.
What? Be thankful for chastisement? Definitely!
Just as it is difficult for children to be thankful when a parent scolds them, it is often difficult for us to be thankful for God’s discipline in our lives. The real fruit of the experience comes years later when, like the child, we look back in gratitude to our parent for loving us enough to teach us important lessons—even if those lessons had to be learned the hard way.

What's Next?

Restoration isn’t an easy process. It’s for people who are serious about their relationship with God, and who are committed to living the life he has called them to. So now that you have "refocused" your life, it is important for you to establish a solid spiritual foundation. Do not let Satan sidetrack you during this time when you are just getting back on course.
If you’re serious about getting your life back on track, find a church if you do not already have a church home. Begin your own prayer and Bible study times each day. If you are faithful to spend daily time with God, He will use that time to speak to you and guide you in life, and it will be your sole defense against future spiritual attacks.
Don’t waste a minute ignoring God, running from him, or allowing unconfessed sin to keep you from enjoying full fellowship. Face your sin, confess it and move on. God has done everything he can do to provide you with barrier-free access. Now all you have to do is accept Him. He’s ready. Are you?
Since you desire to reestablish your relationship with God and to renew your spiritual focus, why not begin by talking to God and telling Him just that? Below is an example of a simple prayer that will give you an idea of what you can say when you talk to God.
"God, I want to thank you for sending your Son to die on the cross. Thank you for saving my soul. I confess that I have been wandering away from your will and your plan for my life, and I want to ask for your forgiveness. I want to refocus my life on You, and to recommit myself to you. Though I have already placed my trust in Christ’s death on the cross and resurrection from the dead as payment for my sin, I now want to reaffirm that commitment. Thank you for your forgiveness and for giving me your Holy Spirit."
http://www.intouch.org (http://www.intouch.org/)

[Magnetic]

Considering what happened, . . . and how I feel about the breakup (being devastated), . . . how much time is best to pass before I write a letter of apology for my part, and in my lack of leadership? I would like to hear several different opinions on this. Thanks. :(

[HisLeast]

Considering what happened, . . . and how I feel about the breakup (being devastated), . . . how much time is best to pass before I write a letter of apology for my part, and in my lack of leadership? I would like to hear several different opinions on this. Thanks. :(

I don't think there's a definitive answer for that. I'd honestly concentrate on getting yourself back in order first. How long that will take isn't definitive either, I'm afraid.

[DaniHansen]

Magnetic, God is not angry with you; you see when we sin we do not anger the Heavenly Father, we hurt him, and He is hurt because we, his child, is hurt and damaged by sin. That is how Satan lashes out to try to hurt God, through us.


That's not always true. There have been situations that I know God was peeved over, and not hurt. Yes, He loves us deeply, and He does hurt for us. But His anger isn't like human anger. He has every right to be angry when people are stupidly disobeying Him when they should know better. But we can't humanize God's emotions, and should still go to Him, even when we know we've rebelled. Simply because we find acceptance in Christ, and because our Father holds the answers and knows how to restore us to Himself and knows how to straighten us out. When God is angry, it's a righteous anger, and has nothing to do with fickle human emotions that are personal and destructive and often selfish. He's gotten in my face before because I was teetering on the edge of things, and sent me the "stop ... or else" signal, and that was all it took to yank me back. I think if we offload ourselves from false guilt and quit humanizing God and understand what brings about His true displeasure, that would go a long way in making our lives balanced and godly. :)

[karenoka27]

The six steps to restoration were a good way to get back on track.
We can't hurt God,but we hurt ourselves when we sin against His Holiness. He is a jealous God and wants us to walk with Him always and in His ways. When we sin,He knows that we chose to walk with the world in our flesh and not in our spirit.
The part of the six steps where it says to be thankful for the chastisement is good. Perhaps this girl breaking up with you is actually from the Lord our God. Our God wants nothing more than for us to enjoy His creation,His way not ours.
He loves you!
As far as getting back in touch with this girl. I would suggest leaving that in the Lord's hands. If He did allow for you to be separated from her,going back into the situation might not be a good idea,especially when God is involved!
Work on your own walk with Him and see where He takes you!:hug:

[Shesh]

I totally understand how you're feeling and what you mean because i was in the exact same situation.I should emphasise the word WAS because when i was there,i didn't think it was ever going to end or stop.But the truth is that God is faithful and merciful and His grace has no bounds.Now,you absolutely need to focus on God.The temptation right now would be to concentrate on what you do not want to do but it is only with focus on God that we realize this need.I'm with you in prayer.Let me know how you're getting on.Maybe i could help you with this.Pray,read your Bible and most of all pray that God will help you to forgive yourself because He already has and you stand before Him as though you've never sinned.

[Magnetic]

I just posted something in the devotions section, . . . just trying to figure out what happened in all of this, . . . and came to a realization, which is in the "devotional".

If I am to receive another blessing, I will wait for it to come FROM God, and until then, focus on my own walk with God.

[Diggindeeper]

Magnetic, this is one of the main reasons I speak out for abstaining until marriage. The very act itself DOES create a bond between the two of you. It really is a connection. Often, it is the woman who is more deeply bothered by this.

In my opinion, it takes two to tango... You feeling remorse shows me that you are repentant, and you can rest assured that if I can see that, then God can and does, too. Just do as Christ Jesus told the woman taken in adultery, "Go and sin no more."

No wonder you are hurting. Just go, friend, and sin no more.

[Magnetic]

Thank you, diggindeeper. I plan on "going and sinning no more". I can't do it again because being outside of the will of God brings devastation to the soul. I want to do right, next time. :hug:

[Magnetic]

Magnetic, this is one of the main reasons I speak out for abstaining until marriage. The very act itself DOES create a bond between the two of you. It really is a connection. Often, it is the woman who is more deeply bothered by this.

In my opinion, it takes two to tango... You feeling remorse shows me that you are repentant, and you can rest assured that if I can see that, then God can and does, too. Just do as Christ Jesus told the woman taken in adultery, "Go and sin no more."

No wonder you are hurting. Just go, friend, and sin no more.

I hope those who are reading this REALLY take this to heart, . . .those who aren't in a relationship, or are IN a relationship but not married yet, . . . learn a lesson from MY pain. Don't entertain love before it is time, . . . before you are married, . . . you may be saving yourself a lot of heartache if you remain strong. :cry:

[Skipscan]

At least you didn't commit adultery which would have been a million times worse than what you did. Had either of you been married, the consequences would have been so much more severe than the heartache you're going through. As bad as you think you have it, someone's got it that much worse.

[bagofseed]

I have to confess to the main reason why this breakup has hit me so hard. It is something I can't tell my friends and family because I am ashamed, . . . and it makes little difference if I did now. But I need people to pray for me.

I am ashamed to even tell you all on here, but I feel you all need to know the true reason.

It was something that I didn't expect to happen, and something that I didn't push to happen, but I was weak and she was uninhibited and drove me to give in. I'm not making this up, and I know it takes two people, but I seriously would not have initiated it, . . .but we were physically intimate with each other.

Because of that, this breakup is that much harder for me. The sights, sounds, words, they now plague my mind, . . . . . and I really feel that, because of my failing, I am being sorely punished now. I have asked for forgiveness from God, but still feel harsh punishment because of what I did. I would have been disappointed, if we hadn't done the act, but because we did, I am devastated. I'm not one for casualness in that sort of experience. . . . .for me, it held great meaning, . . .created a bond, and how I am reaping the effects of what I sewed.

I ask forgiveness of you all for disappointing you. :cry:
Been there done that.
That covenant where the two become one flesh was something that was never meant to be broken. Don't expect the pain of it to go away quickly or completely, there will be scars.

One of the things that was my weakness is that I didn't hate sin like I should. If I did I would not get close, I would not put my self in compromising positions. I would have clear boundaries.
(biblicaly, rightousness is about hating sin)

The other was that I did not love like I should. If I actually loved the person and people in my life the way I should I would have never let things go there.

Lastly If I genuine believed God's way was right best and true I would not have been so easily filled with doubt and my heart would not have been so easily deceived within me. (doubt, unbelief is sin)

Sure I didn't go looking for it, but I didn't run from it either.
I wasn't angered when the option landed in my lap.
Sure I resisted, I pushed away, but not too far away.

Love what God Loves!
Hate what God Hates!
Walk before God with your whole heart!

Truth is no one knows what they truly believe until they pass or fail life's tests.

The only thing worse then having the sin of your heart exposed, is having it hidden.

God Keep You little brother

[Magnetic]

I'm vowing to God, myself, and whoever I MAY end up with, that I will not go there again. I won't do that unless I am married. I can't do it anymore. I can't keep living under this heavy cloud that I brought upon myself. I DID ask God for His forgiveness, . . . but my remorse for what I did has no comfort. I not only sinned against God, but against her and myself, . . .and my FUTURE self as well. I truly hate where I am. :cry:

[Brother Mark]

I have to confess to the main reason why this breakup has hit me so hard. It is something I can't tell my friends and family because I am ashamed, . . . and it makes little difference if I did now. But I need people to pray for me.

I am ashamed to even tell you all on here, but I feel you all need to know the true reason.

It was something that I didn't expect to happen, and something that I didn't push to happen, but I was weak and she was uninhibited and drove me to give in. I'm not making this up, and I know it takes two people, but I seriously would not have initiated it, . . .but we were physically intimate with each other.

Because of that, this breakup is that much harder for me. The sights, sounds, words, they now plague my mind, . . . . . and I really feel that, because of my failing, I am being sorely punished now. I have asked for forgiveness from God, but still feel harsh punishment because of what I did. I would have been disappointed, if we hadn't done the act, but because we did, I am devastated. I'm not one for casualness in that sort of experience. . . . .for me, it held great meaning, . . .created a bond, and how I am reaping the effects of what I sewed.

I ask forgiveness of you all for disappointing you. :cry:

Hey Mag. No need to apologize to us. You've done all you can do. Sin always hurts much more than we think it will. You are clean before the Lord. Accept his washing, his forgiveness, and purpose in your heart not to go this way again! He and his words are LIFE to our souls. Sin is death to our souls. The very fact you are feeling chastened is evidence of your new birth. Would you have felt this way before you became one of His? I think not!

Joy will come "in the morning". Trust me in this. When this thing is over, and your heart has been healed, changed and strengthened, you will be joyful.

Grace and peace,

Mark

[Brother Mark]

I'm vowing to God, myself, and whoever I MAY end up with, that I will not go there again. I won't do that unless I am married. I can't do it anymore. I can't keep living under this heavy cloud that I brought upon myself. I DID ask God for His forgiveness, . . . but my remorse for what I did has no comfort. I not only sinned against God, but against her and myself, . . .and my FUTURE self as well. I truly hate where I am. :cry:

Hey friend, read Psalms 51. It is about what David felt when he had Uriah killed and committed adultery with Bathsheba.

Psalms 32 is also a good Psalms to read for such times.

Ps 32:1-5

32 How blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven,
Whose sin is covered!
2 How blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity,
And in whose spirit there is no deceit!

3 When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away
Through my groaning all day long.
4 For day and night Thy hand was heavy upon me;
My vitality was drained away as with the fever heat of summer.
Selah.
5 I acknowledged my sin to Thee,
And my iniquity I did not hide;
I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord";
And Thou didst forgive the guilt of my sin.
NASB

Grace and peace,

Mark

[Magnetic]

Thanks for the words, Mark, . . . . and I hope that peace and joy will come soon, . . . but right now, I am filled with sorrow for what I've done to myself. The verses you posted is how I feel, . . . "Through my groaning all day long. For day and night Thy hand was heavy upon me;
My vitality was drained away as with the fever heat of summer." Even though I have asked for forgiveness, my heart is still flattened by the weight of my actions and what I must endure, now, because of it. I should have known that NOTHING is a sure thing and I should have protected my heart with this girl. I didn't. I was a FOOL, and now I am suffering daily for my actions. I may BE forgiven by God, but the consequences, for me, are severe. I can barely handle it sometimes. :cry:

[DaniHansen]

Thanks for the words, Mark, . . . . and I hope that peace and joy will come soon, . . . but right now, I am filled with sorrow for what I've done to myself. The verses you posted is how I feel, . . . "Through my groaning all day long. For day and night Thy hand was heavy upon me;
My vitality was drained away as with the fever heat of summer." Even though I have asked for forgiveness, my heart is still flattened by the weight of my actions and what I must endure, now, because of it. I should have known that NOTHING is a sure thing and I should have protected my heart with this girl. I didn't. I was a FOOL, and now I am suffering daily for my actions. I may BE forgiven by God, but the consequences, for me, are severe. I can barely handle it sometimes. :cry:

You're in a good place. Because God will use this to truly teach you and change your thinking and your ways, which is why He is not letting up. What you're going through is a huge blessing (I know it doesn't feel like it but it is), and proof that you are indeed God's child being disciplined by his Father. Welcome His discipline, and grow from it, and never look back. The acknowledgement of our sin, and the depth of it, should fill us with sorrow. If it doesn't, there is something very wrong. And out of that sorrow is born true repentance, which is what cleanses us and changes us so we're not always stuck in the same thing for years and years and years. And sorrow may last for a night but joy comes in the morning, after repentance has worked its due course.

May the grace of the Lord Jesus be with your spirit. :hug:

[Magnetic]

The discipline HAS worked it's reason in me. I will not fall this way again. FAR too painful. I hope that God relents His punishment soon so I can walk with comfort and peace. How I wish I could go back in time, knowing what I know now, to before I got together with her. . . . . . but I can only move forward with this knowledge . . . . . and HOPE that there will be another opportunity to get it right, . . . to prove myself faithful to living right.

[Brother Mark]

The discipline HAS worked it's reason in me. I will not fall this way again. FAR too painful. I hope that God relents His punishment soon so I can walk with comfort and peace. How I wish I could go back in time, knowing what I know now, to before I got together with her. . . . . . but I can only move forward with this knowledge . . . . . and HOPE that there will be another opportunity to get it right, . . . to prove myself faithful to living right.

There will be another chance. Many folks see God as a kill-joy. But what he wants to help us avoid is the death that sin brings. I've been where you are at my friend. I too was completely devastated. Someone called soon after and gave me this verse.

Mic 7:7-8

7 But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord;
I will wait for the God of my salvation.
My God will hear me.
8 Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy.
Though I fall I will rise;
Though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me.
NASB

and

1 Cor 2:9

"Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard,
And which have not entered the heart of man,
All that God has prepared for those who love Him."
NASB

Here's a couple of verses from me to you.

Ps 84:11-12
11 For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
The Lord gives grace and glory;
No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.
12 O Lord of hosts,
How blessed is the man who trusts in Thee!
NASB

and

Prov 18:22
22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
And obtains favor from the Lord.
NASB


Walk with God, Mag. He will not withhold a good wife from you. He will give you who you need.

Blessings,

Mark

[Magnetic]

Thanks, Mark. I hope God will do just that. Good verses.

I like how The Message does the verse in Micah:

But me, I'm not giving up. I'm sticking around to see what God will do. I'm waiting for God to make things right. I'm counting on God to listen to me. Spreading Your Wings. Don't, enemy, crow over me. I'm down, but I'm not out. I'm sitting in the dark right now, but God is my light.

[Brother Mark]

That verse in Micah really encourages me. He is trustworthy Mag. He really is. Believe those verses and trust them. Your heart will find healing that way. Don't "wait" for some magic moment. Instead, speak those verses to your soul and claim them.

Psalms 42 is another one of my favorites. David speaks to his soul there.

[Magnetic]

I picked up some natural herbs to help with the anxiety.

Today is some better than it has been. I often wonder if the relationship will ever find some level of reconsiliation. Restoration seems completely out of the question, at this point, . . . but I don't like how things ended. I sent an apology (for my part in not being strong) and hope that it will help with the healing (sent it a few days ago).

I'm still hoping that God will heal my heart and mind, . . . . I still feel like I'm under a heavy weight and I know it isn't healthy. Maybe something will happen for me at church tonight.

[HisLeast]

Today is some better than it has been. I often wonder if the relationship will ever find some level of reconsiliation. Restoration seems completely out of the question, at this point, . . . but I don't like how things ended. I sent an apology (for my part in not being strong) and hope that it will help with the healing (sent it a few days ago).

I'm still hoping that God will heal my heart and mind, . . . . I still feel like I'm under a heavy weight and I know it isn't healthy. Maybe something will happen for me at church tonight.

A watched pot never boils my friend. You're already forgiven, so time to start moving on in sobriety. The healing will come over time, not instantaneously or miraculously.

[Magnetic]

A watched pot never boils my friend. You're already forgiven, so time to start moving on in sobriety. The healing will come over time, not instantaneously or miraculously.


Uh huh. . . . . Yeah, how come??? :confused

Just kidding. I know what you're saying. I've just spent too much of my adult life waiting for healing to come. I feel like I've put my time in on the "fruit of patience". So like David the Psalmist, . . . "Lord, answer me quickly". :pray:

[Brother Mark]

Uh huh. . . . . Yeah, how come??? :confused

Just kidding. I know what you're saying. I've just spent too much of my adult life waiting for healing to come. I feel like I've put my time in on the "fruit of patience". So like David the Psalmist, . . . "Lord, answer me quickly". :pray:

This is where trust comes in Mag. When you read a verse that says you are forgiven, you trust that you are. Embrace that and speak to your soul. I sometimes speak out loud to my soul "Soul, you are forgiven" and appropriate it. IOW, I embrace it emotionally and intellectually. It is through this embracing (which is what faith is, IMO) that healing comes. It is through fear that torment comes. That fear manifest itself as anxiety for the future, fear that things won't improve, fear that you lost your one and only shot, fear of no second chance... ever, fear of losing "what might have been", and so on. Focus on the grace and mercy of the Lord. He is able to restore even the years the locust ate away (found in the book of Joel).

Grace and peace,

Mark

[Magnetic]

Thanks for that good word, Mark. It is FAR easier for me to believe that God has forgiven me, . . . . than it is to believe that He will provide such things as a God-blessed relationship/[eventual]marriage. One is NOW. It happens in real time. My sins are forgiven when I ask for it. The other is uncertain, even though the blessing can be done just as easily for God as the forgiveness of my sins. What you said:

"It is through fear that torment comes. That fear manifest itself as anxiety for the future, fear that things won't improve, fear that you lost your one and only shot, fear of no second chance... ever, fear of losing "what might have been", and so on."

...is so true for me, though. This is how I have felt after this breakup. Part of it has to do with my own self torment that I allowed myself to fail, . . . but also because I question my worthiness to another future person, and their ability to accept who I am and choose to have me, regardless of my faults. I know it is a heafty order to put onto someone, . . . which brings up that fear, . . . . even though [as I said] God has the complete ability to create something incredible in my life in an instant.

So, yes, I need to trust that the same God who forgives, is also one who is able to turn all this into good, . . . who will give me hope for a exciting future. I think people like me have to hold onto hope more than others. Who knows.

[prov3108]

Dear Magnetic,

I just would like to let you know that I am going through a similar tormenting experience as yours, and that your posts, and the discussions responding to your posts have greatly blessed me, and provided me comfort in a very very depressing and difficult time. Sometimes God allows us to fail, and the strangest thing is when our experiences and failures allow us to better minister to others. Thank you for sharing and I hope things are better for you, and that God's love is breaking through in your life.

[Magnetic]

It is a shame that so many of us have to learn such lessons. I hope, by this thread, that those who read it will think twice before acting. I'm no saint now, by any stretch of the imagination, . . . but I hope the message gets out there in a real way. Comfort is tough to find. Joy has been damaged in my life, . . . as has hope. I don't know when it will return, . . . but it probably will, eventually.

Good luck to you!