My_King
May 1st 2009, 02:48 AM
I'll give the facts first so you know where my husband and I are coming from.
There is a woman in our church named "Atia" - who we used to be very close to her family. After a few years, however, my husband prohibited me from being so "close" with her. The reasons why - are complicated...... But - he does encourage me to be KIND, LOVING, and NICE to her. I am able to spend time with her in a GROUP setting at church, just not alone or at her house.
Atia has several children. During the course of our friendship - she had all of them graduate from High School except the youngest one. My husband and I gave each of her children a gift of cash for their graduations.....
This year her youngest is graduating from High School. However, due to the "distance" in our friendship, I am not going to receive an invitation to the ceremony. So here lies our issue.....
Should we send this child a card with a gift of money in it too, because it would be fair? Her older siblings received one from us. However, my husband is concerned if we do this, then Atia, the mother, will think of it as a sign I'm trying to engage in a closer friendship with her and that's not possible at this time.
Or should we not send the child a card or a gift of money? Or should we simply just send her a card? Or maybe wait for her to get to college, settle in, and send her a late gift?
Although I know we are not supposed to be worried about what others say or think about us - I can't help but think of the negative things that will be said against us if we do NOT give Atia's daughter a gift......
I guess - in the end, it's not the child's fault why her mother and I can no longer be friends.........I don't wish to "punish" her because of this. However, even the daughter hasn't had anything to do with my husband or me either.......refusing to look us in the eyes, or speaking to us when we go out of our way to say "hello" or ask how she's doing...
This is a very huge, complicated mess and the bottom line is - we wish to do what is right by the child.
Any ideas? Thoughts? Concerns?
There is a woman in our church named "Atia" - who we used to be very close to her family. After a few years, however, my husband prohibited me from being so "close" with her. The reasons why - are complicated...... But - he does encourage me to be KIND, LOVING, and NICE to her. I am able to spend time with her in a GROUP setting at church, just not alone or at her house.
Atia has several children. During the course of our friendship - she had all of them graduate from High School except the youngest one. My husband and I gave each of her children a gift of cash for their graduations.....
This year her youngest is graduating from High School. However, due to the "distance" in our friendship, I am not going to receive an invitation to the ceremony. So here lies our issue.....
Should we send this child a card with a gift of money in it too, because it would be fair? Her older siblings received one from us. However, my husband is concerned if we do this, then Atia, the mother, will think of it as a sign I'm trying to engage in a closer friendship with her and that's not possible at this time.
Or should we not send the child a card or a gift of money? Or should we simply just send her a card? Or maybe wait for her to get to college, settle in, and send her a late gift?
Although I know we are not supposed to be worried about what others say or think about us - I can't help but think of the negative things that will be said against us if we do NOT give Atia's daughter a gift......
I guess - in the end, it's not the child's fault why her mother and I can no longer be friends.........I don't wish to "punish" her because of this. However, even the daughter hasn't had anything to do with my husband or me either.......refusing to look us in the eyes, or speaking to us when we go out of our way to say "hello" or ask how she's doing...
This is a very huge, complicated mess and the bottom line is - we wish to do what is right by the child.
Any ideas? Thoughts? Concerns?