I really don't do solitude well.....

[Magnetic]

I was in my apartment, today, about to go crazy. I don't have very many friends, and the few I do have their own lives to live. I long for companionship, but have a hard time finding friends. Even at my church, a HUGE place with thousands of poeple, I don't have any connections. I've made some acquaintence type friends there, but nothing of value.

I've been searching for a girlfriend, and when I ended up in this relationship (that just ended), I was so glad that I had someone to share experiences with, but now that it has ended, I find that I am SO stressed about it, so desiring that I can't just be at peace.

I would NEVER take my own life, . . . but I can empathize with someone who wants to. The feeling of hopelessness about the future, . . . wondering if this is to be "the rest of my life", . . . a few moments with family, then back to my solitude prison to wrestle with my mind about my lack of companionship that I desire.

I know that the common answer is that I need to "draw near to God" or "be conforted in knowing that God will never leave me",. . . . and those may be true and good answers, but when God said, "It is not GOOD for man to be alone", I can say "amen" to that. I used to have a group of friends that I did things with all the time, but now I don't, and it is really hard to sit by myself.

I am really whiney here, I'm aware, but it is me being absolutely truthful. I just don't know what to do. :(

[My_King]

From my own personal experience with loneliness in my life, I found that SERVING gave me some relief of this.....

First I'd like to mention that although I AM married, I'm alone for most of my awake hours due the schedule my husband works.....and I spend MANY MANY evenings alone. And now is a good time to mention: Just because someone is in a committed relationship or married does not mean they are not lonely. (I guess I'm trying to warn that being in a relationship is not automatically an answer to loneliness........)

So after complaining about this to my husband, he is the one that suggested I get involved in volunteer work. So I checked out a few things and it's made a HUGE impact in my life. Not just that I'm helping people out, but I've met so many NEAT and INTERESTING people that I get to see on an ongoing basis. Plus, I believe I'm fulfilling a mitzvah, by doing these things. The Bible tells us to take care of the poor, the widowed, the orphans, etc...and by my volunteer work, I am able to do so. It's not just our money that God wishes us to give, but our time, our talents, our abilities, etc.......

But this is me and I realize we're not all the same.....I just wanted to share my experience to maybe give you some ideas. God bless you! :) :)

[Magnetic]

I appreciate your reply. Volunteering is something that one can do to abate loneliness. What I'm talking about are actual people to be close friends with, . . . but yes, also a close spouse as well. Something that last. I know that some people (who are married) still feel alone, and that is really a shame, . . . it shouldn't be that way. There should be no other person on earth that will make a person feel satisfied than a spouse, and I hope this changes for you and your husband soon. :hug:

[My_King]

OH! I apologize. I was thinking of being alone in TIME - not realizing you were talking about "connecting" with another person.

I misunderstood BIG TIME.

Just to clarify - my husband and I are very close.......and we DO have a wonderful fulfilling marriage. We just don't spend enough TIME together. Forgive me for the goof up!

[kayte]

Hi Magnetic! I was thinking about the option of volunteering and that yeah, for a while you're just another pair of hands (or whatever the situation is), but like anywhere else, doing thing with other people is how we get to know them and is a door to establishing those close friendships.

I went to a super large church for a long time, too. I loved the teaching and it was really important to my growth at the time, but like you... I had acquaintances there, but had a very hard time making any true close friendships. I got those when we switched to a much smaller church. We went from a congregation of about 12,000 to one of about 25. lol But in that tiny body, we found family.

I'm not suggesting that you leave your church. I am suggesting that you get involved either in a small home group (most big churches have those) or in a particular ministry in the church. As you get into a smaller circle of people, you find you click with certain people and can start getting together outside of whatever you're in that group doing.

It's not easy, but it's worth it! And yeah... God first, but God intends for us to have close relationships with other people. He created us to need friends. That's not a negative. :)

[Magnetic]

I am trying to get into a small group, but haven't been able to get into one. . . . . the church has an office that places people in small groups, and I haven't heard from them yet. I asked another person, last week, and they're planning on asking their group leader, tonight, if the group has an opening for one more person, but I have not heard from them, and figured I would have by now.

[moonglow]

Well you know I am a single parent and with my son developing his own social group I spend alot of time alone too. I am socially awkward and struggle with making friends too...so I know how you feel. This has been a life long thing though so I have accepted this is the way I am. I tend to say and do the wrong things that turn people off. Many, many years ago out of high school I had some friends but they like to get together and play board games and other games...I don't understand most games so I am no good at them. And frankly I don't like them.

Anyway I have done alot of volunteering and it is a good way to make friends...I think that is a good idea. Its a way to meet new people...and connect with those that have a passion for the work they do. I really think its something you should consider.

When I get that 'going stir crazy' from being home all day alone, I have gone to the mall and just walked around. It felt good to be out of the house and just be around other people even if I went alone. I have gone to many movies alone too...doesn't bother me. Like I said I have accepted my lot in life in this...but of course I go through times of praying for a friend! If really really wanting a friend. Someone to talk too and go out and do things with. I feel for people like you that have more of a need for this then I do.

I will be praying for you on this!

God bless

[livingwaters]

I am single; just me and the Lord...and that's fine with me:pp:pp!!! But, I will be praying that the Lord send HIS choice to you for comfort, friendship and who knows? When you feel this way, just think of our Lord....think of how much HE went around trying to love all, only to be rejected...wow...after all, HE made us, HE loves us, HE died for us.....so, don't worry too much about being rejected, instead focus on how our Lord handled it....HE prayed to the Father, alot.....so must we!

The Bible tells us there is a season for every thing~~you will pass through this and be the better for it!!! We go through trials to be sharpened for bigger and better things. Glory to God...;)

God Bless:hug:

[DaniHansen]

There is a h u g e difference between solitude and loneliness.

Sometimes we crave the company of others because really, we are uncomfortable being around ourselves because we're afraid of what we might find if we actually have to spend time and really get to know ourselves.

That's fine. Because God doesn't call us to look at ourselves anyway, unless we use Him for a mirror and learn to see ourselves how He sees us. If we look at ourselves without God's guidance, our vision will be warped and we'll become obsessed with ourselves, which isn't good. I got to know myself by looking at the Lord, and understanding the kind of person He has fashioned me to be. And what God fashions, is always very good. :)

And so solitude is fine, because in it, Jesus is still there.

Which is different from loneliness, because honestly, as believers, we're never alone. If you're scared of loneliness, that means you haven't yet a full picture of the Holy Spirit with you, and the Lord's abiding presence, and so I would strongly encourage you to get a hold of that!

And of course God designed us for fellowship; nobody is an island, there is a reason He placed us within a body of believers - we need one another! It's really important for us to have that fellowship, and not just online, but with flesh-and-blood people in our lives who we can serve and really get to know.

So absolutely; if your church offers home based small groups, plug yourself in. Find a small group environment where you can really fellowship and bond with people. But also make sure you're under sound Biblical teaching on a regular basis in that larger body of believers. :)

[Magnetic]

Last night, I got together with a very good friend of mine. We talked for a few hours and it made my night better. I guess I just got struck with a . . . well, I don't know what it was, . . . but just a horrible feeling that the rest of my life was going to be this way. Panic attack? Perhaps. I'm feeling better today.

I still hope in tomorrow.

[faithmyeyes]

I was in my apartment, today, about to go crazy. I don't have very many friends, and the few I do have their own lives to live. I long for companionship, but have a hard time finding friends. Even at my church, a HUGE place with thousands of poeple, I don't have any connections. I've made some acquaintence type friends there, but nothing of value.I totally get this, having experienced very similar feelings, and I know that finding oneself in such a place in the wake of an intimate rejection makes the ache an order of magnitude worse.

I suspect that we're not alone. I truly feel that the culture we live in has been intentionally designed to break communal bonds between people - bonds which God designed us to draw strength from. Why has this been done? Simple - it's hard to sell things to happy, contented people.

Our communities have become dynamic and virtual, with social groups often difficult to identify and even harder to join. We go to church for generally no more than six hours a week. While we're there, we have choirs to sing in and kids to herd around and organized this and that and lunch to get to as soon as the service is over and people zip away from the building in all different directions (until next week)... and somehow in all this we're supposed to "bear one another's burdens"? I guess I always felt that burden-bearing should be a little more relational than remembering to mention someone's name for prayer in Sunday School.

All that to say, you shouldn't despair over your feelings. You're not being whiny, needy, or pathetic. The world is just busted like that, and many of us have experienced hurt because of it.

I'll repeat two points of free advice: You said, "I know that some people (who are married) still feel alone, and that is really a shame, . . . it shouldn't be that way." No marriage, even the best one, will meet all your relational needs - and you should not place that burden on your spouse. You need other men in your life to encourage and be encouraged by.

The second point is just to agree with the suggestion of service and volunteer work. Try to find something you love and can pour yourself into. Common passions and common goals in a common space breed the strongest friendships.

A wise teacher I sat under last year told me that every man needs a Paul, a Barnabas, and a Timothy in his life. Paul is the elder mentor you can look up to, Barnabas is the equal brother you can walk shoulder-to-shoulder with, and Timothy is the younger man coming along whom you can pour the things you've learned into.

Last night, I got together with a very good friend of mine. We talked for a few hours and it made my night better.It takes so little water to quench thirst, but when we don't have it we despair for our lives. I'm thankful you found some water.

If venting to a stranger would ever help, feel free to send a PM this way. You might wind up helping me, too.

blessings and peace
faithmyeyes

[Brother Mark]

I was in my apartment, today, about to go crazy. I don't have very many friends, and the few I do have their own lives to live. I long for companionship, but have a hard time finding friends. Even at my church, a HUGE place with thousands of poeple, I don't have any connections. I've made some acquaintence type friends there, but nothing of value.

I've been searching for a girlfriend, and when I ended up in this relationship (that just ended), I was so glad that I had someone to share experiences with, but now that it has ended, I find that I am SO stressed about it, so desiring that I can't just be at peace.

I would NEVER take my own life, . . . but I can empathize with someone who wants to. The feeling of hopelessness about the future, . . . wondering if this is to be "the rest of my life", . . . a few moments with family, then back to my solitude prison to wrestle with my mind about my lack of companionship that I desire.

I know that the common answer is that I need to "draw near to God" or "be conforted in knowing that God will never leave me",. . . . and those may be true and good answers, but when God said, "It is not GOOD for man to be alone", I can say "amen" to that. I used to have a group of friends that I did things with all the time, but now I don't, and it is really hard to sit by myself.

I am really whiney here, I'm aware, but it is me being absolutely truthful. I just don't know what to do. :(

Hey Mag, no cliche's from me today. ;) I always hated those answers "God will be with you". Well, YEA, but he also said it wasn't good for man to be alone. You already pointed that out.

Thing is, it won't always be this way. That's a lie from the enemy and that is what will bring the most pain. Generally, two things can help. 1. Do you have a long term goal in life that you can work towards? Working towards this goal will go a long way to giving you purpose. 2. Find some scripture about how it is not God's will for you to be alone. Rest in his desire to meet your need. He will provide companionship for you. If you are struggling meeting people, ask God to help you learn how to meet them. Get involved in a small groups or sunday school at church.

Those two things helped me greatly when I was feeling very, very alone and depressed.

Grace and peace,

Mark

[Magnetic]

Yesterday, the person I talked with [about getting me into their small group] said that the group leader was fine with another person coming in, so the next small group, I will be sharing it with other people, rather than spending the Sunday night alone. :)

[Resist!]

Magnetic,
Your situation sounds so much like mine!
over the years all of my friends got married and we have so little in common anymore.
No girlfriend for the last... :hmm: decade? I think?
but I have found peace in The Lord.

Trust God, He knows what you need and loves you more than any person ever could.
Whatever He calls you to do, He will give you the strength to do it.

peace brother.

[Magnetic]

We are each different people and handle things differently. I'm glad that you are able to find peace in your singleness. I don't think the same as you, though. I can't find perfect peace in singleness. God MAY care about me more than any human can, . . . but I still highly desire for someone to at least give it their best try!! I'm honest about this with God, and myself.

[Resist!]

We are each different people and handle things differently. I'm glad that you are able to find peace in your singleness. I don't think the same as you, though. I can't find perfect peace in singleness. God MAY care about me more than any human can, . . . but I still highly desire for someone to at least give it their best try!! I'm honest about this with God, and myself.

Don't get me wrong, I am still looking for the woman that I feel God will bring my way - in His perfect timing.
and I'm not picking apart your wording, but trying to maybe point out how you are thinking without realizing it - when you say "I can't find perfect peace in singleness." you must endeavor to find your peace in God, not singleness.

I do have a longing for a mate, I think what God wants in my situation is for me to build a stronger relationship with Him, so that I don't fall into a sort of idol worship of a woman that I adore and make her a priority above Him. (it's happened...)

Please don't interpret any of this as an attack, without the proper voice intonations it may sound like it. It has been written in love, and I am praying for you brother.

[Magnetic]

I won't read your post in any negative connotation. I will say the same to you or anyone else, as well.

So, because I have always had trouble understanding even what a "relationship with God" is all about, . . . am I completely screwed, in terms of "God bringing a GOOD person into my life"? Everytime I hear someone say that, due to my longing to be with someone, I should [rather] focus on "getting closer to God", . . . I shuttter, . . because I don't know how to do that, and "Bible study and prayer", for ME, doesn't constitute a "true relationship". Will God punish me with loneliness because of my inability to "get it"? :confused

That is truly how I feel about it. I am punished (the recent breakup, and even the divorce two years ago) by God because of my inability to know how to do what everyone says I NEED to do before God will bless me. When I try. . . REALLY try to do what is suggested, . . . I feel nothing but me. . . alone in my apartment.

It increases my feelings of depression because I feel that I am kept from "good things happening in my life" because of the way my brain functions. I try and fail at "a relationship with God", therefore, I am not blessed.

[DaniHansen]

My husband's relationship with God is completely different from my own. At first I thought there was something wrong with him (because we love to judge one another, don't we?) but I've learned that his walk is his walk, and mine is mine. His personality is completely different from mine, and so how he conducts himself with God and how God deals with him is different from how He deals with me. Don't let other people's walks with God be a measuring stick of your own. Just keep your trust in Jesus to see you through life, no matter what.

Marriage is no better than single life. It's just different. And so some person being in your life or not being in your isn't a "reward" or "punishment" for anything; it just is. How you relate to that person and what you do and how you bring your convictions into that relationship, is entirely up to you. God puts people in our lives to learn from and fellowship with and give us companionship on a lot of levels, not just marriage or male/female relationships.

But I do pray that you find peace, regardless of your circumstances, and that God brings you friends and people to fellowship with and that you can be a friend to as well. Because he who waters others shall himself be watered, right? :hug:

[Magnetic]

If the person you end up with is a quality person, I see it as better than singleness. That is just how I personally view it. But I do appreciate your words.

As for my walk, and how others see it, . . . .including my ex girlfriend, who thought I wasn't spiritual enough, . . . I feel like I AM judged by them, because I'm not living it like they are. But I honestly cannot translate "the relationship" they have the same way. But, from now on, if someone asks me about "my relationship with God", I am just going to tell them that it is personal, and leave it at that. What works for one person doesn't mean it works that way for everyone.

I HOPE to find a future spouse who will care about me, help me WORK towards being better, but not nag me about it either. I don't know if I'll ever find her, but can ONLY hope that it can happen for me.

I still find myself very depressed about it, and the future, though. I don't know what can be done about it, because these things can't be forced, . . . so I have to have patience, and hope that God will supply ALL my needs, as God has promised would happen.

[DaniHansen]

What I've found is that the principle of sowing and reaping also manifests itself in our relationships. If we expect God to bring a certain quality of people into our lives, then we must also, and first and foremost, be that quality person for others.

That's what I mean by "he who waters shall himself be watered".

If you want solid friendships, prove yourself a solid friend. If you want companionship, then pray for other people's marriages and support them in it. It's a more proactive way of love and servitude than to sit there and feel helpless about something that may or may not happen in the future. Learn from past experiences, and pour yourself actively into the future, by serving in the present, according to God's principles that govern relationships. Look for opportunities to serve, and encourage, and support, and strengthen and build. We're none of us victims, and we all have the tools available to us to ensure strong relationships with people in our lives, on any level. This pulls us out of co-depedence where we expect others to carry relationships and satisfy that which we think to be lacking in ourselves (which in turn provides us with a handy excuse to pass the buck), into the active pursuit of excellence and godly standards in our own behavior towards others. The Bible says I am complete in Christ. It wasn't until I started accepting that fact and acting on it, that my relationships lined themselves up accordingly because I wasn't looking at other people anymore to give me something that I already have been given by God; I just had to recognize it. :)

[Magnetic]

Make no mistake. I am a good friend to those I know. I would make a good spouse. In the ways the matter, I AM a quality person.

However, . . . will I be penalized if I don't share the same ideology that "I am complete in Christ"? I can say that, and even actively think it, but "it is not good for man to be alone", . . . and if I were competely honest, if I never again had contact with people, would Christ be enough to sooth me? I would have to say, "no". Not because I don't want to have such a relationship, I do. But I can't honestly state "I am complete in Christ" because I have had issues with "faith", and it BEING a truth in my life. Partly why I feel that God doesn't bless me. Just how I see it.

[DaniHansen]

Well, I can honestly state that you're complete in Christ too because the Bible says so. :)

I can relate to your struggles though. Struggles are okay. We work our way through them and learn from them and become stronger.

I wouldn't want to be alone for the rest of my life either, married or not married. We all need people around us. I'm not the solitude monastery type even though I'm quite happy with my own company (when I get a minute to actually enjoy it). I'm also quite happy with God's company. But heaven is full of people (I reckon) and so getting used to that on earth is probably a good idea. :)

But I don't think that God uses mates/spouses or the absence of them as a way of punishment nor reward. I find that nowhere in the Bible. Marriage is just another venue God uses to make us holy.

I dunno. When I was single I thought about what it would be like to be married again. When I got married and now that I have more kids I think back to when I could spend whole days just reading if I so chose to without anybody wanting me for something every 5 minutes. That's just how it goes, and so I've learned to enjoy where I'm at fully, while I'm at it. I've learned to not wait for circumstances to change how I want them to, to start living life to the fullest, but to enjoy what God has for me, and where He has me, today, and every day. Because today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it. :pp

[Magnetic]

Wow, . . . I've never really considered myself "complete in Christ", . . . but I won't argue with you. :saint:

There are times when I have enjoyed my singleness, . . . oh, I'd still wanted to have someone in my life, of course, . . . but wasn't stressed over it. I'm just feeling depressed/disappointed because of my recent breakup, and spending time alone again when I thought I was going to be enjoying her company. I suppose, in time, . . . I will have more comfort in it [singleness].

But I honestly hope that I will find someone who will compliment me.

[DaniHansen]

Wow, . . . I've never really considered myself "complete in Christ", . . . but I won't argue with you. :saint:

Excellent! Because here it is:

Colossians 2
9 For in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily; 10 and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power.

Just so you know I'm not pulling your strings. :)

[Magnetic]

So then, . . . when "the future" is unknown, since I must be complete in Christ, . . . then I just need to rest in knowing that all things will work out for good. It's tough to know that, yet not let "thoughts of the future" affect my outlook. Maybe I need a burning bush or a blinding light, . . . but those things don't really happen anymore. Endurance, patience, perseverance, . . . these are THE MOST difficult characteristics to master.

[Vhayes]

Actually, Magnetic, it's not those qualities as much as it is basic trust.

You know God loves you and wants only what is best for you. Turn each moment of each day over to Him so that He can be the driver of your personal bus. He will take you where He wants you to go and use you wherever you are. My personal problem for years has been after I get comfortable in the passengers seat as we drive along, I want to take the wheel again.

V

[NotMyOwn]

I was in my apartment, today, about to go crazy. I don't have very many friends, and the few I do have their own lives to live. I long for companionship, but have a hard time finding friends. Even at my church, a HUGE place with thousands of poeple, I don't have any connections. I've made some acquaintence type friends there, but nothing of value.

I've been searching for a girlfriend, and when I ended up in this relationship (that just ended), I was so glad that I had someone to share experiences with, but now that it has ended, I find that I am SO stressed about it, so desiring that I can't just be at peace.

I would NEVER take my own life, . . . but I can empathize with someone who wants to. The feeling of hopelessness about the future, . . . wondering if this is to be "the rest of my life", . . . a few moments with family, then back to my solitude prison to wrestle with my mind about my lack of companionship that I desire.

I know that the common answer is that I need to "draw near to God" or "be conforted in knowing that God will never leave me",. . . . and those may be true and good answers, but when God said, "It is not GOOD for man to be alone", I can say "amen" to that. I used to have a group of friends that I did things with all the time, but now I don't, and it is really hard to sit by myself.

I am really whiney here, I'm aware, but it is me being absolutely truthful. I just don't know what to do. :(

I am in the exact same position you are in, and I realize that it is easy to get down on yourself and doubt if their is someone in your future. When I really feel stressed by the situation, I pray to God for comfort and He gives it to me, even if it is only temporary.

Gods timing on everything is different than ours, and I believe we need to continue to pray about it, and allow God to move in His own timing and the time will come when He answers your prayer.

[DaniHansen]

Endurance, patience, perseverance, . . . these are THE MOST difficult characteristics to master.

Tell me about it.

Hebrews 10
35 Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. 36 For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise:

(I'm personally quite curious what that "great" is going to look like, aren't you?).

I look at it as training for a marathon, which is unpleasant when our muscles and lungs are having screaming fits, but will be worth it when we cross that finish line. :)

[Magnetic]

I think I may be too tired to train or run in a marathon, to be honest. :cry:

:giveup:

[faithfullyseeking]

Magnetic,

I too am in a similar situation and here is a word the Lord has given me:

God's Plan For my Life

Everyone longs to give himself completely to someone…to have a deep soul relationship with another…to be loved thoroughly and completely. But I your God say, "No not until you are satisfied, fulfilled, and content with being loved by Me alone - with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me: to having and intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone; discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found -will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.

"You will never be united with another until you are united with me… exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow me to give you the most thrilling plan that there is…one that you cannot imagine.

"I want you to have the best; please allow me to bring it to you. You just keep watching me, expecting the greatest things. Keep listening and learning the things I tell you. Just wait, that's all. Don't be anxious. Do not worry. Do not look around at the things others have, or that I have given them. Do not look at things you think you want. Jus t keep looking to me or you will miss what I want to show you. Then, when you are ready, I will surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you could dream of.

"You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready (I am working even at this moment to have both of you ready at the same time), until you both are satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have prepared for both of you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me. This is perfect love.

"Dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in your marriage a picture of my relationship with you, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection, and love that I offer you with myself. Know that I love you unconditionally. Believe it and be satisfied."



God cares about you and how lonely you are but sometimes he just wants you to come closer to him and have patience. I feel your pain. Hang in there. God has a plan for all of our lives and solitude is rarely more than temporary if you trust him and fully surrender to him. He has lots of work for all of us to do and somewhere out there is the one he is getting ready for you. Go do God's work and bump into her on that next project the Lord has set you out to do. =)

[DaniHansen]

I think I may be too tired to train or run in a marathon, to be honest. :cry:

:giveup:

It's fine. Life isn't a short distance race (why would we want it to be)?

Here's a glass of water for the road. :hug:

[Magnetic]

faithfullyseeking, . . . while I appreciate your input, and the word you feel is from God, . . . there are many who don't do as you suggest, and have a GREAT relationship with someone of the opposite sex. I hear this [making God ALL you need] so much from people who believe that God is holding some sort of "contest", "race", or whatever, to where you don't get what you desire, or maybe even need, until you complete this [in my opinion, very difficult] task. I'm not talking about wanting God to give me a million dollars, . . . . but there are people who honestly don't know what it means to place something, based upon "faith" above everything else. Believe me, I have no problems with having God as first in my life, . . . as soon as I know what that means, . . . being that it is completely a "faith" matter. I have been seeking for such a thing . . . pretty much all my life. I read devotionals [I have three of them, morning, afternoon, and night] and the Bible each day, pray, and play worship music, . . . but none of that, . . . though I am sincerely doing it in an attempt to do what I am to do as a Christian, . . . has translated as something "WOW" to where I could HONESTLY state that it is everything and all that I could ever need in my life.

I know this sounds aweful to many of you, . . .those who have a deep walk with God. I honestly wish I knew what that was like, but if God gives each of us a "measure of faith", . . . then I can state with a good deal of confidence, that I didn't get a whole lot of it. . . . . but it isn't out of a lack of wanting it.

[moonglow]

faithfullyseeking, . . . while I appreciate your input, and the word you feel is from God, . . . there are many who don't do as you suggest, and have a GREAT relationship with someone of the opposite sex. I hear this [making God ALL you need] so much from people who believe that God is holding some sort of "contest", "race", or whatever, to where you don't get what you desire, or maybe even need, until you complete this [in my opinion, very difficult] task. I'm not talking about wanting God to give me a million dollars, . . . . but there are people who honestly don't know what it means to place something, based upon "faith" above everything else. Believe me, I have no problems with having God as first in my life, . . . as soon as I know what that means, . . . being that it is completely a "faith" matter. I have been seeking for such a thing . . . pretty much all my life. I read devotionals [I have three of them, morning, afternoon, and night] and the Bible each day, pray, and play worship music, . . . but none of that, . . . though I am sincerely doing it in an attempt to do what I am to do as a Christian, . . . has translated as something "WOW" to where I could HONESTLY state that it is everything and all that I could ever need in my life.

I know this sounds aweful to many of you, . . .those who have a deep walk with God. I honestly wish I knew what that was like, but if God gives each of us a "measure of faith", . . . then I can state with a good deal of confidence, that I didn't get a whole lot of it. . . . . but it isn't out of a lack of wanting it.

faithfullyseeking did say that message was for her or him...what God says to one person doesn't mean He wants it for another...I am sure you know that and you are correct....for many people they never had to deal with what you are dealing with...they found the love of their life early on and have always had that person...went from living at home to being married...and they have faith in God also. We each have to always be working on our relationship with God on an individual basis, regardless of whether we are married, single, divorced, whatever...so you are correct in this.

I know I haven't posted to you in awhile but I have thought about your struggle here. I went through the same thing years ago and was in misery over wanting a relationship...and being SO very lonely. Its almost physically painful...I also had people say the same things to me about God being enough..and I responded with the same things you are saying. We can't exactly take God out to dinner with us and sit there having a nice conversation with Him over a meal...without staff throwing us out. "Well God what would you like to order today? The steak looks good. So how was your day?"

Our relationship with God is totally spiritual. The bible says He is a spirit. While of course He is always with us, He does not appear in human forum to do human things with us. All of us need that human connection, that human contact and I really don't think you are asking for too much here...I really don't. I know people say oh get busy with your life and when you least expect it that person will suddenly show up...well I have been busy with my life now for ten years and so far the 'special man' has not suddenly shown up...:rolleyes: Though it has kept me happier in not dwelling on 'looking for someone'...and I am no longer miserable about it..so in that way its been good. Plus I am not totally alone..I do have my son and that does help. When he is gone on vacation with his grandparents...the first few days I enjoy it but pretty soon I start feeling like I did years ago...yearning very much for other people...for that companionship. What makes it worse is I don't work as I am disabled so I am literally sitting home alone all day long unless I have some errand to run. I start feeling a little wacky too...

I don't know if I even buy this 'God has someone for all of us' thing either. Considering there are way more women then men...there are alot of women that just won't have a husband because of the lack of men around. For you though that increases your odds of finding someone though.

I don't know what God has in store for you...all I can do it give you some tips on making things less miserable while you hash it out with Him.

Avoid listening to romantic songs, watching love stories or other romantic movies...avoid those types of books too. They will make you feel much much worse! So just avoid them altogether..they do not help one bit! So why torture yourself with them..

Get a hobby or start an exercise routine...maybe take up jogging or walking...

If possible, if you want...get a dog...doesn't have to be a puppy..and older already housebroken dog, they are great in keeping you company, will always love you no matter how awful you look in the mornings...woman love cute dogs too so when you are out taking the dog for a walk in the park ...the women have an excuse to come over and say, 'what a cute dog!' and start talking to you...lol.

On those lonely nights when you are sitting watching TV and thinking about this stuff...the dog will sit with you...distract you by bringing a ball to play with...help you forget these sad feelings for a little while...plus just love you alot because you love the dog. :) A cat works too if you are gone alot during the day working and needs less care or attention.

Make good use of your time and do things you wouldn't have time to do if there was someone you were dating or more...surely you have always dreamed of writing a book, painting a great picture, planting the most amazing garden...learning to ride a horse, sky diving at least once in your life, bunging jumping, etc, etc...

Set up a MySpace account and make friends! Spend time making it look nice, put on some cool music...read others profiles...have fun! There are tons of singles on there too..be sure to list you are Christian on your profile and single and be ready to be flooded by other Christians...women...;)

At night sleep with an extra pillow up against you too..and be sure to hog the whole bed while you have the chance...before Miss Right comes along..

These are just some 'ideas'...toss out what you don't care for and consider the rest that aren't too awful....

God bless

[Resist!]

Magnetic,
I got a phone call the other night that stirred those feelings of loneliness back to the surface. I re-lived some of that pain that you're experiencing, I had forgotten exactly how hard it is to cope sometimes. :sad:

So I immediately remembered your post :idea: and started praying for you, with a renewed understanding of where you are right now.

hope you are doing better.
peace brother.

[Magnetic]

moonglow, . . . your post was great! I loved it. You spoke with care about my situation, and I really appreciate it. You gave some great advice, . . . other than the advice about "getting a dog/cat". My apartment doesn't allow pets. However, I am working at avoiding "relationship TV/songs/movies". And I try to play my bass with worship music as much as I can.

I feel for your situation as well. Your son is a blessing to you, for sure! I don't know if you'll find someone, . . . or if I will find someone either, but in such cases, . . . .sometimes "hope" is all there is.

Resist, sorry for your renewed feelings. Yes, it is VERY hard to cope, . . . and to get your friends/family to understand those feelings. They are real, and they are now. That doesn't mean it will always be that way. I just wish friends/family would learn to persevere with the one in pain.

I'm here for you too, and say a prayer for you. :hug:

[moonglow]

moonglow, . . . your post was great! I loved it. You spoke with care about my situation, and I really appreciate it. You gave some great advice, . . . other than the advice about "getting a dog/cat". My apartment doesn't allow pets. However, I am working at avoiding "relationship TV/songs/movies". And I try to play my bass with worship music as much as I can.

I feel for your situation as well. Your son is a blessing to you, for sure! I don't know if you'll find someone, . . . or if I will find someone either, but in such cases, . . . .sometimes "hope" is all there is.

Resist, sorry for your renewed feelings. Yes, it is VERY hard to cope, . . . and to get your friends/family to understand those feelings. They are real, and they are now. That doesn't mean it will always be that way. I just wish friends/family would learn to persevere with the one in pain.

I'm here for you too, and say a prayer for you. :hug:

Awww I am sorry you can't get a pet...even a guinea pig can be fun ..that is too bad as pets can be very comforting for singles...well except for mine who mostly just annoy me...:rolleyes: I would probably miss them though if they were gone. :cool:

I am ok most of the time..as long as I don't dwell on it. I find it just does me no good to think about it at all actually. But there was a time in life I couldn't help but think about it. It can be rather agonizing too...:cry:

A couple of years ago my sister gave me the movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding and I didn't even get half way through it before I started crying and all those bad feelings came back again. :( I put it away and it wasn't until recently it was on TV and I watched the rest of it and it didn't bother me. In fact I have been able to watch some love story type of movies and not felt that oh woe is me I am so alone feeling again...which is good I think! That means I am more content with how things are. Like I told you before, I don't even know if I want a relationship...its kind of like if it happens, ok...if it doesn't, that is ok too. I am used to being single and I have no problems with it.

Its others that sometimes have problems with me being a single parent. I do have to be more careful then if I was 'just single' because far too many men are seeking to exploit single mothers, seems to think we are all 'desperate' for a man and will put up with any man, no matter how awful they treat us. And that we are somehow sex starved too and will jump in the sack with any man...:rolleyes: That makes it tougher for me..hard to trust any man at first...my tolerance level for this kind of thing is zero now so they don't last long if that is up they are up too...:cool:

Anyway on the family thing I would just drop it with them. I don't talk about it with my family...can't say I ever did when I felt like you now actually. Many years ago my mom tried setting me up with a couple of dates...my gosh she has terrible judgment in men! After a few horrible experiences I gently refused any more of her offers...lol. :rolleyes: Thankfully though she did marry a fine man..not perfect but he is a good man. So I am happy for her on that. He has become like another dad for me...I lost my real dad when I was 11. My mom had many very bad marriages before this one...like I said she has really poor judgment in men, but finally got one good one. :)

Anyway I guess I have rambled enough for now...:lol:

I am praying for you!

God bless

[faithfullyseeking]

Magnetic (http://bibleforums.org/forum/member.php?u=12224)

I see we view that message I shared with you very differently. To me it was about getting busy doing what God wanted for me and he was already busy taking care of my needs and getting that, perfect for me, lady ready. God doesn't make us jump through hoops to get what he has for us. The Lord asks us to be faithful to him and have patience for what is coming. I know God wants the very best for all of his children. He is dealing with free will in your future mate and you and has to change things in them and you that make each of you ready for the other to have the relationship God wants for you. In God's perfect will he doesn't give us half baked blessings but sometimes will allow us to have what we want and demand right when we want them to teach us lessons. As any good parent can tell you, sometimes we have to go through hard times, pain and even loneliness to see and understand that just because we want something in our time it is always best to wait for the right time, God's time.

The key for me to enduring the waiting is get involved in doing what God put on my heart, to be the man he wants me to be and go forward in his plan for my life instead of worrying about finding the lady God is preparing for me and trying to make it happen. When the time is right, there she will be and nothing and no one will be able to tear us apart because what God puts together no man can pull apart. This only works if we are fully in God's will, his plan and not taking the plan out of his hands. Patience is a hard thing but something he might want to teach you before you meet that lady he has for you. I don't know if that's a fact for you but in the world we live in where everything is instant gratification I am sure patience is near the top of the list most people need in finding God's perfect plan.

Trust me, you don't want that lady God has for you too early or to find the wrong one, the counterfeit that your enemy, Satan, has for you. Patience is a virtue.

I will pray for God's perfect will in your life and that you will hear and know his plan for you to find who he has for you at the right time.

[Magnetic]

Awww I am sorry you can't get a pet...even a guinea pig can be fun ..that is too bad as pets can be very comforting for singles...well except for mine who mostly just annoy me...:rolleyes: I would probably miss them though if they were gone. :cool:

I am ok most of the time..as long as I don't dwell on it. I find it just does me no good to think about it at all actually. But there was a time in life I couldn't help but think about it. It can be rather agonizing too...:cry:

A couple of years ago my sister gave me the movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding and I didn't even get half way through it before I started crying and all those bad feelings came back again. :( I put it away and it wasn't until recently it was on TV and I watched the rest of it and it didn't bother me. In fact I have been able to watch some love story type of movies and not felt that oh woe is me I am so alone feeling again...which is good I think! That means I am more content with how things are. Like I told you before, I don't even know if I want a relationship...its kind of like if it happens, ok...if it doesn't, that is ok too. I am used to being single and I have no problems with it.

Its others that sometimes have problems with me being a single parent. I do have to be more careful then if I was 'just single' because far too many men are seeking to exploit single mothers, seems to think we are all 'desperate' for a man and will put up with any man, no matter how awful they treat us. And that we are somehow sex starved too and will jump in the sack with any man...:rolleyes: That makes it tougher for me..hard to trust any man at first...my tolerance level for this kind of thing is zero now so they don't last long if that is up they are up too...:cool:

Anyway on the family thing I would just drop it with them. I don't talk about it with my family...can't say I ever did when I felt like you now actually. Many years ago my mom tried setting me up with a couple of dates...my gosh she has terrible judgment in men! After a few horrible experiences I gently refused any more of her offers...lol. :rolleyes: Thankfully though she did marry a fine man..not perfect but he is a good man. So I am happy for her on that. He has become like another dad for me...I lost my real dad when I was 11. My mom had many very bad marriages before this one...like I said she has really poor judgment in men, but finally got one good one. :)

Anyway I guess I have rambled enough for now...:lol:

I am praying for you!

God bless

It seems like it would be best, if you're not even sure about finding someone, to remain as you are, so I think you're on the right path.

I've had a few people try to "help me out by finding someone", and it rarely is a good thing, so I think I would rather trust in the Unseen, at that point! :rolleyes:

[moonglow]

It seems like it would be best, if you're not even sure about finding someone, to remain as you are, so I think you're on the right path.

I've had a few people try to "help me out by finding someone", and it rarely is a good thing, so I think I would rather trust in the Unseen, at that point! :rolleyes:

True...I may not be ready for a relationship and that is ok too. I just don't want to be in the place of wanting one...being ready for one and sitting here feeling lonely and miserable again because there is no one to have a relationship with. :cool: So I pretty much just don't even think about it...avoidance is sometimes a good thing IF you can do it. Right now I realize you can't and for that I am truly sorry because I do know how painful it is...

Even having friends to do things with would be a huge relief. And it would stop alot of the loneliness feelings too.

Anyway like I said, set up a MySpace account (if you want) and see what happens. Talk to God all through this too....;)

God bless

[Magnetic]

I have both myspace and facebook. They haven't been a place of "a lot of traffic". A few people, but not all that active.

I think I will stop talking about my "loss" with everyone. I'm sure they don't want to hear about it, . . . and it does me little good to mention it. Worrying about it serves no purpose. But you are right. Because I am not content in solitude, and because I can't honestly turn my mind off from that thought, . . . it will be tough for me. I really don't know how long that will last.

I feel like moving to another apartment, though. If you recall, she lives in the same complex as me, . . .and from my window, I can see her car. There are a few nicer locations and apartments that I may move to. Nicer appliances, including dishwasher and washer/dryer hooksups, which my place doesn't have, as well as modern amenities [my current apartment was probably built in the late 70's or early 80's]. Would I have thought to move, if I hadn't gotten involved with her? Probably not, but this could be the "kick in the pants" that I may need.

[moonglow]

I have both myspace and facebook. They haven't been a place of "a lot of traffic". A few people, but not all that active.

I think I will stop talking about my "loss" with everyone. I'm sure they don't want to hear about it, . . . and it does me little good to mention it. Worrying about it serves no purpose. But you are right. Because I am not content in solitude, and because I can't honestly turn my mind off from that thought, . . . it will be tough for me. I really don't know how long that will last.

I feel like moving to another apartment, though. If you recall, she lives in the same complex as me, . . .and from my window, I can see her car. There are a few nicer locations and apartments that I may move to. Nicer appliances, including dishwasher and washer/dryer hooksups, which my place doesn't have, as well as modern amenities [my current apartment was probably built in the late 70's or early 80's]. Would I have thought to move, if I hadn't gotten involved with her? Probably not, but this could be the "kick in the pants" that I may need.

And sometimes a change can do us a world of good...plus not having to worry about your laundry being stolen...:rolleyes: :lol: Maybe you can find a place that allows cats too. I know some apartments do..

Sorry your MySpace and facebook don't much traffic...

Hang in there!

God bless

[Magnetic]

Lastnight, and today, I've been more upset about what happened. I know she is going to move on, and probably has. She WILL, too, because she's young and attractive enough that another guy will easily come long. And that is heart wrenching for me, not only because I wanted to BE that guy, . . . but because some other guy WILL, . . . and I endure the life of singleness again. It may be stupid and useless to say, . . . but it just ISN'T fair. SHE was just as guilty as me in what happened, yet she will bounce back, and being the one who ended it, I bet she's not even giving it, or my feelings, much thought now.

I'm a person of quality, . . . and am tired of being here, seemingly "not good enough". :giveup:

[moonglow]

Lastnight, and today, I've been more upset about what happened. I know she is going to move on, and probably has. She WILL, too, because she's young and attractive enough that another guy will easily come long. And that is heart wrenching for me, not only because I wanted to BE that guy, . . . but because some other guy WILL, . . . and I endure the life of singleness again. It may be stupid and useless to say, . . . but it just ISN'T fair. SHE was just as guilty as me in what happened, yet she will bounce back, and being the one who ended it, I bet she's not even giving it, or my feelings, much thought now.

I'm a person of quality, . . . and am tired of being here, seemingly "not good enough". :giveup:

Oh Magnetic I am so sorry you are grieving again about all of this. But I wouldn't assume so much about her, all that does is make you feel worse when you really don't know...

Why can't you be good enough just for yourself anyway? Why do you need someone else's approval...someone else to tell you, that you are good enough? What happened in your life that made you feel so worthless? And don't say your divorce...I suspect you have probably felt this way most of your life...

[Magnetic]

I've always felt inferior to my peers. It wasn't because it "wasn't true" either. I'm not a typical looking guy. So, that has always been with me. So, there is probably something to "wanting someone to see worth in me". Sure.

It's more than that, though. As I have said here, I just enjoy being in a relationship, . . .most of us do. I know that there are many more than me who look for another based on motives that are less than "selfless", and succeed. I have worth, as a person, this is true. But yes, I enjoy being seen as worthy by another, . . . specifically in the romantic interests.

As for my ex-gf, . . . it's hard to NOT think about what she's doing, . . .what with the fact that [also mentioned already] I live in the same apartment complex and know when she is home or not. I know she will find another, and that hurts, due to my stupidity of allowing myself to become bonded with her. It is SO incredibly painful to know she'll eventually be with another. And she will. :cry:

I'm sorry, moonglow, . . . it is just so hard to see myself in a positive place, and future when everyday is a constant reminder of her.

[moonglow]

I've always felt inferior to my peers. It wasn't because it "wasn't true" either. I'm not a typical looking guy. So, that has always been with me. So, there is probably something to "wanting someone to see worth in me". Sure.

It's more than that, though. As I have said here, I just enjoy being in a relationship, . . .most of us do. I know that there are many more than me who look for another based on motives that are less than "selfless", and succeed. I have worth, as a person, this is true. But yes, I enjoy being seen as worthy by another, . . . specifically in the romantic interests.

As for my ex-gf, . . . it's hard to NOT think about what she's doing, . . .what with the fact that [also mentioned already] I live in the same apartment complex and know when she is home or not. I know she will find another, and that hurts, due to my stupidity of allowing myself to become bonded with her. It is SO incredibly painful to know she'll eventually be with another. And she will. :cry:

I'm sorry, moonglow, . . . it is just so hard to see myself in a positive place, and future when everyday is a constant reminder of her.

I understand...I wish you would consider moving so you don't keep tormenting yourself like this...and maybe consider going to the doctor and getting on anti-depressants too...I think they might help. I hate seeing you get worse and worse on this..and suffer needlessly..

Praying for you!

God bless

[TruthFaith]

yeah, life is hard when you're alone. Get out, or go for a run or do something fun like drawing so that can spend time honing a talent or working on developing one.