mykidsmom
May 12th 2009, 01:23 PM
She HATES all talk of God...but claims to be a Christian.She makes fun of Christians but claims to pray for them. She tears us down by using Made up scripture against us.We can't argue with her because she denies what she said or she has the last word that she believes is Right.
I'm not sure how to begin.I have 18 years of pain,confusion and turmoil with the woman that gave birth to my husband. I have so many stories to tell that it would take me days to explain. When I married my husband (Dan) I received a MIL(MOM), her new husband (Frank)),2BIL's("Bob" and "Steve"),1SIL("Sara"),1 (12month old) niece("Leigh"),2 new maternal grandparents("Grandaddy" and "Grandmother"),1maternal "Aunt May","Uncle",and three cousins.
I will use the fictional names for reference.
I never got the chance to meet my Father-In-law,he committed suicide before I joined the family.
The first person that I met in the family while dating Dan was his beautiful SIL,Sara.She had the biggest smile and so nice.I loved her immediately.If she liked me then Dan felt everything would be okay. He had been in another relationship before that Sara and his Father had warned him against.Sara and FIL were as close as a real father and daughter.Sara has been in the family since she was a teenager.
When I first met MOM,I thought she was wonderful.She was very charming and said exactly what you wanted to hear as a daughter in law. The one set back was the man living with her,Frank. He was an alcoholic,did not have a job,bragged about all of the trips MOM had taken him on,He was unshaven and unclean looking.MOM would sit in his lap and try to get Dan to spend alone time with Frank.Dan could not stand Frank because of rumors that he and MOM were having an affair that caused his father to kill himself.MOM had not spoken with her own parents and sister for five years,Son Steve for four years,her other sons were estranged from her,she had one friend Gerry that would cause problems at the prompting of MOM.The money that FIL left MOM and her three sons was squandered away by this couple. MOM and Frank used the money to get Frank out of jail(DUIs),pay for Franks son's child support,community college,Franks dads farm,cruises,shopping sprees,truck repairs from driving into neighbors tree,etc...Never a dime to her own children or FIRST Granddaughter.Frank never had a job other than playing piano in bars all over the county.
By the second visit MOM,had told me horrible things about her Middle son,Steve,her oldest son,Bob and Steves wife,Sara. "Bob was Obese,nerdy and would never find a wife",Steve cared only about himself,had a violent temper and married a wife,from a trashy family, that would take him for every penny he had. She told me stories about my husband as a child,how lazy he was,how she had to do his school work because he couldn't do anything for himself. It hurt me. I couldn't believe that a Mother would talk about her own child in this way. My husband would just sit with his head down while she said these things in front of Frank.Frank would reply "If he were my kid,I would have beat his A**.All her kids need their A**es beat for the way they've treated their Mother." MOM would reply,"Their Father never disciplined them, he would throw up if he had too,that's why they're spoiled." Soon after that Dan would leave the room hurt and very angry. I am the one that pushed him into taking me to meet his Mom and to better his relationship with her. I began to understand why he didn't want to be around her. I had a normal family.I had never met people like this before....I thought I could change things...to make my husband have a family like mine. I was wrong.
*Lies: "Boys father loved FRANK and would love that she married him."
Boys father"Told Frank to take care of her if anything ever happened to him,because they were best friends." MANY MORE...
Fast forward 2 years later.We had our first son,and first nephew three days apart. MIL Bought more for our son than for Steve and Sara's 2 children. Sara was happy for us never said a negative word.Sara and I had become best friends. I love my niece and nephew and hated that MOM showed favoritism.I told her this, MOM said "Steve doesn't let me see my gkids so I don't know them enough to buy them anything." I told her not to buy anything for my kids that she didn't give to her other two gkids because it hurt my husband and me. (This is how she would try to divide relationships. It did not work.)
Years later, MIL...
*divorced Frank,she ran out of money he took off.
*talked horrible to each brother about the other brother to keep them from talking to each other.
* She knows all of our weaknesses and plays on them to get things done for herself. Charming and conniving.
*She would try to play my husband and me against each other.Treating me horribly when he left the room.Making me wait on her like I was her personal servant.I had been raised to respect adults so I did what she asked,all the while hurting on the inside but being kind to her.
*My husband confronted her for lying about spending her money on a vacation she lied,turned on us for months ,we weren't speaking with her at all,she calls my 11 year old son answers the phone she tells him that his dads a worthless man and that his GFather committed suicide.(Sara and I decided,a long time ago, we were not going to tell the children about their GFather until they were older.She knew this.) She was drunk when she called and later lied saying she didn't do it.
* She made up vicious lies about what one brother "said" about the other brother.
*she uses Steve to bail her out of trouble and Bob to bail her out of her Money crisis.
*She continues to live well above her means and believes that everyone owes her something.
*she drinks vodka and is addicted to numerous prescription pills.Her personality has changed drastically...even more vicious and verbally abusive to family members.My husband had his percocet stolen when we visited her.(He had a back injury.) MOM said she had "no idea" where it might have gone".
*Bob marries a woman Deb that Adores him! Sara and I did not feel it was our place to warn Deb about the MIL.
*MOM tells me that Deb is "Nice and will fit in well if Bob will change his ways and be able to keep her"
*she manipulates herself into Bob and Dans lives by making them pity her and out the other side of her mouth she demeans them.Steve doesn't fall for her tricks any longer and has removed himself and family from her hateful drama.
* MOMs three son's have great jobs,one is in the Marine Corp And the two others are in corporate jobs. They have done VERY well for themselves.She can't stand it.They "OWE" her and shes going to get what she thinks they owe her one way or the other.
*She is in debt,car has been repo'd,losing condo,and shopping sprees continue. Bob once again bails her out.She tells Dan "Bob better pay these creditors off or they're coming after everything I own" "Bob needs to get up here right now and fix this,His Mother need this money,He has no children,he needs to give me this money,creditors are calling me everyday!"
*After her big "Bob" bailouts...She would borrow his money again saying that the other son spent all of her money.The brothers were not talking so they never knew she was lying.
*Her Mother died,she moved her Father into her condo.Took everything out of his house,safety deposit boxes,used his credit cards,Told vicious lies about her sister to keep her away from her Father,mistreated him in her home,all the while playing the victim and saying that she is cooking,and taking such good care of her Father.We witnessed first hand how she treated her poor father before he died.She screamed at the only comfort he had left in his life,his dog.It would hurt GDaddy so bad that he would pick up dog and stay in his room all day. She made him cheese sandwiches and left him at home alone while she took his credit cards and shopped.His other daughter,May, told GDady about the credit taken out in his name,he cancelled the cards. MOM dropped him off at May's house.She left him out in 90* weather with a bag and his dog. He was 94 years old and had no cell phone or any way to get into the house.May found him on her doorstep when she got home from work.MOM constantly lied to her dear daddy ,hurt him mentally and used him for his money until he died....with a lot of suspicion from family members on how his death happened.
Fast forward again...Present time.
*Bob and Deb moved MOM into their home. Deb is SO nurturing,she loves to hug,and she just makes you feel good to be around her.Deb and Bob went on for months taking off work several times a month to take her to various doctor appts. to get her prescriptions.Still having no knowledge of the evil work behind their back by MOM. She sold her car and is "above" taking a cab so she expects them to take her everywhere she needs to go,When SHES ready to go.Bob and Deb have one day of the week together,this is the day she wants Bob to spend with her...away from his wife.
*She begins telling me and my husband Dan how badly Bob is treating her and how Deb won't let Bob come downstairs to sit with her. How desperate Bob is to have a woman finally and he has to "mind" Deb because he knows "no one else would ever have him." "It took him almost forty years to find an old maid that would." She began treating Deb horrible behind Bobs back.Playing victim to Bob so that he would side with her against his wife.The same way she tried with my husband and me.
Her abusive behaviour and plan to destroy Bobs family backfires.All brothers and SIL's finally come together,compare stories and figure out how minical and evil their "Mother" is. She calls them all G.D. Bast***s,tries to get herself committed in the hosp.with heart problems and gets sent home the same day after having an ambulance come to the home to transport her because Bob and Deb wouldn't take off work AGAIN to take her to hosp.There is cab service available. Deb comes to the Hosp. to check on her after work,MOM lashes out at her like a possessed demon. Deb has never seen this side of her,shes still new to the family.Sara and I have never gossiped with Deb about what MOM had put us through. Deb calls me after this hosp. incident wondering what she has done to make MOM attack her the way that she did. I explain all that I can to her and Sara tells her what MOM has done to her and her family,and how Steve and Sara will NEVER have her near them or their children. Deb is now struggling praying that Bob will get a new job in another State so they can move and MOM will have to find another place to live.Bob is the only one left in the family that has anything to do with her. Everyone else feels that he should make MOM move out of his house,stay in his beautiful home that he has invested so much in and that his wife LOVED so much when they bought it but he won't kick her out. He continues to take her to the store,take her to movies for Mothers Day,Sit and talk with her in her apt that she has ruined from filth,not minding that Deb is left out during these Mom and Son times together that she,MOM, doesn't deserve. Bob has no idea that as soon as he leaves her apt. She tells her friends how bad his wife is,how lazy he is and how he has to do everything because he's afraid his wife will leave him. She uses his vulnerability(that she thinks he has) against him by trying to make him believe that his wife is having affairs when he's out of town."Bob,their have been MEN calling my house for Deb", Then on Mothers Day at 1:00am someone calls Bob and says"Tell Deb I had a good time last night." Bob will not believe that his mother is behind this. Deb is hurting and not feeling validated. Present Day: MOM planning ways to destroy Bob and Debs marriage. Other family members not involved at all with MOM.No one is confronting her on her behaviour.Bob does not see what makes Deb so upset.He doesn't see how MIL talks or the facial expressions she gives Deb in DEB'S home when Deb's out in the yard,dropping off Moms meds,or checking the mail. Debs religion teaches her to be obedient to husband and not to go against what he want her to do.She respects husband too much to confront his Mother after he said not to. The thing that hurts all of us ,SIL's the most is the abuse our husbands suffer because of her belittling them.We have to pick up the pieces that she has torn apart in them! She lives to tear down their self esteem so they'll NEED her. What can we do to fix this situation? we've tried to reconcile with her hundreds of times,she denies her part in anything after TWO days of fake remorse and claiming amnesia shes back to trying to divide the brothers with lies. Please help what can we do? How can we make Bob understand that he needs to stay in his home near the family that loves him and to make HER leave. If he can't kick her out of his house now how will he be able to kick her out if he has to move? Will she manipulate him again and make him move her to the next new home? What will be the difference if he can't make her move now? Bob and Dan have said that they will help find her a place,help pay for her move and anything that Bob may need as long as they don't have to be near MOM. They HATED that Bob moved her in with him in the first place,that's something Steve and Dan would never do.She had Bob fooled by using him,and manipulating him to believe in her. Two PsyD's told us that she has the profile of a Sociopath. As Christians what is our responsibilty to this "Mother" in our family? Please help.:pray:
I'm not sure how to begin.I have 18 years of pain,confusion and turmoil with the woman that gave birth to my husband. I have so many stories to tell that it would take me days to explain. When I married my husband (Dan) I received a MIL(MOM), her new husband (Frank)),2BIL's("Bob" and "Steve"),1SIL("Sara"),1 (12month old) niece("Leigh"),2 new maternal grandparents("Grandaddy" and "Grandmother"),1maternal "Aunt May","Uncle",and three cousins.
I will use the fictional names for reference.
I never got the chance to meet my Father-In-law,he committed suicide before I joined the family.
The first person that I met in the family while dating Dan was his beautiful SIL,Sara.She had the biggest smile and so nice.I loved her immediately.If she liked me then Dan felt everything would be okay. He had been in another relationship before that Sara and his Father had warned him against.Sara and FIL were as close as a real father and daughter.Sara has been in the family since she was a teenager.
When I first met MOM,I thought she was wonderful.She was very charming and said exactly what you wanted to hear as a daughter in law. The one set back was the man living with her,Frank. He was an alcoholic,did not have a job,bragged about all of the trips MOM had taken him on,He was unshaven and unclean looking.MOM would sit in his lap and try to get Dan to spend alone time with Frank.Dan could not stand Frank because of rumors that he and MOM were having an affair that caused his father to kill himself.MOM had not spoken with her own parents and sister for five years,Son Steve for four years,her other sons were estranged from her,she had one friend Gerry that would cause problems at the prompting of MOM.The money that FIL left MOM and her three sons was squandered away by this couple. MOM and Frank used the money to get Frank out of jail(DUIs),pay for Franks son's child support,community college,Franks dads farm,cruises,shopping sprees,truck repairs from driving into neighbors tree,etc...Never a dime to her own children or FIRST Granddaughter.Frank never had a job other than playing piano in bars all over the county.
By the second visit MOM,had told me horrible things about her Middle son,Steve,her oldest son,Bob and Steves wife,Sara. "Bob was Obese,nerdy and would never find a wife",Steve cared only about himself,had a violent temper and married a wife,from a trashy family, that would take him for every penny he had. She told me stories about my husband as a child,how lazy he was,how she had to do his school work because he couldn't do anything for himself. It hurt me. I couldn't believe that a Mother would talk about her own child in this way. My husband would just sit with his head down while she said these things in front of Frank.Frank would reply "If he were my kid,I would have beat his A**.All her kids need their A**es beat for the way they've treated their Mother." MOM would reply,"Their Father never disciplined them, he would throw up if he had too,that's why they're spoiled." Soon after that Dan would leave the room hurt and very angry. I am the one that pushed him into taking me to meet his Mom and to better his relationship with her. I began to understand why he didn't want to be around her. I had a normal family.I had never met people like this before....I thought I could change things...to make my husband have a family like mine. I was wrong.
*Lies: "Boys father loved FRANK and would love that she married him."
Boys father"Told Frank to take care of her if anything ever happened to him,because they were best friends." MANY MORE...
Fast forward 2 years later.We had our first son,and first nephew three days apart. MIL Bought more for our son than for Steve and Sara's 2 children. Sara was happy for us never said a negative word.Sara and I had become best friends. I love my niece and nephew and hated that MOM showed favoritism.I told her this, MOM said "Steve doesn't let me see my gkids so I don't know them enough to buy them anything." I told her not to buy anything for my kids that she didn't give to her other two gkids because it hurt my husband and me. (This is how she would try to divide relationships. It did not work.)
Years later, MIL...
*divorced Frank,she ran out of money he took off.
*talked horrible to each brother about the other brother to keep them from talking to each other.
* She knows all of our weaknesses and plays on them to get things done for herself. Charming and conniving.
*She would try to play my husband and me against each other.Treating me horribly when he left the room.Making me wait on her like I was her personal servant.I had been raised to respect adults so I did what she asked,all the while hurting on the inside but being kind to her.
*My husband confronted her for lying about spending her money on a vacation she lied,turned on us for months ,we weren't speaking with her at all,she calls my 11 year old son answers the phone she tells him that his dads a worthless man and that his GFather committed suicide.(Sara and I decided,a long time ago, we were not going to tell the children about their GFather until they were older.She knew this.) She was drunk when she called and later lied saying she didn't do it.
* She made up vicious lies about what one brother "said" about the other brother.
*she uses Steve to bail her out of trouble and Bob to bail her out of her Money crisis.
*She continues to live well above her means and believes that everyone owes her something.
*she drinks vodka and is addicted to numerous prescription pills.Her personality has changed drastically...even more vicious and verbally abusive to family members.My husband had his percocet stolen when we visited her.(He had a back injury.) MOM said she had "no idea" where it might have gone".
*Bob marries a woman Deb that Adores him! Sara and I did not feel it was our place to warn Deb about the MIL.
*MOM tells me that Deb is "Nice and will fit in well if Bob will change his ways and be able to keep her"
*she manipulates herself into Bob and Dans lives by making them pity her and out the other side of her mouth she demeans them.Steve doesn't fall for her tricks any longer and has removed himself and family from her hateful drama.
* MOMs three son's have great jobs,one is in the Marine Corp And the two others are in corporate jobs. They have done VERY well for themselves.She can't stand it.They "OWE" her and shes going to get what she thinks they owe her one way or the other.
*She is in debt,car has been repo'd,losing condo,and shopping sprees continue. Bob once again bails her out.She tells Dan "Bob better pay these creditors off or they're coming after everything I own" "Bob needs to get up here right now and fix this,His Mother need this money,He has no children,he needs to give me this money,creditors are calling me everyday!"
*After her big "Bob" bailouts...She would borrow his money again saying that the other son spent all of her money.The brothers were not talking so they never knew she was lying.
*Her Mother died,she moved her Father into her condo.Took everything out of his house,safety deposit boxes,used his credit cards,Told vicious lies about her sister to keep her away from her Father,mistreated him in her home,all the while playing the victim and saying that she is cooking,and taking such good care of her Father.We witnessed first hand how she treated her poor father before he died.She screamed at the only comfort he had left in his life,his dog.It would hurt GDaddy so bad that he would pick up dog and stay in his room all day. She made him cheese sandwiches and left him at home alone while she took his credit cards and shopped.His other daughter,May, told GDady about the credit taken out in his name,he cancelled the cards. MOM dropped him off at May's house.She left him out in 90* weather with a bag and his dog. He was 94 years old and had no cell phone or any way to get into the house.May found him on her doorstep when she got home from work.MOM constantly lied to her dear daddy ,hurt him mentally and used him for his money until he died....with a lot of suspicion from family members on how his death happened.
Fast forward again...Present time.
*Bob and Deb moved MOM into their home. Deb is SO nurturing,she loves to hug,and she just makes you feel good to be around her.Deb and Bob went on for months taking off work several times a month to take her to various doctor appts. to get her prescriptions.Still having no knowledge of the evil work behind their back by MOM. She sold her car and is "above" taking a cab so she expects them to take her everywhere she needs to go,When SHES ready to go.Bob and Deb have one day of the week together,this is the day she wants Bob to spend with her...away from his wife.
*She begins telling me and my husband Dan how badly Bob is treating her and how Deb won't let Bob come downstairs to sit with her. How desperate Bob is to have a woman finally and he has to "mind" Deb because he knows "no one else would ever have him." "It took him almost forty years to find an old maid that would." She began treating Deb horrible behind Bobs back.Playing victim to Bob so that he would side with her against his wife.The same way she tried with my husband and me.
Her abusive behaviour and plan to destroy Bobs family backfires.All brothers and SIL's finally come together,compare stories and figure out how minical and evil their "Mother" is. She calls them all G.D. Bast***s,tries to get herself committed in the hosp.with heart problems and gets sent home the same day after having an ambulance come to the home to transport her because Bob and Deb wouldn't take off work AGAIN to take her to hosp.There is cab service available. Deb comes to the Hosp. to check on her after work,MOM lashes out at her like a possessed demon. Deb has never seen this side of her,shes still new to the family.Sara and I have never gossiped with Deb about what MOM had put us through. Deb calls me after this hosp. incident wondering what she has done to make MOM attack her the way that she did. I explain all that I can to her and Sara tells her what MOM has done to her and her family,and how Steve and Sara will NEVER have her near them or their children. Deb is now struggling praying that Bob will get a new job in another State so they can move and MOM will have to find another place to live.Bob is the only one left in the family that has anything to do with her. Everyone else feels that he should make MOM move out of his house,stay in his beautiful home that he has invested so much in and that his wife LOVED so much when they bought it but he won't kick her out. He continues to take her to the store,take her to movies for Mothers Day,Sit and talk with her in her apt that she has ruined from filth,not minding that Deb is left out during these Mom and Son times together that she,MOM, doesn't deserve. Bob has no idea that as soon as he leaves her apt. She tells her friends how bad his wife is,how lazy he is and how he has to do everything because he's afraid his wife will leave him. She uses his vulnerability(that she thinks he has) against him by trying to make him believe that his wife is having affairs when he's out of town."Bob,their have been MEN calling my house for Deb", Then on Mothers Day at 1:00am someone calls Bob and says"Tell Deb I had a good time last night." Bob will not believe that his mother is behind this. Deb is hurting and not feeling validated. Present Day: MOM planning ways to destroy Bob and Debs marriage. Other family members not involved at all with MOM.No one is confronting her on her behaviour.Bob does not see what makes Deb so upset.He doesn't see how MIL talks or the facial expressions she gives Deb in DEB'S home when Deb's out in the yard,dropping off Moms meds,or checking the mail. Debs religion teaches her to be obedient to husband and not to go against what he want her to do.She respects husband too much to confront his Mother after he said not to. The thing that hurts all of us ,SIL's the most is the abuse our husbands suffer because of her belittling them.We have to pick up the pieces that she has torn apart in them! She lives to tear down their self esteem so they'll NEED her. What can we do to fix this situation? we've tried to reconcile with her hundreds of times,she denies her part in anything after TWO days of fake remorse and claiming amnesia shes back to trying to divide the brothers with lies. Please help what can we do? How can we make Bob understand that he needs to stay in his home near the family that loves him and to make HER leave. If he can't kick her out of his house now how will he be able to kick her out if he has to move? Will she manipulate him again and make him move her to the next new home? What will be the difference if he can't make her move now? Bob and Dan have said that they will help find her a place,help pay for her move and anything that Bob may need as long as they don't have to be near MOM. They HATED that Bob moved her in with him in the first place,that's something Steve and Dan would never do.She had Bob fooled by using him,and manipulating him to believe in her. Two PsyD's told us that she has the profile of a Sociopath. As Christians what is our responsibilty to this "Mother" in our family? Please help.:pray: