Jenny's big problem

[faithfullyseeking]

I have a friend named Jenny that has been divorced for 7 years. She has a daughter that's 11 and rules the roost at Jenny's house. She tells her mother what she will and wont do and even fights her mother if she is spanked or punished in anyway.

Jenny's ex husband/father adds to the problem since he demands that the daughter be allowed to do whatever she wants at Jenny's house and even will cuss Jenny out of she takes the daughter cell phone away to keep her from calling ex to get her way.

Now Jenny is ready to move on with her life and wants desperately to marry again. This is a huge problem since every time Jenny has a man to come to the house to have dinner/watch tv/movie..anything, the daughter goes crazy. She calls the ex hubby, calls the cops and pretends to be being abused and even does everything she can to make Jenny feel guilty for having a date.

To add to this the daughter has decided that she will not sleep in her own bed but will only sleep in Jenny's bed. Jenny is at her wits end and doesn't know how to handle the problems at all. Jenny and her daughter have both been to family counseling but nothing much changed and within a few weeks the daughter was back to her old stunts. Jenny is smaller in size than the 11 yr old so discipline is more than a simple task.

Any thoughts/suggestions I might pass along to her. She is desperate and begging for help.

[DaniHansen]

I feel for your friend. Perhaps it's time for her to understand that she is divorced, and to stop letting her ex-husband control her life (and using her daughter to do it) as if she is still married to him?

I understand her situation. I used to be afflicted with the same thing. Until God taught me about authority, and the abuse thereof, and about establishing boundaries and letting go. I have no authority in my ex-husband's home. He has no authority in mine. As long as our children are treated well and their needs are met, we've got no right to tell the other what to do behind their own four walls.

I think your friend needs counseling, for herself, because she is enabling a situation that will never change until her outlook on it changes and she stops feeding into it. Having said that, I never brought anybody of the opposite sex into my home as a single woman in the sight of my children until I met the man I am now married to. I had kids to take care of and to protect, and my relationship issues and personal struggles with loneliness etc. wasn't their problem, and was for me to work out without them being affected by it. Which again, is a matter of boundaries. And especially as believers, it is our duty to establish those in ways that honor God and His Word.

[faithfullyseeking]

Thanks Dani. That is almost exactly what I was going to tell her but just wanted confirmation I was hearing from the Lord on this issue since I have never directly dealt with such things myself. I appreciate your wisdom.

[DaniHansen]

Thanks Dani. That is almost exactly what I was going to tell her but just wanted confirmation I was hearing from the Lord on this issue since I have never directly dealt with such things myself. I appreciate your wisdom.

You're welcome, and I'm happy that God is using our conversation to bring confirmation to you and guidance to your friend.

There are very good books on boundaries, relationships and co-dependence out there, written by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend with the Minirth-Meier team, to name a few. Highly recommended. Very practical, biblical advice.

[Followtheway]

That child is headed down a very bad road.

She needs to start putting her foot down on discipline immediatly. Here is something that we used in training Dr. James Leihman, look it up.