Desperately Needing Prayer - Regarding A Break Up.

[Yellow Walls]

Hi all.
My name is Jennifer and I am 28 years old.
4 weeks ago my *soon to be* fiance ended our relationship.
When I say *soon to be* what I mean is... at 7pm he was confirming I loved the engagement ring his parents had offered to him to propose to me with... a family heirloom... and then he got a phone call from an old High school buddy reminising about the past... we got into an argument over something said on that call and then an hour after that he said he wanted me out of his life.

I was living at his home... So I had to leave. I packed my stuff in a little under a weeks time, sold a bunch, through out a bunch and my parents came to bring me, my 2 dogs, some clothes and other random stuff to their vacation home in Mississippi.

I haven't spoken to him since May 4th.
Every day is just as hard as the day before.
I am so weak.
I have been praying to God every day to help me through this.
I know that time heals - but I haven't even accepted that this is over.
I am not perfect - and my X is FAR from it... but I loved him unconditionally.

I do not understand any of this. Every time the phone rings I hope that it is him asking me to come home.

I'm in such a dark place right now and feel so very alone. Lots of friends and family have been trying to talk to me but it doesn't make me feel any better... They all want me to get over him and move on.

I know that people are getting their hearts broken every day... I know that many people move on and find someone better... I don't know if I can reach that point. I feel like giving up every day. I am not suicidal, but if I were - I'd have done it already. I know I must be strong to keep going.

But please know I am still broke and homeless. I have very little money, no home and no job... I have to start all over alone. I am so afraid to be alone. Truth be told, I've never been alone my entire life.

I wouldn't wish the type of pain I'm feeling on anyone.
Not even my worst enemy.

I pray all day long that God will change his heart.
I accept and understand that God has a plan for us... but he also gave us free will and it's my will to be with him.

I feel so stupid and so pathetic... and much like a little teenager.
People tell me to hold my head up high, focus on his negative points - that I am a wonderful person and deserve better... but I loved this guy with every fiber of my being. I just do not want to go on without him.

That's the truth. I don't want to.

Every thing around me is a trigger... He consumed my whole world and I feel like a fool for giving him so much control.
I never want to love anyone else like this again.
I simply can not handle it.

I guess what I'd appreciate is some comforting words or experiences?
If heart break could really kill you - I am sure I'd be dead.

My heart is shattered. I cry every day. I miss him every second.
I never saw any of this coming... there were NO signs...

But this is of course a negative trait of his and I've watched him change his mind on a whim about a lot of different things and activities and never look back. I should have known he could do this to me - but I just didn't think he would or could.

How can you love someone so much you are going to marry them and 1 hour later want them out of your life forever?

I need someone to help pray for me... I truly do, because my prayers aren't working fast enough.

Yes, I've heard of the song unanswered prayers... but I don't know that I can make it that far to find out.

How do I ACCEPT that it's over?
Every night in my dreams he is there... and in most of them I'm begging him to take me back and he even refuses me there.

I am so lost... so alone... so desperate for help.
My entire life I've been the "go to" girl when people have problems... and now I feel like I have no one to go to. :(

Please can someone give me some advice BESIDES "get over it and move on" because that only makes me feel worse...

I've read the 7 steps of grief and after 4 weeks I think I'm still in the Shock/Denial part.

I don't want to live without him.

[NotMyOwn]

I am so sorry that this has happened to you, and my heart breaks for you as well.

I know there is not alot that someone so far away from you can say to give you immediate comfort, but know that God is still in control and He has something better in store for you.

I think the immediateness if the situation has caused alot of grief, and it is easy to get down on yourself and maybe even blame yourself for what has happened. It is obvious that he was pretty immature, and in time you will see that it was better to get this over now than to be married for a year or even a couple of years and then to have this happen.

I personally went through fourteen years of marriage before mine ended suddenly, so I understand your situation.

I know you said you can't live without him, but you can.


In the mean time you need to find some friends or relatives that are willing to take you in until you can get back on your feet.

[PrayerTower]

I also am very sorry that this has happened to you...
What a terrible situation to be facing.
I agree with NotMy Own regarding his level of maturity. He sounds a little self-centered and he may have done you a favour in the long run believe it or not...

"How do I ACCEPT that it's over?
Every night in my dreams he is there... and in most of them I'm begging him to take me back and he even refuses me there."

It is obvious that you love this man. Give it to God my dear and allow him to minister to you. Don't try to fix things yourself, just leave it to the Lord to deal with. You deserve much more. Trust that the Lord has something better in mind for you. If things work out for you with this man, well that's fine but do not initiate it, let the Lord open or close that door and leave it...

Fill your days up with things of the Lord. It's hard to change habits if you have moved in various circles with this man. Move out of the old lifestyle so that God can heal you and so that you can be that lovely, strong, confident person that you once were...

Blessings!!!

[karenoka27]

Yes, many people have broken hearts but each one is as important as the other.:hug:

There is not much we can say to make you feel instantly better, but I am thanking our Lord that you have found out what he was capable of doing before you got married.

I was engaged to be married many years ago. We were to be married in September. In August, I found out that my fiance' was dropping me off and going to nightclubs and picking up girls. I am so thankful now that I broke off that engagement. I've been married now for almost 26 years had three wonderful children and now two grandchildren. Who knows what would have happened if I had never found out and married that guy.

My point is someday you will be looking back at this and thankful that you didn't get married to this person as well. It may not seem like it right now, I know how that feels, but someday.:hug:

If nothing else we are here to pray with you and encourage you and walk you through this difficult time.

[livingwaters]

My prayers are going up to the Father on your behalf. God says if two or three come together in agreement, we will receive what we pray for, as long as it's not against God's Will. So, my prayer is that our Heavenly Father reach down and embrace you and draw you close to HIS bosom...HE can and will change your heart and fix it, too, if you let HIM!!! HE loves us soooooooo much, that we can't even comprehend. And as for a broken heart, I believe HE knows more than anybody what that pain is like. HE did send HIS only Son, Jesus, to die for you and me.....how much more painful can a situation get????? Just know, that HE has all the answers that you are seeking. HE wants you to seek HIM and HIS Kingdom first, and HIS righteousness, then, and only then, will all other things be added. HE will never leave nor forsake you....if HE is for you, who can be against you? And even if they are against you, that can't overcome God who's HOLY SPIRIT lives in you!!!! Think about these things. Get your Bible out and read it asking God for HIS wisdom in all things, but especially in how to deal with this issue!!!

http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn201/cherylhebert/encouragement/christian35.jpghttp://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn201/cherylhebert/encouragement/answeredprayers.jpg

God Bless:)

[faithmyeyes]

Jennifer,

A number of years ago, I was in love with a girl. She was amazing to me at the time, and she was the first enduring serious relationship I'd had. Even though we were both still in college, we had often discussed our future together. One summer, we had to be apart for a time, but wrote loving letters back and forth. With months worth of pent-up emotion, I went to see her as soon as we were both "back in town," only to have her tell me that she just didn't think she needed a boyfriend anymore. I was being cast aside and replaced with nothing. It would almost have been easier if she'd found someone else or done something horrible - at least I'd have had a reason to be mad and someone to be mad at. I had gotten entirely too involved emotionally, and my heart was shredded.

For several months, I couldn't eat properly. If I had an encounter with her, I'd inevitably wind up in the bathroom throwing up. My coursework suffered. I cried more than I knew was possible. My parents became frustrated with me, especially my father. I was performing musician/worship leader at the time, and my ability to do that failed. I ached all over, constantly, with a burning question that was much the same as yours: how can two people have what we seemed to have and then one just quit wanting it, just walk away?

I still don't know the answer, and to be honest, I've never allowed myself to invest so much emotion in anyone or anything since. But is that necessarily a bad thing? After all, my heart is "deceitful above all things, and beyond cure." (Jeremiah 17:9) My heart doesn't know what is good for me, and should be restrained and placed in submission to Christ.

One of the worst things about this type of rejection is that it can easily cause you to question your worth as a person... if you were really beautiful and valuable, why would he have thrown you away, right? Sister, he is one man, and even though it feels like his is the only opinion that matters, it isn't. In the midst of my pain, God surrounded me with some very patient and godly men who essentially rebuilt me from the ground up. I pray that He sends gentle and strong women to you who will do the same for you. Furthermore, you may find encouragement by involving yourself in service: let God demonstrate to you how you are valuable to Him and to His Kingdom. Because you are - don't doubt it. And in discovering that you will mature and become an even more beautiful woman through His grace.

I've now been happily married for almost six years to a lady who complements and challenges me in ways that she never could have. Our life doesn't always have as much time for romance as we might like (we have several young children) but it is fulfilling, and God has taught me that there is more enduring beauty and satisfaction in a love that is intentional and grows facing challenges together than in one whipped up in a maelstrom of emotion. I've still got a scar, though, and it still twinges if I rub it right... but God has used that to give me a special empathy and compassion for you and others who suffer from broken hearts.

You mentioned Garth Brooks's Unanswered Prayers, but I've always liked Caedmon's Call's Lead of Love:

Looking back I know You had to bring me through
All that I was so afraid of
Though I questioned the sky, now I see why
I had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view
Looking back I see the lead of love

Though I don't really know you at all, I love you as a brother to a sister in Christ, and I will certainly pray for you. May the unfailing love of God and the consolation of the Holy Spirit be upon you.

in peace
faithmyeyes