Restoring a Relationship (Sorry a little long)

[virtuousmiss]

Hello everyone. I really need some godly advice about how to restore a relationship with my mentor/Pastor that I walked away from. Well honestly the relationship did not really get off the ground in the first place, again because of my neglect.

To give a somewhat abbreviated version of the story, my mentor is the First Lady of my church. She has known me since I was in elementary school and as she expressed to me has always loved and admired me. Beginning about 10 years ago when I was in high school, she began reaching out to me offering me the opportunity to have a mentor/mentee relationship with her, but I've run away from her invitation because of insecurities and fears (fear of failing and letting her down and not being able to live up to what she asks me to do). In November of 2007, I finally contacted her and let her know that I desired to have that relationship with her. Things began fine for a couple of months, then I began pulling away because I felt I could not live up to what she was asking of me. Let me just be clear, she has not pressured me at all.

My biggest problem is that I am very insecure and afraid of being open and honest with people about my struggles, faults, and weaknesses, especially with her because she is one of the few people who can truly look at me with the help of Holy Spirit and see the real me that I try to keep hidden and honestly that scares me little. She has told me that I need to stop running from her and allow her to lead me. I guess because of her being in the position of being a Pastor and such a great woman of God, I just feel like I will fall short.

It’s been since February of this year since I’ve spoken to her, which I initiated, and she has not contacted me. Now I am not putting any blame on her because like I stated, she’s always reached out to me. And when I contacted her back in 2007, she was excited that I had finally accepted her invitation and was ready to begin leading and mentoring me and was initiating the relationship as per usual. She told me that she could not help me if I wasn’t coming to church. The intent of her words was not “I won’t help you if you don’t come to church” but rather “I can’t build off of anything if you don’t come to church to get your spiritual food.” Well I haven’t been coming to church because I struggle with the thoughts or feelings of “I have to get myself together before I go to church.” Again, my fault.

To sum it up, I just feel like I’ve ruined the relationship and I am a little afraid to contact her because I don’t know if she will still offer that relationship to me because. I’m truly at the end of my rope and need her leadership in my life. I know that I will have to prove to her that I truly desire this relationship and do my part.

I just need to know how I should go about asking her for this relationship again.

Thanks in advance for any and all advice.

[Sojourner]

I just need to know how I should go about asking her for this relationship again.Go to her and ask humbly, straight forwardly, and candidly. Put all your cards on the table.

Let me ask this question, do you think of her more highly than the Bible says we should think of a mere human, have you placed her on a pedestal?

[virtuousmiss]

Go to her and ask humbly, straight forwardly, and candidly. Put all your cards on the table.

Let me ask this question, do you think of her more highly than the Bible says we should think of a mere human, have you placed her on a pedestal?

Thanks for your response Sojourner!

To answer your question honestly, I'm a little intimidated by her position and because she's more spiritually mature that I am. I do understand that as a pastor she is owed honor and respect, but I may have placed her on a higher pedestal than I should.

[DaniHansen]

I would encourage you to go to church to help you in your struggles. That is what church is for. It's not someplace we show up after we have it all together so we can put up a nice front and feel like we "fit in". Jesus came to save sinners. He already knows what we're like, deep down. He sees our struggles and our failures and our shortcomings. But He also sees the faith we have and our desire to do the right things, the right way, for the right reason. Any church building at any given time is full of people who "don't have it together". Many are just not talking about it in the open because they're afraid of being judged or thought less of. Which is a shame because ultimately, a church should be a hospital for the hurting and wounded members of the body of Christ. You are no different than the people you're trying to avoid. And, their struggles are no different from your own. It's good for us to meet together and learn from the Lord and realize these things, and support and encourage one another. That is why your mentor friend is putting this condition on you. If she is going to mentor you, then it is her right to encourage you to come to church and be in an environment of accountability where you learn to conduct yourself as part of a congregation where people submit themselves to one another, and encourage one another in their walks with God and learn from one another and form real relationships that will sustain them in their hour of need, because that is how the Lord designed it to be.

If God already sees everything, then what are we trying to hide? Isn't He our judge? Isn't His mercy available to us and His grace to help us be free from those things that bind us up and hinder us? Wouldn't we want to meet with others to discuss these things and know that we are not alone?

If you really look up to this lady the way you say you do, then I would encourage you to trust her judgment and submit to her request. She obviously has your very best interest in mind.