inthecorner
Jun 2nd 2009, 05:12 PM
This is just my vent. I have to get it out. And hopefully it will help some of you not feel so alone. I'm not asking for any advice.
I've been married for six years. My husband was a christian when I married him, I wouldn't have married a nonchristian. The first two years of marriage were great. He loved studying the word, evangelizing etc. completely ON FIRE! We went to work at a Christian Camp one summer because we wanted to do something fun while we were still young enough. We ended up staying there over the fall/winter as caretakers. We were in the middle of nowhere and I taught sunday school the same time as the couples group met so we didn't have any fellowship. He started to get into computer games. and slowly falling away. That was four years ago. I just kept waiting and praying for him to come back but he just got further and further away. He struggles with depression and anger every once in awhile. He won't see anyone for it. He is a very passionate person... he'll get a hobby and that's all he'll want to do. Right now it's fishing. I believe that God has made him a passionate person for Him... he told me that he's a passionate person and for that time it was Christ and now he's moved on to something else. He goes to church with me off and on but when he does now he ALWAYS falls asleep during the sermons. I like to listen to preaching podcasts (walk in the word) and he'll come home and turn them off. He doesn't really like to do stuff with the family (we have two young children). Our relationship is more like a mother/immature twenty-something son. He never had a dad and that has had lasting negative effects on him. Last night I tried to get him to go to a worship night thing with me. He wouldn't. I kept pressing him and he finally said that he doesn't really even believe in God anymore.. and saying that if God were true he wouldn't need to be convinced and it wouldn't take faith. He said that Christianity makes him feel guilty and that he can't be good enough. I told him there's no condemnation for those in Christ. He used to know the freedom of Christ. I KNOW that this is ALL the enemy's work. And my husband has bought all the lies. I don't know how he's exchanged the truth for a lie.
I'm just having a really frustrating day. I'm angry. mad. sad. I just want to go and beat something with a baseball bat. (I'm also pmsing)
Today I just don't have the patience. I'm so tired of bringing this to the Lord.. constantly. I have faith. And I feel that he will come back. I'm just so tired of waiting.
I love the Lord, I love doing ministry. I went to school to be a missionary and still hope to work overseas someday.
If he never turns back to the Lord he will go to Hell, I will have to live with him being depressed, and unhappy with everything, I won't have a husband who loves me like christ loves the church, or who has any accountability of what a Godly man is like, my family won't have a spiritual head, I won't have someone to read the word with, pray with, minister with, do missions with someday.
I know a lot of those are "I wont" things... but I married him as a Christian. If he wasn't a Christian I wouldn't have married him. I married a Christian because those are the things I wanted and expected. His renouncement of faith effects the life of my family severly.
Later on last night he said something about him not being completely without faith. But I think he's so far out that he won't do anything to even try to get back. His heart is SO hard.
I'm just so tired. We're supposed to be fighting battles TOGETHER.
I've been married for six years. My husband was a christian when I married him, I wouldn't have married a nonchristian. The first two years of marriage were great. He loved studying the word, evangelizing etc. completely ON FIRE! We went to work at a Christian Camp one summer because we wanted to do something fun while we were still young enough. We ended up staying there over the fall/winter as caretakers. We were in the middle of nowhere and I taught sunday school the same time as the couples group met so we didn't have any fellowship. He started to get into computer games. and slowly falling away. That was four years ago. I just kept waiting and praying for him to come back but he just got further and further away. He struggles with depression and anger every once in awhile. He won't see anyone for it. He is a very passionate person... he'll get a hobby and that's all he'll want to do. Right now it's fishing. I believe that God has made him a passionate person for Him... he told me that he's a passionate person and for that time it was Christ and now he's moved on to something else. He goes to church with me off and on but when he does now he ALWAYS falls asleep during the sermons. I like to listen to preaching podcasts (walk in the word) and he'll come home and turn them off. He doesn't really like to do stuff with the family (we have two young children). Our relationship is more like a mother/immature twenty-something son. He never had a dad and that has had lasting negative effects on him. Last night I tried to get him to go to a worship night thing with me. He wouldn't. I kept pressing him and he finally said that he doesn't really even believe in God anymore.. and saying that if God were true he wouldn't need to be convinced and it wouldn't take faith. He said that Christianity makes him feel guilty and that he can't be good enough. I told him there's no condemnation for those in Christ. He used to know the freedom of Christ. I KNOW that this is ALL the enemy's work. And my husband has bought all the lies. I don't know how he's exchanged the truth for a lie.
I'm just having a really frustrating day. I'm angry. mad. sad. I just want to go and beat something with a baseball bat. (I'm also pmsing)
Today I just don't have the patience. I'm so tired of bringing this to the Lord.. constantly. I have faith. And I feel that he will come back. I'm just so tired of waiting.
I love the Lord, I love doing ministry. I went to school to be a missionary and still hope to work overseas someday.
If he never turns back to the Lord he will go to Hell, I will have to live with him being depressed, and unhappy with everything, I won't have a husband who loves me like christ loves the church, or who has any accountability of what a Godly man is like, my family won't have a spiritual head, I won't have someone to read the word with, pray with, minister with, do missions with someday.
I know a lot of those are "I wont" things... but I married him as a Christian. If he wasn't a Christian I wouldn't have married him. I married a Christian because those are the things I wanted and expected. His renouncement of faith effects the life of my family severly.
Later on last night he said something about him not being completely without faith. But I think he's so far out that he won't do anything to even try to get back. His heart is SO hard.
I'm just so tired. We're supposed to be fighting battles TOGETHER.