Earthtomel
Jun 4th 2009, 12:08 AM
Almost one year ago, I sought and received a divorce from my husband of 7 years.
I decided to get a divorce after he held a shotgun to my head, told me he could kill me and get away with it by telling everyone that he thought I was a burglar. For some reason, he did not do it. He was abusive both mentally and physically.
When I asked for the divorce, my husband ran to the church pastor and told him. He was very faithful in attending church and is well loved by all of the members there.
I was told by the church that I had to seek their permission to get a divorce and was also told that I would be denied a divorce. They told me that I would have to stick it out in the marriage and make things work.
I tried very hard in this marriage. I tried counseling, but my ex lied to the counselor. I tried giving him several chances. He would change for a few months, then get back to the abuse. The church told me that if I went through the divorce, I would be kicked out of the church. That broke my heart and my faith in church. I left the church before I divorced, so I would not be kicked out. When I did join another church, I went to the pastor to tell him what had happened to me and to ask for prayer. He also told me that I should not have divorced and that the church did have a right to kick me out.
I have not been to church in more than one year now. I feel like I am not even worthy to attend church, if they were so eager to throw me out. I feel disgraced and hated. Church is for everyone I thought. I thought a person would have to commit an unforgivable sin to be thrown out.
Am I that bad of a person? I know we all sin and are in need of Christ's love. But how can a church throw someone in fear for her life out? They would not listen to me and just condemned me. When I see people from that church, they just look at me with hate and will not even speak to me.
I did not throw away a marriage because I was not in love anymore or because I was bored. I was afraid. I lived in fear for my life. Is that not a reason to divorce? Did my husband not break the wedding vows also, when he wanted to kill me?
I am so confused and my heart just aches about this. There are times I just want to end my life. I feel so ashamed and useless.....and I feel condemned by churches when I really need spiritual guidance. But I feel so unwelcome and am afraid to try church again. I wanted to tell a church what I had been through so I could get help to get back on my feet again. But I feel like I should not even be talking to them about all of this. What can I do? I am so alone.
I decided to get a divorce after he held a shotgun to my head, told me he could kill me and get away with it by telling everyone that he thought I was a burglar. For some reason, he did not do it. He was abusive both mentally and physically.
When I asked for the divorce, my husband ran to the church pastor and told him. He was very faithful in attending church and is well loved by all of the members there.
I was told by the church that I had to seek their permission to get a divorce and was also told that I would be denied a divorce. They told me that I would have to stick it out in the marriage and make things work.
I tried very hard in this marriage. I tried counseling, but my ex lied to the counselor. I tried giving him several chances. He would change for a few months, then get back to the abuse. The church told me that if I went through the divorce, I would be kicked out of the church. That broke my heart and my faith in church. I left the church before I divorced, so I would not be kicked out. When I did join another church, I went to the pastor to tell him what had happened to me and to ask for prayer. He also told me that I should not have divorced and that the church did have a right to kick me out.
I have not been to church in more than one year now. I feel like I am not even worthy to attend church, if they were so eager to throw me out. I feel disgraced and hated. Church is for everyone I thought. I thought a person would have to commit an unforgivable sin to be thrown out.
Am I that bad of a person? I know we all sin and are in need of Christ's love. But how can a church throw someone in fear for her life out? They would not listen to me and just condemned me. When I see people from that church, they just look at me with hate and will not even speak to me.
I did not throw away a marriage because I was not in love anymore or because I was bored. I was afraid. I lived in fear for my life. Is that not a reason to divorce? Did my husband not break the wedding vows also, when he wanted to kill me?
I am so confused and my heart just aches about this. There are times I just want to end my life. I feel so ashamed and useless.....and I feel condemned by churches when I really need spiritual guidance. But I feel so unwelcome and am afraid to try church again. I wanted to tell a church what I had been through so I could get help to get back on my feet again. But I feel like I should not even be talking to them about all of this. What can I do? I am so alone.