Fear of Intimacy and Pornography

[WonderWoman4Jesus]

Hello, I can still use some help. I have told my story, but I was molested by a brother-in-law at thirteen and had a bad experience with my ex-boyfriend (which I had walked away from Christ and really regret!). In any case, it has caused me to be kind of fearful. I feel into a deep depression for two years where I admit I was miserable and so was everyone else.

Because of this, I have struggled on and off with sex. I used to read steamy romance novels (like Harlequin) and Daniel Steel. I stopped because I found them trashy, but images still will pop into my head. I also had to watch porn films with what happened to me at thirteen and my ex was really into porn. I admit, I have looked of magazines with naked men. I feel so weird because on the one hand I'm scared of it (I have a guy I will be marrying, more than likely) and on the other hand I've looked at naked guys.

I've never heard of other females with this problem!:help:

[moonglow]

Hello, I can still use some help. I have told my story, but I was molested by a brother-in-law at thirteen and had a bad experience with my ex-boyfriend (which I had walked away from Christ and really regret!). In any case, it has caused me to be kind of fearful. I feel into a deep depression for two years where I admit I was miserable and so was everyone else.

Because of this, I have struggled on and off with sex. I used to read steamy romance novels (like Harlequin) and Daniel Steel. I stopped because I found them trashy, but images still will pop into my head. I also had to watch porn films with what happened to me at thirteen and my ex was really into porn. I admit, I have looked of magazines with naked men. I feel so weird because on the one hand I'm scared of it (I have a guy I will be marrying, more than likely) and on the other hand I've looked at naked guys.

I've never heard of other females with this problem!:help:

Hi WW...I don't know if you remember or not but a couple of years ago you and I talked about this. At the time you weren't ready to face some of the problems the abuse was causing in your life...I am glad that now you are asking questions...this is a really good sign because it shows you are starting to realize the effects of the abuse and are more ready to deal with them.

To answer your question..yes women can get drawn into porn too. We just don't hear about it as much. Women aren't as visual as men so they aren't so easily drawn to it or get hooked on porn but it can happen.

Your having a fear of sex which you have expressed for years on here..wanting to marry but trying to figure out how to not have sex....yet also being drawn to some of the porn stuff at the same time. Both of these push/pull reactions are directly caused by the abuse you went through. I think once you realize that and its something you can heal from the better off you will be. Actually I think you have realized that..

Sadly many girls sexually abused can and do turn towards more promiscuous behavior and tend to have sex with many boys at a young age and even end up in prostitution. Many of the girls going into prostitution were sexually abused. Because of your fear though of sex it held you back from going that far...but instead viewing pictures or porn was safer instead. The problem of course with porn it is gives a very distorted image of what that loving connection is between a husband and wife that God intended.

Being abused at the age you were and having to watch porn really messed up your whole view on this and for that I am just so sorry. Sadly though this is happening more and more to young girls...they are robbed early from knowing what true love is and most of all, trust is with a husband.

I know I wanted so bad for years for you to be able to get into therapy for this..its caused you such agony but you couldn't afford it. Just being able to open up and talk about it now though is really wonderful. I am sure you don't think its wonderful...but what I mean is you have taken a huge step here and I am very proud of you. :) I hated seeing you stuck in such pain for so long like you were. The very fact you could post this is a sign you are ready to deal with this.

I think first understanding (as much as is possible on the internet) how this affected you from the time it happened up until now in reading through the stages a child goes through when this happens...on to adult hood will help you see what part of your life has been affected by the abuse. Once you have this knowledge you can take steps to change it.

Sexual Abuse Effects (http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/sexual-abuse-effects.html)

Of course you won't fit all of these descriptions. Next I would say to get with God on this and ask Him to help you work through this all and start healing from it. Once you do, the fear of sex and the looking at pictures of men will stop. I am praying for you on this...have been for years my dear!

God bless

[PictCry]

well i don't know much about watching porn but I do know that romance novels are like women porn, even the Christian romance can be like women porn, even though they try to spread a good message and give glory to God the romance in the in between can have similar effects. I know too that women can make fantasies in their heads that can go pretty far and be just the same thing as watching porn. I do not think your alone going through this. I think other women go through it to but without realizing it

[WonderWoman4Jesus]

Thanks guys, I appreciate it. I have gotten over a lot of my issues. I started building some self-esteem. But, I am trying to find a way for thearpy considering I don't have much money and a Christian counseler would be great!

[livingwaters]

The Master of Love and Forgiveness is the only one who can give you true Peace and Joy in dealing with any problem! HIS name is Jesus!!!!!! Put your faith and trust in HIM. Take this to HIM in prayer for as long as it takes! HE doesn't charge a penny.

I was abused as a child by my father. This started at an early age. I got married at 15, and through God's Grace (I was not saved) even then, the marriage lasted for 25 years. Then satan took over! For the next 10 years I would do things that were so not of God. Adultery, fornication, drinking, taking pills, smoking weed...it really didn't bother me.

But, I'm here to tell you, when my finances ran out and I had nowhere to go, no one to turn to....I called on the name of Jesus!!!! Just as HIS Word says in Romans 10:13 whosoever (anybody) calls on the name of Jesus shall be saved.....YES, HIS WORD IS TRUE!!!!

I'll be praying that the Lord give you healing, direction and wisdom in dealing with these issues.

Just as Jesus forgives us, HE, also, gives us the strength to forgive those who harmed us!

God Bless:)

http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn201/cherylhebert/wearethe.gif

[turtledove]

Yes, women too have to be selective and careful about what we read and watch on TV or search out on the Internet.

The main thing is to avoid places and things which are temptations from the enemy..like some books and programs and to make better choices that will edify us rather than give us temporary gratification and subtly get us into sinful practices and habits which can lead us into bondage. Temptation (if given into) can lead to sin, and sin can lead to being overcome gradually and turned away from healthy things God has for us and Christian living. If we don't do this we can become victims of our own choices.

The good news is that once we confess this we are better able to deal with it. Also talking it out face to face with a mature Christian woman counselor or friend you can trust would be good.--- mainly someone you know who listens and does not judge others. Someone you already respect, perhaps she is involved in the women's ministry in your church..or else someone recommended to you by your pastor or pastor's wife. Or going forth after services and asking for prayer from a prayer team person if you have that available in your church. They can pray and give some counsel or refer you to someone you can get with on a regular basis face to face. I am part of this ministry in my church and we keep all prayers times with those who come forward for help.. confidential and I would think they would be obligated to do the same for you. :hug:

prayers and blessings :pray:

[HisLeast]

Thanks guys, I appreciate it. I have gotten over a lot of my issues. I started building some self-esteem. But, I am trying to find a way for thearpy considering I don't have much money and a Christian counseler would be great!

Hey WW4J,

This will sound weird and probably unconvincing from a guy, but you're, not alone. "Women don't watch porn" was MAYBE true in the 80's, but now that its proliferated through the web, and become commonplace, its not true anymore. As a matter of fact, the porn industry views women as the single biggest source of untapped market potential. They're watching. You don't hear about it as much, but they are.

I really hope you're successful at finding a Christian counselor because I think a lot of what keeps the temptation for porn-watching alive in us has to do with issues we don't know about, or won't talk about.