kayte
May 24th 2004, 02:42 PM
Chapter Four
Sitting in the Mud
Ruth 1:19-20: Now the two of them went until they came to Bethlehem. And it happened, when they had come to Bethlehem that all the city was excited because of them; and the women said, “Is this Naomi?” So she said to them, “Do not call me Naomi (pleasant, pleasure), call me Mara (bitter), for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went out full, and the Lord has brought me home again empty. Why do you call me Naomi, since the Lord has testified against me, and the Almighty has afflicted me?”
Now I'm thinking this was one long walk for Naomi! Poor Naomi. She's worn out, travel weary, covered with road dust, riddled with self-pity and she has to open her mouth and let the whole town know just how she's feeling! If that wasn't bad enough someone went and wrote it down for all the ages to read! The lesson of humility through afflictions can be so good and yet we still open our mouths so unwisely. Open mouth, insert foot?
I can relate to Naomi. When I’m down, hurt, feeling sorry for myself I’ve been known to 'runneth off at the moutheth'. When we feel sorry for ourselves the fun (power) of it wears off, and then we want someone else to join in. We have to keep the momentum going and telling a friend is a sure fire way to do that.
It's not generally a good idea to invite the masses to your pity party. For one, there's bound to be some fixers in the crowd. You know, the ones that tell you to get a grip and get over it. That tends to really put a damper on a pity party!
Husbands tend to be fixers. When mine would come home and find me sitting in the mud his first instinct was to run out, rent a backhoe and clean the mess up. Now, remember the famous photo of the woman that chained herself to the tree to save a forest from loggers? That was me and my mud.
My husband has learned to read the blazing sign I post that says, "Leave My Mud Alone!" He proudly declares that he's learned how to simply pull up a lawn chair and sit at the edge of my mud and just be with me, praying for me, waiting and listening to me. What a great man. What a true friend.
Be forewarned! Don't ever expect a man to actually sit in the mud with you. Most can't do it. It's not in their natures. You might consider buying him a comfy lawn chair, however.
One of the biggest problems with broadcasting your pity party is that you're bound to say something you'll regret. Which can be stored away for a future party, but better to avoid that if possible.
Naomi's self pity dropped her in a well of obvious blunders. (Obvious when standing on the outside looking in.) She was in the “God doesn't love me” pit. Can't you hear her breaking into song? "Nobody knows the trouble I've seen... nobody knows my sorrows.”
Naomi allowed her self-pity to alter her view of God. Was the Lord against her, as she claimed, or were her emotions, her feelings dictating her perception of God? She did indeed suffer heart-shattering grief for her husband's disobedience, but not because God had turned against her.
If you are suffering the fallout of someone else's sin, run to God. He can heal any hurt.
"Is anything too hard for the Lord?" (Genesis 18:14)
If you are suffering from the effects of living in a fallen world, the consequences of sin, run to God. He loves you, and wants to be your redeemer and shelter. He's building you a place that will never be a ruin.
John 14:1-2: Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.
If you are being chastened (disciplined) by God, run to Him. He only chastens those He loves.
Read, and pay close attention to the verses below.
Hebrews 12:5-15: My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; For whom the Lord loves He chastens, and scourges every son whom He receives.
Pursue peace with all men, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: Looking diligently lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled.
Facing it squarely, the vast majority of us are prone to self-pity now and then. Ugh. The question isn't so much if we will as it is how we will.
How will we act when we find ourselves on the teeter-totter of self-pity?
There are hundreds, even thousands of books and articles available on how to throw a successful party. Here are some tips on 'How to Throw a Successful Pity Party.'
1) Make sure you dress befitting the occasion. Dark colors preferably. If you look good in dark colors go for something that's comfortable, but that you wouldn't be caught wearing in public.
2) If you insist on make-up, use it sparingly. Don't use waterproof mascara. Get the kind that runs down your face and globs when you cry.
3) Keep your doors and curtains closed. You'll have a hard time sticking with it if it's nice outside. (Besides no one needs to see you looking like this!)
4) Don't wash your hair or take a shower. It'll make you feel better and it simply doesn't go with the atmosphere you're trying to create.
5) Pick one really close friend (okay, two if the first one doesn't respond just right), let her know that you're really feeling down and ask her to pray for you. Don't let her pray for you over the phone. After all, that might obligate you to cheer up before you're ready and the party just started! The point is to enjoy knowing that someone else is feeling sorry for you too.
6) Think of a name that describes how you feel and call yourself that for the remainder of the party. (Wasn't that just a stroke of genius on Naomi's part?)
7) Now, sprawl yourself out across a bed or sofa and think about the thing(s) that are bothering you. Keep it up till you have a good cry. And I mean a good old-fashioned sobbing, a get-your-sinuses-going kind of cry.
8) When you're good and worn out from number seven peel yourself up and go look in the bathroom mirror. That'll be good for another sob or two.
9) Don't wash your face yet. (However it's okay to blow your nose.) Take your red puffy eyes and mascara-streaked face and settle yourself down in a comfy chair with your Bible.
Now open it up and read 1 Kings 19:1-18.
Notice that the Lord asks "What are you doing here, Elijah?" (God knew exactly what Elijah was doing sitting in that cave.) How did Elijah respond?
Verse 10: "I have been very zealous for the Lord God of hosts; for the children of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, torn down Your alters, and killed Your prophets with the sword. I alone am left; and they seek to take my life."
Two times the Lord asks "What are you doing here, Elijah?" Two times Elijah answers "I alone am left." Obviously he's really thought through his problem. And Elijah knows the Lord well enough to know that honesty is not only the best policy--it's the only policy!
What did the Lord do with Elijah's problem? He gave him things to do. Not busy work, but God work. And as a side note mentions in verse 18 "Yet I have reserved seven thousand in Israel, all whose knees have not bowed to Baal, and every mouth that has not kissed him."
Oh. The ‘I alone am left’ thing wasn't quite accurate, huh? Ever feel like you're the only one that's hurt like this? Remember, others have walked through the same fire and come out loving and praising God. You can too. Suffering in itself does not make us more like Jesus… it’s what we do with it that makes the difference.
10) Okay, now's a good time to wash your face. Might grab a snack while you're at it.
11) Now flip over to Psalm 13 and take a look at David's pity party.
Verses 1-6: How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? How long will my enemy be exalted over me?
Consider and hear me, O Lord my God; enlighten my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death; lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed against him”; lest those who trouble me rejoice when I am moved. But...
#
(Oh, 'but' usually spells the end to a pity party.)
"But I have trusted in Your mercy; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me."
12) Repeat verse six.
13) Repeat verse six.
14) Repeat verse six.
(Okay, you know what I mean.)
15) Go take a shower and put on something that doesn't look... that bad.
16) Start dinner.
17) Call your friend back and thank her for praying for you.
18) Eat.
19) Call someone that needs a friend and encourage them. Do a 'God work.' Put it on your list to do another one tomorrow, etc.
To wrap this study up let's take just a quick look at one more error Naomi made.
Can you imagine how you would feel if just days before you had devoted your whole life to your mother-in-law, and then stood by her side in a swarm of her old friends as she declared that she had gone out full and returned empty? Empty? Would the term chopped liver fit here? Be careful of your tongue. To some people that would have been a wound that took years to get over.
Yet in Ruth we find the best kind of friend, one that sticks by when you blow it, that doesn't let her feathers be easily ruffled. One that sees your "Leave My Mud Alone" sign and goes to get you something to eat (Ruth 2:2), then stays to share the meal.
#
Father, give us wisdom and grace when we're discouraged and hurting. Set a guard over our lips and keep our eyes on You. Teach us to be a friend. To reflect Your love in practical ways to those around us. Grow us up in Your ways and teach us to trust in You and to joy in Your salvation.
Lord, You know the depths of anguish we suffer because You endured them too. Mend our hearts and minds. Use each one of us to accomplish Your work here on earth.
Forgive us for the times we've put self above You and allowed our thoughts of You to be distorted and sinful. And for the times we have let our tongues run free and hurt another.
Make us like You Lord.
In Jesus we come.
Amen
Study Questions:
1) Do you accept times of chastening in your life and want to grow from them? Or are you becoming bitter with chastening?
2) Naomi declares that 'pleasant' no longer describes her and that Mara (bitter) is a more fitting name. In Gen.27:34 the same root word is used to describe the heart-crushing experience of family turmoil. Bitter can have two meanings: to cause or show sorrow or pain, or to be resentful or cynical.
Which definition do you think fits Naomi? Do you think the first definition can lead to the second?
3) If love is a verb in our lives, what actions should we take to help a loved one through a time of sorrow? What are some examples that Jesus gave us when He encountered those that suffered deep grief?
4) Have you ever gone through a time of grief or sorrow and allowed your perception of God to become twisted? That was one of Naomi's mistakes. Have you also gone through a difficult time and clung tenaciously to God and what He claims about Himself? What happened and what was the difference?
5) Do you have a Ruth in your life? A best friend? Are you a Ruth to someone else?
6) Look at Ruth's character: thoughtful, steadfast, slow to criticize, long suffering--loving. Has your relationship with the Lord produced similar fruit? In what areas do you need to make purposeful strides to attain the goal of being Christ-like today?
Sitting in the Mud
Ruth 1:19-20: Now the two of them went until they came to Bethlehem. And it happened, when they had come to Bethlehem that all the city was excited because of them; and the women said, “Is this Naomi?” So she said to them, “Do not call me Naomi (pleasant, pleasure), call me Mara (bitter), for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went out full, and the Lord has brought me home again empty. Why do you call me Naomi, since the Lord has testified against me, and the Almighty has afflicted me?”
Now I'm thinking this was one long walk for Naomi! Poor Naomi. She's worn out, travel weary, covered with road dust, riddled with self-pity and she has to open her mouth and let the whole town know just how she's feeling! If that wasn't bad enough someone went and wrote it down for all the ages to read! The lesson of humility through afflictions can be so good and yet we still open our mouths so unwisely. Open mouth, insert foot?
I can relate to Naomi. When I’m down, hurt, feeling sorry for myself I’ve been known to 'runneth off at the moutheth'. When we feel sorry for ourselves the fun (power) of it wears off, and then we want someone else to join in. We have to keep the momentum going and telling a friend is a sure fire way to do that.
It's not generally a good idea to invite the masses to your pity party. For one, there's bound to be some fixers in the crowd. You know, the ones that tell you to get a grip and get over it. That tends to really put a damper on a pity party!
Husbands tend to be fixers. When mine would come home and find me sitting in the mud his first instinct was to run out, rent a backhoe and clean the mess up. Now, remember the famous photo of the woman that chained herself to the tree to save a forest from loggers? That was me and my mud.
My husband has learned to read the blazing sign I post that says, "Leave My Mud Alone!" He proudly declares that he's learned how to simply pull up a lawn chair and sit at the edge of my mud and just be with me, praying for me, waiting and listening to me. What a great man. What a true friend.
Be forewarned! Don't ever expect a man to actually sit in the mud with you. Most can't do it. It's not in their natures. You might consider buying him a comfy lawn chair, however.
One of the biggest problems with broadcasting your pity party is that you're bound to say something you'll regret. Which can be stored away for a future party, but better to avoid that if possible.
Naomi's self pity dropped her in a well of obvious blunders. (Obvious when standing on the outside looking in.) She was in the “God doesn't love me” pit. Can't you hear her breaking into song? "Nobody knows the trouble I've seen... nobody knows my sorrows.”
Naomi allowed her self-pity to alter her view of God. Was the Lord against her, as she claimed, or were her emotions, her feelings dictating her perception of God? She did indeed suffer heart-shattering grief for her husband's disobedience, but not because God had turned against her.
If you are suffering the fallout of someone else's sin, run to God. He can heal any hurt.
"Is anything too hard for the Lord?" (Genesis 18:14)
If you are suffering from the effects of living in a fallen world, the consequences of sin, run to God. He loves you, and wants to be your redeemer and shelter. He's building you a place that will never be a ruin.
John 14:1-2: Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.
If you are being chastened (disciplined) by God, run to Him. He only chastens those He loves.
Read, and pay close attention to the verses below.
Hebrews 12:5-15: My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; For whom the Lord loves He chastens, and scourges every son whom He receives.
Pursue peace with all men, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: Looking diligently lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled.
Facing it squarely, the vast majority of us are prone to self-pity now and then. Ugh. The question isn't so much if we will as it is how we will.
How will we act when we find ourselves on the teeter-totter of self-pity?
There are hundreds, even thousands of books and articles available on how to throw a successful party. Here are some tips on 'How to Throw a Successful Pity Party.'
1) Make sure you dress befitting the occasion. Dark colors preferably. If you look good in dark colors go for something that's comfortable, but that you wouldn't be caught wearing in public.
2) If you insist on make-up, use it sparingly. Don't use waterproof mascara. Get the kind that runs down your face and globs when you cry.
3) Keep your doors and curtains closed. You'll have a hard time sticking with it if it's nice outside. (Besides no one needs to see you looking like this!)
4) Don't wash your hair or take a shower. It'll make you feel better and it simply doesn't go with the atmosphere you're trying to create.
5) Pick one really close friend (okay, two if the first one doesn't respond just right), let her know that you're really feeling down and ask her to pray for you. Don't let her pray for you over the phone. After all, that might obligate you to cheer up before you're ready and the party just started! The point is to enjoy knowing that someone else is feeling sorry for you too.
6) Think of a name that describes how you feel and call yourself that for the remainder of the party. (Wasn't that just a stroke of genius on Naomi's part?)
7) Now, sprawl yourself out across a bed or sofa and think about the thing(s) that are bothering you. Keep it up till you have a good cry. And I mean a good old-fashioned sobbing, a get-your-sinuses-going kind of cry.
8) When you're good and worn out from number seven peel yourself up and go look in the bathroom mirror. That'll be good for another sob or two.
9) Don't wash your face yet. (However it's okay to blow your nose.) Take your red puffy eyes and mascara-streaked face and settle yourself down in a comfy chair with your Bible.
Now open it up and read 1 Kings 19:1-18.
Notice that the Lord asks "What are you doing here, Elijah?" (God knew exactly what Elijah was doing sitting in that cave.) How did Elijah respond?
Verse 10: "I have been very zealous for the Lord God of hosts; for the children of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, torn down Your alters, and killed Your prophets with the sword. I alone am left; and they seek to take my life."
Two times the Lord asks "What are you doing here, Elijah?" Two times Elijah answers "I alone am left." Obviously he's really thought through his problem. And Elijah knows the Lord well enough to know that honesty is not only the best policy--it's the only policy!
What did the Lord do with Elijah's problem? He gave him things to do. Not busy work, but God work. And as a side note mentions in verse 18 "Yet I have reserved seven thousand in Israel, all whose knees have not bowed to Baal, and every mouth that has not kissed him."
Oh. The ‘I alone am left’ thing wasn't quite accurate, huh? Ever feel like you're the only one that's hurt like this? Remember, others have walked through the same fire and come out loving and praising God. You can too. Suffering in itself does not make us more like Jesus… it’s what we do with it that makes the difference.
10) Okay, now's a good time to wash your face. Might grab a snack while you're at it.
11) Now flip over to Psalm 13 and take a look at David's pity party.
Verses 1-6: How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? How long will my enemy be exalted over me?
Consider and hear me, O Lord my God; enlighten my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death; lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed against him”; lest those who trouble me rejoice when I am moved. But...
#
(Oh, 'but' usually spells the end to a pity party.)
"But I have trusted in Your mercy; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me."
12) Repeat verse six.
13) Repeat verse six.
14) Repeat verse six.
(Okay, you know what I mean.)
15) Go take a shower and put on something that doesn't look... that bad.
16) Start dinner.
17) Call your friend back and thank her for praying for you.
18) Eat.
19) Call someone that needs a friend and encourage them. Do a 'God work.' Put it on your list to do another one tomorrow, etc.
To wrap this study up let's take just a quick look at one more error Naomi made.
Can you imagine how you would feel if just days before you had devoted your whole life to your mother-in-law, and then stood by her side in a swarm of her old friends as she declared that she had gone out full and returned empty? Empty? Would the term chopped liver fit here? Be careful of your tongue. To some people that would have been a wound that took years to get over.
Yet in Ruth we find the best kind of friend, one that sticks by when you blow it, that doesn't let her feathers be easily ruffled. One that sees your "Leave My Mud Alone" sign and goes to get you something to eat (Ruth 2:2), then stays to share the meal.
#
Father, give us wisdom and grace when we're discouraged and hurting. Set a guard over our lips and keep our eyes on You. Teach us to be a friend. To reflect Your love in practical ways to those around us. Grow us up in Your ways and teach us to trust in You and to joy in Your salvation.
Lord, You know the depths of anguish we suffer because You endured them too. Mend our hearts and minds. Use each one of us to accomplish Your work here on earth.
Forgive us for the times we've put self above You and allowed our thoughts of You to be distorted and sinful. And for the times we have let our tongues run free and hurt another.
Make us like You Lord.
In Jesus we come.
Amen
Study Questions:
1) Do you accept times of chastening in your life and want to grow from them? Or are you becoming bitter with chastening?
2) Naomi declares that 'pleasant' no longer describes her and that Mara (bitter) is a more fitting name. In Gen.27:34 the same root word is used to describe the heart-crushing experience of family turmoil. Bitter can have two meanings: to cause or show sorrow or pain, or to be resentful or cynical.
Which definition do you think fits Naomi? Do you think the first definition can lead to the second?
3) If love is a verb in our lives, what actions should we take to help a loved one through a time of sorrow? What are some examples that Jesus gave us when He encountered those that suffered deep grief?
4) Have you ever gone through a time of grief or sorrow and allowed your perception of God to become twisted? That was one of Naomi's mistakes. Have you also gone through a difficult time and clung tenaciously to God and what He claims about Himself? What happened and what was the difference?
5) Do you have a Ruth in your life? A best friend? Are you a Ruth to someone else?
6) Look at Ruth's character: thoughtful, steadfast, slow to criticize, long suffering--loving. Has your relationship with the Lord produced similar fruit? In what areas do you need to make purposeful strides to attain the goal of being Christ-like today?