My accountability thread

[viktorenge]

I am an adult married male struggling with lust and pornography. I professed faith in Christ as my Savior and Lord many years ago, but my faith is at times quite weak. My wife knows about this weakness of mine, and it is by God’s grace and her forgiveness and patience that we are still married.

I want to find a forum where I can report in on a very consistent basis, as in more than once a week. I will also be accountable to my wife for what I say here. So, according to my understanding of procedures and rules here, I am starting this thread addressing my own problem, and I will make my subsequent posts to this thread. Of course, I want my reports to be praises that I have not succumbed to temptation, but I may need to be able to report that I have sinned.

I can’t remember where I read it (I’ve been doing a lot of reading in this area lately), but someone has called what I am looking for an “accountability thread.” I am open to having an accountability partner, but if I have understood the rules here correctly, this is not allowed. So in this forum I will just post honestly about my struggles and victories and look for Biblical encouragement and at times a kick-in-the-backsides exhortation.

[Tonton]

viktorenge,

Welcome here.

The fact that your wife is aware of your problem is a great advantage.

I strongly recommend that you enrol on the free course at www.settingcaptivesfree.com

Their course is based on the gospel, and facilitates various aspects of your problem, including accountability partners and information to individuals at your will (eg. your spouse, if you wish). They also appoint a personal facilitator.

Hope it helps!

Freedom of captivity is only possible if God frees you!

Anton

[viktorenge]

Thanks, Anton.

Yes, it is an advantage that my wife knows. Of course, it is also a source of pain for her. And yet she is so patient and determined to help me, despite the hurt I've caused her and the trust I've betrayed. We have controls set on the TV, with her having the password. We have installed Internet security software that blocks access and notifies her. I need these helps to block my access to media sources of temptation, as well as accountability to her and accountability in this thread.

I have not tried to access porn sites tonight, but the temptation is there. Checking in here now and confiding in my wife about this (I forward my posts to her) is a helpful deterent, as are the security measures I mentioned.

BTW, I tried twice to access the site you recommended by clicking on the link, but both times it was blocked or something.

[viktorenge]

Another good day. Not one that was necessarily without temptation...thoughts...but one of successful resistence. This makes five days of purity. I hesitated to write that, because it's embarrassing to me to confess that I am counting my successes by days at this point. But that is where I am, and I guess I should just admit it and go forward from here.

[Tonton]

Another good day. Not one that was necessarily without temptation...thoughts...but one of successful resistence. This makes five days of purity. I hesitated to write that, because it's embarrassing to me to confess that I am counting my successes by days at this point. But that is where I am, and I guess I should just admit it and go forward from here.

This is how the battle is won - minute by minute, day by day! In the near future you'll look at it in weeks, months and then years!

Do consider the website I suggested...

Love in Jesus,
Anton

[tt1106]

Days sounds much better than minutes, just as a month will sound much better than 5 days. Blessings. I am praying for strength for you.
:pray:

Also, The WAR is what we want one. Even if you occassionally lose a battle, you may still regain that ground and move forward. Recovery is seldom won All at once. Don't let Satan rob you of your victories. He will deceive you into staying in your guilt and giving up. When you fall, repent and pray harder. The Lord is our strength.

God Bless


tt1106

[sedux]

Hi Viktor,

I commend you for your honesty, humility, and willingness to take responsibility for your actions. I pray that the Lord will provide you the strength to conquer this temptation and that He will set you free! :pray:

[viktorenge]

First, I thank you all for your encouragement and moral support and prayers. It is a help, as is this resource.

Second, my absence from this forum for a while (3 weeks!) has not been intentional, and it is not an indication of defeat or failures. For several nights running, I have fallen asleep on the couch, and so I wasn't porn surfing, but as a result I also wasn't posting (usually can't post during the day).

But for the last 2 weeks, I have been without my computer. McAffy (sp?) caused my computer to freeze up. I tried everything I knew to fix it (which isn't much), and finally after a week took it in to the shop. So what time I've spent on the Internet has been on my wife's computer, which of course was an added incentive to keep it pure, but I also didn't post here as a result.

Just got it back this afternoon, and so I am posting here for accountability sake.

Also, a passage of Scripture that has helped me a lot these weeks is Romans 13:11-14. Very practical exhortation from Paul: do not provide a means of fulfilling your lists.

[viktorenge]

Checking in again for accountability sake. Another day free of surfing for porn. That aspect of my battle seems to be getting easier. Structuring multiple levels of accountability on this has been a successful strategy.

However, the day had a frustrating point. When I woke up, I had been having an erotic dream. My sin of taking in such images in the past is no doubt to blame for these images surfacing in my subconscious. The images were vivid when I first woke up, and I must confess that at first I did not want to let the images fade, and for a time tried to dwell on them. They did fade, though, in time, and soon I couldn't remember them, which is a blessing, but for a time today I struggled with impure thoughts.

[FWGuy]

Checking in again for accountability sake. Another day free of surfing for porn. That aspect of my battle seems to be getting easier. Structuring multiple levels of accountability on this has been a successful strategy.

However, the day had a frustrating point. When I woke up, I had been having an erotic dream. My sin of taking in such images in the past is no doubt to blame for these images surfacing in my subconscious. The images were vivid when I first woke up, and I must confess that at first I did not want to let the images fade, and for a time tried to dwell on them. They did fade, though, in time, and soon I couldn't remember them, which is a blessing, but for a time today I struggled with impure thoughts.


One man struggle with this to another, let me share my current experience.... my wife discovered I had cheated on her a few times about a month ago. Since that time she has gotten her own apartment and is not sure if she will take me back.... just wanted to provided a little background info.

I can tell you that the images will remain in your head for a time. It has been 1 1/2 months since I looked at anything at all and I still get brief flashes of images at times, but they are becoming less frequent. I find that the easiest thing,and the hardest thing, is when I get an image in my head my first reaction has to be to turn it over to God. I still struggle to do this, but it is the only thing I have found that gets the image out of my head quickly.

I commend you for your honesty with your wife. I lied to mine for so long and it just compounded the issues. Continue to be 100% honest with her because it sounds like she is fully engaged in helping you and you owe her continued honesty... God Bless