Sexual confession

[dianaphro]

Hello everyone... this is my first post to the boards and I came because I am desperate to hear wise words from fellow Christians.

I have been married for 2.5 years. I am in a horrible situation. I recently met someone I clicked with in an instant. We had coffee together, had a great time and two nights later went to dinner and had sex at his apartment. There was no way it wasn't going to happen, it was bigger than me, I had absolutely NO control over myself. He feels the same way. Neither one of us has ever considered this let alone done it.

He lives in my city while getting his graduate degree. He is engaged to a woman back home. He is leaving for a month for the wedding and related activities this week. We decided to have dinner to see each other before he left, three nights ago, went back to his place and slept together again.

To make things worse: he is not a Christian and I feel very little guilt towards my husband because I have no sexual feelings towards my husband (he completely ignores that facet of our marriage and I've sort of learned to ignore it too). I'm not going to make excuses for myself. I am completely aware that what I did was wrong.

So he will be gone for a month. I am hoping during that month God will work on my heart and help me FEEL the things I know are true; that I have made such a major mistake and need to reel myself in and not see this man again. No problems in my marriage warrant this behavior. He is also glad for the break; I know he is torn for the same reason I am -- we love being together (not just sexually). I don't know that a friendship is possible at this point. And he won't be here forever; if he does finish out his degree here the longest he'll be here is 2011. I can just imagine what it would be like if we continued and then he left.

There are so, so many hurdles getting back but there were none going forward, funny how that works.

Thank you for reading. I hope some of you can help me see more light than I am seeing right now. =(

[ConservChrist]

Well Diana, you already know the answer and you already see the light. You know what you did was wrong. You know you are not to continue with those actions. You know you need work on your relationship FIRST with Christ, for if you relationship with Christ was good and you were in His will, then this would not have happened. Second you need to work on your relationship with your husband. I disagree though with something you said. That nothing in your marriage warrants such behavior. I think that there likely are things in your marriage that caused this to happen, ALTHOUGH do not justify it. You may not feel loved by your husband. If you're willing, please, go to your local book store, Christian book store or Books a million or barnes and nobles and buy the Book called The Five Love Languages by gary Chapman. I think there is one specifically for married couples even. Look for that. Your confession to us as Christians and to God is good...but have you confessed to your husband? You need to do that. He has a right to know. Also, with that man, you need to openly tell him that it's over. My suggestion would be to sever the friendship as well. You are now one flesh with him just as you are with your husband...Nothing wil ever change that and it would likely be better if you two never saw each other again. You should pray that God will soften your husband's heart and that God will help your husband to find it in him to forgive you.

I hope that maybe this helped. God bless and I hope the best for you.

[daughter]

I don't know that a friendship is possible at this point. And he won't be here forever; if he does finish out his degree here the longest he'll be here is 2011. I can just imagine what it would be like if we continued and then he left.(
Hi Diana.

It sounds like you are spiritually completely starved. It's not just the lack of sex in your marriage that's causing the problem, is it? Your husband is supposed to be the head of your house... I take it he doesn't have your respect in that area either?

Anyway... regarding the man you had sex with. Friendship with him is not possible. You've found already that it's not friendship, it's something else. You've said that he won't be there forever... it seems that your main concern is that your affair can't continue past 2011, but that the idea of continuing it doesn't bother you so much as the idea of it ending. That's a terrible thing.

You don't really know much about him, other than you are sexually attracted to him, you must have something in common... therefor you trust him enough to share your body with him. But you know he's cheating on his fiancée... that's not a good sign. For him, whatever he says, you're the woman away from his normal life who satisfies his needs. If that little voice starts suggesting that you can leave your husband and set up a new life with this man... don't listen. He will never trust you (you are a cheat yourself after all) and you know he's going to leave you.

I'm sorry if I'm sounding harsh. I don't mean to, I have sympathy for you in the situation you've found yourself in. What concerns me most is not so much what you've done (though it is dreadful, we all sin and you've admitted yours) but the fact that you've not felt keenly your guilt. It seems your conscience is seared, and you don't feel at all bad about your actions, that in fact you wouldn't mind continuing in them. That would actually terrify me, if my voice of conscience were so dead.

My advice would be to seek God's face. Pray for Him to awaken your conscience again. Don't let this, or any other man, get between you and God. This is more important even than your marriage. The sickness in your marriage is symptomatic of something deeper and far worse.

And you need to figure out what's spiritually wrong in your marriage. You definitely need counselling.

Stay well.

[Desperaux]

2 Corinthians 7:10
For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.



Godly sorrow is what I will pray for you. The worldly sorrow you are feeling is wrapped up in the eventuality that this adulterous relationship will end. God wants you to be remorseful so that you will come to Him in repentance and change your ways, abandoning former things and seeking the heart of God.

Run, do not walk, to Jesus! He is longing to forgive you and restore you--not only to Himself, as your relationship with the Lord is broken, but also with your husband. He will go before you as you lay yourself at the feet of your husband.

[dianaphro]

...first I want to thank you guys for your advice. I wanted to make something clear, though. My statement about him leaving in 2011 wasn't mean to suggest I want it to continue, I was thinking in terms of watching out for myself because if it is this troubling now, I need to try my hardest to stop because if I don't, and we keep this up it is only going to get worse for us, our spouses, my relationship with God, etc.

You are right that my relationship with Christ is broken. Definitely not severed, I hope that is obvious. It has been like this for months.

After the first year of our marriage the sexual component of our marriage just sort of... disappeared. I have talked with my husband countless times, he understands, we have one good week and then it goes back to nothing.

At some point I started to get very, very down on myself about it, as if I was doing something wrong and it's likely that is when my relationship with Christ began to suffer. I started pulling away from my husband in all aspects. I hate that he never seemed to care.

That the sexual encounter happened once does not surprise me. Obviously. =( What I need to deal with is that it happened again. Now I am seeking this behavior. I have a very high sex drive and to top it off lust has always been an issue with me (though it disappeared when I got saved in 2004 and then married in 2006).

I hear from practically everyone that my husband and I need counseling. I am terrified of telling him what happened, I just want to push this away as an extremely desperate and stupid thing I did and focus on my marriage.

But, I don't have any hope whatsoever. Telling myself there is hope in Christ isn't doing anything and I DO NOT LIKE IT. I feel like the devil's plaything now.

[The Mighty Sword]

Your marriage vows have been violated, not only are married but you and your husband made a Holy Union with GOD that has been violated.

Do the right thing and confront your husband, for he is head of the wife.

Ephesians 5:23-27 (New King James Version)
23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.



The longer it lingers without telling him the more guilt you will harbour.

I know from personal experience.

[daughter]

Hi there. :hug:

It sounds like you've been under a lot of spiritual pressure for some time ... also, you might be depressed. Obviously you need to see someone for spiritual counselling, but have you considered seeing a doctor, just to check that your hormones etc are all working correctly?

What did you and your husband have in common when you first got married? It must still be there... do you pray together at all? Is he a Christian himself?

There is no getting round the fact that you have to stop seeing this other man, and that you should tell your husband. I can't imagine how difficult that will be... so I'm going to take a step back, and just say, I'll pray for you. Everyone sins, but if we repent He forgives. (Even if humans can't, Jesus can... if you truly repent.) You could pray and ask Him to help you repent, to help you see through His eyes.

The main thing I'll pray for you is biblical counsel to come your way, and for God to move in mightily to save your marriage, and renew your heart toward Him.

I'm sorry you've been so attacked. I wish you'd come here sooner... but you're here now, and we love you.

[Rookie78]

Words from our Lord:

30And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

Matthew 5:30

This extreme analogy from Jesus makes it abundantly clear that anything that causes you to sin should be taken away/cut off.

I know you know what to do already. Just reiterating.

I will pray for you.

[sedux]

Thank you for reading. I hope some of you can help me see more light than I am seeing right now. =(
Hi Diana, welcome to BF! And God bless you for seeking to make things right with the Lord and with your husband. Desperaux gave some very good advice about RUNNING back to the Lord! Repent from your sin and be forgiven! Don't let the enemy persuade you into delaying repentance any longer. Bring to light what you have done, and be honest with your husband. Even if you don't, the Lord WILL bring it to light somehow for what is done in secret will most certainly be exposed. In order for the Lord to work in your life, you must be obedient to Him. For instance, don't expect any blessing or healing to take place if you plan on holding onto sin... in this case, your relationship with the other man. That has to go! Pray that the Lord will give you the strength and desire to do what is right even if your heart is far from it. From your post, I get the feeling that you are feeling very little if no conviction at all for what you have done. That is a very dangerous place to be... Praying that the Lord will bring you conviction and wisdom regarding your situation. :pray:

[third hero]

Dianaphro,
I KNOW how you feel. Unfotunately for me, I also KNOW what is at the end of that "rainbow" when you follow through until the end. I am a recovering adulterer. My life has been decimated, and although I could do the "blame my spouse" game, I had come to realize whose fault it truly is. Mine.

10 years ago, I was urged by the Spirit to get an apartment, because the Lord wanted to do more training with me concerning the mission that He is going to give me. I didn't listen, because it was the "Golden year" of my marriage. For that entire year, I felt like I truly loved my wife. Then she started shutting down with her duties, and I, like you, became frustrated. In my case, it took another year before a complete stranger seduced me, and started the ball rolling towards the ruination of my life.

10 Years later, I am penniless, without any of my children, and separated from my wife, with no possibility of us ever returning to what we had all those years ago. My family is totally destroyed. My job, the same that is suppose to give me prosperity, has been doing the opposite, and I am on the brink of losing my house. (It's a foregone conclusion at this point). Even as I have regained contact with my Christian friends from school, I am embarrassed, because the very things I taught against while I was in high school to them are the very things I did, and the very things that I said would happen if one does those things have happened to me.

Does this make me less of a Believer? Unfortunately, the answer is yes. But all is not lost. Lord Jesus forgives us of our sins, all of them, regardless of whom we hurt in the process. As for me, I am taking a long journey down the path of repentance. This curse of sexual sins has become an addiction, something that I have much trouble controlling, and I must confess, sometimes gains the best of me. And unfortunately for you, you are starting down the same path as I did so long ago. You do not want the pain of losing everything, of everything that your hands touch suffering, of the guilt that you HAD IT GOOD, but blew it all away because you couldn't keep your emotions in check.

You know that adultery is wrong, but now, hopefully, you can see the consequences without having to face them yourself. I hope that all who are suffering as you do realize what I have learned the hard way. You, dianaphro, are not a bad person, but the sins that you have committed can and will drag you to a place where you feel as though there is no return. It may be pleasurable for the moment that you are with that other guy, but believe me, when that person takes off on you and leave you high and dry, your feeling of loss will only grow. You will resent your husband all the more, even to the point where you will contemplate violence against him. You will seek out others to fill in that void that you have created, just so that you can feel "alive". And in the end, you will come to the same place as me, dead inside because of the magnitude of your sins.

Side note-to the moderators, this is exactly why I stayed in End Times chat, because I was afraid to deal with "Real" issues that are affecting my life at this moment.

If only I had listened to the Lord when I had a chance. Sure, He has me to Himself now, but I would have at least had my marriage together and my kids waiting for me at home. I would have had a much better job, or at least this one would have produced better dividends, and I would not have to be concerned about all of the sin that I am capable of committing when the urge hits me. It is nothing short of pure hell. My mission still awaits me, but it would have been much nicer to not have to deal with all of this pain and turmoil inside. This is your fate as well, if you do not stop now. Sure, it will hurt you, but consider this, everything that you have deemed valuable will be gone, if only you continue to do as you are now.

If "sex" is the only problem in your marriage, then consider doing something else about it. You desire to stay married, right? But it appears to me that you do not know what to do about that problem. I suggest you going over to a relative's house for a couple of days, and explain to your husband that he needs to be more mindful of your needs. A little separation can work wonders in a marriage, especially to a husband who believes that everything is okay, if he feels that way.

Even if that works, then you will have one more problem that you are going to have to face. Your husband must know about your sin against him. It was only fair for my wife to know about what I had done, and it's only fair for him that he knows as well. What happens after that, I can not tell you, for I have no idea. He may forgive and forget, or he may not. Either way, you must face him and be accountable for your actions. You may have felt that they are not under your control, but believe me, as a believer, no spirit can control you, so your actions are totally and solely your own.

[JohnnieGuy]

If you are a Christian and you believe the Bible and your husband does too, then I, in my infancy, have some suggestions. I am not trying to be judgemental in any way, ok? Know that what I am saying is out of love for both you and your husband. I don't want to sound cold, so I apologize in advance if I do.

According to Scripture your husband has an absolute duty to have sexual relations with you:

"The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency."
1 Corinthians 7:4-5

We can see that the reason adultery has come about is because neither of you have followed God's Word concerning your marriage. I am not pinning blame on anyone, just pointing you to God's Word. I am not one to judge, I am just pointing you in the way I know. I am more guilty of sexual offenses towards God than anyone on this site.

Repent, seek the forgiveness of the Lord (whether or not you 'feel' bad about it, you have sinned against your husband and God) confess to your husband, and go from there. The Lord will forgive you if you repent, and He will heal and bless your marriage if you live according to His Word.

You are both in my prayers.

John

[Warrior4God]

As a former adulterer, I know exactly where you are. Being with somebody other than our spouse can, at times, seem to be the right thing to do, but it's not. It's merely lying to ourselves to justify what we're doing and Satan whispering into our minds and egging us on to sin. Even if we can come up with all kinds of logical reasons to be cheating, it all boils down to the fact that it's still sin. Period. God said it's wrong, no matter how we feel about it. You need to let your husband know what happened. Of course he'll be furious. He may forgive. He may not. Your marriage may be saved. It may be over. Those are the kinds of things we should think about before we're tempted to engage in adulterous conduct. Often times, by doing that, we can talk ourselves out of cheating. Even if he says he wants to stay married, there will be a lot of hard work ahead for you both. Coming back from adultery is not an easy road, even with God helping the situation. It's not impossible, but it's definitely no cake walk, either. As much as you might want to improve your relationship with your husband, put even more effort into improving things with God. After all, you did also sin against Him, and as much as your husband counts, God is way ahead of your husband in priority. I'm sure you logically know what you did was wrong, but ask God to let you feel the conviction of your sin. It will hurt, but it will also help you draw closer to Him for strength and comfort. Also, it may help you be more likely to resist the temptation to stray should it ever come to you again.

[bryner]

Prayer and meditation on God's Word needs to happen. Prayer especially is needed for the heart of your husband. From experience, I know the deep hurt that finding out a girlfriend, (or wife in your husbands case), has cheated on you can create, and how long and hard the road is to rebuild the trust. When your husband finds out, as much as he seems to "not care" about things, he is going to be devastated. Nevertheless, you have to tell him the FULL TRUTH. Telling bits and pieces over a long period of time does NOT build immunity to pain from lies and does not come easier at the person or make it sound smoother or sweeter to hear. That's what happened in my case. Every time some more truth came out, it destroyed the trust we had built in those few days. The longer you take to fully repent and tell the whole truth, the longer the Lord needs to be patient with you. The longer the Lord is patient with you, the longer you will have to wait for the Lord to send blessings your way. One thing to remember though, God is not subject to time.

2nd Peter 3:8 says:

But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.

There's a waiting game that I wouldn't want to play with God..

Verse 9 seems relevant to this situation too, so I'll add it in here:

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

He promises to forgive you, just repent. Repenting also involves telling the truth to everyone that was done harm. That is not just including your husband, but the man that you had sexual encounters with AND his fiancée. From what I see in your story, you have done the Lord wrong, your husband, the other man, his fiancée, and yourself. If there is anyone else that you know of, you need to go make it right with them. This is not an invitation to go meet up privately with the other guy again to "apologize" and "advise" him to tell the truth to his girl, but she needs to know someway and somehow. It's only fair that she gets the choice on whether to stay with a cheating spouse or not. Otherwise she'll get married to him not knowing that he's a cheater at heart, and it won't be fair to her if he continues to cheat around while she's completely honest with him.

You HAVE to pray for the courage to stand strong against the devil, in Christ's name. Tell the whole truth and pray for the heart of your husband (as well as the other mans fiancée), that it may not be hardened and that he will have compassion and find it within himself to forgive you, just as our Lord has. Pray for the thoughts of your husband as well. I remember the evil thoughts that attacked me once I found out, it made me feel as if I were better than my girlfriend and that she was at a lower level. I was constantly being attacked afterwards about getting even somehow, whether it was treating her badly, or doing the same thing she did to me just to get back at her. The devil knows how to open up doors and give you the opportunity to follow through with your thoughts, it seemed as if girls started throwing themselves at me on a daily basis. I thank God though, for giving me the strength to keep myself from making the same mistake she did. I left her because dishonesty continued and now her life has turned into hell.

My advice is, be honest with God first, truly repent and ask for His forgiveness. Pray and ask God to surround your husband with His love and mercy that he may be able to take this horrible news as easy as a person can (it's not easy, but pray for it). The relationship with the other guy has GOT TO STOP. If you hate hearing the sound of that every time someone tells you to end it with the other guy, then you need to go back to the Great Doctor and have a spirit check-up.

Yes, sin is fun and exciting, but the wages of sin is DEATH. Death to not only your spirit, but to everything you touch in this present materialistic world. You have to let go of it now before it destroys everything else you have. If your husband decides to leave you, DO NOT say to yourself "well, now that I have lost everything already and have nothing else to lose, I might as well do what's fun and keeps me happy!" Trust me, I've had the same thoughts, and God ALWAYS seems to find something that you haven't really lost yet, and it always hurts more than the first thing you lose. Repent and ask for forgiveness, from the Lord first, then your husband. Pray for the other man as well, that he may repent and be forgiven and through the Lord's strength, be freed from this sinful nature of his.

Overall, I trust you can see that sin is not worth it. After the 2 1/2 years of marriage, money spent on each other, the wedding, celebrations, the vows/promises, the "I love you" 's, all the good times and everything, 2 5-minute sessions, (or however long it lasted), of sin, currently has the potential to destroy it all (it hasn't all been destroyed yet). This is also going to effect other families, the other man's fiancée's family and friends, all the people that were going to attend his / her wedding, and you can see the chain of death that a simple sin can whip around. I honestly pray to God that this may NOT be the case. I trust, however, that no matter what happens, everything works for the good for those that love Him.

May everything go as smoothly as God's grace will allow things to go between you and your husband, as well as with your "instant-click friend" and his fiancée, his/her family and his/her friends.

I pray that you make the right decision, today, right now.

[baxpack7]

Do the right thing and confront your husband, for he is head of the wife.

Ephesians 5:23-27 (New King James Version)
23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

This is a great set of verses to give you. Here's some more:

1 Cor 7:3 (http://bibledatabase.org/cgi-bin/bib_search/bible.cgi?BIBLE=48&BOOK=46&CHAP=7&SEARCH=jesus%20king%20lord&Read=Read&FIRST=OK&HV=3) Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
1 Cor 7:4 (http://bibledatabase.org/cgi-bin/bib_search/bible.cgi?BIBLE=48&BOOK=46&CHAP=7&SEARCH=jesus%20king%20lord&Read=Read&FIRST=OK&HV=4) The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

I see that someone else has asked the million dollar question: Is your husband a Christian? If he is, then he's not doing the duties of a husband as told in the word. But that doesn't let you off the hook either. Two wrongs don't make a right. I think that you both need to pray together, read the word together, and spend precious,quality time together.

I know that you said that you received advice about seeking counseling. Well, I'm no different. I suggest your pastor because he'd be someone you both can trust and he truly cares for your relationship.

The guilt that you feel is the Holy Spirit working on you. Be still and listen to what is being said to you. With the Holy Spirit as your guide, you can't go wrong.

Remember that God loves you and your husband both. In that, there is total truth!!
May God bless you and your marriage.

[macmac]

Diana,

Im not sure what to say other than I feel bad for you. Many of us have needs that our significant others (spouses) cant always provide when we want, whatever they may be. The enemy knows this, then opportunities to do the wrong thing happen. These are the tests we face.

I promise you, passing the test in the way the Lord would want us to is much more gratifying than any wordly gratification. I suggest confessing your sins to the Lord, ask for strength and wisdom to not let yourself get into that situation again, and if it does, don't give in. Just saying no to temptation is a huge confidence builder not only in yourself but in your faith.

We are all weak so we have to lean on Him. But we get stronger the more we lean on Him. When the time is right, you have to tell your husband the truth at some point. Perhaps you guys need to try and rekindle thru prayer. Being in love is so important. You can do it, and He can help you.

[The Mighty Sword]

This is a great set of verses to give you. Here's some more:

1 Cor 7:3 (http://bibledatabase.org/cgi-bin/bib_search/bible.cgi?BIBLE=48&BOOK=46&CHAP=7&SEARCH=jesus%20king%20lord&Read=Read&FIRST=OK&HV=3) Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
1 Cor 7:4 (http://bibledatabase.org/cgi-bin/bib_search/bible.cgi?BIBLE=48&BOOK=46&CHAP=7&SEARCH=jesus%20king%20lord&Read=Read&FIRST=OK&HV=4) The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

I see that someone else has asked the million dollar question: Is your husband a Christian? If he is, then he's not doing the duties of a husband as told in the word. But that doesn't let you off the hook either. Two wrongs don't make a right. I think that you both need to pray together, read the word together, and spend precious,quality time together.

I know that you said that you received advice about seeking counseling. Well, I'm no different. I suggest your pastor because he'd be someone you both can trust and he truly cares for your relationship.

The guilt that you feel is the Holy Spirit working on you. Be still and listen to what is being said to you. With the Holy Spirit as your guide, you can't go wrong.

Remember that God loves you and your husband both. In that, there is total truth!!
May God bless you and your marriage.

You're absolutely right! also the husband is sanctified even if he isn't a Christian because the wife is a Christian and visa versa.

1 Corinthians 7:14
For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

[andrew_no_one]

Hello everyone... this is my first post to the boards and I came because I am desperate to hear wise words from fellow Christians.

I have been married for 2.5 years. I am in a horrible situation. I recently met someone I clicked with in an instant. We had coffee together, had a great time and two nights later went to dinner and had sex at his apartment. There was no way it wasn't going to happen, it was bigger than me, I had absolutely NO control over myself. He feels the same way. Neither one of us has ever considered this let alone done it.

He lives in my city while getting his graduate degree. He is engaged to a woman back home. He is leaving for a month for the wedding and related activities this week. We decided to have dinner to see each other before he left, three nights ago, went back to his place and slept together again.

To make things worse: he is not a Christian and I feel very little guilt towards my husband because I have no sexual feelings towards my husband (he completely ignores that facet of our marriage and I've sort of learned to ignore it too). I'm not going to make excuses for myself. I am completely aware that what I did was wrong.

So he will be gone for a month. I am hoping during that month God will work on my heart and help me FEEL the things I know are true; that I have made such a major mistake and need to reel myself in and not see this man again. No problems in my marriage warrant this behavior. He is also glad for the break; I know he is torn for the same reason I am -- we love being together (not just sexually). I don't know that a friendship is possible at this point. And he won't be here forever; if he does finish out his degree here the longest he'll be here is 2011. I can just imagine what it would be like if we continued and then he left.

There are so, so many hurdles getting back but there were none going forward, funny how that works.

Thank you for reading. I hope some of you can help me see more light than I am seeing right now. =(

Good morning! Firstly, please know that I am praying for you along with others in this thread. There are a few things that must be done immediately.
1) You must pray and ask God to forgive you for what you have done. He most certainly will!
2) You must also confess to your husband.
3) You must not have any contact with this other man for any reason...ever again. It is not just your family that will be destryed by this if the union continues.
4) You have to re-establish a prayer/Bible-study routine. We can't grow as Christians unless we are fed by God's word. I for one notice great changes in myself when I "slack off" on my prayer and Bible study. It's like an excercise routine except when you fall out of shape, thoughts are the first to go instead of abs.

Please understand how important these steps are.
The words of an aldulterer drip honey, but their feet lead only to death.