savedbygrace79
Aug 24th 2009, 03:56 PM
Does anyone ever wonder just how much of our behavior is the Bipolar and how much of it is our heart? In the words of Paul "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Romans 7:15
I have been fighting an internal battle for a long time now. And it appears that when my life is stressful I can not control my compulsive spending, my sexual addictions, and now unfortunately my anger and lack of at times focus.
I've been having horrible nightmares, can't sleep comfortably as each dream is FULLY VIVID and of Catastrophic Events. I really don't want a secular Psychologist, but don't know where else to turn. I need help, prayer, and intervention. All my Psychiatrist does it give me MORE medication, and it doesn't seem to be helping. I found something that does help, but its not "legal" therefore I have this horrible feeling of guilt all the time. I feel alone, and misunderstood (mainly because I can't even understand myself). Please... does anyone have something encouraging or straight forward that can knock some sense into me? I despise my life, but refuse to take it. I constantly think of death, but like Robert Frost states in Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening "the woods are lovely dark and deep but i have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep." God has a reason for my life, but honestly... I have no clue, and the pain i feel daily feels like a millstone around my neck, at times i can't breath or escape. I know I need God, I know I need to seek God, but at times I'm so angry at him, as my life is so different then it was "supposed" to be, or at least, that's how I feel. But i know that that's not the case, but in my life Facts and Feelings are not properly handled, feelings outweigh facts 90 percent of the time.
I have been fighting an internal battle for a long time now. And it appears that when my life is stressful I can not control my compulsive spending, my sexual addictions, and now unfortunately my anger and lack of at times focus.
I've been having horrible nightmares, can't sleep comfortably as each dream is FULLY VIVID and of Catastrophic Events. I really don't want a secular Psychologist, but don't know where else to turn. I need help, prayer, and intervention. All my Psychiatrist does it give me MORE medication, and it doesn't seem to be helping. I found something that does help, but its not "legal" therefore I have this horrible feeling of guilt all the time. I feel alone, and misunderstood (mainly because I can't even understand myself). Please... does anyone have something encouraging or straight forward that can knock some sense into me? I despise my life, but refuse to take it. I constantly think of death, but like Robert Frost states in Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening "the woods are lovely dark and deep but i have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep." God has a reason for my life, but honestly... I have no clue, and the pain i feel daily feels like a millstone around my neck, at times i can't breath or escape. I know I need God, I know I need to seek God, but at times I'm so angry at him, as my life is so different then it was "supposed" to be, or at least, that's how I feel. But i know that that's not the case, but in my life Facts and Feelings are not properly handled, feelings outweigh facts 90 percent of the time.