threebigrocks
Jan 3rd 2006, 07:48 PM
AFter facilitator discussion and this final draft by cilla, please give this your full attention!
The faciliators again feel burdened by the need to remind everyone here to please be aware of the dangers of Internet flirtations. Any form of dating where you can't see the other person can be dangerous. Christian message boards are definitely NOT meant for already married couples to establish intimate relationships with the opposite sex.
If any members here are married and becoming too close with members of the oppostite sex we urge you to wise up and realise where this may lead you. Here is advice if you feel this applies to you.
1) It is wrong. You need to see that in the light of Scripture. Every relationship starts off with flirting. That's how the dating game works. Since you are already married, you should know that.
2) You must cease from what you are doing immediately or there will be consequences. The bible makes this abundantly clear. So does common sense. Don't simply ignore this and take your relationship to some other chat room. Do the right thing and terminate it now before it is too late. People you care about and people who care about you can get really badly hurt beyond repair.
3) Consider prayerfully if you ought to confess to your real marriage partner what you have done.
Most of all, don't kid yourself that this is just an innocent 'fling' and that it is not sinful because there is no physical contact:
James 1:14-15 But each one is tempted, when he is drawn away by his own lust, and enticed. Then the lust, when it has conceived, bears sin; and the sin, when it is full grown, brings forth death.
If any members here are unmarried but carrying on with a married person be aware that you are interfering with the sacred, God ordained bond of marriage. Not only is your sin evident in your own life, but the consequences of your actions are helping to tear apart families. Marriage is a precious gift to be handled with appreciation and care.
If you find yourself counselling a member of the opposite sex then also please be aware of the danger which can come about through something which begins so innocently. It is good to care about friends and members with whom we can identify and see are going through similar problems to our own. But this can lead to a slippery slope. Please look out carefully and prayerfully for someone else to take over the counselling for you, and if you know of no one you can trust then do please PM a facilitator or post here (http://www.bibleforums.org/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=84). We work together as a team and will be able to find a trusted member who is well equipped to engage in counselling.
Be aware that if word gets to the leadership of this board regarding these sorts of affairs, action will be taken, and will most probably lead to a permanent ban.
This board exists to honour God. Please remember that each one of us is accountable to Him.
=========================
The following text was taken from this site:
http://marriages.typepad.com/marriag...otional_a.html (http://marriages.typepad.com/marriages/2004/09/how_emotional_a.html)
How Emotional Affairs Start
I've seen it happen to other people. You spend lots of time with each other, exchange stories, share deep thoughts, create memories, and if you're unwary, an emotional attachment begins to form. Before you know it, you're in love.
That's it right there. If you want to have an emotional affair do the following,
1) Spend plenty of time with a person of the opposite sex who is not your spouse
2) Tell your life story to one another
3) Share from deep in your heart, especially where your spouse misses your heart
4) Share seemingly meaningful experiences together-achievement at work or ministry offers this
5) Let yourself relax and enjoy the others presence
6) And for good Christian measure, pray with the other person to deny your sexual attraction-heartfelt prayer is more intimate than sex in many ways and in this situation gives the illusion you are doing the 'right' thing.
Boom! There you are not in love as Irene says but emotionally entangled. Pseudo-intimacy. Addicted. You have a human drug to ease your anxiety and discomfort in a fallen world. You don't need to do conflict with your spouse--that's too hard to do--go talk to your human drug who listens and understands and makes you feel better.
Why is it easier? Because there is nothing at stake. There is no real risk with this other person. With your spouse there is tremendous risk. This is your MARRIAGE. A marriage is valuable. Sometimes that pressure makes it tougher to share and talk about life.
My friend, Brendan said, "Sometimes noble men do strange things." He said this in the context of what do we do as men when we feel that attraction beginning. Take a step back and distance yourself. Just talk business. She won't know what is going on you say. That's ok, better for her to be puzzled and/or hurt than for you to continue developing the attachment and begin offering part of your heart reserved for your spouse. If you tell her you need to step back because you are attracted you have just shared with her from the deepest part of your being and developed more closeness which will make it that much more difficult to stop the momentum of this thing. These apply for women dealing with men too.
So, the moral of the story is...better to have others think you are a jerk than to deal with the pain and chaos of an emotional affair.
I really believe that because I have lived it. In some ways the attachments of an emotional affair are tougher to break than when a physical one happens because one still has the rationalization, "At least we haven't had sex." Don't go have sex :)
Find a way to burst the illusion. Own all of the time and energy that you placed in this relationship with one who is not your spouse and own the damage done to the bride (or husband) of your youth and to your own soul.
Damage to your own soul? But I feel so alive you say. Sometimes helping one get removed from an emotional affair is more difficult than helping a cocaine addict get clean.
Here's the self test:
http://www.shirleyglass.com/quizfriendship.php
The faciliators again feel burdened by the need to remind everyone here to please be aware of the dangers of Internet flirtations. Any form of dating where you can't see the other person can be dangerous. Christian message boards are definitely NOT meant for already married couples to establish intimate relationships with the opposite sex.
If any members here are married and becoming too close with members of the oppostite sex we urge you to wise up and realise where this may lead you. Here is advice if you feel this applies to you.
1) It is wrong. You need to see that in the light of Scripture. Every relationship starts off with flirting. That's how the dating game works. Since you are already married, you should know that.
2) You must cease from what you are doing immediately or there will be consequences. The bible makes this abundantly clear. So does common sense. Don't simply ignore this and take your relationship to some other chat room. Do the right thing and terminate it now before it is too late. People you care about and people who care about you can get really badly hurt beyond repair.
3) Consider prayerfully if you ought to confess to your real marriage partner what you have done.
Most of all, don't kid yourself that this is just an innocent 'fling' and that it is not sinful because there is no physical contact:
James 1:14-15 But each one is tempted, when he is drawn away by his own lust, and enticed. Then the lust, when it has conceived, bears sin; and the sin, when it is full grown, brings forth death.
If any members here are unmarried but carrying on with a married person be aware that you are interfering with the sacred, God ordained bond of marriage. Not only is your sin evident in your own life, but the consequences of your actions are helping to tear apart families. Marriage is a precious gift to be handled with appreciation and care.
If you find yourself counselling a member of the opposite sex then also please be aware of the danger which can come about through something which begins so innocently. It is good to care about friends and members with whom we can identify and see are going through similar problems to our own. But this can lead to a slippery slope. Please look out carefully and prayerfully for someone else to take over the counselling for you, and if you know of no one you can trust then do please PM a facilitator or post here (http://www.bibleforums.org/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=84). We work together as a team and will be able to find a trusted member who is well equipped to engage in counselling.
Be aware that if word gets to the leadership of this board regarding these sorts of affairs, action will be taken, and will most probably lead to a permanent ban.
This board exists to honour God. Please remember that each one of us is accountable to Him.
=========================
The following text was taken from this site:
http://marriages.typepad.com/marriag...otional_a.html (http://marriages.typepad.com/marriages/2004/09/how_emotional_a.html)
How Emotional Affairs Start
I've seen it happen to other people. You spend lots of time with each other, exchange stories, share deep thoughts, create memories, and if you're unwary, an emotional attachment begins to form. Before you know it, you're in love.
That's it right there. If you want to have an emotional affair do the following,
1) Spend plenty of time with a person of the opposite sex who is not your spouse
2) Tell your life story to one another
3) Share from deep in your heart, especially where your spouse misses your heart
4) Share seemingly meaningful experiences together-achievement at work or ministry offers this
5) Let yourself relax and enjoy the others presence
6) And for good Christian measure, pray with the other person to deny your sexual attraction-heartfelt prayer is more intimate than sex in many ways and in this situation gives the illusion you are doing the 'right' thing.
Boom! There you are not in love as Irene says but emotionally entangled. Pseudo-intimacy. Addicted. You have a human drug to ease your anxiety and discomfort in a fallen world. You don't need to do conflict with your spouse--that's too hard to do--go talk to your human drug who listens and understands and makes you feel better.
Why is it easier? Because there is nothing at stake. There is no real risk with this other person. With your spouse there is tremendous risk. This is your MARRIAGE. A marriage is valuable. Sometimes that pressure makes it tougher to share and talk about life.
My friend, Brendan said, "Sometimes noble men do strange things." He said this in the context of what do we do as men when we feel that attraction beginning. Take a step back and distance yourself. Just talk business. She won't know what is going on you say. That's ok, better for her to be puzzled and/or hurt than for you to continue developing the attachment and begin offering part of your heart reserved for your spouse. If you tell her you need to step back because you are attracted you have just shared with her from the deepest part of your being and developed more closeness which will make it that much more difficult to stop the momentum of this thing. These apply for women dealing with men too.
So, the moral of the story is...better to have others think you are a jerk than to deal with the pain and chaos of an emotional affair.
I really believe that because I have lived it. In some ways the attachments of an emotional affair are tougher to break than when a physical one happens because one still has the rationalization, "At least we haven't had sex." Don't go have sex :)
Find a way to burst the illusion. Own all of the time and energy that you placed in this relationship with one who is not your spouse and own the damage done to the bride (or husband) of your youth and to your own soul.
Damage to your own soul? But I feel so alive you say. Sometimes helping one get removed from an emotional affair is more difficult than helping a cocaine addict get clean.
Here's the self test:
http://www.shirleyglass.com/quizfriendship.php