Porch Law

[TrustingFollower]

Porch law is like man law only this has Christian morals with it. What do you guys suggest we have for porch law?

Here is one to start thing off.

All men need to operate a grill at least once a month.

[Realist1981]

Do you mean Laws about a Porch?

[Toolman]

All men must know at LEAST 3 great war movies.

Porch law.

[Big T]

All men must not say any lines from Deliverance!

PORCH LAW AND MOD LAW!

[lbeaty1981]

Kinda goes without saying, but....

NO FRUIT IN BEER (assuming you drink beer).

Porch law. :lol:

[Clavicula_Nox]

Under no circumstances do you put the toilet seat down. Ever.


Porch Law.

[Big T]

Ok, I'm disagreeing with the no fruit in beer. A lemon goes GREAT with Heffeweizen.

[Vicera Cinegras]

Never take a urinal next to another man. If there are 7 urinals, never ever take one next to another man. If there are three people using em, either wait, or go somewhere else.

[Clavicula_Nox]

Never take a urinal next to another man. If there are 7 urinals, never ever take one next to another man. If there are three people using em, either wait, or go somewhere else.

Ah, you quote the famous "Every other," rule. I approve very highly of this rule. To add to it, I will say:

Your eyes may never stray from the tile directly in front of them. You stare straight ahead the entire time.

[Vicera Cinegras]

Ah, you quote the famous "Every other," rule. I approve very highly of this rule. To add to it, I will say:

Your eyes may never stray from the tile directly in front of them. You stare straight ahead the entire time.
Lol oh yeeah definately.

[DaveS]

If your lady asks what you're thinking right now, you must respond only with a grunt or at the very most an, "Idunno."

Porch Law.

[Quickened]

You must master the technique known as "The dad"

Porchlaw

:lol:

[Toolman]

Kinda goes without saying, but....

NO FRUIT IN BEER (assuming you drink beer).

Porch law. :lol:

Addendum to Porch Law "No fruiting of the beer":

"Lime shall also be added to mexican beer and no mexican beer shall be drank without said lime"

Porch Law addendum.

[Toolman]

Ah, you quote the famous "Every other," rule. I approve very highly of this rule. To add to it, I will say:

Your eyes may never stray from the tile directly in front of them. You stare straight ahead the entire time.

Thrice only shalt thou shake and no more... 4 or more is right out lest your intent be mistaken.

Porch Law.

[lbeaty1981]

Thrice only shalt thou shake and no more... 4 or more is right out lest your intent be mistaken.

Porch Law.

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

[lbeaty1981]

The average man should not know the names of more than 5 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color. Salmon is a fish, not a color. Exceptions may be granted on a case-by-case basis (such as men who mix paint at a hardware store).

Porch Law.

[Slug1]

Ok, I'm disagreeing with the no fruit in beer. A lemon goes GREAT with Heffeweizen.

Addendum to Porch Law "No fruiting of the beer":

"Lime shall also be added to mexican beer and no mexican beer shall be drank without said lime"

Porch Law addendum.

I second this cause what's a Hefe without a lemon and what's a Corona without a lime :rolleyes:

Porch Law passed...

[Big T]

Addendum to Porch Law "No fruiting of the beer":

"Lime shall also be added to mexican beer and no mexican beer shall be drank without said lime"

Porch Law addendum.Addendum to addendum. Mexican beers may also have salt added to them. Beers like (but not limited to) Tecate.

[Big T]

The average man should not know the names of more than 5 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color. Salmon is a fish, not a color. Exceptions may be granted on a case-by-case basis (such as men who mix paint at a hardware store).

Porch Law.Do "shades" of a color count? Such as egg-shell white, navajo white, snow white, dove white, pearl white, sandbar white, lambs wool white, antique white.....

[Nothing]

Married men must always pass gas in bed, and pull covers over wife's head at least one day a week regardless of consequenses b/c it's funny.

[Quickened]

Thrice only shalt thou shake and no more... 4 or more is right out lest your intent be mistaken.

Porch Law.

bahahaha!!!!!

:lol:

[Quickened]

The average man should not know the names of more than 5 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color. Salmon is a fish, not a color. Exceptions may be granted on a case-by-case basis (such as men who mix paint at a hardware store).

Porch Law.

Glad i work in a warehouse that mixes paint for autobody. I only know numbers

1013 black
PT 11
1006 Clear
U7011

etc etc etc

;)

[atrus912]

Men sitting together more than two in a group, whence they are all physically in the room, must not have a discussion about the personal feelings or problems of any member of the group, or any members of the group more than one to include the entire group.

A serious discussion is acceptable, but not one involving emotion. There is one exception: If a man is in such dire distress comparable to the state of Job in The Bible, then he needs his friends. Just a fact.

If there are only two men in a room. Then they may discuss their problems. However, they must end on a manly and/or humorous note so as not to be too emotional or otherwise "mushy" or "girly".

Porch Law

[lbeaty1981]

Under NO circumstances may a man admit to liking his girlfriend's/wife's cat. It doesn't matter if the cat pulled you out of a burning building. When a man's buddies are around the cat, he is contractually obligated to state, "I hate that darn thing".

Porch law.

[TrustingFollower]

Never let your wife/girlfriend use your toothbrush.

Porch Law

[atrus912]

Never make a high-pitched scream, ever. Trust me, it'll take you a good long while to live it down should you violate this one.

Porch Law

[Midyrvette]

Married men must always pass gas in bed, and pull covers over wife's head at least one day a week regardless of consequenses b/c it's funny.

I believe the proper terminology for this act, according to the Urban dictionary, is giving someone the "dutch oven."

[Quickened]

I believe the proper terminology for this act, according to the Urban dictionary, is giving someone the "dutch oven."

ahhaha! yes it is!

[corijoysdad]

You shall be able to accurately name all of the 3 Stooges, as well as know the plot lines to no less than three episodes. Extra points if you can do the Curly "Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk".

[Quickened]

No getting "in touch with" your "feminine side"

God made you a man for a reason. Buck up and be one!

Porch law!

[corijoysdad]

After reading this post:
http://bibleforums.org/forum/showthread.php?t=80723
I propose we institute the No Shower on Saturday rule.

We can call it "Todd's Law" :lol:

[Jollyrogers]

No reading of Magazines With a feminine design in any form (Ladies Home Journal, Cosmopolitan, ect ect ect). I do not care what the poll is, or what they are saying we men are like or would really like. Thought shall leave them where you found them. You really do not want to know what they think we think, trust me


And definately do not bring them to The Porch!!!

[lbeaty1981]

No reading of Magazines With a feminine design in any form (Ladies Home Journal, Cosmopolitan, ect ect ect). I do not care what the poll is, or what they are saying we men are like or would really like. Thought shall leave them where you found them. You really do not want to know what they think we think, trust me


When my sister and her now-husband were dating, she used to give him quizzes out of Cosmo on a regular basis. She thought it was so cool, every quiz she gave him ended up saying he was destined to be her lifelong soulmate. It wasn't until years later that she realized that he was actually stealing his sisters' magazines beforehand and memorizing all the "perfect man" answers before coming over to see her. :lol:

[Midyrvette]

You shall be able to accurately name all of the 3 Stooges, as well as know the plot lines to no less than three episodes. Extra points if you can do the Curly "Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk".

Soitenly! This is a good idea....

[Gods Creation]

Hygiene is overrated.

Porch Law

[Big T]

Guys should hug.

(before you reply, I am the mod in here.)

[Big T]

You shall be able to accurately name all of the 3 Stooges, as well as know the plot lines to no less than three episodes. Extra points if you can do the Curly "Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk".Manny, Moe and Jack?

[TrustingFollower]

Guys should hug.

(before you reply, I am the mod in here.)
Only at church

Porch Law

[Big T]

Only at church

Porch LawAcceptable ammendment. Can we add "at sporting events when a team wins or when your team looses significantly."?

[Big T]

All men must know the appropriate animals to blame certain bodily noises on. Prefferably the dog or the barking spider.

[Slug1]

Acceptable ammendment. Can we add "at sporting events when a team wins or when your team looses significantly."?

I have to add those that have fought together... always hug.

[Big T]

I have to add those that have fought together... always hug.True dat and at funerals.

[TrustingFollower]

Acceptable ammendment. Can we add "at sporting events when a team wins or when your team looses significantly."?
Second the ammendment.

[Big T]

All men MUST make a friend aware of how a girl really looks, if at a pub and he is hitting on her.

[Big T]

and to add to that...

No man must tell his friend that his fly is open, when he is hitting on a girl.

[TrustingFollower]

All men must know the appropriate animals to blame certain bodily noises on. Prefferably the dog or the barking spider.
Spiders are always at fault.

Porch Law

[Big T]

All men must understand that this is in fun.

[Quickened]

All men must know the appropriate animals to blame certain bodily noises on. Prefferably the dog or the barking spider.

Cosby used an invisible elephant once i believe.

Sometimes i say "sounds like someone kicked a duck"

[Quickened]

There must always be ample reading material in the rest room

Porchlaw!

[Jollyrogers]

The Porch shall be a "Honey DO List Free Zone", effective immediately

[atrus912]

There must be an A-Team picture in every thread.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v258/wwwVintageLane/march20061/mrt.jpg

Porch Law

[Gods Creation]

If you are hanging out with your friends in public and one of you let one out, you shall all simultaneously divert your eyes at any nearby person except each other. A woman preferably.

Porch Law

[lbeaty1981]

There must always be ample reading material in the rest room

Porchlaw!

The following items are acceptable pieces of reading material:
Hunting/Fishing magazine
Sports Illustrated
Local Newspaper (bonus if it still has the Funnies and Sports sections in it)

The following items are unacceptable:
GQ
Any girley magazine (Cosmo, Vanity Fair, etc), even if it belongs to your wife
Any book/magazine that does not include pictures

[atrus912]

Any book/magazine that does not include pictures

Now that isn't very fair. I demand this one to be checked by the Supreme Porch Court.

Fair Trials for Fair Literature!

[Big T]

The following items are unacceptable:
Any book/magazine that does not include pictures

Now that isn't very fair. I demand this one to be checked by the Supreme Porch Court.

Fair Trials for Fair Literature!Sorry, I must Line Item VETO this rule. There are many good books that do not include pictures, except on the cover.

[TrustingFollower]

Sorry, I must Line Item VETO this rule. There are many good books that do not include pictures, except on the cover.
I second this motion.

[Slug1]

If you own a surround sound system the sound MUST be felt at all times!

Porch Law

[TrustingFollower]

Surrond sound MUST be on while watching NASCAR.

Porch Law

[atrus912]

Sorround Sound must be used for everything, from Rock to Bach.

Porch Law

[Big T]

You must also put a dog in the middle and play a CD that has cats meowing from the various speakers.

[lbeaty1981]

Sorry, I must Line Item VETO this rule. There are many good books that do not include pictures, except on the cover.

I agree that there are many great books that do not include pictures. When reading on the throne, however, is it not better to have something that can be picked up and skimmed through rather quickly? Reading anything that requires a somewhat high level of concentration can result in one staying in there longer than intended, usually until one's legs falling asleep. :lol:

[mikeynash]

The only accepted answer to the question "do you think I'm fat" is No... silence doesn't work, being honest doesn't work. Train your brain to respond within a milisecond.

[Realist1981]

While dropping Mr Hankies in the toilet you will make courtesy Flushes when ever you drop a big one, 3 or 4 little ones, and when you whipe. It will still stink in there but it wont be as bad if you let it pile up. Early and often when needed.

Porch Law?

[mikeynash]

Lil bit sick!!!

ok, how about this - when you've got an itch... its not cool to scratch in a room of ladies... :B Yes i did this. However in my defence, I didn't realise they were there looking at me through the glass.:o

[lbeaty1981]

If a guy gets injured while doing something stupid, the following 2 actions must be performed by every man who witnessed the accident:

1. Gather around him and make sure he's alright (alright=most likely will not die).
2. Point and laugh at him. Then, proceed to tell stories of similar accidents you have had in the past.

[Clavicula_Nox]

If a guy gets injured while doing something stupid, the following 2 actions must be performed by every man who witnessed the accident:

1. Gather around him and make sure he's alright (alright=most likely will not die).
2. Point and laugh at him. Then, proceed to tell stories of similar accidents you have had in the past.

to add:

3. Everytime you're in a social setting with that individual,you must relate the story again, only this time exaggerate heavily and use sound effects. Bonus points for exaggerating your own importance in the story as the man's saviour.

[lbeaty1981]

to add:

3. Everytime you're in a social setting with that individual,you must relate the story again, only this time exaggerate heavily and use sound effects. Bonus points for exaggerating your own importance in the story as the man's saviour.

I have reviewed your amendment, and find it acceptable. My dad's buddies have told me many times about the time he welded himself to a fencepost, with the end result being worse and worse with each telling. :lol:

[corijoysdad]

Under no circumstances shall a sentence begin with "I was watching Oprah once, and she says......" Such an infraction could result in immediate dismissal from The Porch.

This rule was enacted after an emergency session whereupon an aquaintence of this poster was heard to utter this phrase....at a contractor's trade show, no less!!

[TrustingFollower]

Under no circumstances shall a sentence begin with "I was watching Oprah once, and she says......" Such an infraction could result in immediate dismissal from The Porch.

This rule was enacted after an emergency session whereupon an aquaintence of this poster was heard to utter this phrase....at a contractor's trade show, no less!!
If he was a buddy and utters something to this effect, than he must be demoted to aquaintence.

[Midyrvette]

If a guy gets injured while doing something stupid, the following 2 actions must be performed by every man who witnessed the accident:

1. Gather around him and make sure he's alright (alright=most likely will not die).
2. Point and laugh at him. Then, proceed to tell stories of similar accidents you have had in the past.

Or.....tell him to walk it off, or rub some dirt on the wound.

[Theophilus]

Hi, Theophilus here...first time visitor on the Porch Law thread.

I've noticed no one has mentioned groin injuries.

Any witness to a groin injury should immediately say, "Ohhhh...". Covering your own groin in sympathy pain is considered in good taste, but is subject to mixed company, and personal conviction. Grimacing is also considered acceptable and expected.

Porch Law?:hmm:

[atrus912]

Hi, Theophilus here...first time visitor on the Porch Law thread.

I've noticed no one has mentioned groin injuries.

Any witness to a groin injury should immediately say, "Ohhhh...". Covering your own groin in sympathy pain is considered in good taste, but is subject to mixed company, and personal conviction. Grimacing is also considered acceptable and expected.

Porch Law?:hmm:

Oh, heck yeah. Definately. You speak true, gunslinger. Thankee Sai.

However, I must add an amedum.

Any witness visual, auditory, or even a story that is five years old about or related to a groin injury should immediately say, "Ohhhh...". Covering your own groin in sympathy pain is considered in good taste, but is subject to mixed company, and personal conviction. Grimacing is also considered acceptable and expected.

[Toolman]

Oh heck, yeah. Definately. You speak true, gunslinger. Thankee Sai.

Long days and pleasant nights

However, I must add an amedum.

Any witness visual, auditory, or even a story that is five years old about or related to a groin injury should immediately say, "Ohhhh...". Covering your own groin in sympathy pain is considered in good taste, but is subject to mixed company, and personal conviction. Grimacing is also considered acceptable and expected.

I agree Theo and Atrus... any time I witness one of these on America's Funniest Home Videos I always involuntarily give the "Ohhh..."!

Porch Law.

[Midyrvette]

Armpit sounds. This would be an essential exibition for all men to perform. If you don't know how here are some easy step by step instructions:

1. Place your hand under you're armpit, cupping the hand to capture some
air.
2. Squeeze your hand under your pit but don't overdo it or it will lose the sound.
3. Lift your elbow away from the body. Then close the opening.
4.Repeat until out of suction (this is what causes the sound).

Try this flatulence "trick" on your friends. It's guaranteed to get you some attention.
TIP: This works really well with a wet hand.

[Nothing]

Porch law thread should be stickied....


Porch law!

[atrus912]

Jason came up with a good idea.

Porch Law

[IamRyan]

To add to the hugging. any hug should include at least one pat on the back, if not more.

Porch Law

[Theophilus]

To add to the hugging. any hug should include at least one pat on the back, if not more.

Porch Law
What about fanny slaps? I mean, that was all fine and good when you had on pads...but what about the porch? Look into that, and get back with me. I don't feel any urgency to give anyone a pat on the tookus, and would no doubt be a bit alarmed should one be given (although an arm noogie would be acceptable...I guess...)...I just want to be clear, that's all.

[IamRyan]

wait, you think I'm talking about the butt? No no no no, I am talking about the actual back. Like, you can't hug a guy without a pat on the back.

[Big T]

See, isn't this a great name for the forum? Look at all this wise counsel and advice.

[Pastor Dennis]

"Lime shall also be added to mexican beer and no mexican beer shall be drank without said lime"
And it shall most certainly be added also to Brahma (a Brazilian) beer
Addendum to the Porch Law Addendum

[atrus912]

Mead is the ulimate man's drink.

Porch Law

[lbeaty1981]

Hmmmm...an "ultimate" man's drink might be kinda hard to decide on. I would think whiskey would be more of a man's drink than mead. I've never had mead, though, so I guess I really can't judge one way or another. :)

[Theophilus]

Mead is the ulimate man's drink.

Porch Law

You mean it's the best drink for a man...or a drink that only men who are ultimate (to be defined) consume?

I picture some steely-eyed superhero with a large "U" on his chest...Ulimate Man!

:hmm:

[Slug1]

My vote would go for Yukon Jack - The Black Sheep of Canadian Whiskey :P

[Theophilus]

Question for lbeaty1981...Is that a kitchen utensil in the hand of your avatar? If so, is that allowed on the porch? Granted, you need something to flip meat on the grill (I assume most true men...nay, ultimate men flip meat with their bare hands, their teeth, or with the closest hand tool, e.g., screwdriver, power drill, or staple gun)...but that appears to be a plastic handle...and I just feel in the pit of my gut that it should be steel...or at a minimum, oak or walnut.

Just askin'...

[atrus912]

Okay. Let me campaign for my law...

Mead is a drink that was enjoyed througly by the vikings and the barbarians throughout history. If they aren't manly men, I don't know who are. Mead tastes good, it can be consumed in similar quanities to beer without getting drunk.

Whiskey comes in too small of portions to be considered a man's drink. It's manly, but lacks in volume of the drink itself.

Beer is too common a drink for both genders. It, though being delicious, does not count.

Also, gunslingers, graf would be my first choice. The favored drink of River Crossing. If it's good enough for Roland, it's a man's drink. However, I'm sure we do not know the actual brew of graf, so we have to stick with mead, the man's drink of our plane of existence.

Porch Law

[atrus912]

Oh, two more for today.

Long Days and Pleasent Nights.

Porch Law

Drink Responsibly

Porch Law

[lbeaty1981]

Question for lbeaty1981...Is that a kitchen utensil in the hand of your avatar? If so, is that allowed on the porch? Granted, you need something to flip meat on the grill (I assume most true men...nay, ultimate men flip meat with their bare hands, their teeth, or with the closest hand tool, e.g., screwdriver, power drill, or staple gun)...but that appears to be a plastic handle...and I just feel in the pit of my gut that it should be steel...or at a minimum, oak or walnut.

Just askin'...

Actually, I believe it's a flyswatter. I would think a flyswatter would be most beneficial on the porch for taking care of anything the bug zapper misses. Besides, a flyswatter + a porch full of flies can keep most men (present company included) entertained for hours on end. :lol:

[atrus912]

Actually, I believe it's a flyswatter. I would think a flyswatter would be most beneficial on the porch for taking care of anything the bug zapper misses. Besides, a flyswatter + a porch full of flies can keep most men (present company included) entertained for hours on end.


You know that thing that happens to us guys where their hair stands up a little when the zapper goes off? I love that.

[Theophilus]

Actually, I believe it's a flyswatter. I would think a flyswatter would be most beneficial on the porch for taking care of anything the bug zapper misses. Besides, a flyswatter + a porch full of flies can keep most men (present company included) entertained for hours on end. :lol:
Ah...then question withdrawn.

Speaking of flyswatters, have you tried any of the electronic ones? I was privileged enough to fry three flies this fall with one...looks like a shorthandled tennis racket, with a wire mesh on a plastic grid...and my, o my, do those flies smoke.

BTW, is there an electronic bug zapper on the porch? I truly love hearing those critters get zorched.

[atrus912]

Solomon is looking at us laughing his head off.

[lbeaty1981]

Ah...then question withdrawn.

Speaking of flyswatters, have you tried any of the electronic ones? I was privileged enough to fry three flies this fall with one...looks like a shorthandled tennis racket, with a wire mesh on a plastic grid...and my, o my, do those flies smoke.

BTW, is there an electronic bug zapper on the porch? I truly love hearing those critters get zorched.

We got my brother-in-law one of those for his birthday last year. Sadly, we never got to see him test it out. He is one of the most obsessive bug killers I've ever met. :lol:

BTW, I sure hope there's a bug zapper on the porch! If not, just let me know and I'll go pick one up over my lunch break.

[mikeynash]

Those pesky girls have been peaking at our board again...

Girls should not be consulted in any discussion about directions on a road map. Ever. Period.

[Theophilus]

Those pesky girls have been peaking at our board again...

Girls should not be consulted in any discussion about directions on a road map. Ever. Period.

Except for making them fold the map back up...:rofl: Not gonna' happen...;)

[mikeynash]

They can be in charge of sitting quietly and reading a magazine and nothing more.

[Realist1981]

If you can't name 3 active players on your "So Called" Favorite team your Rooting and commentary privileges shall be resinded.


Video Games should not be amongst the group discussion unless you are playing it or on the way to playing it. This does not include reminiscenting on old video game platforms such has NES, Super NES, Atari ect.. ect.. and the favorite games on those platforms.

Man Law?

[Theophilus]

lbeaty1981 and realist1981...same last name. You boys related?:hmm:

[mikeynash]

or just born in the same year?

[atrus912]

Fromt the diffrences I have seen in their posts and their posting style, I doubt their related.

[TrustingFollower]

atrus912, can you find a recipe for this mead drink you are proposing?

[atrus912]

I can try, but it's a pretty variable forumla. It's usually homeade if it's done right.

Mead is a drink made from fermented honey, here's something that's sort of a recipe, I guess. I've never made, but I've tried someone elses. Heaven in a schooner.

Here's a wiki article describing it...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mead

And here's a website completely devoted to it's conneisuirs....

http://www.gotmead.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=blogcategory&id=108&Itemid=14

As you can see, very variable...

[lbeaty1981]

lbeaty1981 and realist1981...same last name. You boys related?:hmm:

As far as I know, I don't have any kin in Michigan. I could be wrong, though...:hmm:

[god_guided_guy]

So where have I been because I have not seen this thread in all the time I have been here lol:P

[Realist1981]

born in the same year probably. I was born in 81.

[TrustingFollower]

Men are allowed to buy themself something cool for their birthday.

Porch Law

[atrus912]

Videogames are a form of art.

Porch Law

[lbeaty1981]

Passing gas is a form of art.

Porch law.

[TrustingFollower]

No man is to get reprimanded for passing gas on their birthday.

Porch Law

[atrus912]

Passing gas during a Saturday night guy get together should be done in the spirit of competition. The winner should recieve much praise in the form of punches and laughter tagged with the phrase "That's disgusting" said in the most humorous tone a man can muster.

Porch Law

Passing gas jokes and the act itself of passing gas never gets old.

Porch Law

[NHL Fever]

When hearing a new sound coming from the car while driving, one shall immediately propose a cause and solution in demonstration of one's intimacy with the motor vehicle.

[TrustingFollower]

When hearing a new sound coming from the car while driving, one shall immediately propose a cause and solution in demonstration of one's intimacy with the motor vehicle.
one amendment I would like to recommend.

After demonstrating the knowledge of the motor vehicle, turn the radio up so one can not here the noise for the rest of the trip.

[lbeaty1981]

In addition, if a man is unable to fix something on his vehicle, he must then say "I used to be able to work on these things, but they've got so many dag-burned computers in 'em these days, it's impossible to get anything done with 'em!".

Porch Law

[TrustingFollower]

a man can play air guitar when ever he heres a song he likes, whether he knows how to play a actual guitar or not.

Porch Law

[NHL Fever]

Compared to the man, all others in the household are under-qualified regarding remote control usage. When disputed, it's only expected the man should bear this heavy burden, and strongly 'guide' all to a consensus of prime-time viewing.

Bylaw: Given the steep moral decay of the media, it's appropriate to identify healthy sportif competition as a frequent ethical programming choice. :saint:

[atrus912]

Bylaw: Given the steep moral decay of the media, it's appropriate to identify healthy sportif competition as a frequent ethical programming choice.

Amendum

A single man is not under the same moral obligations in regard to the media as the family man.

Porch Law

[mikeynash]

When asking a woman if they are ok, men should be entitled to accept the answer "yes I'm fine", even if they aren't fine. You've given them ample oppertunity to tell you...

Porch Law.

[dirtball]

when watching football and halftime comes around, one shall put pizza rolls in the oven for something to eat during the second half.

[Jollyrogers]

A single man shall have no more than 6 items in the bathroom

a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

And he should not have anything he can not name in there

[Jollyrogers]

The porch tool box shall have a roll of duck tape and a can of wd40 in it at all times


"All a handy man needs is duck tape and wd40. If it moves and it shouldn't, Tape it, If it should move and doesn't, use the WD40" Red Green:lol:

[Slug1]

Appendum to the toolbox supply list... a bottle opener must always be located in a toolbox as well. If a toolbox is without a bottle opener then you must be skilled in the opening of a non-twist bottletop either by using a knife hilt or the proper technique of using a tables edge.

[mikeynash]

or if you are a real man... your teeth.

[atrus912]

Amendum to the bathroom supply list...

Under only the circumstances it is intended for, Head and Shoulders is an acceptable addition to the single man's bathroom inventory.

Porch Law

[Quickened]

Question for lbeaty1981...Is that a kitchen utensil in the hand of your avatar? If so, is that allowed on the porch? Granted, you need something to flip meat on the grill (I assume most true men...nay, ultimate men flip meat with their bare hands, their teeth, or with the closest hand tool, e.g., screwdriver, power drill, or staple gun)...but that appears to be a plastic handle...and I just feel in the pit of my gut that it should be steel...or at a minimum, oak or walnut.

Just askin'...

I will now go on record to say that i have flipped burgers and brats using

1. Sticks
2. Credit Cards and Library cards (whatever is in the wallet)

[Quickened]

When asking a woman if they are ok, men should be entitled to accept the answer "yes I'm fine", even if they aren't fine. You've given them ample oppertunity to tell you...

Porch Law.

More than fair to me! I second this motion!

[Quickened]

The porch tool box shall have a roll of duck tape and a can of wd40 in it at all times


"All a handy man needs is duck tape and wd40. If it moves and it shouldn't, Tape it, If it should move and doesn't, use the WD40" Red Green:lol:

I have kept both in my truck as a matter of fact! ;)

Appendum to the toolbox supply list... a bottle opener must always be located in a toolbox as well. If a toolbox is without a bottle opener then you must be skilled in the opening of a non-twist bottletop either by using a knife hilt or the proper technique of using a tables edge.

The third option is using a lighter. I've seen some guys do it.

[Big T]

There is NO excuse for not having a bottle opener within a reasonable distance. They come in too many forms.

http://img147.imageshack.us/img147/6156/reef1hf8.jpg

http://img147.imageshack.us/img147/2784/bkg76cb8.jpg http://img147.imageshack.us/img147/2342/rr17pz4.jpg

[Jollyrogers]

The porch bathroom shall not at any time have a "Furry cute Toilet cover"

Anyone caught trying to apply one wil be forced to WEAR it thru this thread:D

[dirtball]

The porch bathroom shall not at any time have a "Furry cute Toilet cover"

Anyone caught trying to apply one wil be forced to WEAR it thru this thread:D



This "Furry cute Toilet cover" that you speak of doesn't sound comfortable.

[lbeaty1981]

The porch tool box shall have a roll of duck tape and a can of wd40 in it at all times


"All a handy man needs is duck tape and wd40. If it moves and it shouldn't, Tape it, If it should move and doesn't, use the WD40" Red Green:lol:

An addendum to the toolbox for all the country boys out there: baling wire.

You never know when you're gonna need to mend fence, re-attach a muffler, or tie a gate shut. For any of these chores (and a plethora of others), baling wire is man's best friend. ;)

[Big T]

You never know when you're gonna need to mend fence, re-attach a muffler, or tie a gate shut. For any of these chores (and a plethora of others), baling wire is man's best friend. ;)... or hang a roll of duct tape off your belt loop

[lbeaty1981]

... or hang a roll of duct tape off your belt loop

Exactly. ;)

.........................

[atrus912]

Duct tape can make an excellent conversation starter at any time.

Porch Law

[IamRyan]

A man has had to of made a mohawk in the shower at least one time during their life.

[atrus912]

All men must exaggerate the size of the fish.

Porch Law

[dirtball]

All men must exaggerate the size of the fish.

Porch Law



Just like the one armed fisherman.

[Jollyrogers]

You shall have or at least pretend to know what certain classic cars are.

1965 mustand

1957 chevy

1970 plymouth Roadrunner

1962 Ford Shelby Cobra

1967 Pontiac Goat (GTO)

(List is subject to expansion)

[dirtball]

You shall have or at least pretend to know what certain classic cars are.

1965 mustand

1957 chevy

1970 plymouth Roadrunner

1962 Ford Shelby Cobra

1967 Pontiac Goat (GTO)

(List is subject to expansion)




To add to the list a 1969 corvette

[Matthew]

Haven't seen this one yet, but it's very important.

No man shall ever ask for directions or admit to being lost unless in a life-threatening situation.

Porch law.

[TrustingFollower]

Oh ya thats a good one Matthew. I will second your law.

I personally am never lost, I don't care where I am.

[Big T]

Want my bottle opener flip flops? http://www.steepandcheap.com/

Go here immediately. If it is 30 minutes past the time of my post, they will not be on there.

[atrus912]

Always volunteer yourself as a spotter to a man who overestimated his limits on weightlifting.

Porch Law.

[mikeynash]

A woman is always wrong unless she's right, even then she must not know she is right...

[Gods Creation]

Always volunteer yourself as a spotter to a man who overestimated his limits on weightlifting.

Porch Law.
Addendum: If you run to help a man who overestimated his limits you shall follow this procedure: 1) Help. 2). Express that it's not a problem quickly 3). Get back to working out yourself. You shall in no way try to embarass the man in public, for this will certainly one day happen to you too.

Addendum to addendum: You can laugh if it was a woman.

[Toolman]

You shall in no way try to embarass the man in public, for this will certainly one day happen to you too.

Ain't that the truth :)

[Quickened]

A woman is always wrong unless she's right, even then she must not know she is right...

seems to be the case ;)

[atrus912]

Addendum: If you run to help a man who overestimated his limits you shall follow this procedure: 1) Help. 2). Express that it's not a problem quickly 3). Get back to working out yourself. You shall in no way try to embarass the man in public, for this will certainly one day happen to you too.

Addendum to addendum: You can laugh if it was a woman.

Ain't that the truth :)

All three amendments completely acknowledged and signed as presented. Couldn't be happier with them.

Actually, this rule came up because that was exactly what happened to me a couple of weeks ago. Sometimes those 10 pound plates can seem a lot less threatening until you actually start your reps.:rolleyes:

Silly me.

[Slug1]

Internet Explorer will be called Internet Exploder from now on!

Porch Law.

[nato]

No man may admit to liking any chick flick. In addition, any man caught crying during a movie must excuse the emotional discharge as allergies, something in the eye, or thinking about Andre the Giant's death.

Porch Law

[Matthew]

No man may admit to liking any chick flick. In addition, any man caught crying during a movie must excuse the emotional discharge as allergies, something in the eye, or thinking about Andre the Giant's death.

Porch Law

I propose that this be amended to exclude specific parts of some movies from this requirement. I move that the following movies be included:

1. Old Yeller
2. Top Gun (When Goose dies)
3. Brian's Song

[atrus912]

What about the end of Schindler's List? I cried during that.

Porch Law?

[Matthew]

I never saw it. What say the porch?

[Slug1]

I watched the movie Ghost on the return flight after I fought in Desert Storm. At the end we had an entire plane full of combat infantrymen that were crying... so I can't vote on this one ;)

[mikeynash]

a specific amendment to being "except for those films where you just can't help yourself. excluding the following -

ET
Anything that is a romantic comedy
Childrens films

Where the excuse "I miss andre" is acceptable.

[Quickened]

No man may admit to liking any chick flick. In addition, any man caught crying during a movie must excuse the emotional discharge as allergies, something in the eye, or thinking about Andre the Giant's death.

Porch Law

Agreed!

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/7/75/AndreTheGiantSticker.gif

[atrus912]

C'mon Brian!

Can't you agree with the amendments, too? If you don't I'll be sentenced to 10 years watching back-to-back, non-commerically interupted episodes of "The View" from the mid-nineties. Please! I can't help crying during Schindler's List, not that I've seen it in awhile.

You have mod powers!

[Big T]

You can cry during Extreme Makeover Home Edition. Porch law.

Seeing big companies give stuff away to help people out, is tear worthy.

[Big T]

No man may admit to liking any chick flick. In addition, any man caught crying during a movie must excuse the emotional discharge as allergies, something in the eye, or thinking about Andre the Giant's death.

Porch Law

I propose that this be amended to exclude specific parts of some movies from this requirement. I move that the following movies be included:

1. Old Yeller
2. Top Gun (When Goose dies)
3. Brian's SongYou may also cry during one scene in Cobra, with Sylvester Stallone. You should know the scene I am reffering to.

[IamRyan]

a specific amendment to being "except for those films where you just can't help yourself. excluding the following -

ET
Anything that is a romantic comedy
Childrens films

Where the excuse "I miss andre" is acceptable.

Wait, you are saying crying to ET is acceptable. No way.

[lbeaty1981]

Seeing the other two examples, I think he meant that those three types are never allowed to be passed off as "films where you just can't help yourself". I could be wrong, though...

[Toolman]

Agreed!

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/7/75/AndreTheGiantSticker.gif

"Pick up one of those rocks, get behind the boulder. In a few minutes, the man in black will come running around the bend. The minute his head is in view, HIT IT WITH THE ROCK!

"My way is not very sportsmanlike"

:)

[lbeaty1981]

Another proposed amendment for movies during which it is okay to cry:
* Any movie in which a dog dies while protecting its owner.

What say you, men?

[atrus912]

I agree to that one!

I can't stand to see a man's dog die whilst being heroic.

I vote "ye" for that Porch Law.

[Big T]

"Pick up one of those rocks, get behind the boulder. In a few minutes, the man in black will come running around the bend. The minute his head is in view, HIT IT WITH THE ROCK!

"My way is not very sportsmanlike"

:)Love that whole scene.

"Now I know why I'm having a hard time fighting you. You're just one guy, I'm use to fighting a lot of people at once" (paraphrased)

[Matthew]

You may also cry during one scene in Cobra, with Sylvester Stallone. You should know the scene I am reffering to.

Never seen it.


For Slug

Soldiers during wartime, or immediately preceding or following wartime, shall be exempt from restrictions on crying, unless it is determined by a panel of not less than 3 fellow soldiers that the soldier in question unreasonably cried, blubbered, lamented, or sniveled. If it be so determined the soldier in question will be subject to ridicule as determined appropriate by those who come into knowledge of the incident. The soldier may escape such ridicule, as may any man, through physically defeating the ridculers or bringing to light a violation of porch law by the ridculer(s) that supersedes in un-manliness the aforementioned instance of crying.

[Matthew]

The following smilies shall never be used by a man, excepting instances in which one man is informing another man of which smilies not to use:

:cry: :( :blush:

This one shall not be used between two men. To do so is an abomination.

:kiss:

Porch law.

[atrus912]

No man shall use any kind of scented candles, scented shampoo, or popourri to liven up either themselves or their home.

Porch Law

Any comment in the positive on another man's physical appearance shall be limited a very brief, asexual comment on his outfit, new haircut, or the fact he lost weight or has notieably been working out.

Examples of Appropriate Comments
"I dig the new threads"
"Nice haircut"
"Hey Bob, been working out?"

Examples of Non-Appropriate Comments
""I love you pants!"
"Your hair looks so handsome!
"OOOhhhhh!...somebody's getting toned!"

Porch Law

[Big T]

Never seen it.


oh. Well, in it they destroy a sweet 1950 Mercury. Chopped Dropped and just sweet.

[Matthew]

oh. Well, in it they destroy a sweet 1950 Mercury. Chopped Dropped and just sweet.

Ugh, senseless violence. Good flick though?

[Quickened]

"Pick up one of those rocks, get behind the boulder. In a few minutes, the man in black will come running around the bend. The minute his head is in view, HIT IT WITH THE ROCK!

"My way is not very sportsmanlike"

:)

Inconceivable!!!! :lol:

I love that movie!

[Big T]

Ugh, senseless violence. Good flick though?
Good guy movie!

[lbeaty1981]

The following smilies shall never be used by a man, excepting instances in which one man is informing another man of which smilies not to use:

:cry: :( :blush:

This one shall not be used between two men. To do so is an abomination.

:kiss:

Porch law.

Addendum: The first 3 smilies may be used in a sarcastic sense. To ensure that others realize sarcasm is being used, it is best to also include :D, :P, or :lol: to the end of one's thread.

[Matthew]

Addendum: The first 3 smilies may be used in a sarcastic sense. To ensure that others realize sarcasm is being used, it is best to also include :D, :P, or :lol: to the end of one's thread.

I'll second that. All in favor. All opposed. Approved.

[DreamWeaver]

If your lady asks what you're thinking right now, you must respond only with a grunt or at the very most an, "Idunno."

Porch Law.

Addendum to Porch Law; Talking in A.S.L. is also allowed. A.S.L.= American Sign Language

[astrongerthanhe]

hellotoyouall
i've never posted here on Solomon'sPorch
but you all are hilarious

this questionable PorchLaw could be a stumper

one of myfavorite Bible books is
SongofSongs which was written by Solomon
yet is very girly

is it okay to quote SongofSongs on the Porch?

it's HolySpirit inspired Scripture
but again
it's girly

what say you men?

PorchLaw?

[lbeaty1981]

I would think anything written by Solomon would be allowed on his porch. He was a pretty awesome guy, after all. ;)

[astrongerthanhe]

well in that case

Father
let Jesus kiss me
with the kisses of His mouth!
for His love is better than Corona with lime

[Mighty Mutt]

I didn't see this one... maybe I missed it.

There is absolutely no talking when at the public urinal. Conversation is at the hand-sink only.

Porch Law.

[Mighty Mutt]

It is perfectly acceptable to preface your opinions with "It is written" and end them with "I have spoken" or "So let it be written, so let it be done."

Bonus points if the wife is trained to respond with "Your words are golden!" (yes, mine really is. Life is good.)

Porch Law.

[Toolman]

I didn't see this one... maybe I missed it.

There is absolutely no talking when at the public urinal. Conversation is at the hand-sink only.

Porch Law.

There were a couple of similiar spirit but that is a good addition:

http://bibleforums.org/forum/showpost.php?p=1177861&postcount=9
http://bibleforums.org/forum/showpost.php?p=1178112&postcount=14

[Big T]

I didn't see this one... maybe I missed it.

There is absolutely no talking when at the public urinal. Conversation is at the hand-sink only.

Porch Law.and you are to look straight ahead at all times

[Slug1]

Also, assists such as flushing and/or hitting the Air Hand Dryer are acceptable for distraction noise....

[The Hollow Man]

Ah, you quote the famous "Every other," rule. I approve very highly of this rule. To add to it, I will say:

Your eyes may never stray from the tile directly in front of them. You stare straight ahead the entire time.

You should watch Male Restroom Etiquette (http://youtube.com/watch?v=IzO1mCAVyMw).

[Matthew]

You should watch Male Restroom Etiquette (http://youtube.com/watch?v=IzO1mCAVyMw).

Hahaha, that was awesome! I honestly didn't grasp the consequences of violating bathroom etiquette before watching this.

[IamRyan]

and you are to look straight ahead at all times

Added, you must own up and not turn in a direction while at the urinal. If you are having trouble going, then you must move to a stall, never turn.

[Warrior4God]

Nobody here may recite any lines from the movies "Steel Magnolias," "Fried Green Tomatoes," or any other chick flicks. Violators of such said rule will incur 50 lashes with a wet noodle. :lol:

[Jollyrogers]

No member of Solomons Porch shall ever go to the store and buy any type of "Feminine Hygene products"


If anyone does thou shalt wear a good disguise and under no circumstances shall thou ever never admit it:hmm:

[Mighty Mutt]

Hear, hear! Huzzah, huzza! Harumph, harumph, harumph!

Hey, I didn't get a harumph out of that guy! ---> :eek:

[Toolman]

Hear, hear! Huzzah, huzza! Harumph, harumph, harumph!

Hey, I didn't get a harumph out of that guy! ---> :eek:

Give the Mutt a harumph! ---> :eek:

[Big T]

harumph.

"Hmm, this one seems to be defective"

"right as usual sir"

[Mighty Mutt]

"Here, let's give some of these out to the boys in lieu of pay... Toolman, BigT... here you go..."

[Big T]

"It's HEDLEY, HEDLEY!"

"Ahhh who cares, in a few years you can sue her"

LOL! A great line with a great story behind it. Hedey Lamar (gorgeous actress and inventor) threatened to sue Mel Brooks for naming a character Hedley Lamar. She thought it was too close to her own name. Mel told her to go ahead, but she never did.

[Slug1]

Hehehe, her name is Hedy :rolleyes:

[Big T]

Hehehe, her name is Hedy :rolleyes:That type of humor belongs in the..... oh, well...... I guess here.

Ok, thank you, drive through please.

[TrustingFollower]

How does the Pee boy work with Male Restroom Etiquette?:rofl:

[Big T]

No making fun of any injury that can affect a mans drinking (be it alcohol or non-alcohol)!

Executive order! signed, sealed, delivered, thus sayeth the law!

And he who breaks this law must go back to the house of pain!

[atrus912]

All men must take care not to name their child something they will regret later in life. This goes especially for their sons. For instance, my initials are BO. It doesn't bode well.

...Ironically enough, I sweat a ton.:lol:

Porch Law

[Jollyrogers]

No making fun of any injury that can affect a mans drinking (be it alcohol or non-alcohol)!

Executive order! signed, sealed, delivered, thus sayeth the law!

And he who breaks this law must go back to the house of pain!


Is this law retroactive, or does it only pertain to events that happen after today:rofl::lol::D:saint:

[Big T]

Is this law retroactive, or does it only pertain to events that happen after today:rofl::lol::D:saint:It is grandfathered in just like all the coolings I am giving out. :lol::rofl::bounce:

[TrustingFollower]

It is grandfathered in just like all the coolings I am giving out. :lol::rofl::bounce:
Burrrrrr, I feel a cool breeze on the back of my neck.;)

[The Hollow Man]

All men must take care not to name their child something they will regret later in life. This goes especially for their sons. For instance, my initials are BO. It doesn't bode well.

...Ironically enough, I sweat a ton.:lol:

Porch Law
My daughters initials almost ended up being ASS - but we changed that at the last minute and now she is VSS.

[Big T]

My daughters initials almost ended up being ASS - but we changed that at the last minute and now she is VSS.At sunday school we were all stating prayer requests. My now wife and I were looking for a home and we asked them to pray for that. The teacher wrote on the dry erase board "home for T&A"

[atrus912]

For all men who smoke...

Virginia Slims are not acceptable cigarettes for a man.

Porch Law

Also, if you smoke cigars, you are to go to a proper smoke shop to get them. You are not to get a blunt from a gas station and then go around saying that you're a cigar connesuier.

[Big T]

For all men who smoke...

Virginia Slims are not acceptable cigarettes for a man.

Porch Law

Also, if you smoke cigars, you are to go to a proper smoke shop to get them. You are not to get a blunt from a gas station and then go around saying that you're a cigar connesuier.true dat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[roshkoch]

Manny, Moe and Jack?

Jack, Jim, and Jose?

What?

KIDDING!

What about Shemp? Or Curly Joe? No love for the non-Curlys.

[roshkoch]

If you own a surround sound system the sound MUST be felt at all times!

Porch Law

And you had better have pondered the thought of installing it around the commode.

[roshkoch]

While dropping Mr Hankies in the toilet you will make courtesy Flushes when ever you drop a big one, 3 or 4 little ones, and when you whipe. It will still stink in there but it wont be as bad if you let it pile up. Early and often when needed.

Porch Law?

I disagree. The smellier, the manlier. It is also a mandatory goal to clog industrial strength toilets when you are forced to leave the sanctuary of your own castle.

[roshkoch]

A single man shall have no more than 6 items in the bathroom

a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

And he should not have anything he can not name in there

Razors are unacceptable. Beards are truly acceptable. the grizzlier the better. Don't let diluted social norms confuse you ... beards are tough.

Grow a beard and be somebody.

[Big T]

LOL, Rosh is back and on a tear!!!!!

[roshkoch]

LOL, Rosh is back and on a tear!!!!!

That's how I roll, son!

[Serve-N-Protect]

I actually posted in the Godly Wives Forum. I hope there is no punishment.

I just couldn't help myself. They were talking about something I haven't had in about 2 months, and probably won't have for the next 10 years.

And afterwards, I worried for a month, so by no means was it even worth it.

[RedBird777]

For all men who smoke...

Virginia Slims are not acceptable cigarettes for a man.

Porch Law

Also, if you smoke cigars, you are to go to a proper smoke shop to get them. You are not to get a blunt from a gas station and then go around saying that you're a cigar connesuier.

To add to that:

A man must never smoke cigarettes, for they are translated into "little cigars". A man MUST buy cigars.

If a man is addicted to cigarettes, he must smoke Marlboro No. 27 until he dies or quits. Whichever comes first.

If one goes and buys a cigar, the man in question must try a Cohiba Red Dot (a.k.a. Cohiba GT) at least once in their life time.

A man must never own a corn-cob pipe that actually looks like a piece of corn.

If a man smokes a pipe, he must get whiskey flavored tobacco and his favorite fruit flavored tobacco, but never chocolate or coffee.

If a man owns a pipe, it must be clean for his fellow men to try.

If a man smokes, it must be a rare occasion (unless addicted - in which case he should quit). Once or twice a month is plenty for a man to smoke.

[RedBird777]

If a man gets a tattoo, he must have at least one of a Christian cross.

Porch Law

[Toolman]

If a man gets a tattoo, he must have at least one of a Christian cross.

Porch Law

Nay on this porch law... sorry.

But I like your cigar/smoking ones :)

[roshkoch]

Nay on this porch law... sorry.

Hear hear.

And it is perfectly acceptable to smoke Phillie Dog Turds if you intend on smoking Titans. BUT, you may not claim to be a wise sage cigar smoker. It's a budgetary concern.

[Big T]

Nay on this porch law... sorry.

But I like your cigar/smoking ones :)/sign. Second and vetoed. sorry.

Even though I have 3 crosses tattoo'd on me

[Big T]

I must also veto the Cohiba's. They are not good cigars. IMO. Cuban cigars are over-rated now. Dunhill are just as good and so are Onyx.

[Otter77]

Razors are unacceptable. Beards are truly acceptable. the grizzlier the better. Don't let diluted social norms confuse you ... beards are tough.

Grow a beard and be somebody.

but what of us who are truly unable to grow a beard? :cool:

[Toolman]

but what of us who are truly unable to grow a beard? :cool:

Puberty will take of that :lol:

[Otter77]

Puberty will take of that :lol:

bah!!

I am a mere 30... many more years yet to catch-up to a wise old man such as yourself - my dear Methuselah!

:kiss:

[Toolman]

bah!!

I am a mere 30... many more years yet to catch-up to a wise old man such as yourself - my dear Methuselah!

:kiss:

Ain't it the truth... where's my geritol?

:lol:

[RedBird777]

Wow, the tattoo law was shot down (I guess I can kinda see why...)

But the cigar one shall not! Cohiba Red Dots are the best-tasting and smooth cigars I've had. That is why they are the Cohiba GT.
This law stands.

[Otter77]

Wow, the tattoo law was shot down (I guess I can kinda see why...)

But the cigar one shall not! Cohiba Red Dots are the best-tasting and smooth cigars I've had. That is why they are the Cohiba GT.
This law stands.

Ironically I DO have a tattoo with a cross on it... and I do not smoke Cigars!

:P

[Toolman]

I have no problem with cross tattoos... I just don't want one myself :)

I have 1 or 2 cigars a year.

[Otter77]

See... I can't smoke. I used to smoke cigarettes and marijuana many a years ago and so I've just no interest at all in sticking anything "lit" into my mouth ever again. Totally understandable though for anyone else.

This is my one and only tattoo:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v511/co_otter77/100006%20dons%20pics/dadandtylerspecialshotatlake.jpg

[Jollyrogers]

I actually posted in the Godly Wives Forum. I hope there is no punishment.

I just couldn't help myself. They were talking about something I haven't had in about 2 months, and probably won't have for the next 10 years.

And afterwards, I worried for a month, so by no means was it even worth it.


If you post in the forbidden forum you have to sing the "I'm Very Sorry Song" from the old Calvin and Hobbes comic strip


The 'I'm very sorry' song
Here's the 'very sorry song'
Won't you help and sing along?

Bum bum bum

I blew it!

He's sorry

I knew it!

So sorry

I'm very very sorry that I took your precious flaaggg!

Just don't do it any more, you scurvy scalawaagg!

[Otter77]

Oh man... that guy is/was a super-genius!

A poem by Bill Watterson

I made a big decision a little while ago.
I don't remember what it was, which prob'ly goes to show
That many times a simple choice can prove to be essential
Even though it often might appear inconsequential.

I must have been distracted when I left my home because
Left or right I'm sure I went. (I wonder which it was!)
Anyway, I never veered: I walked in that direction
Utterly absorbed, it seems, in quiet introspection.

For no reason I can think of, I've wandered far astray.
And that is how I got to where I find myself today.

[Toolman]

[LEFT]Oh man... that guy is/was a super-genius!

A poem by Bill Watterson

Absolutely and an artist of impeccable character and integrity.

He never allowed the marketing of Calvin and Hobbes. That's why you never see a legal version of C&H on a coffee mug, t-shirt, etc. He could have made a literal fortune but he strongly believed that marketing the images like that would take away from the art form of the comic.

Of course, the ironic thing is all the illegal copies of calvin that exist today, either peeing on a car manufacturer or kneeling before a cross or whatever.

http://www.modchipman.com/images/ebay/images/1739.jpg

http://www.tattoofun.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000001/ultimatedecals/UD0013sm.jpg

[roshkoch]

I wrote him a letter in the fourth grade. He wrote back personally. That touched me in magical ways. That man is a hero.

Kevin Seitzer, of the KC Royals (at the time) also wrote back to me once after I sent a letter. He was a true man of God and he wrote the letter on the back of a "While you were out" slip. He was my favorite ball player growing up.

Real men write back to kids in person. Porch law, suggested!

[atrus912]

I second the motion by roshkoch.

[Big T]

I really looked at him as a younger Bill "whatshisface" from Family Circus. I got to meet "Billy" the son at a Young Life camp.

[BumInABox]

Real men can recite their football teams fight song.

[Jollyrogers]

"Guitar Hero" is not a substitute for a real guitar

Real men play real guitars, not video game guitars:D:D:D

[lbeaty1981]

"Guitar Hero" is not a substitute for a real guitar

Real men play real guitars, not video game guitars:D:D:D

While I agree with your first point, I must respectfully disagree with your second. :)

[catfriedrice]

but what of us who are truly unable to grow a beard? :cool:


join the club.

My brother can. He looks Amish. Amish beards are a no.

[nato]

Expression of discomfort due to temperature is to be kept to an absolute minimum. Words such as "Chilly" or "Kinda warm" are acceptable on occasion. Exaggerations such as "Freezing" or "Burning Up" are prohibited.

And speaking of "Chilly," all men are required to cook their own pot of chili at some point in life. While standard recipes are ok to have (not recommended), they have to have been invented by the one cooking it. Chili is essentially to be regarded as an improvisatory art form.

[boflex007]

join the club.

My brother can. He looks Amish. Amish beards are a no.


A NO!? I wish I had the fortitude to produce such a mane on the underside of my chin, as well as the sides of my face. I say, if said beard is paired with a respectable mustache, making the lower portion of the face equally hairy, amish beards are OK.

http://www.sandiegohistory.org/bio/grant/images/80-5226.jpg

[nato]

Bah. I don't even bother trying to grow a beard. It just won't work. All my brothers and my father can, but I can't for some reason or other.

[boflex007]

lol. I grow facial hair fairly well in every section of my face aside from a half inch strip down the center of my chin. Hair refuses to grow there.

[Otter77]

lol. I grow facial hair fairly well in every section of my face aside from a half inch strip down the center of my chin. Hair refuses to grow there.

Dude - you could start a whole new trend with that!

If I let my facial hair grow-out I'd look more like a 15-year-old pretending he had facial hair in scraggly little thin bunches instead of the 30-year-old I am. ;)

[boflex007]

That's a good idea. Split beard I shall call it! Brilliant!

[Otter77]

That's a good idea. Split beard I shall call it! Brilliant!

ha! That sounds like your pirate name.... Split Beard McBoflex!

Now I simply must see photos.

[boflex007]

I just shaved this morning, gimme about a week and a half.

[catfriedrice]

November shall be declared "No Shave November"

Porch lawl?

[Otter77]

November shall be declared "No Shave November"

Porch lawl?

well - you know... as long as our wives don't mind.... which I can tell you mine would. ;)

[boflex007]

Seeing as how I am not married, i'm down for that law. By the way, I just read your signature Cat and think it's the coolest thing i've ever seen. =P

[boflex007]

Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.


Porch law!

[catfriedrice]

Christmas music is only good for a day or two. Afterwards, it becomes annoying.

Portch Lawl?

[nato]

Sounds good from my rocking chair. Aye!

[RedBird777]

If one has a beard it must be something brutal; otherwise it is not a beard, but rather unsightly hair coming out of one's face. Porch law on this?