Proverbs 31... how do you do it?

[mosey]

I was thinking it would be fun to start a thread about the proverbs 31 woman and share ideas of how to model our lives after her, and learn where and how we need to change our hearts and lives to become the Godly wife the Lord desires us to be!


A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.

11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

what is noble character? What does it look like in our day and time?

How can our husband have confidence in us, in both the big things and the little? How do we bring good? Are there any areas we bring harm?

[karenoka27]

"noble character" in the KJV is "virtuous woman"
the Hebrew word for "virtuous" is Chayil pronounced khah-yil.
It means strength, might, efficiency, ability, force army...

So what would she look like today? Not much different than she did then. The reason I say this is because it's about character not culture.
A woman who is strong enough to do all she can to keep her family's needs provided for...food, clothing, warmth. I don't mean monitarily though even in Proverbs 31 it is ok for her to bring money into the home. I mean more like making the meals, washing the clothes, keeping the house warm. The things that go unnoticed but these things are important. The beauty I think of it all is that she doesn't look for reward. Seeing her family fed and clothed and warm is her reward. Her husband may not think every day on his way to work "wow, my clothes were laid out for me, they are clean, and when I get home I'm going to sit down to a good meal.." these things are going to happen and he can rest in knowing that they will. Our husbands can have confidence in that. For me, I take care of the money that he goes out into the world to work for. He doesn't talk to me about the bills, I just make sure they are paid..he trusts me. He can rest in knowing that his hard earned money is being used properly.
How can we become this woman? One day at a time. Asking the Lord, where do I begin? If you work, you could ask the Lord what more could I do with the money that I bring home that will be a help to my family. If you are home like I am then you might ask the Lord where you can cut corners without it affecting your husband.
Also a good wife will protect her family's character. She won't let outsiders speak poorly of her husband or her children. That to me brings much safety to her home.

[mosey]

"noble character" in the KJV is "virtuous woman"
the Hebrew word for "virtuous" is Chayil pronounced khah-yil.
It means strength, might, efficiency, ability, force army...
So what would she look like today? Not much different than she did then. The reason I say this is because it's about character not culture.
.

This is EXACTLY what I was looking for! the heart of the issue, perfect!! Oh, I am excited about this thread!

often times in my own study I love to just look up key words in the verses in the dictionary, it often helps to expand our understanding of the use of the word and help us to better apply it!
I think in combination with these definitions and the Hebrew we gather together exactly what the Proverbs 31 woman was, the heart of her character. ( I think it is also important to point out that while she had strength, might, efficiency, ability, force army, she is still submissive and her husband's heart safely trusts in her)

Noble:

–adjective
1. distinguished by rank or title.
2. pertaining to persons so distinguished.
3. of, belonging to, or constituting a hereditary class that has special social or political status in a country or state; of or pertaining to the aristocracy.
4. of an exalted moral or mental character or excellence; lofty: a noble thought.
5. admirable in dignity of conception, manner of expression, execution, or composition: a noble poem.
6. very impressive or imposing in appearance; stately; magnificent: a noble monument.
7. of an admirably high quality; notably superior; excellent.
8. famous; illustrious; renowned.


Virtuous:

–adjective
1. conforming to moral and ethical principles; morally excellent; upright: Lead a virtuous life.
2. chaste: a virtuous young person.

chaste:

# Morally pure in thought or conduct; decent and modest.

[karenoka27]

Amen, and yes her husband trusts that she will honor and respect him.

I did a study some years ago with a group of women.."The Politically Incorrect Wife.." In one part it asked us to ask our husbands if we would rather we loved them or respected them. Every husband said "respect"...my husband said "well I assume you love me, or you wouldn't marry me.."
Respect is an action to the love.

I like what you are doing and I hope many will join in!

[Momof5]

She won't let outsiders speak poorly of her husband.....

She also does not speak poorly of her husband. I have seen and heard too many times women just running their husbands down to other women (and men).

[Redjkr]

So are we doing all of The Virtuous Wife or just the 2 verses you quoted?
I would like to address these verses right now. If you are trying to stick to the other 2 let me know. :saint:
15 She gets up before daylight
to prepare food
for her family
and for her servants.
16 She knows how to buy land
and how to plant a vineyard,
17 and she always works hard.
18 She knows when to buy or sell,
and she stays busy
until late at night.

So, is it wrong to take an hour or two here and there to do something for myself? Like, say, float on a raft in my pool, or take a bubble bath. Would a virtuous wife never do that?

[h2jo]

So are we doing all of The Virtuous Wife or just the 2 verses you quoted?
I would like to address these verses right now. If you are trying to stick to the other 2 let me know. :saint:
15 She gets up before daylight
to prepare food
for her family
and for her servants.
16 She knows how to buy land
and how to plant a vineyard,
17 and she always works hard.
18 She knows when to buy or sell,
and she stays busy
until late at night.

So, is it wrong to take an hour or two here and there to do something for myself? Like, say, float on a raft in my pool, or take a bubble bath. Would a virtuous wife never do that?

Yeah I think the same thing when I read Proverbs 31. I read somewhere that this verse is meant to be a woman as a whole, not just one day. We don't just go out and buy plots of land on a daily bases (my husband would kill me :lol: ) So I think this verse is just describing a Virtuous Wife over her lifetime. If you worked late into the night everynight you would be a wreak! I love spending quality time with my husband then, not working! Just my take on the whole scripture!

[dcjack]

This woman is me...everything from the early rise to selling to merchants, late night hours and buying land (et al). The problem that I face is that I have a husband whose mind tells him the merchant is trying to talk to his wife and on top of all the other things Im doing, he adds a laundry list of to-do's that he will viciously turn and accuse me of neglecting purposely if I dont do it according to his timetable which doesnt take into consideration REALITY.

sorry for the sarcasm...Im at that :B point.

[Momof5]

Welcome to the board, dcjack.:hug:

May I suggest you start a separate thread here in this special forum? We have many godly wives here with so much to contribute in the way of help and encouragement....

[ComeLordJesus]

I hope this isn't in the wrong place to ask this but I needed a place where Proverbs 31 was being discussed.


My daughter asked me about verse 6 and 7. I don't how to answer her. Can you help?

Thanks,
Joyce




Proverbs 31



Sayings of King Lemuel

1 The sayings of King Lemuel—an oracle [a (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=proverbs%2031;&version=31;#fen-NIV-17286a)] his mother taught him: 2 "O my son, O son of my womb,
O son of my vows, [b (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=proverbs%2031;&version=31;#fen-NIV-17287b)]
3 do not spend your strength on women,
your vigor on those who ruin kings.
4 "It is not for kings, O Lemuel—
not for kings to drink wine,
not for rulers to crave beer,
5 lest they drink and forget what the law decrees,
and deprive all the oppressed of their rights.
6 Give beer to those who are perishing,
wine to those who are in anguish;
7 let them drink and forget their poverty
and remember their misery no more.
8 "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,
for the rights of all who are destitute.
9 Speak up and judge fairly;
defend the rights of the poor and needy."
Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character
10 [c (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=proverbs%2031;&version=31;#fen-NIV-17295c)] A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

[Momof5]

Well, if you look at the verses before and after, it is saying people in leadership need to have a clear mind. Give the drink to the dying and afflicted, but to be sure to speak up and defend those same defenseless, needy people.

Look at Proverbs 23: 10-11 Do not remove the ancient landmark, nor enter the fields of the fatherless; For their Redeemer is mighty; He will plead their cause against you.

Now back to the Virtuous Woman passage.......

[karenoka27]

I'm confused...where are we?
I think we can move on to Provers 31:13-19
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.



It was asked previously in another post do these verses mean that you can't take time for yourself? What I see here is that she seems to enjoy what she does. She enjoys selecting the wool and the flax..she works eagerly. She seems to take pleasure in providing for her family and her help. She likes to get up early so there are things ready for her family when they get up. She takes time to consider what she should do next for them. She is not afraid to work for her family.

The way I see it, she is a true servant and a good example to the rest of us. She has given up her life to live for her family. When we came to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ weren't we giving up our life to follow Him and do what He called us to do?
I'm not saying you can't float on your raft, I'm saying this woman is saying that she would rather not. I get a picture of a woman who goes to bed late and can't wait to get up early to do things for her family and that is what makes her happy. She finds rest in knowing they are all ok.

[BlessedbyHim]

Since this is a how to thread here are my thoughts:
I stay up late with my husband ( this is his prime time, so if i want to spend time with him i must be up) and when I go to bed I stay up later dreaming about how I will serve my family when I wake in the morning. Here is the problem, When i wake up all eagerness is forgotten, the tasks i had planned are forgotten and I am faced with the I must do this or that, merely the basics you know Change nappies, do washing get breakfast, etc. How do I manage the stuff I had planned/dreamed when I am having trouble staying afloat of the three messmakers in my home? Don't get me wrong I love them all dearly. How do i get to the point of being able to do the rest??

[Skymarie]

I just found this forum and absolutely love it. Been poking around and this morning, in my quiet time, have thoroughly devoured the wisdom and love and grace I hear coming from each of you here. Sorry to see an abrupt ending to a great volley on the Proverbs 31 woman - did you all go someplace else that I need to find? LOL Anyway, I could use a collective rah-rah right about now - I am not the Proverbs 31 woman I'd like to be . . . . would love to hear more.....

[Frances]

This passage has always seemed to me to be about a farming family; probably because my husband was a farmer, and when he died I took over. A farmer's wife will get up early and, usually go to bed early too. . . however, it would be dark both ends of her 'day' for most of the year in Israel. She would undoubtedly have had to travel to get the things her family needed, as she would be living away from towns. I think the passage also speaks of the trust the husband has in his wife - which presumaably he wouldn't have if she had ever 'looked' at another man.

So, to me, the Proverbs 31 wife will be totally trustworthy in every way, be known for her integrity, a willing worker, a good mother, a loving wife, and the 'helper' in every way that God Created Eve to be for Adam.

[Skymarie]

Salt may sting, indeed ;)

thanks for that, it helped. I have a friend who has 7 children, homeschools, has a business on the side and operates a healthfood co-op, sews, teaches the girls to cook, etc etc etc. She makes money plus is very frugal, amazes me. I have a different situation but still. I don't have children, just a home to care for and a very energetic husband and his business to help run and be by his side. I guess I'm feeling guilty about not getting up in the dark LOL, he keeps me up so late, that just doesn't work for me. He does trust me though and adores me, much to my surprise! :pp

[miepie]

It's not only what you do, it's an attitude too.......
I am bedridden and disabled and my husband does everything in our house and takes care of me mostly and our animals too...... the care for me gets more intensive as I grow sicker, but I never hear him complain about the work he has to do. He will groan sometimes because he is not healthy himself (psoriatic arthritis) and sometimes he can't do what he wants because of me. This afternoon he wanted to take a shower but had to wait till my heavy painwaves were gone and I could sit up straight which took around 2 hours....... and he hardly comes outside because I am housebound, but he says he is too old for all those activities anyway :D He's only 56........
Yet he tells me on a regular basis that I am the best wife he's ever had, that I am the first person in his life who is very grateful for what he does for me (I tell him so every day) and that the fact that I deal with the finances and with everything in the language that he doesn't understand (he's an American living in the Netherlands without knowing much of the language) is more than enough. I used to help him with little household chores like folding laundry and cutting up veggies for supper but recently that has stopped too...... he says he rather sees me embroider or make a card and do something creative......

I realize I am very blessed in this area, especially after being in an abusive marriage where my exhusband liked men more than me...... sometimes I am still amazed that someone can love me as much as my husband does...... he's my miracle from God..... :pray:

Love you,
Mieke :kiss:

[Skymarie]

I agree, in fact attitude is nearly everything. Thats why the bible promises us wives that we can "win" our husbands by our godly attitudes, that is a promise for wives, not for husbands. I sometimes have to be an actress but as God works in me, it is getting more and more natural to delight in walking it out in life.

We don't get to choose our particular lot in life, yours sounds way more challenging than mine but to someone else, mine would be unbearable. God tailor makes (because of His great love for us) our circumstances to fulfill our calling which for each child of God is Gal. 1: 15, 16 ".......and called me by His grace, to reveal his Son in me......."

That is the supernatural miracle we are! In Him!

[HopeFaithLove]

Mieke....I'm sorry for your disability and health problem. :pray:'s for you! But, sounds like you have a great fella in your life! :)

My bf ( husband one day) calls me his Proverbs 31 woman. :blush:

Since we've been together, he has gone thru some struggles and I do whatever I can to encourage him and keep him strong. Whether it's praying together or just finding certain scripture that I think will help him focus on God. I mean, he already knows to do that, but sometimes just to be able to talk, share, and encourage 'lifts him up'.

[Skymarie]

This book was recommended to me by a counselor, I had mentioned to her what God has showed me about the power of reverencing your husband (whether or not he is presently reverence-able! LOL) and how being obedient to Eph. 5:33 somehow causes him to love me in that way that females are totally wired to need. This is a book that's totally about just that.....haven't finished it yet but so far, it's really confirming what I'm seeing at work here in my home. We're under a huge amount of stress right now, :pray: unusually so, and I can use lots of help so appreciate this wisdom and grace, it really seems easy cuz the benefits are so wonderful. Have any of you read this book?

[Kathe]

I agree with miepie that a lot of it is attitude. My husband is SAHD and homeschools our two youngest. I run our salon and mostly run our home based business. He constantly tells people how much I respect him. Although he does absolutely everything around the house, I do not have to do one stick of housework, he is my MAN and is the godly man of the home. I am respectful of him at all times and always hold him up highly to others.

He is the head of our home, both spiritually and physically. I am his helper but again a lot of that is in attitude. How I act around him and when we are with others, how I speak to him both by ourselves and when around others, how I treat him and how I talk about him to others when he is not around. I always hold him in the highest regard.

In our 16 years together I have never spoken a negative thing about him to another person and that says integrity to me. I cannot stand to hear wives speak badly about their husband to others. I think that is very sad and I will not tolerate listening to it.

Thanks for this thread - it's awesome.

Kathe

[faithworks]

I just found this thread and it is awesome because this is the very thing that I have been having some trouble with. I am not bedbound like mieke but I am sometimes. I hurt my back at work one year ago August and am in a battle with Workman's Comp still. I sometimes feel like I am not a good wife since I am unable to even do laundry. I do dishes but it is very painful.

I am like Mieke with an awesome husband from God after being also in an abusive marriage. I just want to share what God showed me a few days ago. Before I married my husband I have now I was an evangelist, Sunday School teacher, Youth Pastor, Missionettes Leader, among anything else I could do for the church or God's people. I was married and divorced 3 times to my first husband and I just threw myself in to God's work and loved it! Some things happened and I ended up in another state married to the most awesome husband any woman could have. My husband Mike is a minister also and he is a talker. He loves to minister to people as I do.

Sometimes I felt like a shadow when we would talk to people because I could not get a word in ..then I got hurt at work and that really did me in. I wanted so badly to preach and teach like I use to but things were different and I had to learn to be a minister's wife. He is so zealous for the Lord! It is awesome! I knew that God was trying to teach me something through this. We do a Bible study on monday nights and one of them nights my husband just started preaching to them about the Lord and one of the little girls(11) started asking questions and he was just glowing while God fed her through him. Well I felt left out because I could not get a word in . I had talked to my husband about this we talk about every thing. Well the Lord came to me a few days ago when I was driving home from school and told me that there can't be 2 heads in a household or a ministry. He said that if I was the head too then there would be no neck to hold the head up and the ministry would fall. I am the support for my husband. It does not matter what my physical condition is. A true Proverbs 31 wife is one that supports her husband and is always there when he needs her. All the chores it talks about in Proverbs 31 can be the chores of loving him more than anything else on this earth. I AM IMPORTANT TO HIM!

That was what I had to realize. I felt so useless most of the time. He has to work so hard to pick up what I am unable to do but he never complains just loves me and tells me how wonderful I am. I had to realize that it is not what I can do or can't do but it is who I am. As wives we are the necks to our husbands and we are very important to his walk with God. I support my husband ...he is the head and I am the neck. If the neck gets weak or ill then the head cannot stand strong it will be wobbly and unable to function properly. I am doing a long message on this. I am going to do a Bible study over this because it is so important that we realize just how important we are to our husbands. When the Word says that we are one then when he ministers I am also ministering because I am the one that supports him. There is so much more to this I wish I had time to write it all on here. What I want to say to any of you wives that feel useless or inadequate for whatever reason just be encouraged because you are very important to your husband's ministry and to your husband without your support and strength he may fall like Samson did because Delilah would not support the head. WE are very important, wives and we need to realize this and walk as God intends us to walk. There is so much to this maybe later I can go into more detail.

God Bless you all :hug:
and remember You as a wife are very important and special ..God placed you where you are to further His Kingdom through you while supporting your husband( there can't be two heads it will never work)

[Momof5]

( there can't be two heads it will never work)

This has to be one of the best things I have seen! Thank you for your wonderful testimony of how the Lord showed you this!:hug:

[carissadawn]

Sorry. another old thread that i'm bumping...:blush:

[Momof5]

Sorry. another old thread that i'm bumping...:blush:

Some of the old threads are good ones.....now add to it!:)

[carissadawn]

LOL! I'm looking for the guidance from these threads-i'm not quite sure if I have anything to give of myself at this point to add to the thread but i'm working on it! (REALLY wishing my printer wasn't out of ink at this point-i'm finding so many great threads for reference!):pp

[superwoman8977]

But taking this from another point of view a Proverbs 31 woman doesnt have to be a wife. I am no longer a wife and I take care of (soon to be 3 kids) on my own and love them and support them and always there for them. I dont ask for handouts and God has blessed us way beyond our expectations. A Proverbs 31 woman is quite simply --- a woman of the Lord. She lives her life and runs her family for the Lord. The Lord is her husband, her all in all. I read a couple of months ago a book by TD Jakes about the Lady and the lover her Lord (I probably dont have the title right) but the book was so what I had been waiting to hear from the Lord about that I could still be a Proverbs 31 woman even though my husband had left me and I had made some stupid mistakes when I took a hiatus from God when my husband left me.

[carissadawn]

But taking this from another point of view a Proverbs 31 woman doesnt have to be a wife. I am no longer a wife and I take care of (soon to be 3 kids) on my own and love them and support them and always there for them. I dont ask for handouts and God has blessed us way beyond our expectations. A Proverbs 31 woman is quite simply --- a woman of the Lord. She lives her life and runs her family for the Lord. The Lord is her husband, her all in all. I read a couple of months ago a book by TD Jakes about the Lady and the lover her Lord (I probably dont have the title right) but the book was so what I had been waiting to hear from the Lord about that I could still be a Proverbs 31 woman even though my husband had left me and I had made some stupid mistakes when I took a hiatus from God when my husband left me.

I agree. I'm a single mom with 5 children and I still strive to be a Proverbs 31 woman.

(As a side note, I always say that I am a "housewife", as in, married to the house. It certainly feels like it with all it takes to run a household! LOL!)