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Thread: i dont know what to do

  1. #1
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    i dont know what to do

    My name is stephen, and the thing that's been bothering me, is my relationship life. Its just my personality to be the guy that will put others before himself, despite what will happen to myself. I need someone to look out for me.

    There is this girl that i've known for about two years. She dated one of my best friends since i've known her. Now, he broke up with her to go out with this girl that's known for being bad in almost every sense of the word. Now, courtney (the girl i like), is upset over this whole situation. Here's the kicker, me and courtney have just the right amount things in common compared to the differences to have what i would think to be a very successful relationship. We connect on a mindset that is seemingly uncanny, a kind that I've never experienced before. No matter what has happened, I've always been there for her, always listened to her when she was upset, typical things that girls say that they want in a guy. Its just the simple fact that she's still upset. I can't sit back and keep helping her through this situation with this on my chest, but I'm almost 100% positive that if I tell her, she will still be upset over Mason (the guy that broke up with her) and say that she still loves him. What do I do?

  2. #2
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    Well you said you cared for her, right? Then here's the thing: what's best for her?

  3. #3
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    i would say someone to care for her, someone to always be there.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aimwell View Post
    i would say someone to care for her, someone to always be there.
    Then the next question is: what form does that someone take?

  5. #5
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    Well, if I ever needed help in a situation, I would accept help from anyone that cared enough to offer it. In her case, I think is the same way. Now this is where I come into play. I could keep helping her like a purely platonic friend, or I could get this burden off my chest by telling her how I feel. However, if I choose the latter route, with her still upset from the break-up, I would end up getting the "Best Friend" bit. How she feels that I'm one of her best friends and doesn't want to possibly damage our current relationship.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aimwell View Post
    Well, if I ever needed help in a situation, I would accept help from anyone that cared enough to offer it. In her case, I think is the same way. Now this is where I come into play. I could keep helping her like a purely platonic friend, or I could get this burden off my chest by telling her how I feel. However, if I choose the latter route, with her still upset from the break-up, I would end up getting the "Best Friend" bit. How she feels that I'm one of her best friends and doesn't want to possibly damage our current relationship.
    If you ever needed help in this sort of situation - you broke up with whomever. Would you want help from a friend, or from a friend who just told you how they felt about you? I don't know but with the latter, I'd feel a little uncomfortable... Actually, I'd wonder why they couldn't appreciate my situation and had to get their needs off their chest.

  7. #7
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    I understand that this time is for her, and if I chose option 2, it would be incredibly selfish. That is why I'm not going to do that. As mentioned in the first post, I always put people before myself. It just gets difficult because the more I help her and the more we hang out and spend time together, the closer we become and the greater my feelings become.

    This doesn't happen though only due to the fact that we spend more time together. It is also the fact that she is the only person that knows me, that actually knows who I am as a person. Whenever she needed help, I helped her. Likewise, she helped me. All of my life, I've helped people. She's the only one that's helped me ever on a serious level.

    In the same respect, do you think that I appreciate that all of a sudden, her problems overpass the multiple problems that I've had over the course of helping other people.

    The only true problem I can see, is my disability to help myself.

  8. #8
    *Hope* Guest
    This may not be what you want to hear, but it sounds like you're someone she relies on as a friend, but that she's probably not attracted to. You like her, you feel connected to her and it seems you're wanting something more. However, the only thing on her mind right now is Mason. That's not to say that she might get over him at some point and consider having something with you, but at this point it sounds like she just needs a friend. If it turns out to be more, that's great. But....brace yourself to accept the fact that she just might not see you that way. She might consider you to be more like a brother than a potential boyfriend. If you truly care about her, just be there for her and see what happens from there. You definitely do not want to be the rebound guy though.

  9. #9
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    c'est la vie

    truthfully, that isn't what i wanted to hear, as im trying to force myself to stick up for what i want and need. Its natural habit for me to help (and in no way is that a bad thing). but i agree that this time in history about her, and i will be her friend, a friend that will be there no matter what. But i think those feelings will still be there......courtney and myself have a on going thing about a burning building....i was telling her that she needed to give a situation time, and she said that she wants to throw time into a burning building....i guess i should take my own advice huh?

  10. #10
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    I am like you mate. I am 'the friend' and one thing that seems consistent is that 'the friend' rarely becomes the 'boyfriend' - something to do with the psychology of women or something (no offense to any women).

    If you are interested in someone the safe bet is to come right out and ask her on a date. As for this girl your talking of, just be 'the friend' and if she wants to take it further you will prolly get the hint. But that won't happen for a long time if at all.

    God Bless
    "Few men are born brave. Many become so through training and force of discipline"
    -Flavius Vegetius Renatus

    "As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead." - James 2:26

    Watch This! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA - Christian Artist Lecrae

  11. #11
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    very true, very true. last night, when i went home from college to vote, i stopped by subway (where she works) i think that for a while she's kinda over her ex....to an extent (two years isn't just something that you can forget). Maybe one day she'll see

  12. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by Aimwell View Post
    My name is stephen, and the thing that's been bothering me, is my relationship life. Its just my personality to be the guy that will put others before himself, despite what will happen to myself. I need someone to look out for me.

    There is this girl that i've known for about two years. She dated one of my best friends since i've known her. Now, he broke up with her to go out with this girl that's known for being bad in almost every sense of the word. Now, courtney (the girl i like), is upset over this whole situation. Here's the kicker, me and courtney have just the right amount things in common compared to the differences to have what i would think to be a very successful relationship. We connect on a mindset that is seemingly uncanny, a kind that I've never experienced before. No matter what has happened, I've always been there for her, always listened to her when she was upset, typical things that girls say that they want in a guy. Its just the simple fact that she's still upset. I can't sit back and keep helping her through this situation with this on my chest, but I'm almost 100% positive that if I tell her, she will still be upset over Mason (the guy that broke up with her) and say that she still loves him. What do I do?
    This sounds very similar to a situation that I had last year and I think the best thing you can do is to give her time right now and gauge how much she is over your other friend. Once it seems she is, you need to reveal your feelings to her so that there isn't always that doubt in you and so that if she wants something more you guys can move into it or if she doesn't you guys can move beyond it. Either way, the key is gauging when to bring it up with her, but you just have to think about it, pray to God about it, and perhaps consult another close friend of her's. Good luck and I hope it turns out well for you.

  13. #13
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    From someone who has just come out of a breakup (myself),...she may need some time to overcome the pain of that.
    "My DADDY is bigger than your problems!"

    ~Danielle~

  14. #14
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    after some time of deep thought and deliberating, I realize that all I'm looking for is someone to love.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aimwell View Post
    after some time of deep thought and deliberating, I realize that all I'm looking for is someone to love.
    And Jesus fulfills that quota. You will find once you are satisfied with Him, the rest will work itself out.
    "Few men are born brave. Many become so through training and force of discipline"
    -Flavius Vegetius Renatus

    "As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead." - James 2:26

    Watch This! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA - Christian Artist Lecrae

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