I am heavy hearted. I'm not sure how to explain this but I'll do my best.
I have two grown sons. One is 26 and one is 21.
My oldest has been out on his own for the last 5 years and is doing well financially, but not spiritually.
My youngest son still lives at home, so we are able to talk about spiritual things.
Both my boys were raised to know the Lord. They accepted him at a young age, went to church and were taught about God's principles.
We would have nightly family time (hubby, sons and I), spend time in prayer and bible study together etc..
Fast forward to 2000 when my oldest went away to college. Being out in the world, he got involved in ungodly behavior. He continues to do his own thing.. and seems to have forgotten God entirely.
Of course I pray for him, for both my boys and am trusting that the Lord would bring him back.
Today in an email he told me something that was very disturbing to me. I told him that it seemed he derived some sort of pleasure in it, and he honestly admitted that yes, he did derive pleasure in telling me things I didn't want to hear.
That hurt. It's as though he looks at me as the enemy. I told him that I wasn't trying to push my beliefs on him, but that as his mother I wanted to speak the truth to him.
He said he's developed "his own" beliefs, whatever they are, I really don't know.
I realize he's an adult and it's up to him to make decisions for himself, but why he seems to almost resent me, I'll never know. Love was and is the motivating factor in all I do. I stayed home with my boys. I was there with them and for them every step of the way, and still am.
You'd think by my son's attitude he was abused or neglected. Maybe he had it too good, too easy. Whatever the reason, it hurts my heart.
Somehow I feel like a failure as a parent, but I know that I did my very best, and I know God knows that too.
Thanks for listening.