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Thread: Comments, advice for ladies with children, particularly grown children..

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    Comments, advice for ladies with children, particularly grown children..

    Ladies,
    I am heavy hearted. I'm not sure how to explain this but I'll do my best.
    I have two grown sons. One is 26 and one is 21.
    My oldest has been out on his own for the last 5 years and is doing well financially, but not spiritually.
    My youngest son still lives at home, so we are able to talk about spiritual things.

    Both my boys were raised to know the Lord. They accepted him at a young age, went to church and were taught about God's principles.
    We would have nightly family time (hubby, sons and I), spend time in prayer and bible study together etc..

    Fast forward to 2000 when my oldest went away to college. Being out in the world, he got involved in ungodly behavior. He continues to do his own thing.. and seems to have forgotten God entirely.

    Of course I pray for him, for both my boys and am trusting that the Lord would bring him back.
    Today in an email he told me something that was very disturbing to me. I told him that it seemed he derived some sort of pleasure in it, and he honestly admitted that yes, he did derive pleasure in telling me things I didn't want to hear.
    That hurt. It's as though he looks at me as the enemy. I told him that I wasn't trying to push my beliefs on him, but that as his mother I wanted to speak the truth to him.
    He said he's developed "his own" beliefs, whatever they are, I really don't know.

    I realize he's an adult and it's up to him to make decisions for himself, but why he seems to almost resent me, I'll never know. Love was and is the motivating factor in all I do. I stayed home with my boys. I was there with them and for them every step of the way, and still am.
    You'd think by my son's attitude he was abused or neglected. Maybe he had it too good, too easy. Whatever the reason, it hurts my heart.

    Somehow I feel like a failure as a parent, but I know that I did my very best, and I know God knows that too.

    Thanks for listening.

    Jeanne
    Refrain your voice from weeping, and your eyes from tears, for your work shall be rewarded declares the Lord, and they (your children) will come back from the land of the enemy. Jeremiah 31:16-17
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    Sometimes God lets you hit rock bottom so that you can discover He is the rock at the bottom

    All the forces of darkness cannot stop what God has ordained. Isaiah 14:27

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    California
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    You have not failed as a parent. Your prayers are working. Don't give up. I don't know how to say this without sounding like a weirdo but I think satan attacks believers through the people we love the most (spouse, children). Recently I've detected "off" behavior about my teen and I went into prayer over it and received a revelation that satan was trying to get to me through him. I started praying and rebuking. It's not a constant behavior but glimpses of something that disturbs me in my soul so I definitely consider this to be a BATTLE. A battle for my son and for his faith and soul.

    I urge you to continue praying and enlist some intercessors who will diligently pray for him. Spend time on your knees begging the Father and reminding him that this son of yours that you love is HIS son first and foremost and loved the MOST by him. Pray his promises BACK to him stating NO ONE can take HIS own from out of his hand. Pray that his ungodly associates be scattered and that he finds new Christian friends. Whatever you do don't give up. I'm sure more women will come in here later with helpful advise.
    ***
    My memory is nearly gone;
    but I remember two things;
    That I am a great sinner, and
    that Christ is a great Saviour.
    John Newton (1725-1807)
    English minister and hymn writer

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Delaware, USA
    Posts
    6,956
    sunsetssplendor,
    Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this.
    I believe you are right. I can take a lot from folks but when it comes to those I'm closest to, it's harder to deal with, and the enemy knows that.
    Yes it is a battle and one which I will fight until my very last breath!

    God bless you.

    Jeanne
    Refrain your voice from weeping, and your eyes from tears, for your work shall be rewarded declares the Lord, and they (your children) will come back from the land of the enemy. Jeremiah 31:16-17
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Sometimes God lets you hit rock bottom so that you can discover He is the rock at the bottom

    All the forces of darkness cannot stop what God has ordained. Isaiah 14:27

  4. #4
    Join Date
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    Our children are entitled to their own walk with God and to cut the umbilical cord. They are entitled to stray and live in the pig pen for a while as they forge their own beliefs and as God forms them according to His own plan and as He answers our prayer in His own way and takes them each through what they must go through in order to arrive at their final destination, which is the cross of Jesus Christ. God doesn't have grandchildren, He only has children.

    I am reminded of Franklin Graham who walked away for a long time in search of his own spiritual identity, but who eventually found the God of his father in his own way and in God's own time and has borne much fruit, so I would certainly consider the prayers of his parents answered.

    My oldest who gave her heart to God at the age of 6 is now 18 and has her own thoughts and ideas about God, and we talk about Him often but it is very difficult to me as her parent who has invested years and years of prayer into my children, to accept that they're all going to have their own walk with God, their own way, according to God's perfect plan, and not my walk and not my views. They're just not going to see eye to eye with me, period, end of story. But, all that matters to me is that when it's all said and done, they are there with me for all eternity and that my God is their God, and that we can be together, always. The rest is peanuts and immaterial, really.

    I hear your pain, and I ache for you as a mother, because I understand. I would encourage you (as nigh impossible as that is, I know) to get your own feelings and expectations out of the way and to open your spiritual eyes and to know that you know that you know that God will not forsake your children and that He will surely bring them home into their own inheritance with Him. Your son's attacks aren't personal. They speak of his own struggle with God and his own search for the Savior, and so they are directed towards God, and our Father will handle it. Continue to pray for your children and continue to surrender them into His care and fully expect God to come through, because He promised that our children would be taught by Him and that their peace would be great (Isaiah 54). Those we love the most have the power to wound us the most, as has already been said. But because they do, our wounds have the power to be converted to fervent prayer from the very depths of our being, and God will surely hear.

  5. #5
    My 35yr old son recently told me he doesn't want anything to do with me ever again because I have chose to stay friendly to his wife whom he recently separated from. In the past he has almost forbidden me to talk about Jesus and has become very hostile. Oddly enough his first name is....Christopher....he was named that because the first 6 letters of the word spell...Christ....and yet in his heart he rejects anything to do with Christ or our Lord. I do know that God is in control of this situation, but I know I should pray more fervently about it too....you have reminded me to pray harder.

    God bless us all...

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
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    far away
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    hmmm, ask him what you did to him that you need to ask for forgiveness for. He is hurt by you and is retaliating. Were you a parent that lived double standards in life? Of course there is no excuse for his behavior, but as parents we are the first to be subjected to the verse if you have offended a brother go to him and ask for forgiveness...We are after all the example to our children, though if you get a truthful answer from him, it will be humbling and it may really really hurt.

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