Through my letter...

[risun7]

Dear Mother,

Or should I call you that?

One definition of mother is "Origin of" so it does seem okay, considering.

Once again I am coming upon the time of year which has been very hard for me for a few decades now. Another "Thanks Giving and Christmas" is fast approaching. They have been getting easier, but this one will be the hardest for another reason. I will fill you in on that a little later.

As I reflect back and consider things to give thanks for, I truly want to give you thanks for bringing me into the world. You could have chosen another route, but instead, you chose to go full term and allowed me to have that chance to see what God had instore for me. You obviously placed me in a safe place where it must have been warm considering the time of year. It must have been very hard and scary for you to have carried me for 9 months knowing you would one day arrive at this moment.

An Angel of the Lord must have guided a gentle pair of hands to take me to where they had a place for me.

I have read many articles where others have done the same thing, either given up their child or aborted their child and then have worries and wonders especially around their childs birthday. I guess our birthdays would be a little different from normal kids in a sense.

I have also read many testimonies of mothers who have given their children up for various reasons and have wondered if they were to meet up, would their child forgive them? That is the awesome thing about our God, He teaches us what real love is and how to forgive, for He has forgiven us of so much. Not assuming that it is forgiveness you want or are looking for, but if it is, then of course I forgive you. I sincerely pray that you know our Lord Jesus and have accepted His gift of eternal life. For if we are never to meet here on this world, in this time, then we eventually will in His kingdom.

God really does love the little children. He tells us in His Word about the orphans and widows. Back in those early days things were a lot different than they are now. If you were of mixed race, your chances of being adopted were slim. Most people wanted an all white, all black, all asian, all green, blue, red, etc etc child. Interracial marriages were extremely frowned upon. But it only makes a difference to man, God loves us all, and in His infinite wisdom, He sends a mixed race couple to adopt a mixed race kid out of the orphanage.

I'm sure you are familiar with the term "Black sheep" of the family?

Well this is how it started...

(To be continued?)

[MercyChild]

Wow..... this is so nice, makes me miss my mother 2, which I have lost several years ago. But as you said, God loves us 2.

[risun7]

Hi Linda,

She may be gone, but you still have your memories.

God bless you.

[risun7]

Hello Mother, it's me again.

For the continuance of this letter and as to keep things from becoming too confusing, I would like to call you, my biological mother - mother, and my adoptive parents- mom - dad. Although that is probably confusing enough.

Obviously I was adopted out of the orphanage, so let's just skip forward a bit from there...

Dad was a career military man and we moved a lot. I spent time in and out of different schools in different countries. My up bringing was pretty strict from a civilian standpoint. Growing up in a military household taught me to grow up pretty fast and show very little emotion. I have the utmost respect for my dad, don't get me wrong, but it was pretty strict. He fought in two different wars, was wounded many times, received the Silver Star and 2 Bronze Stars and numerous Purple Hearts. The only reason I even found out about this stuff was because I was snooping through some old books and found the newspaper articles. He never talked about it. He is one tough old Vet and he taught me to always stand my ground.

Going to school was not easy. Friends were short term as we moved so much. I would try to make friends and confide in them. But confiding in some of them was a big mistake as it turned out. Once they found out I was adopted, then the name calling and other things started, and I found myself being in many fights. Mom was always very consoling and extremely loving. She would take care of all the cuts and bruises and try to get me to stop fighting all the time. Dad would ask if I won.

When we got back to the "World", things seemed to be a little better, although not a lot. Cousins were different, maybe partly because they knew, but most likely because of my attitude. I was given the opportunity to choose between being Christian or being Buddhist, I ended up choosing neither at the time, but felt more associated with Buddhism. I think it was because my relatives on my dads side were all Christians and the attitude I got from them was something I wanted to seperate myself from. All the relatives on my moms side were Buddhist and I always felt accepted by them. My dads mom, "Grandma" was a bible reading lady, I remember seeing her read it quite often. But she never approved of me, not because I was adopted, but because I was a half breed. She never really approved of dads marriage either, as I was to later find out. "Grandpa" was a WW2 vet, but he took to mom and me without predjudice.

Mom was pretty amazing for what she went through. She married him and left her country to follow him all over the world and raise an adopted, rebellious, trouble making, drug addicted, drunken no good kid like me. Besides having to put up with being ignored from her in-laws and shunned by society at that time and who knows what else. But in my whole life I NEVER ever heard her say an unkind word about anyone. EVER! That still amazes me to this day and I have learned a lot from it. She passed away on June 4th 2008, I miss her very much.

I started down the wrong path pretty early in life. At age 12 I was taking my first drink. We would steal whatever we could from our parents and friends parents. At age 13 I smoked my first hit of weed and kept smoking that for several years. At age 14 I did my first line of cocaine and it just escalated from there into anything I could get my hands on and everything available and known of back then. I have come very close to over dosing on a many occasions and should not even be here to type this letter.

(to be continued?)

[IMINXTC]

I am addicted to this continuing story...

[risun7]

Hey brother, thanks for reading.

[risun7]

Well where was I....

Not only was I on the wrong path, I was also very promiscuous. Which ended up with me having a child at a very young age. Even with all the crap that was running through my veins at the time, the Lord took care of this little girl and she was born normal and healthy.

This little girl has grown up to have 3 children of her own and I also have a son who has a child of his own, as of this letter. Okay mother, you are up to speed on kids now.

Well back then it was very difficult and the economy was in a recession. To provide for this new wife and child I needed to clean myself up and get my head back on straight. So I ended up going down the the local recruiter and enlisting in the Uncle Sam Ain't Released Me Yet program. For the civilians, that's military jargon for US ARMY.

The Army did clean me up a bit. But the draw back was I ended up drinking heavier than when I went in, if that was possible. I finished my tour and received an honorable discharge and I was back in the civilian world again. Now with 2 kids.

To my wife the Army life was exciting and she enjoyed it. After we got back home, things became pretty routine and I got a "normal" job and the excitement was not there anymore. She ended up seeing some other guy and we called it quits. So to fill that void I started to drink heavier than I already was. Within a year I was consuming between half a fifth to almost a whole fifth of whiskey per day, 7 days a week. It was so bad that the guy in the liquor store would see me walk in and automatically go get my bottle. If I missed a day he would ask if things were okay. Looking back on that now, it's funny how the world looks at whether you are okay or not.

Every waking moment I was not at work, I was at the bar or I was at home with a bottle of whiskey. I spent so much time at the bar I ended up sparking a relationship with the bartender. I ended up moving in with her and found out she was into drugs and that's when I fell back into that trap again.

(to be continued?)

[IMINXTC]

Will be waiting! Well written story and testimony.

[risun7]

I'm back mother,

I have been dealing with a couple of health issues. Please excuse the delay.

Like I mentioned, I fell back into Satan's drug trap once again. But this time he seemed to pull out all the stops. We ended up finally getting married and bought a house in the suburbs. Like any other typical American family from the outside, everything seemed pretty normal. Nobody in the neighborhood really knew what was going on, except when they heard the occasional party spilling out from the backyard or garage.

A friend of mine really made a 180 degree turn around about a year or so before I got married. I had noticed it, but never paid too much attention to it. We used to party it up pretty heavy and then his partying really tapered off. One day he asked me if I wanted to go to a potluck. It sounded good to me as we had not been doing a lot together for a while. It ended up being a potluck at his church. There was a small message although I don't recall what it was about. Then we had the food and I met many people from the church. Over the next few months he invited me to attend Sunday service with him and his family. I went along for the sake of just going along as things really were not that great at home. He introduced me to the Word and I started to question and learn a bit, although I never really had a good understanding about it, or what was going on. I did accept Christ and was baptized through this church. It ended up being a borderline cult in their use of tactics, but they did follow bible instead of teaching something way out there.

Once they got me into the fold, that was pretty much it. I kind of just hung out with them and gathered what I could and asked questions when I did not feel too dumb to ask. So they ended up continuing to go after the next "number" to add to their congregation. I never grew or learned much past that. I guess it lasted about a year before I said enough of this. I was still into the drugs and alcohol and never learned the hold it had, or much from the bible while I was a member of this church.

So I ended up going even deeper off the end. The drug use intensified and the alcohol continued it's course of destruction. Satan uses those tools very effectively. Closely following my time in that church I started a downward spiral equivalent to jumping out of a plane without a parachute. I truly believe the only reason I am even here to write this letter and testimony is because I did accept Christ back then, and although I turned my back on Him, He never left me.

I was soon to hit rock bottom. I lost almost 50 pounds in a very short amount of time. My wife started seeing another guy and got into drugs even deeper than I was. We divorced shortly after and I lost the house, the property, several thousands of dollars, my health and almost my life. I ended up at a friends place with a duffel bag full of clothes and an old guitar. They were gracious enough to offer me a spare room to stay in, and help me get back on my feet.

That ended up being my rock bottom for drug usage, the alcohol consumption was still the same. From the highly addictive drugs I was using, it is not short of a miracle that I was able to stop cold turkey with out going through a rehab center. I researched the stats and the rehab centers only have a 20% success rate, around here anyway. The only explanation I could possibly conceive would be that Jesus was still there for me, even though I was not. I tried using again a couple of months after this happened and the desire was gone, Jesus completely cleaned up my drug addiction.

But that was just the beginning of what He was starting to do.

(to be continued?)

[IMINXTC]

Our Lord is good

Thanks!

[risun7]

Our Lord is good

He sure is, amazing each and everyday.

[risun7]

In conclusion...

If anyone has ever been an addict, then you know that it is impossible to quit "cold turkey" after an extremely heavy use for a long period of time. Without Jesus being in control, it just doesn't happen that way. But the amazing thing in all of this, is that He did it while I was still turned away from Him.

There were still many things I had to go through and deal with, and looking back on them now, I am extremely grateful for having gone through them. If He made it easy for me, then I would not be where I am now.

Going into my 7th year of being clean, I felt that He started to draw me back to Him. About 3 months prior to a Christian event, I started to have a distaste for alcohol. I was still drinking pretty heavy, even though I had been cleaned up from drugs. Slowly my taste for alcohol started to become less and less. In 3 months time I was down to a few drinks per day. It finally got to a point that I would take a drink and things just did not sit right like they did before. Then I would take another drink and I would start to feel like I was being hit by a train, my body started to feel like I was coming down with the flu and my head would start to pound and ache.

About the same time all of this started to happen, I was talking to some Christians online. Several of them were getting together for a camping trip about 5 hours from where I lived. They invited me to join them. One lady I had talked to was coming to the camp-out from overseas. As things turned out, she had a turn of events that had forced her to make some changes in plans and was here in the USA without anywhere to go until her next flight. I invited her to come see the area I was in and her being an avid fisher-woman, I invited her out fishing and crabbing. We went to the camp-out and she came back up to visit until her flight left across country.

We had an awesome time and I was able to learn more about God from the things we shared. So the short of it is, we really hit it off and we were married shortly after she returned from her tour of the states and Canada. She is an amazing woman of God. She accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior over 20 years ago. There is so much more to all of this and how everything came about. But that will have wait for another time.

So where am I at?

Well I have lost all of the old friends that I used to have. They did not like that I had turned back to the Lord. I am gaining new friends as He has them cross my path. I am sometimes hesitant to share what I have been through, because I have noticed that when some people hear what I have to say, they tend to become very distant and judgmental. But the ones who do accept where I have been and where I am now are really amazing people. I know that there will be some people who read this, that will judge me because of it, but that's okay, because if this letter can help just one person, then it was worth writing.

I have been going to church for the past 4 years, but I am currently seeking out a different one. I read the bible on a daily basis and also read a few devotionals. I have been married for 4+ years and we have a blended family now of 4 sons, 1 daughter, 2 granddaughters and 2 grandsons.

I have been clean for over 10 years and I have been sober for over 4. All by His power and His grace.

So mother, if you have ever wondered what happened to that baby boy you gave up so many years ago...

risun7

[MercyChild]

This was such an amazing testimony. I could so much relate by what you were writing. Its just fabolous the way God works in our lifes. Really enjoyed every bit that was written. Sure you are living proof of what God can do.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Gives me hope for tomorrow!

[IMINXTC]

I can sure relate to what you say about your Mom, and look forward to eternity to right all things. Your testimony is exciting and truly demonstrates the abiding love and persistent leading of our Savior.

Will be lifting you up concerning your search for a compatible and healthy church home. Thanking our Lord as well for the wife and family He has given you and the obvious joy that has come from that.

...As Linda has said, above, your testimony gives hope to all of us for tomorrow...

[risun7]

Linda, thanks for commenting. And thank you for sharing your testimony. If you ever need, or want to talk about our drug addictions, please feel free to ask me.

God is awesome and he really does care for us, who are, and were, under Satan's tool of drugs.

God bless you.