Welcome to the club. I was a reluctant participant to say the least. God called me to a dirty, uncivilized, unthankful, disease infested ministry that no one in their right minds would want to do and most people don't care about. I minister to the junkies, prostitutes, pimps, homeless, those dying of AIDS, etc. I did not want it. I certainly did not need it, but that's what I got. I have been ridiculed, forsaken (by friends), forgotten, etc. I have been beaten, attacked 5 times with knives, shot at, had guns to my head, punched, kicked, peed on, puked on, the list goes on and on. Many times the only thing that kept me going was the fact that I knew if I stopped i would be more miserable than I was at the moment.
But wait... there's more.
I reluctantly followed my calling on God's promise that he would supply my every need. He has. I have seen miracles beyond my wildest dreams. I have also seen the greatest miracle of all - salvation, over 250 of them. I have seen the power of the gospel change hearts and lives. I have seen years of addictions broken in an instant. I have seen drunk people convicted by the gospel and sobered up in the altar. I have seen God's provision in ways I never would have sitting in the pew that I was so comfortable in. I have seen His mercy by giving those who have rejected Him for a lifetime a last chance and watched as they accepted him a day or to before their untimely deaths. I have seen the mighty hand of the God that I serve move in the most tender and gracious ways.
None of this would have been possible if I had not accepted his calling. Was I happy about it? Not a chance. Would I trade my ministry for any ministry in the world? Not a chance. Through many nights of lost sleep, through great sorrow, through many tears and drops of blood shed, I have come to know my Savior in many wonderful ways. I am now thankful and humbled that God would use me, the reluctant one, in such an awesome and important ministry. To me, there is no higher calling than to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Hold on, this is going to be an interesting and wonderful journey for you.