Sometimes I'm not happy doing His work

[Firefighter]

Welcome to the club. I was a reluctant participant to say the least. God called me to a dirty, uncivilized, unthankful, disease infested ministry that no one in their right minds would want to do and most people don't care about. I minister to the junkies, prostitutes, pimps, homeless, those dying of AIDS, etc. I did not want it. I certainly did not need it, but that's what I got. I have been ridiculed, forsaken (by friends), forgotten, etc. I have been beaten, attacked 5 times with knives, shot at, had guns to my head, punched, kicked, peed on, puked on, the list goes on and on. Many times the only thing that kept me going was the fact that I knew if I stopped i would be more miserable than I was at the moment.

But wait... there's more.

I reluctantly followed my calling on God's promise that he would supply my every need. He has. I have seen miracles beyond my wildest dreams. I have also seen the greatest miracle of all - salvation, over 250 of them. I have seen the power of the gospel change hearts and lives. I have seen years of addictions broken in an instant. I have seen drunk people convicted by the gospel and sobered up in the altar. I have seen God's provision in ways I never would have sitting in the pew that I was so comfortable in. I have seen His mercy by giving those who have rejected Him for a lifetime a last chance and watched as they accepted him a day or to before their untimely deaths. I have seen the mighty hand of the God that I serve move in the most tender and gracious ways.

None of this would have been possible if I had not accepted his calling. Was I happy about it? Not a chance. Would I trade my ministry for any ministry in the world? Not a chance. Through many nights of lost sleep, through great sorrow, through many tears and drops of blood shed, I have come to know my Savior in many wonderful ways. I am now thankful and humbled that God would use me, the reluctant one, in such an awesome and important ministry. To me, there is no higher calling than to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Hold on, this is going to be an interesting and wonderful journey for you.

[Firefighter]

One last thought...

I have noticed that where there is great need, there is greater provision.

Many times we don't need God to show up in our services, we think we have got it all figured out. When you find yourself in a situation where it is God or nothing, then you will see God really work. I need God just to do visitation. I need God to hold a service. I need God to do anything. Without Him, there would be no doing what I do, period. Without His protection, provision, strength, etc. it would be impossible. These people are in need of God. If God doesn't move there is no hope. If God doesn't move, they don't eat. If God doesn't move, their very lives are over. They need and long for God to move and they see it happen.

If we could only realize how much we need God in our "normal" everyday lives. If we had the need and longing for that they do, imagine what God could do.

Do not fear the sacrifice of self that is ahead, what you get in return is so much more worth it.

[Gregg]

Welcome to the club. I was a reluctant participant to say the least. God called me to a dirty, uncivilized, unthankful, disease infested ministry that no one in their right minds would want to do and most people don't care about. I minister to the junkies, prostitutes, pimps, homeless, those dying of AIDS, etc. I did not want it. I certainly did not need it, but that's what I got. I have been ridiculed, forsaken (by friends), forgotten, etc. I have been beaten, attacked 5 times with knives, shot at, had guns to my head, punched, kicked, peed on, puked on, the list goes on and on. Many times the only thing that kept me going was the fact that I knew if I stopped i would be more miserable than I was at the moment.

But wait... there's more.

I reluctantly followed my calling on God's promise that he would supply my every need. He has. I have seen miracles beyond my wildest dreams. I have also seen the greatest miracle of all - salvation, over 250 of them. I have seen the power of the gospel change hearts and lives. I have seen years of addictions broken in an instant. I have seen drunk people convicted by the gospel and sobered up in the altar. I have seen God's provision in ways I never would have sitting in the pew that I was so comfortable in. I have seen His mercy by giving those who have rejected Him for a lifetime a last chance and watched as they accepted him a day or to before their untimely deaths. I have seen the mighty hand of the God that I serve move in the most tender and gracious ways.

None of this would have been possible if I had not accepted his calling. Was I happy about it? Not a chance. Would I trade my ministry for any ministry in the world? Not a chance. Through many nights of lost sleep, through great sorrow, through many tears and drops of blood shed, I have come to know my Savior in many wonderful ways. I am now thankful and humbled that God would use me, the reluctant one, in such an awesome and important ministry. To me, there is no higher calling than to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Hold on, this is going to be an interesting and wonderful journey for you.

God Bless you and yours. Thank you for sharing.

[Scubadude]

Another part of the problem is that I want to create a 'home'...

I do NOT mean a home in terms of buying a house and decorating it.
lol.

What I mean is, reach a state of mind where I feel secure.

I understand that only God provides that security, but I feel kind of like someone floating around, reading His word and doing kind things from time to time (as well as praying) but I haven't reached that "place" where I feel like everything is ok, safe, or perhaps in other words, "I'm home".

Does that make sense? I know this is a bit vague, I apologize.
CL

When I come home from work, I walk through the door and say, "Honey, I'm home!" And my wife gives me a big hug and a smooch. For that moment, I'm 'home'. Then the busyness of life crouds in again. But, I remember that taste, that moment when something in both of us relaxed and exhailed. I find I am faced with a decision. Do I become demanding for more of that 'home' feeling, or do I feel sad that we haven't been allowed to really be 'home' yet?

Hope this makes sence.

[Firefighter]

Originally Posted by Christian_lady
Another part of the problem is that I want to create a 'home'...

I do NOT mean a home in terms of buying a house and decorating it.
lol.

What I mean is, reach a state of mind where I feel secure.

I understand that only God provides that security, but I feel kind of like someone floating around, reading His word and doing kind things from time to time (as well as praying) but I haven't reached that "place" where I feel like everything is ok, safe, or perhaps in other words, "I'm home".

Does that make sense? I know this is a bit vague, I apologize.
CL

How did I miss this one???

In fear of sounding cliche-ish, if you want to walk on water... you have to leave the (perceived) security of the boat.

[JesusMySavior]

Thank you for the responses, I appreciate their gentleness.

Here is the situation:

I feel God is calling me to Evangelize which I am not very happy about.
I understand this reluctance is not good and not godly.

I am NOT writing this because I want to hear responses reminding me how 'bad' my emotions are. I'm already aware of that.

The problem is, I don't know how to feel happy about this calling.
I feel like it's a punishment because I will be serving Him, not myself and I will have to sacrifice myself.

I try pretending I am happy but seriously, that just doesn't work. I end up bottling frustration and blowing up at Him.

I don't know if I am 'suppose' to feel happy or perhaps part of the Christian life is to do His work (in this case evangelize) and not enjoy it at the same time.

When I pray why I am not happy I sense He tells me it's because I don't want to let go of my self. Is that such a bad thing? Is the self really that evil? I don't want to break the ten commandments, I just had my own agenda in mind, that's all.

I don't want to do His will for years only to later look back and resent Him because I didn't get to do 'my thing' (which does not necessarily mean my 'thing' is to break the Law).


confused!

I used to feel that way before. I hated to evangelize. I felt like I had to save the world somehow and that the reason those people would go to hell is because i didn't tell them about Jesus.

The prompting might have been from God but the guilt certainly wasn't. I'm not sure if God is getting you prepared but in my life when I hated evangelizing it wasn't yet my time.

Now as a restored backslider I am zealous for the things of God and constantly seek to please Him. I am an evangelist and I love spreading the Gospel and helping the lost find Jesus. In fact it's one of my huge callings. I can't help but love people and tell them about Christ. It just pours out of me.

Maybe God will do that for you in due time...just wait on Him and if you feel you HAVE to do it or else you will feel horrible, question the source and ask it if Christ died in the flesh. Sometimes when the devil can't get us to do anything wrong, he tries to overwork us so we feel we have sinned. What a loser!



Another thing, I'm very happy that whenever you try to "act" you get angry. I am the exact same way. God wants us to be totally and completely genuine before Him whether if we are angry or sad or frustrated or joyous. God wants a pure heart, not a perfect performance. Just tell God whatever is on your mind no matter what you feel He's thinking or saying. If you're angry, tell God you are p***ed off. If you're sad, tell God you are depressed and hurting badly. If you want to die and hide away from the world, tell God. Likewise if you are joyous share it with God. He just wants genuinity. May you be blessed by our Lord to be genuine and full by His good will. In Christ's Name, I pray...Amen.

[Bob Carabbio]

You might want to read John Wesley's biography, HE wasn't really fond of his involvement in God's work for DECADES, and got run OUT of the U.S. on his first missionary trip (he performed poorly, and was vindictive and petty about things). The Moravian's advice to him was: Keep preaching it until YOU believe it - And then there was the Asbury experience where his heart was "strangely warmed" and he began to believe what he was preaching (could be that was when he actually "got saved" for the first time).

NOBODY likes what their doing all the time, but what one has to realize is that AS A CHRISTIAN - doing "our thing" isn't an option. One doesn't HAVE to LIKE that, or "feel all warm and bubbly" about it. We need only to realize that what we "want" doesn't really matter in the grand scale of things, and HE's playing for ETERNAL things, while we're only looking for "short term satisfaction".

Christians ARE Jesus' bond slaves, and HE gets to call the shots, and IF we let Him, then we'll discover the joy in doing His will. If we DON'T "let Him call the shots", we'll never know the glory.

If we tell Him to take His directions and "stick 'em" - He'll LET us have our own way - and the consequences of it. I've found that to be a lousy choice, personally.

I'm not fond of my job, and there's been times that my Ministries get REALLY heavy. Big deal.

Stephen's ministry wasn't real thrilling for him either sometimes (and we think WE have troubles).