What does it mean to submit...

[StampHappy]

I know this sounds like a stupid question, but what does it mean to submit to my husband? I understand that in God's eyes we are equals and one flesh, I understand that my husband is suppose to be the head of relationship. But what I don't get is really what that entails. Am I not suppose to question him if I think he is wrong? Am I suppose to let him make all the decisions? If he wants something, even if it is harmful and I suppose to just deal with it? Any knowledge or insight in the matter would be great!

[braininjured]

My girl cooks, cleans, does laundry, makes the bed, takes the kids to daycare, runs our household... while I'm off working, or playing in my secular band, or rehearsing with the church band, or doing work for my dad he volunteered me for, living our lives almost separately at times.

But then there's the times she gets in a jam and can call me and I will be right there to save her, 24/7, no matter where I'm at or what I'm doing.

A man needs to commit to his wife in return.

[BroRog]

I know this sounds like a stupid question, but what does it mean to submit to my husband? I understand that in God's eyes we are equals and one flesh, I understand that my husband is suppose to be the head of relationship. But what I don't get is really what that entails. Am I not suppose to question him if I think he is wrong? Am I suppose to let him make all the decisions? If he wants something, even if it is harmful and I suppose to just deal with it? Any knowledge or insight in the matter would be great!

This is an excellent question. I think the Christian wives on this forum could give some practical examples.

As a Christian husband I can answer as to what I except from my wife.

First of all, I have absolutely NO authority over what she believes. Her faith is between her and God. It is forbidden for me to dictate her beliefs and it is forbidden for me to force her, or coerce her to believe anything.

Second, I am the head of my family simply because God is going to hold ME personally responsible for what happens. My authority simply stems from my responsibility and so, my authority is limited to that responsibility.

As I see it, God has made me responsible for creating a safe environment of love and concern for everyone in the family. He has put me in charge of educating my children, feeding and housing my family, and acting as the spiritual adviser to my wife and kids. My wife's job is to help me in whatever way she can, with whatever talents and skills God has given her.

This, in a way, gives her a freedom that is a paradox of service. Since God holds me responsible for my family, she is not going to take the heat with God if anything goes wrong.

Practically speaking, my wife and I share a lot in common. We both share a common faith, and we share a common vision for how to run a household. In addition to that, I always listen to her advice and take it when it is sound. I constantly acknowledge when I am wrong and I change my mind when she is right. We always make joint decisions on the big stuff and I never "dictate" policy or decisions.

There are times when my wife and I can't come to an agreement on something. I must emphasize that this is a very rare occasion. But when this happens, my wife decides that my judgment will prevail. And if it turns out that I was right, she will admit it. And if it turns out that I was wrong, I admit it and change course immediately. But the underlying working assumption on her part is, to put her hands in mine is an act of trusting God. And if things go wrong, God is going to blame me, not her.

I constantly enforce to my wife that she has good ideas and I am not afraid to listen to her. It does not threaten my manhood one bit to go with her plan, or to accept her advice. And above all, I do not dismiss her when she exhorts me to do the right thing, or to be wise in a given situation.

Submitting to your husband does not involve becoming passive and neither does it mean that you shut your mind off. If your husband was wise, he would keep an open mind about things, encourage his wife to be an active participant in family decisions, and to keep her mind active and to keep thinking about stuff. And a husband should take the time to listen to what his wife is thinking, even if it isn't naturally something he would think about. She is a person too and needs to have adult time with a thinking person.

Also, and this is important, a husband may be required to stay home to watch the kids while the wife has gainful employment. If the wife works while the husband stays home this does NOT mean that the husband is being submissive to the wife and it should not threaten a man's "manhood." It simply means that the husband is willing to accept his wife's help according to the talents and gifts God has given to his wife.

Anyway, hopefully others will chime in.

[StampHappy]

Thank you BroRog for taking the time to answer my question about your relationship is as much detail as you did. It really helped to get some perspective on how another Christian couple lives.

[Followtheway]

Theres a book on that called "me? obey him"

[th1bill]

... I usually draw on my own life for examples and application but this morning the LORD has brought to my mind a fine jewel, a marque cut diamond. The process of cutting that stone to it's maximum perfection is the best example of submission that I know of.
... My wife, like that stone was a good looking example of a woman when I married her but everything I needed to know about her was not readily viewable. The same, for her was true of myself. Just like the man that cuts a million dollar stone does, I began to study her and she did likewise, as soon as we met. However, the stone cutter must not just hold the stone in his or her hand and decide how to begin cutting the facets that will ultimately give the stone it's value. The cutter closely examines the stone for any quirks that might cause a cut to go wrong, in any manor. Likewise, a married couple, no matter how long they prepared for the marriage will never truly know one another, not even after the wedding.
... It is at this point that you should either copy this document and save it as a .txt or .rtf file for latter and go read 1Pet., all of it. There are more facets to submission than the Hope Diamond has and it is a mutual responsibility of both you and your husband.
... OK, now, all those facets on the diamond that need to be cut are in every manor like unto the different angles we must learn to view our mate. Once the stone has been studied, cut and sold, it must be maintained. We, as the owners of a fine stone or a beautiful mate must never let them sit around, collecting dust and what ever make of foreign matter. This is true of mate more so than any stone. If we ignore the maintenance, submission, that is due on our marriage, one of th heathen will step in and take our place.
... There is a very funny thing about submission and it can be a marriage destroyer. Just about the time you have him all figured out and you have formed a set of operational rules, he will change! Learning about submission is a nnever ending process. And if you ever, and you will, believe that he is lagging behind in his role of submitting to you, lead him by demonstration, not force by revolt. A study of Ruth and Esther will teach you how to do this.
... Most of all, alwauys approach God first and never even think the d word.

[Sandusky]

I've been having some serious, serious issues with submitting. I am engaged to be married and it would really help me if more of the Christian wives here could chime in and share some of their own experiences. I'm a bit worried about it. I've posted about something similar in another thread and recieved some great advice.

What would be especially helpful to me would be hearing from those who, like me, had a problem with submitting but eventually came to acceptance and understanding of it. Especially any practical advice and examples from your own lives would be great. Like, how did you do it? What happened to lessen your resistance??

Thanks in advance for any replies...

[Scubadude]

I know this sounds like a stupid question, but what does it mean to submit to my husband? I understand that in God's eyes we are equals and one flesh, I understand that my husband is suppose to be the head of relationship. But what I don't get is really what that entails. Am I not suppose to question him if I think he is wrong? Am I suppose to let him make all the decisions? If he wants something, even if it is harmful and I suppose to just deal with it? Any knowledge or insight in the matter would be great!

My wifes birthday is February 14, real hard to forget, right? But, guess what? I was far too involved in "something big" that her birthday came and I didn't do or get anything for her. She expressed her disappointment, and I got defensive.

That night we were suppose to go to some friends house to celebrate my wifes 40th (I forgot that, too), and I was dragging my feet, grousing because I felt bad and selfish. By the time I got into the shower to get ready, we should have been there 15 minuets earlyer. My wife came into the bathroom, pulled back the curtains, and tells me she doesn't like the way I'm behaving.... that she isn't going to sit around waiting for me any longer. And, that she hopes I'll show up, but won't feel hurt if I didn't. Then she left, as I just stood there staring at her.

She was being submissive, and God spoke to my heart.

[Partaker of Christ]

If us husbands would love our wives, as Christ loved the Church, then the question of 'wives submit to your husbands' would hardly ever be raised.

Yes, we are all equal in the eyes of our Lord, but we hold different office (roles), and it is the role of a husband, that the wife ought to submit to.

The role of a husband is to love his wife, as Jesus Christ loved the Church. He is to guide her, provide for her, and protect her. He has to do what is right for her, even if that is unpopular.

Peter had to submit to Jesus, in having Jesus wash his feet. Jesus said, if I cannot wash your feet then you have no part in me.

John 13:3 Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going to God,
John 13:4 rose from supper, laid aside his garments, and girded himself with a towel.
John 13:5 Then he poured water into a basin, and began to wash the disciples' feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which he was girded.
John 13:6 He came to Simon Peter; and Peter said to him, "Lord, do you wash my feet?"
John 13:7 Jesus answered him, "What I am doing you do not know now, but afterward you will understand."
John 13:8 Peter said to him, "You shall never wash my feet." Jesus answered him, "If I do not wash you, you have no part in me."
John 13:9 Simon Peter said to him, "Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!"

[Buck shot]

My wife and i have been married for almost 20 years (will be on June 3)

What i hear her say to other women is what BroRog was saying in his post. I am her umbrella. I will be held accountable for our families lives as long as they are living the way I am leading. If they choose to go a differant path then I will not be held accountable for that.

An example, If i am trying to lead a Godly household but she chooses to go to the bar (knowing i do not approve). She will have to answer for it. But if I were to lead her down the wrong path, I will have to answer for it.

As far as how we live. She is the greatest preacher's wife I know. She takes care of everything in the house and I take care of everything outside. She takes care of the bills and I make the money. Does it have to be this way, NO. This is the way we agreed to do things years ago. A wife is my help mate, not my slave. I help her cleaning around the house and she helps me in the yard

I expect her to share her opinions and she expects me to decide what we should do and she expects me to make the right choices. If she does not agree, I hear it from her and it makes me question if we should proceed that way or not. Sometimes we change directions

I trust her and she trusts me. We are a team, but in the end someone has to be accountable. God chose the man and my wife is glad (this is what she tells lots of women).

I hope this helps, Buck shot

[chad]

In Ephesians and Colosians, Paul writes for wives to submit to thier husbands. But in the same verses he instructs husbands to love thier wives. How should they love thier wives? As they love themselves (Eph 5:28).

(Eph 5:21 NIV) Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
(Eph 5:22 NIV) Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
(Eph 5:23 NIV) For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
(Eph 5:24 NIV) Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
(Eph 5:25 NIV) Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
(Eph 5:26 NIV) to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,
(Eph 5:27 NIV) and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
(Eph 5:28 NIV) In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

In colosians it instructs husbands to love thier wives and not be harsh with them.

(Col 3:18 NIV) Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
(Col 3:19 NIV) Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

I know this sounds like a stupid question, but what does it mean to submit to my husband? I understand that in God's eyes we are equals and one flesh, I understand that my husband is suppose to be the head of relationship. But what I don't get is really what that entails. Am I not suppose to question him if I think he is wrong? Am I suppose to let him make all the decisions? If he wants something, even if it is harmful and I suppose to just deal with it? Any knowledge or insight in the matter would be great!

[Sandusky]

BroRog, thanks so much for this post.

I have a couple questions, and they may be slightly off-topic, but there's something that I've run into several times when looking up threads on this subject in the forum archives, and I've finally figured out what it is about this line of thinking that has been confusing me.

For instance, you say here:

This, in a way, gives her a freedom that is a paradox of service. Since God holds me responsible for my family, she is not going to take the heat with God if anything goes wrong.

and also this:

And if things go wrong, God is going to blame me, not her.

Like I said I've seen this argument before. Basically it's that with headship of the family comes responsibility, and as you said, if things go wrong the husband- the head; decision maker- will be held responsible. Conversely, if the wife is submissive as she should be, she will not be held responsible for submitting to her husbband's judgement, even if the judgement turns out to be wrong. Do I have this correct so far?

My question is, what exactly do you mean by God will "blame" you, or God will "hold you responsible"...?

The reason I ask is because this is a protestant forum and I was under the impression that Protestants believe in imputed righteousness...that if you're a believer and under the protection of the Blood of Christ, you will not be judged for your own merits or faults but instead you will be clothed with the righteousness of Christ on judgement day. I'm not Protestant, so if I've gotten that wrong, please correct me.

I don't doubt the sincerity of the beliefs here re: man and women's responsibilites or lack therof before God and His subsequent judgement. I just question it's genuineness in light of the salvation doctrine I thought most of yall agreed upon.

This is a sincere question, so please no flaming and no debates.

[RabbiKnife]

Submit means to die to self and to value others more than you value yourself.

Paul teaches to that we are all, husbands and wives included, to submit to one another in love.

Christianity is not mysogonistic...Religion is.

[BroRog]

Like I said I've seen this argument before. Basically it's that with headship of the family comes responsibility, and as you said, if things go wrong the husband- the head; decision maker- will be held responsible. Conversely, if the wife is submissive as she should be, she will not be held responsible for submitting to her husbband's judgement, even if the judgement turns out to be wrong. Do I have this correct so far?

Yes, I believe so.

My question is, what exactly do you mean by God will "blame" you, or God will "hold you responsible"...?

To be honest, I'm not sure of the details exactly. But I believe husbands will have to stand before Christ and explain themselves to him.

The reason I ask is because this is a protestant forum and I was under the impression that Protestants believe in imputed righteousness...that if you're a believer and under the protection of the Blood of Christ, you will not be judged for your own merits or faults but instead you will be clothed with the righteousness of Christ on judgement day. I'm not Protestant, so if I've gotten that wrong, please correct me.

In theory, God declares a man or woman to be "in the right" with him if that man or woman believes his word, especially the word about Christ. Then it becomes a matter of whether or not God has done that for ME personally. Am I one of those men to whom God has imputed righteousness?

In this instance, as a husband, I have a choice whether to live out my faith in this context or not. As a man who believes God, who affirms that I am no more and no less worthy of his love than my wife, and that my obligation to love her is never fulfilled, I have decided to put my views into action.

I believe this is where the words of Paul and James intersect to create a whole picture. God declares a man "justified" in view of his faith, as Paul says. But a man demonstrates that he, indeed, has faith by the things he does everyday, as James says. I have faith in God, which is easy for me to say. But I also live out my faith on a daily basis, which puts faith into action.

And though God and Jesus can certainly judge my heart, the Bible says that they will judge me by my actions. That is, they are going to look at my behavior over time to see if the arc of my life has the look of a man of faith. They aren't going to look for my moral failures. They are looking for moments in my life that positively indicate that I believed what they said.

I don't doubt the sincerity of the beliefs here re: man and women's responsibilites or lack therof before God and His subsequent judgement. I just question it's genuineness in light of the salvation doctrine I thought most of yall agreed upon.

This is a great question. And I'm sure I could say more about it. Feel free to keep going if my answer wasn't adequate enough.

[Julian]

I know this sounds like a stupid question, but what does it mean to submit to my husband? I understand that in God's eyes we are equals and one flesh, I understand that my husband is suppose to be the head of relationship. But what I don't get is really what that entails. Am I not suppose to question him if I think he is wrong? Am I suppose to let him make all the decisions? If he wants something, even if it is harmful and I suppose to just deal with it? Any knowledge or insight in the matter would be great!

To submit basically means to willingly place yourself under someone's authority. In marriage, your husband ought to be loving you and it's easy to do. If not, you still ought to place yourself under him and win him over by your example and sound words/actions. There are so many awesome resources out there (books, etc.) to gain knowledge and wisdom in application about marriage - you and your husband should check out some resources as God directs your life.

There is a book called 'Created to be his Help Meet' (Discover How God Can Make Your Marriage Glorious) by Debi Pearl. If you get it - you can receive instruction from an aged woman who has a fantastic teaching ability for women in this day. It might change your whole marriage for the better (it did for mine!). You can probably get it used for under $10 from amazon


She brought new light/life to these scriptures in her book:
Titus 2:3-5 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;

4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.


Anyone else ever read this?