I have several Questions I hope someone can help with?

[bs13]

• I feel the need to tithe but I am not really sure how to handle the one tenth thing. I know the church is probably going to say just give what ever you feel is right. But I don’t have an income. My husband is the main wage earner and when I make any money it is inconsistent. Is it right to tithe on the 10 % of the family income when I know he would not be in agreement with this. He does not attend church. I handle all the bills but I don’t know if I would feel right keeping it from him either although it would be simple enough.
• I often feel as though I am very alone. Sometimes I almost feel like it is all so difficult. For the most part my family is not following Jesus. My youngest daughter Danielle is. But obviously I won’t burden her with my thoughts. She is adjusting to a Christian high school that my husband did agree that we would send her to starting a year and a half ago. She was the driving force behind it. My husband thought the education would be better. She wanted to go to a school where prayer and God was out in the open and her friendships were with other Christians that would strengthen her and I feel since we are such poor Christian role models she would benefit from seeing how others center their lives around Christ. I want to set a positive example for her also but What do I do when the few people I consider friends and most all of my family are not living a Christian life and I find it hard to try and live out the changes that I feel are taking place in my life.
• I truly feel thankful for what Jesus has done for me. I have a lot to be forgiven for and It still seems unbelievable to me that because of Jesus I am forgiven. I realize nothing I can do can add to this and it is not by works but by grace we are saved but I feel I want to give of my time. Mainly out of my own thankfulness. How do I figure out where God would like to use me. I really just don’t know where to start.

Sorry this is so long but these things have been weighing me down and I have no one to ask these things.

[PilgrimPastor]

Your heart comes through loud and clear in this post. Let me share with you a few thoughts in order of your concerns in your post.

1. Tithing. We are under the New Covenant (See Jeremiah 31:31-36 which is being fulfilled in us today, in this church age, and remains to be completed in the State of Israel at Christ return) The key here is that tithing is a matter of the heart, not the exact measure of our offering. The tithe is a sign that all that you are belongs to God. The thing is that to give a full 10% to God requires incredible faith and that is the reason for it.

If you can not start at 10% then start somewhere, prayerfully, earnestly, and regularly. We are not under the law so God will not judge you for not giving exactly $32.47 if your weekly salary is $324.70! He will judge your heart and the reality is that once you begin to give and experience God's abundant provision and the release of faith in your life that comes with it, you will increase what you give to at least a place of the tithe.

Giving frees us from the false notion that we are in control of our lives.

2. If you want to be a better Christian example to your family then do it! It sounds easy but I know it is not. Start with prayer at dinner, and I mean real prayer, not the rhyme things!

"Lord, you are good. We thank you for providing all that we have. You are the source and sustainer of our entire lives. We thank you for the gift of one another. We thank you for the very breath that we have to praise you and thank you with. Draw us close to you and close to one another as a family so that together we can glorify you in all that we do and say. Amen." (Might be a place to start thinking about the kind of prayer most appropriate for your family.)

3. Correct me if I am wrong but it sounds as though you are sensing the Lord's tug more than your husband in these things. Be very honest with him about your feelings in a non-judgmental kind of way. I would suggest asking him to pray at dinner; ask him when you two are alone, perhaps after the kids are in bed or something. I have yet to meet a man who does not respond to the idea that his wife needs him and desires his leadership in the home and in spiritual things.

This doesn't mean that you lose your voice - far from it! - this means that as you ask and don't demand that he take a more active role in the spiritual affairs of your family you will being to see the very thing you are looking for. If he is slow to do this, then nudge him lovingly along the way.

These are very general thoughts and I hope that some of this applies to you. PM me if you would like a little "pastoral council" on the matter in a private way. Blessings all over you and your family!

[livingwaters]

You will not be sorry for tithing, I promise. It has to, it's God's precept!!!!! Amen. If your husband can't be persuaded to tithe, then I think that until he does, maybe you could assist at church, drive someone somewhere who doesn't have a way, whatever you can manage until hubby will tithe...what he doesn't realize is, that God owns everything anyway. But, the most important thing is, what HE did on the cross for us. How can our churches pay the bills, pay the pastor, give to missions, go on mission trips, etc. if the congregation doesn't contribute to God's Work, not the pastor's work...people try to get out of tithing by saying, "I'm not giving my hare earned money to no man, whether it be priest, pastor, rabbi, whatever.....well, that's baloney....the one they need to be thinking about is God....if your tithe is miss-spent....have no fear, that God is still on the Throne!!!! Glory to God.

The post above from the pastor is very good advice, in my opinion!!

God Bless

[th1bill]

... My thoughts in response to what I have learned being a Christian;
...... First and foremost you, as the wife, are not the head of the house.
...... ... You need to be obedient to your husband, you are commanded of God to do so.
...... ... Ask your husband to tithe and give no more than he allows.
...... ... If he says "no' then you must follow scripture and obey him.
...... You must never dog him but instead you must be an example for him to look upon.
...... God will never judge you harshly, He knows your heart.

[PilgrimPastor]

... ...... First and foremost you, as the wife, are not the head of the house.
...... ... You need to be obedient to your husband, you are commanded of God to do so.
...... ... Ask your husband to tithe and give no more than he allows.
...... ... If he says "no' then you must follow scripture and obey him.
...... You must never dog him but instead you must be an example for him to look upon.
...... God will never judge you harshly, He knows your heart.

I appreciate your thoughts Bill, but your post begs the question; Is a wife to submit to a husbands authority according to biblical mandate if her husband in a place of non-biblical leadership and when the husband is not practicing a biblical lifestyle? Does her mandate to submit to his authority in the home remove her obligation to submit to Christ ultimate authority in her life? What if he "commands" non-biblical things from her in the marital relationship? I would suggest that a woman owes her "submission" to her husband contingent to a large extend upon the nature of that man's leadership in the home.

[crossnote]

I appreciate your thoughts Bill, but your post begs the question; Is a wife to submit to a husbands authority according to biblical mandate if her husband in a place of non-biblical leadership and when the husband is not practicing a biblical lifestyle? Does her mandate to submit to his authority in the home remove her obligation to submit to Christ ultimate authority in her life? What if he "commands" non-biblical things from her in the marital relationship? I would suggest that a woman owes her "submission" to her husband contingent to a large extend upon the nature of that man's leadership in the home.

The wife is to submit** just as the Christian submits to ungodly government. Never does it say only to obey our govt. if it's "nature" is in biblical accord. In large part her submitting to her husband is submitting to Christ. A good read is Abigail and Nabal 1Sam 25:1-42

** Unless of course the husband demands her to disobey God's clear law. e.g. aborting a child for convenience.

[bs13]

Pilgrim Pastor,
Thanks so much for your input. I thought tithing was more about giving with the right heart than the amount but there is much conflicting advice out there on this. And believe it or not this is all somewhat new to me. I am not really a member (meaning formally joined) the church I attend but I began attending a few months ago and I really feel I have found a sound church with truly bible based teachings. I actually want to give and find myself wishing I had more to give!

I know your second piece of advice sounds simple. I guess I just needed someone to say it that simply! I thought about what you said all night. My husband and I have been married almost 25 years and we were always on the same page when it came to most things. We never saw a need for Christ, church, or religion. Our three children have always been healthy and happy for the most part so it just didn't seem necessary. The people we associate with are pretty much the same. A couple years ago things occurred in our life that without going into all the details brought me to accept Jesus as my savior and ever since my entire focus has changed.
My husband on the other hand is perfectly content to keep things the way they were and still doesn't accept a need for a savior. He is of the mind that he is a good person who usually does the right things therefore all is well. I don't know if I could get him to actually lead the family in prayer but I guess I will simply never know unless I ask.

I do understand that the husband is suppose to be the head of the household and I don't really object to this but what if he is not leading? I don't want to harp about these things even thought they are of dire importance. He doesn't attend church with my youngest daughter and I and If I were to insist he is stubborn enough he would just refuse. We have a 22 year old son who is still at home and our 24 year old daughter is married with 2 children. My oldest has become what I would say spiritually curious and my son is similar to my husband in that he is not there yet. When I say we have been poor christian role models It is because we were clueless. I really just keep praying my husband will eventually come around. I think together we could still be a positive influence on our children even though it may seem too late! I am going to take your advice though starting small somewhere is better than just sitting here wondering what to do.

[moonglow]

I know this is going to go against some of the advise here...but I 'stepped out on faith once to tithe'...feeling guilt ridden by the pastors sermon to give 10%..I didn't have the money...of course I wanted to give! I hear all the miracles on how God would take care of us especially if we gave where it literally hurt. Well I ended up having to borrow money to get through those months... I was greatly disappointed in the sermon on this to say the least! There are threads debating whether we should still give 10% or not...there is no NT scriptures that says we should. There is scriptures though in the NT saying we should support the teachers and leaders of our church...after all they are giving their time to do this and a church's lights don't supernaturally stay on ...the bills have to be paid. So I think a person is free to give as much or as little as they want...and for those that just can't do it...give in your time and prayers. The church always needs extra hands for running different activities. I have cleaned bathrooms...helped set up meals for those coming in after a funeral...swept floors...donated TP...whatever I saw was needed to be done because I really could not give the full 10% and not be constantly having to borrow money to make up for it. I would give what I could afford to give. I realize any money I have was given to me by God through certain means so I can buy food, pay my bills, take care of my son..but does God need money? I don't think so.

I would not go against your husbands wishes to not give money on this either. I don't see a commandment from Christ to give 10% nor it is listed in the Ten Commandments. If you can give..then give..but I do not see a thing saying you are sinning if you don't give money in the bible. Here is a great article on its...its long so you might want to print it out and read it when you have time: Tithing Today: God's Plan or Designs of Man?
This is one of those 'hot topics'...which we cannot debate on this forum, new in Christ. I would also suggest you post on the unequally yoked form for those married to nonbelievers and ask them some of these questions as they are dealing with it too.

Giving can be done in so many ways! Giving of your time...giving of clothes, toys, shoes, books for those that come in and need those things. The churches biggest job is to help those in need.

As far as your daughter goes...I am sure she knows full well your dad and other family members are not Christians...so she shouldn't expect them to act like Christians. I get the feeling you feel guilty about that but honestly you have no need too. You can't control what others do. As I explain to my son we live in a sin fallen world...alot of his friends simply do not have the same morals and values we do because they aren't Christians...things got so bad with them he has stopped having contact with them too. With family we cannot just isolate ourselves from them, especially when they live in the same house with us! Of course not. But I am sure she sees the difference in your behavior as compared to her dad's because your world view is different. All you can do is set an example for her...by your own behavior. Have a talk with her about it...tell her both of you need to be praying for her dad and her other siblings that they come to Christ. When her dad or siblings or other family acts badly...don't be embarrassed...they do not have a changed heart...they don't have the Holy Spirit in them so how they act is what is to be expected.

It would be like you and your daughter learned to speak french...you two can talk in that language to each other...but why be embarrassed her dad hasn't learned it yet? You wouldn't be. She wouldn't expect him to speak french either...so she doesn't look up to him in that way...see what I mean?

On your third question..pray about what God wants you to do...then be quite and listen.

God bless

[bs13]

Moonglow,
Thank you for your insight. You are correct on the feeling guilty thing. I have, other than working part time, always been a stay at home mom so I feel at times like I really dropped the ball on this issue. Even though I realize I couldn't teach what I didn't know. I still have many regrets. I have learned so much lately and I am so thankful for what the Lord has done for me that I just want to do something!! I have to keep reminding myself that I can't make others do, or want what I do. I like your analogy on the language thing. That actually helps. I need to just learn to be more patient and let God do the work of opening their eyes. (patience isn't what I am best at)

On the tithing, I think I have made up my mind that I will give what I can and talk with my husband about what he would be in agreement to. He is usually a somewhat reasonable person he just is not real big on organized religion. He has it in his head that churches are just about the money. (I really don't know where this comes from) I know it sounds like we never talk, but some of these things I know him so well that I am almost afraid to bring it up because I already know where he stands. I also have not really had any real deep spiritual conversations with him because it is a topic he really doesn't want to get into and he really thinks everything is just fine the way it is. He obviously knows I have been going to church and that I have decided to follow Christ but he doesn't know what that really means and I think he is fine with it as long as it doesn't affect him.

[DaveS]

Hi bs13. I think you've come to a wise conclusion on the tithing issue. I just thought I might offer this also. This is Peter's (and the Holy Spirit's) advice to wives in exactly your situation...

1Pe 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
1Pe 3:2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
1Pe 3:3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
1Pe 3:4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
1Pe 3:5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
1Pe 3:6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

Essentially, he's saying that a wife can have tremendous influence over an unbelieving or "unchurched" husband simply by living out the christian life in his presence. No preaching, no fussing, just let him see the love of Christ growing within you and leave the results to the Lord.

[moonglow]

Moonglow,
Thank you for your insight. You are correct on the feeling guilty thing. I have, other than working part time, always been a stay at home mom so I feel at times like I really dropped the ball on this issue. Even though I realize I couldn't teach what I didn't know. I still have many regrets. I have learned so much lately and I am so thankful for what the Lord has done for me that I just want to do something!! I have to keep reminding myself that I can't make others do, or want what I do. I like your analogy on the language thing. That actually helps. I need to just learn to be more patient and let God do the work of opening their eyes. (patience isn't what I am best at)

On the tithing, I think I have made up my mind that I will give what I can and talk with my husband about what he would be in agreement to. He is usually a somewhat reasonable person he just is not real big on organized religion. He has it in his head that churches are just about the money. (I really don't know where this comes from) I know it sounds like we never talk, but some of these things I know him so well that I am almost afraid to bring it up because I already know where he stands. I also have not really had any real deep spiritual conversations with him because it is a topic he really doesn't want to get into and he really thinks everything is just fine the way it is. He obviously knows I have been going to church and that I have decided to follow Christ but he doesn't know what that really means and I think he is fine with it as long as it doesn't affect him.

I am glad it helped. My concern here too is if you push your husband...tell him you have to give 10% he could forbid you to even going to church and in order to follow the scriptures on submitting to your husband...which includes non believing husbands...you would have to do what he said. And that would be awful for you. You would lose that support and Christian fellowship you need. As Dave said the wife needs to be a quite and gentle example of the Christian faith...not one that forces the issue on him. That is the quickest way to cause him to really harden his heart against God. Lee Stroble has a book out about this where his wife got saved and he was an atheist and really gave her a hard time about her faith even though she made no demands on him...he just hated her believing. (I realize your husband isn't doing that) but through her example...he ended up getting saved too. I will try to find the title to that tomorrow...its late not and I am tired.

Your husband is probably the type that is happy if you are happy...provided it doesn't mess up his life any.. So join in some bible studies at your church or other activities...sign up for things when the come up. He will see how happy and joyful doing these things makes you...and maybe he will start asking you question...

He has it in his head that churches are just about the money. (I really don't know where this comes from)

He probably gets that from the media because for far too many churches it is true! When you watch some of those TV preachers...all they are doing is asking for money. You want prayers...send a 'donation of 50$'...you want a special prayer clothe ...that they will pray over for you (as if their prayers are somehow better then ours) then send a 'donation of $$. Some of these churches are massive in size...very expensive...there is alot of false teachings going around in some about how we can all be rich (if you send them donations...) Plus these type of things have been on the cover on some major magazines too at the check out stands...so yea, its bad and well known. There are many scriptures against people preaching who's only goal is to get rich. So I can understand his concern on this.

You are correct on the feeling guilty thing. I have, other than working part time, always been a stay at home mom so I feel at times like I really dropped the ball on this issue. Even though I realize I couldn't teach what I didn't know. I still have many regrets.

I realize too its easy to have excellent hindsight and regret things we didn't do in the past as you are now...but honestly you cannot blame yourself like this. Its like being upset with yourself for not knowing how to read where you were three. It takes time to know and to learn and to change...God isn't going to fault you for those things. You repent of any past sins...He forgets them and you move forward. If you feel you have hurt someone in the past you can tell them you are sorry and ask for forgiveness...maybe that will help heal your heart a little there. I hope this feeling guilty is because you worked part time...let me know if it is...I have a great passage from the bible on that one... Those women worked! Not just in the home either...

God bless

[Bob Carabbio]

"How do I figure out where God would like to use me. I really just don’t know where to start."

Just relax. YOU don't figure out where God wants to use you - HE shows you. and if you DON'T KNOW what to do, then don't DO anything.

Look at the mess Abram created by "trying to do something" - and wound up creating Ishmael - instead of resting in the promise of the Lord for Issac.

What you're CALLED to do is "take HIS yoke upon you, and LEARN of Him" - the Bible is a really good place to start. Read it through a few times, and listen to what it says to you.

Don't WORRY about "tithing". Pray for your Husband and witness to him of the JOY you have. Use words only when necessary. IF you HAVE something REAL - it'll show. There should be agreement about giving to the church as far as the family budget is concerned.

Tie in with a local church if you haven't already - go by yourself if you can.

[Vhayes]

Bob -

I've already repped you but I wanted to tell you publicly, this is one of the best posts I've read in a long while! Thank you.

V

[bs13]

Vhayes,
Thanks, I feel I am really getting some good advice and it is just what I needed. I really don't have anyone to talk to about these things so I am thankful I found this site.

[Vhayes]

Vhayes,
Thanks, I feel I am really getting some good advice and it is just what I needed. I really don't have anyone to talk to about these things so I am thankful I found this site.

I'm glad you're here too! Your heart certainly shined through in your original post with gentleness and a desire to know the will of our Father. I'm pleased to have met you -
V