I'm thinking about just doing it and moving on with my life.

[JesusReignsForever]

My family is kind of falling apart is many different ways. We really arent a close family like we use to be. My bf is adopted and he isnt all that close with his family either he is 31 and I'm 23. We have been together over a yr and we are both in love and want to get married. We set a date between him and myself to get married this yr October 22nd. on his 32 birthday. Everytime I try and talk to my family about him not even our plans automatically there are sour faces being made and opinions thrown all over the place. I've lost much respect for my families choices is guys because well my mom has had 2 bad marraiges...my grandfather is dating a gold digger...and both my uncles are in unhappy marraiges. lol I just dont know who to believe or anything like that... all I know is that I am in love with a decent guy who loves me and treats me like a queen. He is always telling me he cant wait until im his wife and I feel the same. I want to just marry him and move on with my life with him. Not to mention we keep falling into a certain sin that I feel totally guilty about...its a terrible cycle and I want it to end. I love him and I just am so ready to be a wife....my family is just really holding me back.
Would I be totally wrong to just marry him without my family being there? I would tell them my plans but I really dont want a big wedding I dont have the money for it and I dont want to go thru the aggrivation with our families.

I want to do things the right way but there making it so difficult!

[godsgirl]

If you're falling into a "certian sin" that you feel guilty about-then it's time to stop. Is this guy a Christian? How deep is your (his) commitment to Christ? Do you love Jesus more than you love him? If you guys are truly in love and you honestly feel that Jesus is first in both of your lives-then why not just get married? Why wait? It doesn't sound like your going to get your families approval-and it doesn't sound like you are worried about that.

[cnw]

without your parents blessing there will be more problems in later marriage for you. Also you both may see counseling from a Godly pastor or elder a good choice because if you are into "this" sin then it is quite likely that he is into lust of other kinds and can't break free. Marriage will not stop lust but may slow it down for a short while. This man does nto understand love (I know you don't want to hear tha now) if he is not protecting you from himself. The Bible says if you can't have self contro it is better to marry than to burn. I think that implies hell, cause God is pretty serious.
I Cor 7:9.
blessings to your self control before marriage...and after as the two become one flesh.

[Prayin_saint]

You are in a very complex situation, dear sister, but I'm so glad you're asking for advice and input, I think that shows that you're sincere and wanting to do what is right.

The following is only if he is a strong, committed Christian and has been for a while. If he either isn't, or you know in your gut that he isn't committed- No dice. You are a good Christian woman and deserve a wonderful Christian man, nothing less.

If he is a Christian, then read on!

First of all, and I say this out of love- you guys need to stop sleeping together now. Sleeping together, yes, is a sin- but it also clouds judgement and binds you closer together. It will help you both if you stop- until your wedding day, of course. (smile) My biggest suggestion is recognize the situations that get ya'll's ''engine's revving'' and avoid them- or get out of them once you figure out what's going on. You'll miss it, but you WILL be glad you had that waiting period before your wedding. I have several friends who have been in this situation- some stopped sleeping together before their wedding, some continued. And I'll tell you honestly that those who didn't stop either have really rocky marriages now, or don't have marriages anymore (because of someone cheating later. Their counselor told her "He is exactly the man you married. He was willing to sleep with a woman he wasn't married to, he hasn't changed.")

Second- I urge you two to get (Christian) pre-marital counseling. This is a good time to do it- you're in a relationship heading towards marriage and you've been together a year. A counselor will make you guys stronger as a couple, help you to communicate and plan wisely, and will help you guys build a firm foundation for later. (Added bonus- in some states a certain number of counseling hours mean you can get the marriage license for free or at a discount.) Usually, a minister at your church will be able to counsel you.

Third- provided you follow the first two steps, I agree- just set the date! Talk to close friends, people at your church and your minister... but if you have the blessing of those around you- those who know ya'll and who ya'll know have good relationships, then I don't see why not. You are two adults committed to being married, that is a good thing. Do try and seek to do this all in a way that is honoring your family, while keeping in mind that you are no longer children.

And speaking of input, keep asking questions and keep listening.

22 Plans fail for lack of counsel,
but with many advisers they succeed.
Proverbs 15:22

Sarah

[threebigrocks]

Simply put - if the both of you can't rely on Christ now and be open about the reason being Christ to stop being intimate - how will you overcome other things by, together, putting Him first?

What is concerning is that you say your family frowns on this guy and there is a closeness that has been lost. What has changed, either in the family or in you, to cause that division?

[shawn_2828]

My family is kind of falling apart is many different ways. We really arent a close family like we use to be. My bf is adopted and he isnt all that close with his family either he is 31 and I'm 23. We have been together over a yr and we are both in love and want to get married. We set a date between him and myself to get married this yr October 22nd. on his 32 birthday. Everytime I try and talk to my family about him not even our plans automatically there are sour faces being made and opinions thrown all over the place. I've lost much respect for my families choices is guys because well my mom has had 2 bad marraiges...my grandfather is dating a gold digger...and both my uncles are in unhappy marraiges. lol I just dont know who to believe or anything like that... all I know is that I am in love with a decent guy who loves me and treats me like a queen. He is always telling me he cant wait until im his wife and I feel the same. I want to just marry him and move on with my life with him. Not to mention we keep falling into a certain sin that I feel totally guilty about...its a terrible cycle and I want it to end. I love him and I just am so ready to be a wife....my family is just really holding me back.
Would I be totally wrong to just marry him without my family being there? I would tell them my plans but I really dont want a big wedding I dont have the money for it and I dont want to go thru the aggrivation with our families.

I want to do things the right way but there making it so difficult!

The best person to ask about your problem is God. He knows whats best for you, He want lead you astray.

[threebigrocks]

Something with your title caught my eye this afternoon.

Just doing it and moving on with my life.

Are you seeing this possible marriage as a vehicle out of the not so happy home life, so you can be happy?

[JesusReignsForever]

My bf is a christian but has fallen from the faith...I am not as comitted to christ as I should be. My hugest problem is fornication. God has delivered me from fornication but I just keep doing back n picking it up again. I dont know s*x really has a hold on me. to be quite honest. Im not proud of it at all and I get very angry with myself because of it. Sex and lust are too huge issues for us both. I have also asked him several times if he is just wanting to marry me because of sex and he has told me no and I feel the same way. It isnt all about s*x with him...I really do love him and am looking for a bright future with him. Actually he has calmed me down a lot. Before him I was very wild and whorish honestly I would be with plenty of guys but when I met him I was content for once. I got back into the church trying to stay and fight and stay close to Jesus as possible because I need Jesus in my life every single day. I just am to the point where I want to get married because I feel like ive finally found him. And Im tired of falling into fornication...we both are.

For once I want to do things the right way... although we may have started off on the wrong foot we both want to make things right...because we genuienly are in love.

I dont really care about my families blessings...marraige in itself is horonable...

[JesusReignsForever]

Something with your title caught my eye this afternoon.

Just doing it and moving on with my life.

Are you seeing this possible marriage as a vehicle out of the not so happy home life, so you can be happy?

In a way yes....I want to get away and live my own life.

[threebigrocks]

In a way yes....I want to get away and live my own life.

Why look to get away? How can you be sure, shaken in your faith and a boy friend who is fallen?

JRF, read my testimony. It's linked in my profile. To bring together two people who don't have their hearts rooted in the faith in a vow for it to be for life, better or worse - there is no getting away. It's running away, pure and simple. I've lived it. I've always loved my husband. Figured the love I knew was enough. I too kicked because I wanted my own life, that's not in my testimony. But until you get right with God, and your boyfriend too - it's not running away from trouble but straight into it. You aren't in it for what God wants and what's best in His eyes but for yourself.

Stop seeing your boyfriend. Just stop. If it's too tempting to be physically in his presence, then that's where you need to start getting yourself right. If he loves you, and you love him the relationship will stand the test. right now it sounds like your flesh is appeased. What about your eternal soul? Get with your pastor, both of you tell him what you are thinking. See him separately and together. Give it time.

Work on you, get to the root of the trouble or you just relocated the problems. They won't go away.

[JesusReignsForever]

Why look to get away? How can you be sure, shaken in your faith and a boy friend who is fallen?

JRF, read my testimony. It's linked in my profile. To bring together two people who don't have their hearts rooted in the faith in a vow for it to be for life, better or worse - there is no getting away. It's running away, pure and simple. I've lived it. I've always loved my husband. Figured the love I knew was enough. I too kicked because I wanted my own life, that's not in my testimony. But until you get right with God, and your boyfriend too - it's not running away from trouble but straight into it. You aren't in it for what God wants and what's best in His eyes but for yourself.

Stop seeing your boyfriend. Just stop. If it's too tempting to be physically in his presence, then that's where you need to start getting yourself right. If he loves you, and you love him the relationship will stand the test. right now it sounds like your flesh is appeased. What about your eternal soul? Get with your pastor, both of you tell him what you are thinking. See him separately and together. Give it time.

Work on you, get to the root of the trouble or you just relocated the problems. They won't go away.

Hi thanks for the response and please take no offense at all with what I am about to say....but I am so sick of people telling me to wait and thats not God wants for my life...would God want me to keep falling into fornication? Would God be pleased with my inner torment because I just cant restrain myself for very long. It seem so unfair for me to force myself to not want to be married to someone I love because God would want me to be miserable and single. Im just so sick of hearing that I could scream! I want to be married I have been since I was young how much longer do I have to go thru this torment because honestly thats what it is to me.
Im very fustrated.

[JesusReignsForever]

to add another note my pastor told me that I needed rest.....and its so true I need rest for my weary soul.

[threebigrocks]

No, God may very well want those things for your life. Not going to tell you that isn't possible. Could be. But look at you my friend.

You are stressed, weak in faith, beat up spiritually and mentally, looking to marry a guy who used to believe, and pondering it like you are looking over used cars. It's like saying such and such a car is the best of the options on the lot even though the transmission fell out and it only has 3 wheels. It's only partially there.

Is this this heart you want to give to anyone in a life long commitment? You say "I do" and suddenly *poof* those missing parts show up? Not how it works. These, with your family, your boyfriend, God - are all relationships. A few words, a name change and an address doesn't make it all better.

I won't tell you not to, but know what you giving is from the heart, and it reflects what's in your mind and spirit. Is all what's going on inside you really what you want to lay a new life, a new foundation, with?

[threebigrocks]

To also think about.

Do you realize that marriage is also a testimony to God? You want away from the stress, you want to be treated like a princess. You want a fix from all your ills. Nowhere, and I promise you this, will you find a marriage that will give you this that without God in the middle.

Ephesians 5
22Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
24But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
26so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
27that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.
28So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
29for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,
30because we are members of His body.
31FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.
32This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
33Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.



Someone who loves you more than they love themselves, and perfectly. Who would give all to and for you. Who would build you up. Who would give you all you need. Who would love you enough to want you to be covered in every need perfectly, including spiritually.


And you would gladly respect and be submissive to him. You, as the wife, aren't even commanded to love him.



Even moreso - if he falls or is fallen, can you still respect and be submissive to him as Christ commands you to?



No husband is perfect, neither is every wife. But what you are looking for, escape, marriage isn't going to satisfy. It's the opposite of escape.


You and he will do what you want to do. But really look at who and where you are, who and where he is, and will that be the escape you are looking for? Should it be?

[D in Georgia]

"but I am so sick of people telling me to wait and thats not God wants for my life"

It is possible that God is speaking to you through these people. You should prayerfully consider that. D