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Thread: My husband is Baptist, I am Methodist...what church should we attend?

  1. #1

    My husband is Baptist, I am Methodist...what church should we attend?

    Hello all, as this is my first post on this message board, I just want to say thank you for even taking the time out to look at this post.

    My issues is that my husband (who is currently serving in Kuwait) and I have different beliefs. He has very strong Baptist beliefs (he was baptized at the age of 12 and saved 3 different times), and I have very strong Methodist beliefs (I was baptized as in infant, and have only been saved once, though have professed my faith numerous times).

    Once he gets back in August, we will be looking for a church home together. However, we cannot decide what type of church to go to. The last church he attended, and is still a member of, has VERY strict Baptist views. One that really gets to me is that they do not condone rock music - even if it is Christian Rock. I believe that if Christian rock music is the best way to help someone put their faith in Jesus, then it should be considered. I also do not believe that someone can actually be saved more than once. To me, it just gives off this "I'll sin now, and be saved tomorrow" type of attitude. I confess my sins (to my Lord only), and wipe the slate clean. His church fears God, whereas mine loves God.

    Another difference is that I absolutely love telling others how wonderful God is and how he has performed miracles in my life - as I consider even finding my husband a miracle. My husband, however is extremely quiet around others concerning his beliefs, as he does not want to upset anyone.

    I attended a Methodist church with him in our soon-to-be hometown, and automatically felt right at home. He liked it, but did not feel that it was right for him. He has suggested in the past that we attend church separately. It's always been my dream to attend church with my husband.

    Should I do as the Bible say and submit to my husband and let him lead my spiritual teaching? Or should we compromise and attend some other type of church or shop around for one that we are both comfortable in? *Note, I have attended 3 different Baptist churches and have never felt more judged and damned in my life - to the point that I thought God truly hated me.

    Please give some advice, and again, thank you for taking the time out to read this long post.

    God Bless.

  2. #2
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    Why not a different denomination altogether? Because here's the thing... You should both be Christians before anything else, i.e., denomination.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Xel'Naga View Post
    Why not a different denomination altogether? Because here's the thing... You should both be Christians before anything else, i.e., denomination.
    I agree with Xel! In fact, I have never seen the need for factions among God's children.
    Psalm 19:14
    May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
    be pleasing in your sight,
    O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

  4. #4
    I agree, with both of you. And we are Christians before anything. However, I know he is very traditional in his Baptist beliefs (he did feel he was growing apart from his old church), and I am very traditional in my Methodist beliefs.

    What denomination would be between? The problem with non-denominational (only from what I hear), is that they ARE extremely progressive. Whilst I do welcome all in the house of the Lord - gay, straight, bi, etc. - I do not condone that behavior. I have my own sins to judge though, so I do not try to judge others on their lifestyle.

    Again, from what I hear, nondenominational condones this sort of behavior. Can you shed some light, and let me know if I am mistaken? If not, what would be the best for us as a compromise?


    Thank you both for taking the time out to respond!

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    Quote Originally Posted by BeccaP82 View Post
    I agree, with both of you. And we are Christians before anything. However, I know he is very traditional in his Baptist beliefs (he did feel he was growing apart from his old church), and I am very traditional in my Methodist beliefs.

    What denomination would be between? The problem with non-denominational (only from what I hear), is that they ARE extremely progressive. Whilst I do welcome all in the house of the Lord - gay, straight, bi, etc. - I do not condone that behavior. I have my own sins to judge though, so I do not try to judge others on their lifestyle.

    Again, from what I hear, nondenominational condones this sort of behavior. Can you shed some light, and let me know if I am mistaken? If not, what would be the best for us as a compromise?

    Thank you both for taking the time out to respond!
    I was actually suggesting a number of other denominations, not just nondenominational. As I've never attended a nondenominational church, I wouldn't be able to tell you how "progressive" they are.

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    I have attended a number of Baptist churches and never felt that way... Also Methodist churches, Presbyterian, well just about any denomination there is...they are pretty much the same just have a little different view on certain passages in the bible is all.

    You both need to follow God's Word and not what a church says....following a church doctrine can be a dangerous thing if it doesn't line up with scriptures or ignores other passages in the bible to force its view. (which far too many do these days) You are followers of Christ...not what a church says.

    Since he was raised this way its probably pretty ingrained and what he expects in a church and I suspect change in a church will be difficult for him. I think you both need to find a nondenominational church you are both fairly happy with...I doubt either of you will be totally happy with it..at least not in the beginning...but you can compromise this way. I personal don't like seeing a married couple attend different churches because those teachings are brought into the home and cause problems. He will come home saying his church said you two should do this and that and you will be saying your church said the opposite...both having scriptures to back it up.

    This will undermine him too as the spiritual leader of the home if your church is teaching the opposite of what his is...and that can do alot of damage to a marriage.

    Please both of you just pray on this. God isn't legalistic as it sounds like some of his former church teachings fell into. At the same time you don't want to swing too far the other way either and what I hear about some Methodist churches these days, they do...allowing sin in the church and thinking its a sign of God's love. While God loves us, He doesn't love sin and does expect people to stop sinning.

    God bless
    "People do not drift toward holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to Scripture, faith, and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; We drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; We drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated?" - D A Carson

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    I live by 1 Corinthians 1:12-13. Christ was not divided in Paul's day and isn't in my life either.

    I honestly did not know which church I was going to this morning untill bed time last night. I pray and ask our Lord to send me each week. On a friday, I buy the local paper and cut out the church services at ALL the local churches.

    But he has sent me to churches in my area, that don't even appear in the paper! At 10.30am I found myself at one Methodist church, this afternoon at 2.30pm another mini Methodist church and tonight I'm going to a Protestant Free Church, that I haven't been to for 4 weeks - though I have joined them once for coffee on a friday morning.

    Next week is a complete mystery to me. I have many churches where I want to go and I know friends will make me welcome. But I'll be patient all week until I 'feel' my prayer is answered and I obey where I am sent.

    Perhaps many will say, this is not correct? Well I've had a regular bible group for a year, which I'll go to on wednesday. I've got a base church that I go to once a week for praise/ worship and also regularly for coffee fellowship.

    Infact the Methodist church I went to this morning is coming to my base Pentecostal church on Saturday for prayer walking.

    The Baptist/ Methodist divide will only be a problem if you focus on the differences and let people in those churches 'doubt another man's servant' or the teaching/ preaching/ fruits of the other church.

    How about trying alternate weeks? If you both follow Jesus and stand strong in his name many things will be possible and your witness for church unity wounderful to see.

    Lastly may I ask how you both feel about other denominations? Pentecostal, United Reform, Anglican, Free churches and so on....... Would you worship in any trinitarian denomination? SofTy.
    1 Corinthians 1:12-13 Now this I say, that every one of you saith, I am of Paul; and I of Apollos: and I of Cephas; and I of Christ.

    Is Christ divided? was Paul crucified for you? or were ye baptised in the name of Paul?

    KJV

    May the power of the Spirit of our God unite us. SofTy.

  8. #8
    Moonglow and Servant, thank you so much for your responses! some of the things that we have considered are either alternating weeks or simply having our own worship service at home. The problem with having our own worship service is that there are too many distractions, kind of like working out at home. It's better to go to a church to get the word, then to stop in the middle because the dogs need food, or the floor is dirty, or the faucet is leaking.

    The only thing I see with alternating churches, is again, we will still have this issue of Baptist vs. Methodist. I firmly believe in infant baptism. He believes they should wait until they understand what is going on. Although we do not have kids yet, I feel that if we are not set in our beliefs now that it will ultimately cause an argument if not more later in life.

    Servant - I can't honestly say that I know enough about the denominations you listed to make a fair judgement. I am willing to try any church that proceeds through the Bible, but also provides a way to reach out to today's generation, i.e. Christian Contemporary Music, youth programs, etc.

    From the replies that I have received it looks like our best bet would be to try out other churches until we both find one we like together.

    I would like to know more about the free churches, evangelical, etc.

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    Don't judge a church based on side issues like music, childcare, or Sunday School. My church was initially a house church, which had none of those things. Couples had to hire babysitters to attend. In fact, we met on Saturday night so that folks could still attend a more familiar church on Sunday morning.

    The church started out as mostly college students and young married couples and was/is being taught by college professors, every one committed to the idea that the word of God was infallible, knowable, and accessible with hard work, discipline, and perseverance. Not only did the teachers help us see the meaning of the text, they taught classes on how we can know it for ourselves.

    If I were looking for a new church, I wouldn't attend church unless the teacher was able to properly exegete the scriptures and teach them properly to me. And I wouldn't attend a church unless the teaching was at least an hour long, followed by a question and answer period in which those in the congregation might ask the teacher questions regarding what was said.

    Announcements should be at most, 5 minutes. Music 10. and no offering at all. Leave a lock box in the back for donations.

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    So focused on religion
    You want a Bible based church then you're going to have to be prepared to concede one thing: you may have wrong beliefs that need changing.

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    Becca, since your husband is to be the spiritual head of the home, let him choose the church
    The LORD is my Miracle

    G_d was gracious He has shown favor


    Hope is a seed
    God plants in our hearts
    to remind us
    there are better things ahead.
    -Holley Gerth


  12. #12
    Maybe I am being misunderstood. My choice of church has nothing to do with what exact denomination, nor whether or not they can AFFORD to have different programs. It's their beliefs and whether or not they WANT to have the programs.

    Again, the church that my husband currently attends does not CONDONE rock music of any kind, including Christian Rock. Now because I am fortunate to have a musical side (15 years of flute, 18 years of piano), I get spiritual guidance a lot more through music. It's not that I don't enjoy reading the Word, but I relate to it easier through music. And I know that there's people out there just like me. The fact that his church is unwilling to utilize rock music to reach out to someone just absolutely appalls me. They also believe that you should have at least 4 kids. My husband right now does not even want to have kids, and with 4 dogs, I definitely don't want that many. They don't believe in birth control. Whereas I do. It's wonderful that God blesses others with children, but I do not want to have one unless I can fully commit myself to them.

    I did grow up methodist, and I feel more comfortable in a Methodist church, but I am not unwilling to try other denominations. I'm not completely concerned with what the church title is, but I would like to find one that I do not feel "damned" in every Sunday.

    Methodists preach a loving God. All Baptist churches that I have been to preach a God to be feared.

    God is a father. You should be fearful to not sin, however, you should walk around with thankfulness in your heart that He loves you. Not that He's going to smite you down every second!

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    Quote Originally Posted by BeccaP82 View Post
    Again, the church that my husband currently attends does not CONDONE rock music of any kind, including Christian Rock. Now because I am fortunate to have a musical side (15 years of flute, 18 years of piano), I get spiritual guidance a lot more through music. It's not that I don't enjoy reading the Word, but I relate to it easier through music. And I know that there's people out there just like me. The fact that his church is unwilling to utilize rock music to reach out to someone just absolutely appalls me.
    I'll break it to you gently; this is a matter of personal preference and it is a non issue.

    Quote Originally Posted by BeccaP82 View Post
    They also believe that you should have at least 4 kids. My husband right now does not even want to have kids, and with 4 dogs, I definitely don't want that many. They don't believe in birth control. Whereas I do. It's wonderful that God blesses others with children, but I do not want to have one unless I can fully commit myself to them.
    Something you'll need to talk about with your husband, which I'm sure you're already doing.

    Quote Originally Posted by BeccaP82 View Post
    I did grow up methodist, and I feel more comfortable in a Methodist church, but I am not unwilling to try other denominations. I'm not completely concerned with what the church title is, but I would like to find one that I do not feel "damned" in every Sunday.
    Which will be every church but a Methodist church.

    Quote Originally Posted by BeccaP82 View Post
    Methodists preach a loving God. All Baptist churches that I have been to preach a God to be feared.
    Seems like Methodists could do with preaching a bit more fear and Baptists a bit more love.

    Quote Originally Posted by BeccaP82 View Post
    God is a father. You should be fearful to not sin, however, you should walk around with thankfulness in your heart that He loves you. Not that He's going to smite you down every second!
    No, you should be fearful of God.

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    My wife and I are bi-denominational, although even that doesn't really fit. We worship at several different locations. Remember that each denomination feels as if they have it mostly right. Find a church with a Bible preaching pastor and don't worry about the labels for now.

    I pray you find what you seek.

  15. #15
    tt, thank you for much for your words of wisdom. It seems that since I have grown up Methodist, I am already damned by some.


    And Xel, though you should fear God as a parent, you should live with LOVE, and hope. I didn't fear my parents every second. Even when I did something wrong, I knew they would be mad, and I was scared. But I also knew they loved me.

    When you witness to someone, do you tell them about how much they will fear God when they become a Christian? No, you tell them how Wonderful God is, and what miracles he has performed.

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